Wednesday 30th October, 2013          1830

I spent much of yesterday preparing for a Tuesday western Wednesday. In recognition for his achievement Kevin and I decided to make further history by inviting the first boy ever to our dinners and also made him guest of honour.

I had been busting to make pea and ham soup so opted to do that in the morning whilst after classes making a chilli with beef for the first time here. I also had my film crew here carrying out an interview whilst, and in between, cooking. Their cameras had to be returned to the department today so it was their last chance to get any more footage. Doubtless they could do with it, for they have now been told that rather than being twenty minutes in length, now it needs to be forty.

The appointed hour for dinner came but when I went to Kevin’s flat, rather than the seven people I had catered for I discovered that Kevin’s date Doris (in one picture seen pointing down at his head) had inveigled her three dormitory mates a place. Somewhat miffed at this last change (mainly because had I known I would have made more soup) I was reassured that they had all previously eaten so wouldn’t want very much food.

The soup may not have been enough for ten but in fairness there was enough chilli for all and sufficient for Ollivier to be able to take three containers home for he and his wife. Dessert came in the form of a fondant au chocolat concocted by Ollivier and his student, whose name sadly escapes me. I think everyone had an enjoyable evening (even with four persons eating on the bed) and towards the end we presented our local hero with a personal certificate from Kevin and me, which Kevin had knocked up on his computer and printed off.

Everyone of course wishes him the very best of luck in Beijing in December - which he will certainly need because he will be competing against the top universities in the land, particularly Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou. Whilst of course we would all love him to win the whole shooting match, realistically speaking competition will be fierce. I said to him that yes, we all want him to win but not to feel under too much pressure - he has made history and will be forever remembered in Chizhou university folklore, plus there can never be another first person to get to the big final.

Mum managed to call just as we were eating (I swear she has a spy camera) so I got Jim and Joanna to talk to her briefly. Later after the students had all left Kevin’s dad called on Skype. I won’t go into details but he has been having a few episodes which may be connected to hypotension. He is 96 and as sharp as a pin but he has bought a finger monitor which was confusing him so I ended up chatting with him as well. By the time I left I felt quite merry!

Today has been cooler with afternoon rain so I came home early and as I am tired, even though I am off tomorrow I want an early night.

Further apologies!

http://youtu.be/xBHKmLC1E0Q

Sorry, I may have included the Google Drive link by mistake - if you aren't on Google try this!

www.youtube.com/watch?V=xBHKmLC1EOQ

Sunday 27th October, 2013           1500

I wasn’t expecting to blog quite so soon after last night but two things happened today. This won’t be a long one but before I get stuck in to the lesson plans I simply had to share.

I received  a text at lunchtime from Kevin, who this weekend has been in Hefei at the finals of the speaking contest together with Jim, Felicity (my student who came second) and another girl from the maths department. The latter never progressed from round one yesterday sadly but Jim went through to round two today and then unbelievably the final round for the province.

I haven’t stopped grinning since, for he came second and therefore is competing in the national finals in Beijing in December! The best of it is that A) I taught him during his first year while Kevin had him for the next three terms and B) it is the first time EVER this school has got that far. We have made a little Chinese education history today and a whole lot of Chizhou university kudos as well.

As you know, I was convinced that because we are not among the elite schools we would never be allowed anything beyond 3rd in the provincials and I don’t think I have ever been more happy to be so comprehensively made to look a fool in my life. Watch out Guangzhou, Shanghai and Beijing schools - Chizhou can and will get there one day, even if not this year!

Apologies for appearing a trifle over-excited here but I am passionate about this place.

The second thing that happened is that finally, after three days (yes it took that long) the video of the meal earlier this week is now on YouTube. You can see it here, it’s just over three minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=xBHKmLC1E0Q&ns=1&o=U

Unfortunately I think they used the wrong lens because it made me look fat!

Saturday 26th October, 2013            2100

On Thursday I indeed took Miffy for dinner and “re-christened” her Kerry. I took two photos, the one of her isn’t particularly good but the other does show quite well the Chinese mushrooms I ordered. I have to say they are very tasty.

Previously that day one of my students thankfully sent me a text reminding me of my appointment to be interviewed. I say thankfully because I had completely forgotten and hadn’t even showered! I made it though, as did Vivian (not Lucy as I stated before, Lucy is my new cleaner) and her crew, so I ended up being filmed by two lots.

Yesterday was the usual full day and as I had to be up early this morning I decided a simple dinner of cheese on toast would suffice. I used the last of the loaf I baked on Tuesday, put it under the grill, became engrossed in something online and subsequently cremated it. Needless to say I was hungry this morning.

I finished at the little school just after ten and went shopping in two supermarkets. I will do a western Wednesday this week to show Joanna what a real pea and ham soup is plus now I can access minced beef I will do a chilli. I am pretty certain the new supermarket made a mistake somewhere as 1.5kg only cost 48y which is about half what pork would cost - I even checked the sticker on the bag to make sure the cashier hadn’t made a mistake because I know they have to pay for any errors they make.

Vivian brought a USB stick last night with footage from Wednesday’s meal so now I have the full version (20 mins) and the edited one (3 mins) on my computer. The problem is, even the small one is 550Mb so it won’t email and I am having the devil’s own job uploading it to YouTube. I can’t ask Kevin for help because he’s in Hefei at the provincial finals of the speaking competition (our boy is through to round two tomorrow I am glad to say) although he may be of assistance when he gets back.

Tomorrow I really must knuckle down with the teaching plans, as a result I have had to tell Vivian she can’t film. She wanted to come alone with camera to film me and the pets and I have told her if I make good progress I will let her come but I’m certainly beginning to get a feel for what it must be like in the Big Brother house - although they don’t see the film crew.

So quite a short one this time, plenty happening but not much time to write about it!

Wednesday 23rd October, 2013                 2230

Not a lot to be blogging about lately, hence the hiatus.

Today though after my afternoon class I quickly went home and got Pepsi then went to the sweet pork place. I needed to be reasonably brief because I was taking Joanna and her high school friend (history major here now) to dinner.

When I arrived the male owner was manning the outside fruit “stall” a collection of plastic trays with apples, oranges, bananas, pomelos etc) and he gave me an odd look whilst nodding for what I thought meant go inside and help yourself. I do that anyway, so really I should have twigged. My camera crew were inside waiting to film my arrival. I really should stop being such a creature of habit!

After there I went to my “office” to buy wine, some potatoes and have a swift bottle before taking the dog home and going to meet the girls to take the bus. Whilst sitting having a drink I received texts. One was from Lucy the media girl. They wanted to come and film us in the restaurant downtown. I agreed and advised Joanna. She in turn got slightly peeved that I hadn’t told her yesterday when I invited her and so I had to explain I had only just found out.

Another text was from Cinny.Teaching plans for the whole of this semester need to be ready in a week! Previously I had been told I could do them retrospectively at the end of term and I haven’t even started them. Why has it changed? Because my now ex friend Kevin questioned why he had to turn his in at the end of this month and I didn’t! So instead of him getting an extension I now have a rush on. I bought the potatoes so as to make his favourite leek and potato soup (maybe tomorrow) but now I may just go and buy some laxatives to add to it!

Anyway, Joanna, Rainy and I took the bus (amazingly all of us had a seat) and we went for a prawn hotpot. The two film crew (Vivian and the boy) were waiting to film us as we entered but never kept it rolling for that long. I invited them to join us for dinner as it wasn’t going to cost much more for five instead of three seeing as there is always loads left over. The lad  had to get back as he had promised to help a classmate tonight but Vivian stayed. She kept the camera and filmed a little during the meal. I have asked her to email me tonight’s footage unedited and hopefully she will do so. I do want it in order to be able to remember Joanna in years to come.

During the meal though I mentioned that more multimedia students want to interview me after lunch tomorrow. As far as I can tell it will just be a question and answer session in an empty classroom but Vivian seemed most concerned that other students were poaching her idea. I have suggested that she arrive when I do so she can ask her fellows what they are doing. If they want to replicate her work then of course I shall be obliged to refuse. It puzzles me though that they are all asking me and not Kevin or Ollivier.

So that’s it for today, I never took my camera because I thought I might get footage instead. Tomorrow I am taking Miffy (her name to change now I have explained to the girl what it really means!) for a Japanese.

Sunday 20th October, 2013                1930

As per yesterday I didn’t think I would be blogging today either. And to use an Americanism, I am plum tuckered out.

Sitting in my home this morning (and having dreamt up an activity for this week’s classes) I simply thought to myself that whilst the day was cool it was nevertheless sunny and it was just too good not to do something. So at almost noon I resolved to take a shower, get dressed and take Pepsi exploring. Yes, after more than three years here I went and took the ferry across the mighty Yangtse River.

I knew how to get there as it is halfway to Meilong, where I have been a few times when Kiki was doing summer school teaching, however I had no idea of cost, whether I could take the bike or in fact Pepsi. It took twenty minutes to get to the bend in the road where you go right to Meilong or, as I had hitherto thought (thanks Google maps), branching left and visiting a small village. The village is indeed small even by UK standards with the shops entirely clustered around a triangular “roundabout” but carry on and after about a mile you are at the ferry boarding point.

Being a foreigner I simply stopped behind the queueing four wheeled traffic and waited. Until another e-bike arrived and completely bypassed the queue. Ok, I was on an e-bike and I am a dotty laowei so I did likewise. Cars, trucks and buses have to wait behind a barrier until incoming traffic is cleared because otherwise it would be gridlock due to the narrow approach road but e-bikes and motorbikes are encouraged to get aboard first. Riding one has its advantages!

Once the ramp was lowered and the ferry was cleared I bagged a spot right at the front, other bikes lining abreast in short order. Pepsi was petrified - no surprise there - but at one thirty we cast off and set sail. A chap came and extracted 6y (60p) from me for what turned out to be a return ticket. Naturally, I became a focus, not just for the other riders but also car and bus passengers who came to chat with me in vain in mandarin. I did take my camera and although the sunshine was hazy on the river I took some photos. I was struck, considering how far inland we are, by the sheer volume of marine traffic there is on the river. From small boats to barges to proper small ships, there was an unending stream of them.

As we approached the northern side of the Yangtse I watched (sitting on my bike of course) water buffalo wallowing free on the riverbank. It is a measure of the speed of the current that outbound the trip took half an hour but the return later just fifteen minutes. When we “docked” (ramp down on the hard standing, no moorings and engines keeping the vessel in place) off I set into the unknown.

I rode for as long as I dared, bearing in mind if I ran out of power it would take at least an hour to get some juice into the bike providing I could find someone to let me plug in. No I never took any pictures, simply because all I saw were identical small villages no different to those closer to home. One thing did annoy me though. Here I was less than 15 miles away from home and yet whenever I stopped to ask for a bin pijou (cold beer) nobody understood what I was saying! And people ask me why I don’t learn Chinese??

When I thought I had pushed my luck with the batteries far enough I backtracked. The road had been hairy as it was, what with being only just wide enough for two way traffic let alone bloody great trucks hurtling past me inches away. I tried again to get a cold beer but obvious restaurants were in short supply so eventually I simply went back to the return boarding place. At least there I was able to get a room temperature pijou whilst waiting for the ferry to arrive, after which I again jumped the queue for boarding.

All things considered the trip was probably a waste of time but having said that, at least I can say I have done it, all it cost me was 10y for the fare and the beer and I did have some good interaction with the locals who were crossing with me even if none of us could understand the other!

Saturday 19th October, 2013          2100

I really wasn’t expecting to have anything to post today but I do.

My film crew wanted to film me downtown shopping so I complied but had to wait while they along with a great many others, took a fitness test. This meant it was too late for me to have lunch (and be filmed) in Ke Bi Wang so I told them to text me when they were on the bus and to go to the commercial centre. That way I could get my shopping first and then have a mid-afternoon Korean meal.

Vivian - as it turned out - never sent me the text until they had been on the bus for ten minutes whereas had she done as I asked and sent it straight away I could have left ten minutes after receipt (which I did) and arrived at about the same time seeing as I am quicker than the bus even though my speed is lower. Five minutes from my destination I had a message asking where I was because they were waiting. Only they weren’t at the commercial centre, they were at Lottemart! That was the Korean up the Swannee.

I then rode to Lottemart and spotted the camera girl filming my arrival. Said arrival was not without incident however. Right in the gap in the barriers to enter the e-bike parking area sat a man on a bicycle blocking it and completely oblivious. I stopped very close and sounded the horn to no avail. I even tried Ni Hao and Hello without success. Now of course I was getting irked and completely forgot (as indeed they asked me to!) I was being filmed. Rather than going to the trouble of dismounting and putting my vehicle on its stand due to his inconsideration, I “nudged” his rear wheel with my bullbars. That certainly had the desired effect of grabbing his attention and after my saying something (I don’t THINK I swore) he moved out of the way.

Going into Lottemart my team was stopped by security. There is a policy of no cameras in place. This is presumably because of all the YouTube and Facebook things showing them selling crocodiles, turtles, frogs etc for food. It was difficult to disguise a rather large professional video unit and so there was much discussion and even though Mr Securicor couldn’t understand me I pointed out they were there to film me and not the shop. He let us all in, whether for me or because of their entreaties I have no idea.

It is most interesting to observe the manner in which people sometimes react when they see someone being filmed. You can imagine their thoughts. “Are they making a movie?” “is he a big star?” etc. Either way, the lady who brought my two whole pig livers was unaffected I think but the one who served me the chicken breasts must surely have been starstruck! I asked for six chicken breasts and to my horror she not only emptied the display tray into a bag but went and got more, eventually weighing and giving me just over three kilogrammes! As the display prices are per 500 grammes she took leave of her senses and gave me six half kilos. It matters not because I will use them but I had to chuckle.

Shopping done, the only sensible place to grab some food was KFC at that time and yet again management wanted to prevent filming. And again it was overcome and the staff (not to mention the customers) displayed intense interest. It’s quite hard to eat nuggets and chips normally when you are being filmed.

After that it was back home, dump the shopping and take the dog to the sweet pork place where a little while later the crew turned up again. And again we attracted curious onlookers. Eventually the crew left just as my mother phoned and I went to the campus shops in darkness. I did my shop and grabbed a bottle from my usual café, after twenty minutes or so returning for my second.

As I went to pay an argument broke out. A woman was quite upset with all the staff behind the counter - over money I found out later. Heated vocal exchanges are nothing new here but this escalated swiftly. The woman decided to go behind, shouting and throwing pots and pans to the floor amid much scuffling. The male boss was there but did nothing, so I went to intervene (in a peacemaker fashion - I had no idea what it was about, could have been a dodgy fried rice for all I knew) - and then boss said “Steve, leave it, it’s ok”. So I did.

Boss then went outside and made a call but whilst he was doing that the woman went berserk, this time in the cramped kitchen. She grabbed one the girls by the hair and things were crashing down, with three older women trying to break it up. My instinct was to grab the intruder by the hair to see how she liked it and drag her out but of course this is China and I’m not Chinese. Instead I went out to the Boss (who does speak English) and told him that if something wasn’t done to get the woman out someone might get seriously hurt and if it happened it was his fault. You all know the typical Chinese kitchen with huge woks and gas flames shooting up the sides and beyond, so even if flames didn’t do it all it needed was for scalding liquid to be spilt. I then asked him if he was going to do it or this time would he like me to. He nodded for me to.

Quite what the students thought of me I know not (although by tomorrow stories will be bouncing around the campus no doubt!) but I went in the kitchen. By now the woman had cooled down to simply seething but was not being violent, so I simply indicated to her she should perhaps calm down and just talk about her problem. I then backed off. Only then did the Boss come in and take her outside, shortly thereafter raiding the till and giving her what appeared to be about 500y. The drama was over. After another fifteen minutes I finished my drink and went to get Pepsi to come home. The woman was only just leaving, getting on her e-bike and crying. I have never seen her before so surmising from the call bossman made, the financial dispute probably concerned one of the family’s other businesses but she had had no joy elsewhere and saw the café as a soft target. Who knows?

The one thing that stood out yet again when there is trouble afoot was that in such situations the Chinese who are not directly involved do one of two things. Leave quietly or stay to watch the show.

Never a dull moment.

Friday 18th October, 2013               1750

What’s happened? Let me see……..

Actually not a lot. Yesterday was my day off and I spent it exactly like that - off. The film crew came to the shops to film for a short while and then suggested that the boy cameraman come to my home and remain filming until I went to bed though. I declined, mainly because I had a couple of things to do, namely cook for myself and the pets, change the bed (last night I simply had to break out the new summer quilt as it is getting a bit chilly at night now) and partly because not only did I not realise they wanted to be THAT intrusive but also because once I am home very little happens besides the aforementioned other than me sitting drinking at my computer and they have footage of that already.

They did come and film my second class today and unbelievably I caught two girls towards the back of the class sheltering their mobile phones with their books whilst watching a film! Not only has that just cost them marks but I confiscated the phones for the lesson and showed the phones to the camera. It’s disrespectful at the best of times but completely beyond the pale when there are two cameras scanning the room. The Chinese don’t like to lose face apparently yet they risk doing so constantly by engaging in this sort of thing. Rest assured those two will know all about it in the next class. Somehow I felt dismembering them on film today might put an unwelcome slant on the finished article.

In the break though one of the other girls, Betsy, came and invited me to a concert this evening. She has two tickets and nobody to go with her. My first instinct was to say no. I am always tired Friday night this term due to the early start and long day plus the kids here like South Korean pop bands (Gangnam and all that). However I asked where it was - where we have our Christmas concert so no travelling - and what it entailed. She didn’t know for sure but it is students from another uni (who came this morning on two coaches) so I suspect (and indeed hope) that it will be classical music. If it is I doubt I will be treated to Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance in D Major but it may well be pleasant. Fingers crossed.

After class I spoke to the film crew and said tomorrow I may go to town for lunch and shopping if they wanted to film. Vivian, the girl whose idea this was, seemed reluctant, saying they didn’t want me to think they were following me everywhere. I can only assume this is due to my refusal last night. They are more than welcome to film me at lunch (and even have lunch themselves) and come to Lottemart with me and I shall tell them so in the morning if indeed I go. I will have to go sometime this weekend anyway. I am taking my camera to the concert shortly so hope to be able to post a couple of pictures of whatever it turns out to be.

2140

Yes I did go, not knowing what on earth I had agreed to. What I got was 90 minutes of excruciating………

Joy.

It was the student symphony orchestra from Anhui Teaching University in Wuhu. Impossible to count but my best guess would be somewhere between forty and fifty musicians. And yes, students they may have been but musicians they most certainly were.

I’m not a huge fan of classical music, liking of course only those pieces immortalised in popular films and Land Of Hope and Glory but I did once get invited to a British Telecom sponsored do in St Mary’s Church in Luton which they were recording for Classic FM and thoroughly enjoyed that (along with the free dinner!).

Relieved it wasn’t Korean rock or pop I sat there wondering what was in store.

What I got was an orchestra with four instruments you would see in a western one I recognised and loads more I can’t even name. This was classical Chinese music. Not a tuba, double bass, trumpet etc in sight. Before you change channel I must say even though I never understood what the hell was going on I loved it. Music you may only hear when used in a western film with a Chinese content. It was utterly fabulous. Would I go again? You bet!

I attach some pictures, not the best quality but I was a little way back, together with the picture of the Ball Hair Trimmer in the campus supermarket.

Sunday 13th October, 2013           1540

Well my girl was told she will go to Hefei for the provincial finals merely as an observer, however credit where credit is due, she was told the reason she wouldn’t be competing was to get the experience of watching and next year she will have another year of English under her belt. And more importantly the girl herself seems content with it.

Yesterday I discovered some devastating news on Facebook when I woke up. My friend who manages the Hefei Hilton has the removal men in. I knew this would happen at some point, just not after only two years. There goes my free stays, booze and food whenever I fly from Hefei! I don’t envy him in the slightest, he is being banished to Shenyang which is the most northerly hotel Hilton have in China! Here we have highs of 29C and lows of 15C whilst up there near the Arctic at the moment they have highs of 12 and lows of -2!! He can always go to Harbin to see the ice sculptures though and if he fancies a weekend break he will only be 120 miles from the North Korean border……

On a brighter note (for me at least) our airport has been operational for a little while now and although it is currently impossible to book flights online except to Beijing, I managed to find out there are daily flights now to Shanghai, Guangzhou and somewhere else too. Depending on security, it would be a simple matter of a 20 minute ride on the bike, leave it there and hop on a plane.

Last night I took Vivian and (as most girls here simply HAVE to take a friend)  Pudding to the Japanese. This time the chef was chatting up Vivian. I thought he was about 32 but it turns out he is 25 and obviously desperate to get married. I told Vivian to tell him that she was going to marry me and that if he didn’t stop trying to filch my girlfriends in future I would only take ugly ones to the restaurant. Some girls really know how to wound with stultifying intent, for she commented that she looked on me as her kind grandfather!!! Father I can handle, but Grandad???? I did though try a new dish from the new section of the menu (which has pictures but the writing is only in Chinese). It looked like pork or fish balls but on enquiring I was informed they were in fact octopus balls stuffed with cream or mayonnaise (they feature in one of the photos). Quite nice but six of them is too much for one.

This morning I popped to town, stopping first at the little school to discuss lesson changes, then get my months supply of cigars, lunch and go shopping for food. This week because of Kevin’s schedule we are having a Trawlerman’s Tuesday. Two completely untried dishes here - carrot and lentil soup followed by Admiral’s Pie. I used to make the soup in the UK but never a fish pie, so fingers crossed. Yvonne - my best student now I don’t teach Joanna - is hopefully my “date” for that.

2045

Running out of puff now so please enjoy the photos.

Wednesday 9th October, 2013             1340

With the typhoon departed we are now back to the high twenties for a while, there is the school final of the national speaking competition in under an hour. Kevin had been invited to be a question master (the judges for an English speaking contest all being Chinese!) but not I.

At least not until last night when one of students called me to say he wanted to give me copies of the speeches for perusal. He seemed confused when I said I wouldn’t be attending as I wasn’t asked, so would be teaching a class instead. My plan had been to turn up late after I finished in the hope of seeing at least a couple of my students perform. Two minutes after that call ended Prof Fang’s assistant rang asking why I wasn’t going, which was because I wasn’t invited. To her horror it dawned on her that nobody had thought to tell me and of course given what happened two years ago (when I was deliberately excluded as my questions were “too hard” so I turned up to spectate and they were embarrassed into making me a question master) I was not going to go on principle.

So I have spent most of this morning trying to think up questions about what the students have written. No easy task considering the topic is “when Socrates meets Confucius”! as you may imagine, all the speeches are similar, making it incredibly difficult. Worse, three speeches were missing, two of which Kevin has just received and once he gets me a copy I will have to work on two more questions in a hurry. There is a bonus of course - in the past few hours I have learnt a lot about both philosophers!

2000

I endured 150 minutes of a buttock-numbing competition but at least the powers felt our questions were good. The procedure is that the top two scores from the English majors together with the top score for non-English majors go through to the provincial finals (in Hefei again this year) together with the third placed English major who is taken to observe for the experience. The third place thing came about at Kevin’s suggestion two years ago and the first recipient was in fact Joanna.

Now I remember when Joanna was a sophomore, my students telling me that Prof Fang had informed them that a sophomore would never win and as all my students were sophomores at the time and not knowing any better I informed them that I wanted to prove her wrong and beat Kevin, who had juniors widely expected to win. At the time I assumed this comment was said purely because juniors and seniors have a year or two more experience but today I’m not so sure at all.

To my utter delight Jim (a lad both Kevin and I have taught and now Daisy is off the scene unquestionably our best) came first and one of my sophomores came second. You may recall last year where the scores were cooked so that not only did Jim beat Daisy when she was miles better but an utterly useless student came second? As a result of protests the skulduggery was overturned and Daisy ended up going. Personally I think the whole competition is a waste of time as it is fixed both at local and provincial level, in fact I have opined that I could enter the provincial finals as a native speaker and would not win simply because the province won’t want to send anyone not from one of the “elite” universities.

Now I was so pleased and proud when I realised my sophomore had done the impossible and qualified. My elation was rather short lived and soon turned to bitterness when (if I heard correctly) she will only be going as an observer and the third placed student - admittedly only by a whisker but scores are scores - will actually take part instead. The reason? My student’s appearance! Sure, she’s overweight and frumpy but naively I thought at least at the school level it was all about English speaking, I never dreamed it was also a beauty pageant.

There is of course nothing I can do although when I was told I did comment (and I hope my meaning was clear) that maybe I should tell her next year to have a makeover in the beauty salon first. Now of course I am wondering if the sophomore comment meant something more and that a spanner was thrown in the works today with an unwelcome result but whatever reason is given it leaves a very nasty taste. God knows what that kid is going to feel like when she discovers she won yet she didn’t.

Sunday 6th October, 2013               1030

No I’m not dead! I haven’t even been busy, just relaxing.

On Thursday I went with Vivian, the girl who approached me about filming, to the Japanese restaurant. Another couple (pictured) came later and sat at the large “hob” table with us. Unusually, the woman spoke good English and even more unusual was the fact she wasn’t a teacher.

There hasn’t been a great deal happening here the past few days although we have had perfect weather in the mid-twenties. That is all forecast to end early this evening with rain on the way. If the predictions are to be believed it looks as if I will get damp on the ride to the little school in the morning and drowned on my return in the afternoon. And I need to go shopping in my lunch break too!

You know the saying that says the Chinese will eat anything with legs except the table? I was sitting outside the sweet pork place a couple of days ago, I like to take Pepsi for a change of scenery although all she does is go and lay hidden in the undergrowth, and two of the fu wu yuans (waitresses) came out. They seemed to be searching for something amid the flora as they skirted the patch. Eventually one of them waded into the waist high plants and started picking something. Curious as to what on earth they were growing for the restaurant in the middle of a dense patch of weeds, I got up to investigate. The lady was picking………..weeds! And yes, they were for the pot.

I have naturally been musing on my eventual move to the new place (once they put a floor in) and also my future prospects for remaining here. If I am indeed to remain here then I am happy to invest my own money in making it “mine” so I went to a furniture shop. A decent dining table with six chairs is reasonable at about 2,000y but their beds were expensive indeed. The school will provide a bed but I was looking to see if I could find a nice soft western mattress. Not a chance - every single one was like a paving slab. Online there is a firm called Slumbermaax which flogs memory foam ones targeted at expats but the mattress alone is a months wages!

I was also considering the living arrangements. I don’t think my idea of a pets corner in one room and shutting them in for the night will work out. For starters I think the cats will wail incessantly to be let out and anyway, the only way I could get all four animals in at the same time would be at feeding time - and of course after dinner the dog has to go out so the felines would all escape. So ok, the important room is my bedroom because I really would like bedding that stays nice for a bit longer than an hour after I buy it before getting clawed. So I lock myself in and the animals out? But there’s another problem, there will only be one aircon unit. Fine when it’s not hot (I have plenty of heaters) but impossible in the summer. Another unit would set me back another months salary whereas having the cats put down would only be 600y. Equally you all know that isn’t an option. Still, it is keeping my mind active trying to think of solutions!

I came across this article yesterday:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-24381946

I found it interesting, not because China came top (I knew that already) but that the UK came as high as it did! Waterloo Road would suggest bottom would be more appropriate. And no, I only ever watched one episode and found it so far removed from reality I haven’t been tempted since.

Before I go I must tell you about a toddler, a boy of perhaps two or three years of age. He has a big sister who is maybe five or six and about two weeks ago they came unaccompanied to the campus shops. As they neared me the little boy suddenly stopped dead, stared at me for one second and then turned and buried his face in sis’s stomach sobbing! I was sitting at a table peacefully minding my own business and yet I felt vaguely guilty. During the holiday I have seen the pair every day and get the same reaction, except now the sister has taken to picking him up and carrying him over to me! This induces full blown screaming fits and I am then stared at by students who must think I am a mass murderer.

Wednesday 2nd October, 2013             1800

I forgot to mention in the last blog something which happened in my Monday class. All my lessons commence with me inviting the students to share an interesting story that occurred since we last met and on this occasion Ryan, one of three boys in a class of 39, volunteered a tale.

“I read an article by a very famous writer. It was called ‘Life is an Adventure’ - perhaps you know the author?”

Somewhat taken unawares I chuckled, for I was that writer. Since Cinny took over as my assistant and she was the editor of “Sunflower” (the foreign language department’s biannual newsletter) I have been helping her by proof-reading and emending some of it, particularly the student submissions. This was the first time I had actually penned an article for it though and it was based on the Yangmei Story from my 2009 holiday in Nanning. When the paper comes out the first class I take it is always a battle to get them to put their copies away but naively perhaps, I never thought they paid much attention to it. I was wrong and it looks as if the message I was trying to impart may have hit home for at least some of them!

After deciding to have a lazy day yesterday, today I rode to town. I needed animal meat if nothing else but it wasn’t a good day to be out and about. Aside from the myriad wedding convoys (I have no idea why the date is so popular for getting hitched) the lunatics had taken over the roads in vast numbers. Quite aside from finding myself on several occasions on a head-on collision course with cars whose drivers clearly assumed my e-bike was the two-wheeled equivalent of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang I saw an utterly idiotic near disaster on the way back not far from school. I was coming down the road by the small farms (one of which a couple of years ago I snapped the farmer tilling his rice paddy with a water buffalo) and coming in the opposite direction was an e-pickup. He crossed to my side of the road which after more than three years here said to me he was turning into one of the houses on that side. It certainly meant that to the girl on the e-bike going in his direction for she was completely taken off guard when the imbecile suddenly crossed both lanes to turn off and only by dint of her taking avoiding action which nearly saw her lose control and come off did he miss contact by about two inches. She of course said nothing but the old fart was treated to some passing invective hurled at him from the Silver Streak. How I never see more accidents than I do is beyond me.

Once home I took Pepsi to the sweet pork place while I sat and mused on the bike with refreshments. There is a little bitch puppy which hangs around the place - dogs often do as the scraps are put out the back - and she has gotten to know me and runs up for a tummy tickle. Nearby a little fat boy (yes, there are actually some in China) of about 8 years was playing with his sister of about four. Spying the puppy sitting under my bike, the boy came over and started stamping and shouting at the little dog, thus causing it to flee in terror. I didn’t like that. Here I have a great advantage sometimes in being both a laowei and enormously fat and I used it by climbing off the bike and doing what I thought was a creditable Incredible Hulk impression. The little shit - sorry, boy - in turn fled with eyes as big as saucers. Just maybe he got the message.

After that I went to my office. Whilst we are on a weeks holiday it is not a ghost town, with some students staying to study and others who think it’s not worth travelling home and back as their journeys each way take half a day. One of the latter, Vivian, came and asked me if she could chat with me. Naturally I agreed and we talked. She is majoring in multimedia and it wasn’t very long before I found out her real reason for coming up to me. Her class has a project to do and some of them want to make a “documentary” about my life here. Would I help them? After establishing that it won’t (I hope!) be reality TV I agreed on the condition that I get two copies of it on DVD, one for me and one to send to my mum. Aside from the classroom and my office I have no idea what they will film but she did say they will borrow an ebike from a teacher to follow me! I did enquire as to why they chose me rather than Kevin or Ollivier and it had nothing to do with my on screen charisma, innate charm or handsome physique. It’s because I am the most visible foreign teacher on campus…….