Gregorian New Year's Eve 1700

Well, here we are seven hours away from the year 2020.

I don't know anyone still alive who witnessed the century and the year being the same number in 1919 and I doubt any of us will be around the next time in 2121. I suppose it's not the same as a new century or new millenium but with my twisted brain it becomes a “special” year nonetheless.

Not that any year is special except when events unfold for you that make it such. And it depends on your definition of “special”. It could be a year you married, divorced, had a child, won the lottery (chance would be wonderful) or you went to live in a foreign clime.

I can only think of one special year forty one years ago and then only because I got my second stripe and the future was still bright and most of it still ahead of me rather than astern! I suspect any special years I have remaining are yet to come and will be after all my pensions come home to roost!

The marriage lark eluded me (or vice versa) and it is far too late now, nobody would put up with me anyway. Kids? I dodged an ICBM there!

My best years are ahead and the 60s are the new 40s!!!

I have Adriana and Lanzhou Alice coming for a cooking lesson on Saturday. Not sure whether to show them how to make lasagne or a chilli, ether way, with Alice's love of garlic bread, she will be a happy bunny. Andy the cleaner is coming Sunday so before then I have some major bulldozing to do in the living room in preparation for Wuhu Alice's arrival.

My larder currently resides on the coffee table due to the kitchen cupboards being too damp in winter. The big desk in my office is awash with allsorts and I need to clear it, clean it and make it the new pantry. Most of it is old paperwork so if I can just find a cupboard........

Wuhu Alice is now coming on the 10^th, she managed to bring her train ticket forward from the 13^th and already I have been deluged with requests for culinary matters. In particular for matcha powder! No, I'd never heard of it either but I note it's used in making biscuits and such. Just seems like powdered tea to to me! I will make her “cookies” as she is wont to call biscuits, having been away from my English teaching for too long but I will not be using matcha!

So today I achieved the sum total of getting myself enough electricity for the holiday, finally having that long-overdue haircut, buying a spare bulb for the bathroom light (it went on Sunday but I always keep a spare) and buying a short extension lead so Alice can charge her phone when she is here.

So bugger all happening here except my wishing (but of course not really wishing) I didn't need to save for summer because I would hop on a plane to Hainan or somewhere warm for a month instead of staying here in the cold.

Folks, wherever you are and whatever you will do tonight when the clock chimes midnight, I wish you a very Happy New Year and trust that the year 2020 will see you enjoy good health and happiness.

I'll probably be asleep!

Boxing Day, 2019 2130

Christmas? What Christmas???

After my last entry I lost internet, something that causes outrage in developed countries if it lasts for an hour but something I am no stranger to here. But really – Christmas Eve? Ok so I have about 30 hours of Inspector Montalbano downloaded that suddenly appeared on iPlayer last week so I had something to watch and went to bed half-confident that by ten the following morning it would be back on once IT had turned in for work.

I backed the wrong half. Nothing. Jody sent me a text asking if I had seen her email and I replied I hadn't seen any due to no internet. Then she told me main campus had no internet, power or water. That explained my not being able to go online but being Christmas Day it didn't make me feel better about it. In fact, when I got to work in the afternoon I realised the problem. With typical Chinese planning, forethought and nous they had overlooked the fact that knocking down an entire street might just knock out a whole neighbourhood, including a university nearby. Far be it for them to secure supplies to existing premises before going like a bulldozer in a teashop.

The email, I learnt, was to invite me for dinner. For once I jumped at it, provided it was to be early because I had to be up at 0530 this morning and by God it has been cold these past couple of days. It was early and I was home at 1930 having had an alternative Christmas dinner of a “posh” hotpot. I also got to meet another teacher, Maggie, who was a little (and I mean diminutive) hottie, sadly married and with a toddler and my charms could not convince her to file for divorce. At least I never ended up with chow mien on the day.

At 2000 that night connection was restored and I retired at 2215. Long gone are the days of eight hour sleeps or even seven for that matter. Four or five if I'm lucky and the rest of the time willing myself to sleep until the alarm goes off, following which I am knackered all day.

A whole day at work today and for the first time I ventured out with my Russian fur hat because it was gelid. It won't be the last either because tomorrow my fleece will be on the floor of the barber shop.

In the end I never failed anyone, I am a softie really. The school only wanted the results for three of seven classes and there was no need for the three they needed as they all passed. For the rest, it seems the results are for my benefit only so why make waves? I do enough of that as it is! I do wonder though whether my individual pep talks will yield more active classes after the break. I really hope so, I hate dreading going to work – I did enough of that in jobs I shouldn't have stayed in for so long and at this stage I simply want to get through and enjoy life.

Anyway, that's it! No idea when I start back but it won't be until February so probably six weeks. It would be nice to be wealthy enough to jet off somewhere warm but mein eyes are firmly on summer, I mean who in their right mind would want to holiday in the UK in January?

I trust everyone is bloated right now (I'm not) and you are enjoying the usual TV repeats!

Christmas Eve, 2019 1100

Following my last post Jody succeeded in hijacking my entire weekend. She invited me for dinner on Saturday and we went to a restaurant no more than five minutes walk from here and which I never knew existed. Owned and run by Ukrainians, it seemed the only things available on the menu were ribs and chips. Everything else, it appeared, was “only for summer”!

So ribs it was, followed by “chips” which were actually roast potatoes but deep fried. Sadly they would have been really good but they smothered them in garlic and it just wasn't on. The ribs were ok and a rack was ample for the pair of us. My bottle of beer rounded the bill up to 200¥.

Of course there's no such thing as a free lunch and my payback was to go with her after lunch on Sunday to a party a friend's school was having with their children. Typically, Jody left me waiting for thirty-five minutes at the bus stop in the freezing cold because I was on Beijing time and she was on Jody time. As a result, the planned sweet distribution by a foreigner went ahead without me, although I did get to judge two dumpling-making competitions. And a McDonald's dinner afterwards. On me.

When I was getting ready for the event prior to leaving I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. The lighting in there, when on winter heating mode, is to say the least, unforgiving. I am sure many of my readers will have experienced the same when I say the thought flashed through my mind, “Who the hell is that old bastard looking back at me?” Even my once-firm double chins have collapsed and, being badly in need of shearing, I resemble my dearly-departed Mother. Whatever happened to the young guy who used to greet me of a morning?

Yesterday morning, thankfully after sunrise, when I went to work, Beirut Street was even more demolished. When I had walked as far as the barricade I turned right to access the waste ground and found they had blocked that off too! Not one of the workmen had even thought to warn people there was no through road!

Luckily, as usual I had arrived with half an hour to spare (cigar smoking allowance) because if I'm honest I didn't really know how to get into the school another way. I followed some students who found themselves in the same boat, thinking perhaps they knew a secret alleyway. They didn't. It was a route march all the way to the main gate, about double the journey and one which not only kills my hip but makes my feet sore as well. I hope to God it is reopened after the holidays.

So I left extra early this morning and my first “customer” arrived at 0750. getting my things out of my case I was suddenly gripped by terror. All the marks from last week and yesterday were missing! In panic I rushed to my last classroom of yesterday but no dice there. I was in turmoil for half an hour, entering today's marks in my attendance book. How could I have been such an idiot???

Then I realised. I must have (I prayed I had!) put the sheets inside a book I had taken out last night to lighten the load. To my colossal relief that's exactly what I had done. All is right with the world again.

So that day of the year is fast approaching when everyone should spare a thought for those who cannot celebrate Christmas day – medical staff, emergency services, the homeless..........and me! I'll probably end up with a chow mien on the way home from work, a far cry from a roast with all the trimmings!

Seriously, I would like to send festive greetings to all my loyal readers, who amazingly span the globe. I hope you are all in good health and fine fettle, you overindulge in drinks and eats and generally have a burping good time.

And fun fact time. At this time of year we are bombarded on social media with posts declaring it's Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays – as if it is endemic in all countries when in fact it's a very Mercan aberration, blamed on ethnic groups.

The one and only time Christmas was actually banned on what would later become U.S. soil, it was by Christians.

In 1659, the Puritan lawmakers of the Massachusetts Bay Colony followed the example of their brethren in England by issuing an edict outlawing the observance of Christmas (and other “superstitious” holidays).

So now you know!

And thank you to everyone who has sent their wishes and those who will doubtless do so during the next 48 hours. 

Friday 20^th December, 2019 1200

When I arrived for work on Wednesday afternoon I was greeted by the sight of hordes of policemen of assorted varieties, many wearing helmets. I am beginning to think that whenever a building is demolished they turn up for the spectacle, for the building on one corner of the approach road was being ripped down by a digger.

When I left to come home, I had only got 100 yards outside campus when I was confronted by a metal screen blocking my exit. Wondering how on earth I could get to the bus, I entered a patch of waste ground hoping there would be a way through. There was. When I regained the road it was to enter what resembled a war zone, reminiscent of photographs of the London blitz. They are knocking the entire street down and piles of rubble were all but making it impassable on foot.

The day before, shops were still trading, providing no clue to the Armageddon that would ensue. Now they were empty and many had been ripped down. Only last week a Muslim restaurant had been undergoing renovation, it is now gone. The barber who 24 hours ago had still been giving trims, also had his premises destroyed. Livelihoods had disappeared rapidly. I assume the government has paid compensation.

On Mondays and Thursdays I am particularly laden, being stuck at work over lunchtime I take my laptop, packed lunch and a bottle of water in addition to my books and shoulder bag. Yesterday I arrived in the dark and the waste ground was in pitch blackness. I was genuinely concerned I might come a cropper and nearly did a couple of times so I hope by Tuesday when I next have an early start, the road will have been reopened.

After the arrangements for a Christmas meal were rejected I had said to Alice I would just take her somewhere, maybe the BHG Mall if I could find out where it was (having been once in a taxi at night and passing the back of it many times on buses but being unable to recall which bus!) as there was a nice western type restaurant, or perhaps somewhere else that served food I actually like.

Somehow, Adriana (who was trying to arrange a “date” with Alice) has now been inserted into the frame, which is fine but sneaky Alice has now managed to make my Christmas dinner a party at Burger King!! She loves their burgers and quite simply hijacked me. On the plus side, it does mean I can combine it with a shop in Metro and the meal will be a lot cheaper! No roast turkey and stuffing for me this year.......

Tuesday 17^th December, 2019 2300

You know, flying was bad enough four decades ago but at least then, although you never had in-flight entertainment beyond piped music and a film shown on a screen if you were on a 747 (you always took a book), you could smoke. Terrorism hadn't buggered up airport security so that everyone now has to be almost strip-searched before boarding and waiting for hours for the privilege and air rage was unheard of.

There is talk of the UK limiting people to a couple of tipples in the airport bar due to drunken British louts delaying flights and of course we have the likes of Easyjet and Ryanair charging you 3/6d for your ticket and then bumping it up to £150 with boarding card printing, baggage, an M&S sandwich with a Coke and the latest, assigned seats.

But that's just the no-frills airlines, right?

Think again. I was doing some searching (I plan way ahead) and although I expected, having kept abreast of the news, I saw that BA also is turning into a no-frills carrier.

Once proudly trumpeting themselves as “The World's Favourite Airline” (which indeed they were but that accolade is long gone), I now find myself excluding them from my long haul flight searches along with Aeroflop, Asiana (their pilots commit suicide and kill all the passengers, ditto Germanwings), Turkish (filthy planes) and Air France after a stewardess was horrible to me last time.

But why exclude BA from my long haul options?

It would seem a couple will probably not be given contiguous seats unless they have paid extra or have navigated an application and reserved their seats online within 48 hours of boarding if the website has not sold out or crashed. Well, one, my phone doesn't do that stuff and two, when I have tried to on my computer it tells me you can't do it in China anyway! Tried it with Air China to Moscow.

What the hell happened to turning up at the airport together and being seated next to one another??

It seems now only the tech-savvy with the latest gadgets can get what they want, unless you can afford to fly up front where it doesn't matter.

Cathay Pacific are in the frame along with Malaysia (they surely have to be the safest after losing two planes in quick succession!), KLM and Lufthansa. Anyone flown long-haul with the Germans? I quite like bratwurst.....

Two days of exams done and 3/14 down. Nobody failed thus far but methinks that will come when the second wave turn up (or don't) next week. There have been a few I should have but I don't want to emulate the UK general election with a night of the long blue knives. They really have to be awful to fail! Some will though before it's over.

I do believe I am not the only one who is not content here. Jody is having serious thoughts about leaving and possibly changing career. She confided in me the other day and said she envied me because I only have 2½ years until I can stop. She is very late twenties/early thirties, ergo a “leftover woman” in China as she is as yet unwed.

Whilst I indeed envy her youth, I'm sure she doesn't actually covet my age, merely the position I am in. Being Chinese, albeit a headstrong woman, she still has the formidable enemy of an alliance of two Chinese parents to fight. I gather she may have won half the battle, either that or her parents may be giving up.

My advice (which was asked for before anyone says anything) was not to waste her life in jobs she was unhappy. I did that in various occupations for twenty plus years and only one of those gave me a decent income, although no time to enjoy it.

I'm not in clover right now and at my age here I need to be very aware the end of my official working life is nigh. I can do the job, I have proved it for a decade, I just wish I had a subject I could teach to students who know how to student!

The odd thing is, I think I might actually be a popular teacher here.

Sunday 15^th December, 2019 1215

Last night I was invited to Deniro's home for dinner. I was concerned I might be given food that was too spicy or worse, something hideous such as pigs' intestines. My fears were not realised, for his wife prepared a mix of meat and vegetable steamed dumplings.

I was convinced the meat filling was not pork and because they aren't Muslims I had to ask. It was mutton. I don't like mutton but the herbs and spices involved meant they were actually quite tasty. I swear their two-year old daughter put away double the amount I did, plus peanuts, bananas and mandarins. The family only cooks at weekends, neither are keen on it and so dine out every weeknight.

And then I witnessed another “first”. I don't know about my readers but my entire life I have peeled bananas from the stalk down. Deniro does it from the bottom up!

We also had a conversation about flying times from Shanghai to California. I said that as LA was further than London it was probably a couple of hours longer, approximately fifteen or sixteen hours. With no computer readily available it was left at that. Intrigued (as Deniro was doubtful of my claim), I went online this morning. Yesterday was the CET (college English test) and as usual the internet was switched off the entire day.

To my surprise, despite the distance being 1300km further, an eastbound flight to LA can be as short as 11½ hours, two hours shorter than to London! I can only assume prevailing winds play a hand in it but I learn something every day. The return flight takes two hours more.

Speaking of aviation, I read this in China Daily this morning:

The 40-day Spring Festival travel rush for 2020 will begin on Jan 10 and end on Feb 18.

According to the release, the civil aviation sector will handle 79 million passenger trips during the travel rush, a projected year-on-year rise of 8.4 percent.

The administration said there will be over 16,000 flights in service during the rush.

With an all-time record number of passengers one might logically expect prices to be reasonable but it is all but guaranteed they will shoot through the roof, as they do every year.

That haircut I have been threatening to have for ages? Still not done. The temperatures have deterred me and with just two weeks left of commuting to work, I shall leave it until I finish. I won't need to venture out as much wearing my earflapless ushanka. 2° high here today, Chizhou will be 19°, When Alice visits she will find a bit of a difference – today in Guangzhou it will be 26°!!!

Is it nearly summer yet?

Friday 13^th December, 2019 2030

Classes finished now until February, just two weeks of exams to conduct. There will be failures, of that I am convinced. After a term I still have students who are so testudinal that around campus I wouldn't even know they were in my class. But hey, two more weeks and I am off for six. I always keenly anticipate time off but here in Lanzhou the feeling is very much accentuated. I suppose in part it comes down to “brown-out”, part due to reduced mobility and the majority of it to the regime/quality of students here. It really is now down to gritting teeth and getting through the next thirty or so months. That and making sure I have decent holidays to anticipate.

Eli approached me on Thursday to ask what I was doing for Christmas. Last year I catered for five guests and besides cooking, ordered in a leg of ham, Christmas crackers and other festive treats. Cost me a fortune but I never even asked anyone to bring so much as a piece of reindeer shit by way of a thank you. I did as it happened receive a couple of token gifts which were appreciated.

This year the landscape has changed and so has my timetable. More classes plus I am working Christmas afternoon and all day Boxing Day so “on the day” celebrations are out at my age.

Eli said he wanted to do something for Khloe as I am guessing she is homesick (she's 22) seeing as she is in fact returning home in spring festival. Ok said I, let's go to Holiday Inn for an all you can eat and drink buffet on the 28^th. Now that's not cheap by local standards (bargain in the UK of course!) at 168¥ a head (£18/$24US) and given that they are on a pittance, I invited Alice to make a foursome, said I would throw ¥500 in the ring and the other two could take up the slack and pay for the taxis.

I thought I was being extremely reasonable. It meant instead of 168 they had to pay 86¥ apiece and about 40¥ I total for taxis in total. So just over a tenner apiece whilst I paid £55. Does that make me Ebenezer?

Today I was informed it was out of their price range.

Before anyone suggests I should shoulder the entire bill out of pity, firstly be aware I would for good friends (as indeed a certain friend of mine has on occasion done for me) but not mere acquaintances, and make no mistake, that is what these are. Secondly, Khloe can afford to fly back to the USA in the holiday while Eli is jetting off to have a break in Singapore! I am stuck here.

£18 is going to ruin their holidays, is it?

I shall take just Alice for a meal for two somewhere, my offer is off the table now. I have suggested our parsimonious pair would be better suited having their Christmas meal in the school canteen where they can dine for a pound.

Oh, and just to keep me happy, a three hour round trip today to China Tobacco for cigars was fruitless and my dinner ended up being chicken nuggets.

Friday 6^th December, 2019 1250

On Wednesday I emailed various people to enquire about when I needed to complete my end of term exams. After initial responses telling me “ Week 18” which to me could have meant next pancake Tuesday because not only do I not have a school calendar but in any event it is in Chinese so I would be none the wiser. I pressed for a date. Good job I asked. 28^th December. It takes me two weeks per class so it only gives me next week to ensure the monitors provide me with official class lists for the results. I don't think this school is used to someone like me who doesn't speak or read Chinese! The Peace Corps people all take lessons and are young enough to learn, I often learn a single word one day and by the next morning I've forgotten it already!

Yesterday was hideous and one I have been dreading. Not only did I have solid classes from 0800-1620 but last night was the international foreign language translation college's freshmen welcome concert. Seemed a bit off with the timing seeing as they have been here over three months now and in a month the term ends.

The foreigners who went to Dean Liu's home for dinner the other week were all asked if we were willing to perform and we all, albeit reluctantly, agreed to do so. I was going to repeat the egg game and accordingly bought eggs and about 150¥ of prizes to give away. I then had to haul three bags to work on the bus at 0700.

The concert wasn't starting until 1930 so I was in for a long, long day. On arrival in the theatre I smelt a rat as neither Eli nor I appeared on the programme, only Khloe. Whilst I was hurriedly trying to get a Chinese teacher to agree to be my victim/hero nobody said a word.

You have probably guessed that the reason we weren't listed was because we weren't going to appear.

I am not best pleased. Not because I wasn't wanted on stage, far from it, but because nobody thought to let us know, thus preventing me from shelling out on materials and prizes and subsequently lugging an extra, quite heavy, bag around all day. Should I remain at this school and that particular college ask for my participation again, they will receive a flat refusal, along with being told why.

Sunday 1^st December, 2019 1930

Why on earth didn't BBC iPlayer alert users to a new series of Masterchef?? I love watching it whether it's celebrities, professionals or amateurs. In fact it's the only cookery programme I like to watch. I discovered the current series yesterday by chance and the only good thing is that I am now downloading and wading through about twelve hours of unexpected viewing. I get loads of ideas for my own cooking from the contestants, even though I don't have access to either most of the ingredients or the equipment!

To be honest, this term with the increased workload I seem to be too tired on my days off although I do have the odd energy bursts but cooking for others is on a low burner of late. I spent a lot of time, money and effort on it last term and was basically shit upon so perhaps my lethargy this term may be excused.

It's very wintry here now, Andy my cleaner never came as scheduled yesterday, stupid boy sent me a text an hour before saying he had something to do and could he come today instead. I had been expecting the text ever since the snow started falling. He now knows not to lie to me, he also knows there's no need to anyway because he is after all merely coming here to earn money for himself and there is no sick pay or holiday agreement. He comes, he works for twenty minutes most weeks and pockets nearly six pounds for doing so. About once a month I give him something other than the floor to clean that takes another ten or fifteen but on average, less travelling time (and when he comes here afterwards he uses the campus gym anyway) he gets around £15 an hour. I only need him once a fortnight at worst but agree to weekly because by all accounts he is from a poor family. My way of spreading a little cheer in a way.

And it was typical Lanzhou snow, about ¼" that never really settled, certainly not snowball material. I am definitely at greater risk from ice on the road when winter tightens the vice. Or a rogue ankle suddenly deciding to give up the ghost! I suppose at least in winter I will be wearing thicker garments to cushion the impact!

Joan emailed me on Saturday to tell me she was in the Doubletree hotel in Suzhou, Anhui (only opened a couple of years ago). Seeing as she lives there I thought perhaps she had changed jobs but she was there for the morning for a lecture arranged by her school. She said it reminded her of Steve in Shenyang. Somehow I doubt it is as tight a ship as run by that insane reprobate and maybe in time I will be able to check it out for myself after my summer holiday, if nothing prevents said holiday.

Every day I visit the Chizhou university website to get the news. Pointless really as anyone I ever taught has left and the only teacher I ever see mentioned is Prof Fang, my old dean. But then I also read local news of Marlow and Luton daily too. I have been watching events unfold.

They seem to have banned people from charging their e-bikes from anywhere other than official charging points on campus (ie you pay money and the school profits), they have now been granted the status to confer Masters degrees and this next makes me glad I am no longer there: all motor vehicles prohibited from the teaching area and approach roads. That includes e-bikes. With over a mile to walk each way from the teacher accommodation to the academic blocks I would have tendered my notice. Unless I could find a secret route. I could have charged my bike after dark and then heaved the cable up and indoors after! Well, if there's a way I will find it!

Nothing much else to tell, I have been inert most of the time between working and what with trying to save money there are no trips being planned for the next nine months.