Gregorian New Year's Eve 1700

Well, here we are seven hours away from the year 2020.

I don't know anyone still alive who witnessed the century and the year being the same number in 1919 and I doubt any of us will be around the next time in 2121. I suppose it's not the same as a new century or new millenium but with my twisted brain it becomes a “special” year nonetheless.

Not that any year is special except when events unfold for you that make it such. And it depends on your definition of “special”. It could be a year you married, divorced, had a child, won the lottery (chance would be wonderful) or you went to live in a foreign clime.

I can only think of one special year forty one years ago and then only because I got my second stripe and the future was still bright and most of it still ahead of me rather than astern! I suspect any special years I have remaining are yet to come and will be after all my pensions come home to roost!

The marriage lark eluded me (or vice versa) and it is far too late now, nobody would put up with me anyway. Kids? I dodged an ICBM there!

My best years are ahead and the 60s are the new 40s!!!

I have Adriana and Lanzhou Alice coming for a cooking lesson on Saturday. Not sure whether to show them how to make lasagne or a chilli, ether way, with Alice's love of garlic bread, she will be a happy bunny. Andy the cleaner is coming Sunday so before then I have some major bulldozing to do in the living room in preparation for Wuhu Alice's arrival.

My larder currently resides on the coffee table due to the kitchen cupboards being too damp in winter. The big desk in my office is awash with allsorts and I need to clear it, clean it and make it the new pantry. Most of it is old paperwork so if I can just find a cupboard........

Wuhu Alice is now coming on the 10^th, she managed to bring her train ticket forward from the 13^th and already I have been deluged with requests for culinary matters. In particular for matcha powder! No, I'd never heard of it either but I note it's used in making biscuits and such. Just seems like powdered tea to to me! I will make her “cookies” as she is wont to call biscuits, having been away from my English teaching for too long but I will not be using matcha!

So today I achieved the sum total of getting myself enough electricity for the holiday, finally having that long-overdue haircut, buying a spare bulb for the bathroom light (it went on Sunday but I always keep a spare) and buying a short extension lead so Alice can charge her phone when she is here.

So bugger all happening here except my wishing (but of course not really wishing) I didn't need to save for summer because I would hop on a plane to Hainan or somewhere warm for a month instead of staying here in the cold.

Folks, wherever you are and whatever you will do tonight when the clock chimes midnight, I wish you a very Happy New Year and trust that the year 2020 will see you enjoy good health and happiness.

I'll probably be asleep!

Boxing Day, 2019 2130

Christmas? What Christmas???

After my last entry I lost internet, something that causes outrage in developed countries if it lasts for an hour but something I am no stranger to here. But really – Christmas Eve? Ok so I have about 30 hours of Inspector Montalbano downloaded that suddenly appeared on iPlayer last week so I had something to watch and went to bed half-confident that by ten the following morning it would be back on once IT had turned in for work.

I backed the wrong half. Nothing. Jody sent me a text asking if I had seen her email and I replied I hadn't seen any due to no internet. Then she told me main campus had no internet, power or water. That explained my not being able to go online but being Christmas Day it didn't make me feel better about it. In fact, when I got to work in the afternoon I realised the problem. With typical Chinese planning, forethought and nous they had overlooked the fact that knocking down an entire street might just knock out a whole neighbourhood, including a university nearby. Far be it for them to secure supplies to existing premises before going like a bulldozer in a teashop.

The email, I learnt, was to invite me for dinner. For once I jumped at it, provided it was to be early because I had to be up at 0530 this morning and by God it has been cold these past couple of days. It was early and I was home at 1930 having had an alternative Christmas dinner of a “posh” hotpot. I also got to meet another teacher, Maggie, who was a little (and I mean diminutive) hottie, sadly married and with a toddler and my charms could not convince her to file for divorce. At least I never ended up with chow mien on the day.

At 2000 that night connection was restored and I retired at 2215. Long gone are the days of eight hour sleeps or even seven for that matter. Four or five if I'm lucky and the rest of the time willing myself to sleep until the alarm goes off, following which I am knackered all day.

A whole day at work today and for the first time I ventured out with my Russian fur hat because it was gelid. It won't be the last either because tomorrow my fleece will be on the floor of the barber shop.

In the end I never failed anyone, I am a softie really. The school only wanted the results for three of seven classes and there was no need for the three they needed as they all passed. For the rest, it seems the results are for my benefit only so why make waves? I do enough of that as it is! I do wonder though whether my individual pep talks will yield more active classes after the break. I really hope so, I hate dreading going to work – I did enough of that in jobs I shouldn't have stayed in for so long and at this stage I simply want to get through and enjoy life.

Anyway, that's it! No idea when I start back but it won't be until February so probably six weeks. It would be nice to be wealthy enough to jet off somewhere warm but mein eyes are firmly on summer, I mean who in their right mind would want to holiday in the UK in January?

I trust everyone is bloated right now (I'm not) and you are enjoying the usual TV repeats!

Christmas Eve, 2019 1100

Following my last post Jody succeeded in hijacking my entire weekend. She invited me for dinner on Saturday and we went to a restaurant no more than five minutes walk from here and which I never knew existed. Owned and run by Ukrainians, it seemed the only things available on the menu were ribs and chips. Everything else, it appeared, was “only for summer”!

So ribs it was, followed by “chips” which were actually roast potatoes but deep fried. Sadly they would have been really good but they smothered them in garlic and it just wasn't on. The ribs were ok and a rack was ample for the pair of us. My bottle of beer rounded the bill up to 200¥.

Of course there's no such thing as a free lunch and my payback was to go with her after lunch on Sunday to a party a friend's school was having with their children. Typically, Jody left me waiting for thirty-five minutes at the bus stop in the freezing cold because I was on Beijing time and she was on Jody time. As a result, the planned sweet distribution by a foreigner went ahead without me, although I did get to judge two dumpling-making competitions. And a McDonald's dinner afterwards. On me.

When I was getting ready for the event prior to leaving I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. The lighting in there, when on winter heating mode, is to say the least, unforgiving. I am sure many of my readers will have experienced the same when I say the thought flashed through my mind, “Who the hell is that old bastard looking back at me?” Even my once-firm double chins have collapsed and, being badly in need of shearing, I resemble my dearly-departed Mother. Whatever happened to the young guy who used to greet me of a morning?

Yesterday morning, thankfully after sunrise, when I went to work, Beirut Street was even more demolished. When I had walked as far as the barricade I turned right to access the waste ground and found they had blocked that off too! Not one of the workmen had even thought to warn people there was no through road!

Luckily, as usual I had arrived with half an hour to spare (cigar smoking allowance) because if I'm honest I didn't really know how to get into the school another way. I followed some students who found themselves in the same boat, thinking perhaps they knew a secret alleyway. They didn't. It was a route march all the way to the main gate, about double the journey and one which not only kills my hip but makes my feet sore as well. I hope to God it is reopened after the holidays.

So I left extra early this morning and my first “customer” arrived at 0750. getting my things out of my case I was suddenly gripped by terror. All the marks from last week and yesterday were missing! In panic I rushed to my last classroom of yesterday but no dice there. I was in turmoil for half an hour, entering today's marks in my attendance book. How could I have been such an idiot???

Then I realised. I must have (I prayed I had!) put the sheets inside a book I had taken out last night to lighten the load. To my colossal relief that's exactly what I had done. All is right with the world again.

So that day of the year is fast approaching when everyone should spare a thought for those who cannot celebrate Christmas day – medical staff, emergency services, the homeless..........and me! I'll probably end up with a chow mien on the way home from work, a far cry from a roast with all the trimmings!

Seriously, I would like to send festive greetings to all my loyal readers, who amazingly span the globe. I hope you are all in good health and fine fettle, you overindulge in drinks and eats and generally have a burping good time.

And fun fact time. At this time of year we are bombarded on social media with posts declaring it's Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays – as if it is endemic in all countries when in fact it's a very Mercan aberration, blamed on ethnic groups.

The one and only time Christmas was actually banned on what would later become U.S. soil, it was by Christians.

In 1659, the Puritan lawmakers of the Massachusetts Bay Colony followed the example of their brethren in England by issuing an edict outlawing the observance of Christmas (and other “superstitious” holidays).

So now you know!

And thank you to everyone who has sent their wishes and those who will doubtless do so during the next 48 hours. 

Friday 20^th December, 2019 1200

When I arrived for work on Wednesday afternoon I was greeted by the sight of hordes of policemen of assorted varieties, many wearing helmets. I am beginning to think that whenever a building is demolished they turn up for the spectacle, for the building on one corner of the approach road was being ripped down by a digger.

When I left to come home, I had only got 100 yards outside campus when I was confronted by a metal screen blocking my exit. Wondering how on earth I could get to the bus, I entered a patch of waste ground hoping there would be a way through. There was. When I regained the road it was to enter what resembled a war zone, reminiscent of photographs of the London blitz. They are knocking the entire street down and piles of rubble were all but making it impassable on foot.

The day before, shops were still trading, providing no clue to the Armageddon that would ensue. Now they were empty and many had been ripped down. Only last week a Muslim restaurant had been undergoing renovation, it is now gone. The barber who 24 hours ago had still been giving trims, also had his premises destroyed. Livelihoods had disappeared rapidly. I assume the government has paid compensation.

On Mondays and Thursdays I am particularly laden, being stuck at work over lunchtime I take my laptop, packed lunch and a bottle of water in addition to my books and shoulder bag. Yesterday I arrived in the dark and the waste ground was in pitch blackness. I was genuinely concerned I might come a cropper and nearly did a couple of times so I hope by Tuesday when I next have an early start, the road will have been reopened.

After the arrangements for a Christmas meal were rejected I had said to Alice I would just take her somewhere, maybe the BHG Mall if I could find out where it was (having been once in a taxi at night and passing the back of it many times on buses but being unable to recall which bus!) as there was a nice western type restaurant, or perhaps somewhere else that served food I actually like.

Somehow, Adriana (who was trying to arrange a “date” with Alice) has now been inserted into the frame, which is fine but sneaky Alice has now managed to make my Christmas dinner a party at Burger King!! She loves their burgers and quite simply hijacked me. On the plus side, it does mean I can combine it with a shop in Metro and the meal will be a lot cheaper! No roast turkey and stuffing for me this year.......

Tuesday 17^th December, 2019 2300

You know, flying was bad enough four decades ago but at least then, although you never had in-flight entertainment beyond piped music and a film shown on a screen if you were on a 747 (you always took a book), you could smoke. Terrorism hadn't buggered up airport security so that everyone now has to be almost strip-searched before boarding and waiting for hours for the privilege and air rage was unheard of.

There is talk of the UK limiting people to a couple of tipples in the airport bar due to drunken British louts delaying flights and of course we have the likes of Easyjet and Ryanair charging you 3/6d for your ticket and then bumping it up to £150 with boarding card printing, baggage, an M&S sandwich with a Coke and the latest, assigned seats.

But that's just the no-frills airlines, right?

Think again. I was doing some searching (I plan way ahead) and although I expected, having kept abreast of the news, I saw that BA also is turning into a no-frills carrier.

Once proudly trumpeting themselves as “The World's Favourite Airline” (which indeed they were but that accolade is long gone), I now find myself excluding them from my long haul flight searches along with Aeroflop, Asiana (their pilots commit suicide and kill all the passengers, ditto Germanwings), Turkish (filthy planes) and Air France after a stewardess was horrible to me last time.

But why exclude BA from my long haul options?

It would seem a couple will probably not be given contiguous seats unless they have paid extra or have navigated an application and reserved their seats online within 48 hours of boarding if the website has not sold out or crashed. Well, one, my phone doesn't do that stuff and two, when I have tried to on my computer it tells me you can't do it in China anyway! Tried it with Air China to Moscow.

What the hell happened to turning up at the airport together and being seated next to one another??

It seems now only the tech-savvy with the latest gadgets can get what they want, unless you can afford to fly up front where it doesn't matter.

Cathay Pacific are in the frame along with Malaysia (they surely have to be the safest after losing two planes in quick succession!), KLM and Lufthansa. Anyone flown long-haul with the Germans? I quite like bratwurst.....

Two days of exams done and 3/14 down. Nobody failed thus far but methinks that will come when the second wave turn up (or don't) next week. There have been a few I should have but I don't want to emulate the UK general election with a night of the long blue knives. They really have to be awful to fail! Some will though before it's over.

I do believe I am not the only one who is not content here. Jody is having serious thoughts about leaving and possibly changing career. She confided in me the other day and said she envied me because I only have 2½ years until I can stop. She is very late twenties/early thirties, ergo a “leftover woman” in China as she is as yet unwed.

Whilst I indeed envy her youth, I'm sure she doesn't actually covet my age, merely the position I am in. Being Chinese, albeit a headstrong woman, she still has the formidable enemy of an alliance of two Chinese parents to fight. I gather she may have won half the battle, either that or her parents may be giving up.

My advice (which was asked for before anyone says anything) was not to waste her life in jobs she was unhappy. I did that in various occupations for twenty plus years and only one of those gave me a decent income, although no time to enjoy it.

I'm not in clover right now and at my age here I need to be very aware the end of my official working life is nigh. I can do the job, I have proved it for a decade, I just wish I had a subject I could teach to students who know how to student!

The odd thing is, I think I might actually be a popular teacher here.

Sunday 15^th December, 2019 1215

Last night I was invited to Deniro's home for dinner. I was concerned I might be given food that was too spicy or worse, something hideous such as pigs' intestines. My fears were not realised, for his wife prepared a mix of meat and vegetable steamed dumplings.

I was convinced the meat filling was not pork and because they aren't Muslims I had to ask. It was mutton. I don't like mutton but the herbs and spices involved meant they were actually quite tasty. I swear their two-year old daughter put away double the amount I did, plus peanuts, bananas and mandarins. The family only cooks at weekends, neither are keen on it and so dine out every weeknight.

And then I witnessed another “first”. I don't know about my readers but my entire life I have peeled bananas from the stalk down. Deniro does it from the bottom up!

We also had a conversation about flying times from Shanghai to California. I said that as LA was further than London it was probably a couple of hours longer, approximately fifteen or sixteen hours. With no computer readily available it was left at that. Intrigued (as Deniro was doubtful of my claim), I went online this morning. Yesterday was the CET (college English test) and as usual the internet was switched off the entire day.

To my surprise, despite the distance being 1300km further, an eastbound flight to LA can be as short as 11½ hours, two hours shorter than to London! I can only assume prevailing winds play a hand in it but I learn something every day. The return flight takes two hours more.

Speaking of aviation, I read this in China Daily this morning:

The 40-day Spring Festival travel rush for 2020 will begin on Jan 10 and end on Feb 18.

According to the release, the civil aviation sector will handle 79 million passenger trips during the travel rush, a projected year-on-year rise of 8.4 percent.

The administration said there will be over 16,000 flights in service during the rush.

With an all-time record number of passengers one might logically expect prices to be reasonable but it is all but guaranteed they will shoot through the roof, as they do every year.

That haircut I have been threatening to have for ages? Still not done. The temperatures have deterred me and with just two weeks left of commuting to work, I shall leave it until I finish. I won't need to venture out as much wearing my earflapless ushanka. 2° high here today, Chizhou will be 19°, When Alice visits she will find a bit of a difference – today in Guangzhou it will be 26°!!!

Is it nearly summer yet?

Friday 13^th December, 2019 2030

Classes finished now until February, just two weeks of exams to conduct. There will be failures, of that I am convinced. After a term I still have students who are so testudinal that around campus I wouldn't even know they were in my class. But hey, two more weeks and I am off for six. I always keenly anticipate time off but here in Lanzhou the feeling is very much accentuated. I suppose in part it comes down to “brown-out”, part due to reduced mobility and the majority of it to the regime/quality of students here. It really is now down to gritting teeth and getting through the next thirty or so months. That and making sure I have decent holidays to anticipate.

Eli approached me on Thursday to ask what I was doing for Christmas. Last year I catered for five guests and besides cooking, ordered in a leg of ham, Christmas crackers and other festive treats. Cost me a fortune but I never even asked anyone to bring so much as a piece of reindeer shit by way of a thank you. I did as it happened receive a couple of token gifts which were appreciated.

This year the landscape has changed and so has my timetable. More classes plus I am working Christmas afternoon and all day Boxing Day so “on the day” celebrations are out at my age.

Eli said he wanted to do something for Khloe as I am guessing she is homesick (she's 22) seeing as she is in fact returning home in spring festival. Ok said I, let's go to Holiday Inn for an all you can eat and drink buffet on the 28^th. Now that's not cheap by local standards (bargain in the UK of course!) at 168¥ a head (£18/$24US) and given that they are on a pittance, I invited Alice to make a foursome, said I would throw ¥500 in the ring and the other two could take up the slack and pay for the taxis.

I thought I was being extremely reasonable. It meant instead of 168 they had to pay 86¥ apiece and about 40¥ I total for taxis in total. So just over a tenner apiece whilst I paid £55. Does that make me Ebenezer?

Today I was informed it was out of their price range.

Before anyone suggests I should shoulder the entire bill out of pity, firstly be aware I would for good friends (as indeed a certain friend of mine has on occasion done for me) but not mere acquaintances, and make no mistake, that is what these are. Secondly, Khloe can afford to fly back to the USA in the holiday while Eli is jetting off to have a break in Singapore! I am stuck here.

£18 is going to ruin their holidays, is it?

I shall take just Alice for a meal for two somewhere, my offer is off the table now. I have suggested our parsimonious pair would be better suited having their Christmas meal in the school canteen where they can dine for a pound.

Oh, and just to keep me happy, a three hour round trip today to China Tobacco for cigars was fruitless and my dinner ended up being chicken nuggets.

Friday 6^th December, 2019 1250

On Wednesday I emailed various people to enquire about when I needed to complete my end of term exams. After initial responses telling me “ Week 18” which to me could have meant next pancake Tuesday because not only do I not have a school calendar but in any event it is in Chinese so I would be none the wiser. I pressed for a date. Good job I asked. 28^th December. It takes me two weeks per class so it only gives me next week to ensure the monitors provide me with official class lists for the results. I don't think this school is used to someone like me who doesn't speak or read Chinese! The Peace Corps people all take lessons and are young enough to learn, I often learn a single word one day and by the next morning I've forgotten it already!

Yesterday was hideous and one I have been dreading. Not only did I have solid classes from 0800-1620 but last night was the international foreign language translation college's freshmen welcome concert. Seemed a bit off with the timing seeing as they have been here over three months now and in a month the term ends.

The foreigners who went to Dean Liu's home for dinner the other week were all asked if we were willing to perform and we all, albeit reluctantly, agreed to do so. I was going to repeat the egg game and accordingly bought eggs and about 150¥ of prizes to give away. I then had to haul three bags to work on the bus at 0700.

The concert wasn't starting until 1930 so I was in for a long, long day. On arrival in the theatre I smelt a rat as neither Eli nor I appeared on the programme, only Khloe. Whilst I was hurriedly trying to get a Chinese teacher to agree to be my victim/hero nobody said a word.

You have probably guessed that the reason we weren't listed was because we weren't going to appear.

I am not best pleased. Not because I wasn't wanted on stage, far from it, but because nobody thought to let us know, thus preventing me from shelling out on materials and prizes and subsequently lugging an extra, quite heavy, bag around all day. Should I remain at this school and that particular college ask for my participation again, they will receive a flat refusal, along with being told why.

Sunday 1^st December, 2019 1930

Why on earth didn't BBC iPlayer alert users to a new series of Masterchef?? I love watching it whether it's celebrities, professionals or amateurs. In fact it's the only cookery programme I like to watch. I discovered the current series yesterday by chance and the only good thing is that I am now downloading and wading through about twelve hours of unexpected viewing. I get loads of ideas for my own cooking from the contestants, even though I don't have access to either most of the ingredients or the equipment!

To be honest, this term with the increased workload I seem to be too tired on my days off although I do have the odd energy bursts but cooking for others is on a low burner of late. I spent a lot of time, money and effort on it last term and was basically shit upon so perhaps my lethargy this term may be excused.

It's very wintry here now, Andy my cleaner never came as scheduled yesterday, stupid boy sent me a text an hour before saying he had something to do and could he come today instead. I had been expecting the text ever since the snow started falling. He now knows not to lie to me, he also knows there's no need to anyway because he is after all merely coming here to earn money for himself and there is no sick pay or holiday agreement. He comes, he works for twenty minutes most weeks and pockets nearly six pounds for doing so. About once a month I give him something other than the floor to clean that takes another ten or fifteen but on average, less travelling time (and when he comes here afterwards he uses the campus gym anyway) he gets around £15 an hour. I only need him once a fortnight at worst but agree to weekly because by all accounts he is from a poor family. My way of spreading a little cheer in a way.

And it was typical Lanzhou snow, about ¼" that never really settled, certainly not snowball material. I am definitely at greater risk from ice on the road when winter tightens the vice. Or a rogue ankle suddenly deciding to give up the ghost! I suppose at least in winter I will be wearing thicker garments to cushion the impact!

Joan emailed me on Saturday to tell me she was in the Doubletree hotel in Suzhou, Anhui (only opened a couple of years ago). Seeing as she lives there I thought perhaps she had changed jobs but she was there for the morning for a lecture arranged by her school. She said it reminded her of Steve in Shenyang. Somehow I doubt it is as tight a ship as run by that insane reprobate and maybe in time I will be able to check it out for myself after my summer holiday, if nothing prevents said holiday.

Every day I visit the Chizhou university website to get the news. Pointless really as anyone I ever taught has left and the only teacher I ever see mentioned is Prof Fang, my old dean. But then I also read local news of Marlow and Luton daily too. I have been watching events unfold.

They seem to have banned people from charging their e-bikes from anywhere other than official charging points on campus (ie you pay money and the school profits), they have now been granted the status to confer Masters degrees and this next makes me glad I am no longer there: all motor vehicles prohibited from the teaching area and approach roads. That includes e-bikes. With over a mile to walk each way from the teacher accommodation to the academic blocks I would have tendered my notice. Unless I could find a secret route. I could have charged my bike after dark and then heaved the cable up and indoors after! Well, if there's a way I will find it!

Nothing much else to tell, I have been inert most of the time between working and what with trying to save money there are no trips being planned for the next nine months.

Sunday 24^th November, 2019 2000

Yes, on Thursday that class were given both barrels. I rather hope the main reason they were subdued at first was not because I had blasted them but instead, because they had betrayed me. They and I now have to make the best of a bad situation.

I had a touch of luck on Friday. Not thinking for a moment they would have any after my last visit a fortnight ago but needing more smokes, I went to the big China Tobacco. To my delight they had enough to keep me going for a month. As long as I can keep getting my preferred option I pay 500¥ a month, the alternative is 1,000 or 1,500¥ and for cigars I don't even like. It is however a royal pain because the round trip on the bus can take up to three hours. Mr Jing Jo has been notably absent for a month now. His wife and son seem quite chipper so I don't think there's a marital problem. I am guessing perhaps his mum or dad are on the way out. I've met them both and they are indeed quite frail. I do need him back, sourcing my habit!

I was recently moaning about the weather here which of late temperature-wise has been hovering above and below the basline line day and night whilst Chizhou has enjoyed 20ºC higher and Alice in Guangzhou boasted they were still in T-shirts in the deep south. Today I read that Beijing met office had issued a blue alert (meaning temperature drops of ten degrees or so) and dismissed it as being too late, it had already happened here. Then I saw that the UK was even colder!

Tuesday 26^th 1130

Yesterday afternoon Dean Liu's big boss (ergo mine as well – there seem to be an awful lot of chiefs here!) was lurking outside my classroom before the start time. A couple of minutes before we commenced I invited him to come in and observe my teaching. It was not bravado, this was the better of the non-English major classes with five Uzbekistanis and a Philippino, a few of them being quite active. I also knew he would refuse because he can't speak English. He duly did but I discovered later he was on a mission to catch the foreign students skipping classes. The only one who misses my classes is Caleb the Kiwi, I exempted him from attendance as he's a native speaker and am quite prepared to justify it if confronted.

In the evening I found that Mr Jing Jo is back at last. Don't ask me how but we actually have conversations despite neither of us understanding the other's lingo. The problem is his father. He showed me a video on his phone of him spoon-feeding his old man and then x-rays showing what appeared to me to be evidence of a massive stroke. I somehow doubt at his age he will make much of a recovery.

After this morning's class it was ATM time (the campus ones are still out of order), a trip to the opticians to collect a gold granny strap for the specs (initially they only had silver) and then BHG for a shop and to make the cashier on Till 7 very happy by making good the payment on her undercharge last week.

I shall have a nap in a while, sleeping has become problematic lately, what with waking up far too early and not being able to drop back off, leaving me knackered. I hope I have the energy to attempt to bake a ginger cake later.

Due to a request received I have photographed the eyepieces. Apologies for looking dour in the one of me wearing them but I was concentrating on taking a picture of myself when I couldn't see if I was in the frame or not!

Wednesday 20^th November, 2019 1845

So what's happened since the last post?

Alice news first. As you know there are two of them, Alice Wuhu and Alice Peili. Well the Wuhu one has been feeling down of late so I suggested she come and stay with me in spring festival. She has pre-booked her train tickets (on the slow train, rather her than me at over a day's travel!) and Ctrip should procure them for her once they come on sale. In China you cannot actually buy train tickets more than 30 days in advance of travel. But it will be nice to have some company and with events in her life lately I think maybe she will enjoy getting away from it all – not to mention she loves my breakfasts (which I never cook for myself!) and my lasagne.

Alice Peili came to visit me on Sunday with her mate Lillith, a short visit of an hour. I couldn't offer them dinner as I wasn't expecting them and a roast breast for one was already on the go but they were eating elsewhere anyway. The reason she was in the area was that she had been to the Peili campus doctor. She has a pustule on her leg that needs treating and doesn't trust the main campus clinic. The usual TCM treatment and the advice not to drink anything cold or eat anything spicy. It doesn't matter if someone is pregnant, has cancer or a heart attack, Chinese doctors always say nothing cold to drink and no spicy food!

Tuesday I finished my class at 0950 and went to collect my glasses. Well I would have if they were there. Delivery delayed due to “singles day” shopping madness. Come back tomorrow (today). Did my shopping and buggered off home to make a batch of sausage rolls for dinner and freezing for campus lunches.

This morning Alice Peili gave me the news that she has signed a contract for a job in Zhejiang Province (neighbouring Shanghai) as a “learning arrangement person”. I had no idea what that entailed either! Basically it is a sales job flogging classes and my heart sank. Having spoken further, although I don't think she will last selling school courses (but it is apparently “forbiddened” to break your first contract after graduation) at least the basic salary will see her able to live day to day and who knows, she may actually make a good salesman?

So early this evening I picked up my glasses.

Maybe I need time to get used to them but so far I am not impressed. They did warn me they would not be perfect and certainly, distance vision is vastly improved but so far the reading part is not up to much. Watching films on the laptop is slightly improved. I have a feeling that if I make it to the UK next summer I will be visiting Vision Express for some proper binoculars!

Oh yes, this evening I received a call from someone who couldn't speak English. Not unusual and I ended up hanging up. Afterwards I had a text from the cashier at BHG and didn't really understand what she was saying. I asked her to call Alice. I then found the BHG receipt from yesterday. Where I buy 6 bottles of wine for the price of 3 she had charged me for one bottle, ergo, if I don't cough up the difference will come out of her pay. Of course I will make good the deficit next Tuesday when I go again but twice now in the past I have been charged for 6 instead of 3 and never bothered to complain. I shall not repeat that mistake!

And so first thing tomorrow I have the class that prefers to sleep or play on their phones so they drop me in the shit with the Dean. The one that will get no more films. Going to be interesting and woe betide anyone who steps out of line.

Saturday 16^th November, 2019 1600

Well after a somewhat fraught week it was good to get to my three-day weekend.

Thursdays take so much out of me that I don't want to do anything at all on Fridays, hence I now do my weekly shop after my Tuesday morning class. I had however arranged to meet Pat in the evening and treat her to a Japanese meal and so that's where we went last night. It suited her as the restaurant is way on the other side of the river but considerably closer to her home than her dormitory is, so she ended up going home for a weekend of Mum's home cooking and generally lazing about.

We had the usual seaweed-wrapped rice and tuna (one of my favourites), barbecued king prawns, butterfly prawn with cheese, sashimi and I let her choose the sushi. What is it that makes girls pick the pink sushi? (see photo). It's far too sweet to eat more than one, even for the females.

And I had a bit of good fortune, the bill was a mere 154¥ (less 10% for using my VIP card) and I thought maybe I had enough residual balance on the card so as not to have to actually fork out cash, handy considering the ATMs here where I live are still out of order.

Not only did I have enough but I still have 202¥ left, enough for another go!

Today I went on a desperate cigar hunt all the way to east campus. I would have had nothing to smoke at all halfway through Monday otherwise. Firstly I thought I would continue in the vein of gourmet dining by having a Big Mac meal. BK would have been infinitely more preferable but A) I need to take taxis to get there and B) I have no idea if there is a China Tobacco shop nearby.

Unsurprisingly, they never had my brand - or at least my model. To get me through to Tuesday I had to buy some smaller versions and five Churchillian ones for 110¥, two days supply for the price I would normally pay for five days. Feast or famine here.

I gave Pat a letter to post to the MNOPF in the UK for me. Her initial text was to ask if 220¥ was ok for EMS? Was it ok? £25 for a letter??? Could you please just ask for normal airmail, it should be about 20¥? All done and guess how much it cost? 20¥! Not a bad guess.

Tomorrow I could go cigar hunting again but I think I shall probably have a baking day. Sausage rolls for school lunches, either a cake or some Chelsea buns and I quite fancy a roast dinner, probably chicken, even though we are still in the grip of crap potato season. I can always search for lardies on Tuesday after shopping or throw in the towel and buy yet more expensive ones from the shop adjacent to BHG.

I might even be able to see them if my glasses are ready!

Thursday 14^th November, 2019 1730

I have already said I hate Thursdays this term. Now I positively loathe them.

The first class of the day at 0800 is the worst, the brain dead, the detritus of academia. The class I have to expend twice as much effort in than any other.

This is the class that Dean Liu spied on through the door window two weeks ago, saw many playing on their sodding phones and came in during the break to remonstrate. That hacked me off a trifle as it shone a bad light on me but to be honest, short of purchasing a signal blocker I would spend most of the lesson confiscating the damned things. I let that slide, foolishly thinking a ticking off from their Dean would have the desired effect.

Today after the class she called me to find out where I was. I was outside sitting in the watery sunlight having a smoke before my next class. What did she want to talk to me about? She had spied again through the window and seen some students on their phones and others asleep at their desks during the film I showed in the second period. On this occasion I was otherwise occupied at the front of the classroom and so never policed it. When after I had left she questioned them and they told her they couldn't understand the film. It was Ice Age, a cartoon. What is there not to understand about a cartoon regardless of language? Blame the teacher, in China it works every time.

Suffice to say I restrained my response to her remarks. I never mentioned that her little “pep talk” hadn't worked and that my carrot and stick approach to lessons had worked perfectly well until she poked her hooter in. And much else I could have but didn't say. I defended my methods and resisted the urge to tell her to stuff that particular class up her backside. She then proceeded to go to my next class before it started to give them a bollocking when they had done nothing wrong! That class and the subsequent one entreated me to still show them films because they were learning and enjoying them and I will not change my style now after nine years. If I need to, I will contact the Agricultural uni!

Except for one class. The first one on Thursdays.

Am I angry? You bet. Will I work harder on them? Don't be daft. They've had the last bit of light entertainment, at least from me, ever. And oh boy, are they going to work! If they think for a second that I will be doing all the talking for an hour and a half they are much mistaken. They will now be given twenty minutes in period two to write on a topic I give them and prepare a talk for the class and I will choose random students to deliver said talks.

I'll give them “blame the teacher”.

Belay half the last post - Bill has been in contact, just Geoff to hear from. 

Any of my HMSC contacts heard from Geoff Woodland or Bill Fenton? The former being in bushfire territory, the latter in HK Combat Zone. 

Wednesday 13^th November, 2019 1930

I remembered two decades ago demanding spectacles from an optician and him telling me I didn't need them. I responded by saying I could no longer read the bottom line of his chart, my sight was failing. I was told that nobody is supposed to be able to read the bottom line but I always had. He also said that what I thought was flawed eyesight was still better than most people have ever had in their lives. Bit like telling Superman to be happy because he can still lift a thousand tonnes when he used to handle a million.

But I remember my prescription from back then. It was -0.75 and -0.25. Now it is -1.75 and -3.25, a huge difference. No cataracts though but I am wondering exactly how long it will take to get used to wearing my new encumbrances, I am thinking quite a few days.

So today I had the Royal visit by the Dean. And no, I hadn't forewarned the class. And as suspected, when I had finished my intro re 11/11 (what it means to them with singles day and what it means in the west) and my lament over what I had spent with Mr Zeiss, I asked for their “homework”, which consists of each class, each week, giving me three or more tales they found interesting.

Nothing.

Oh boy. I was both annoyed and happy. She was seeing the battle I face. And fair play to Delia, she stumped up a story after berating the class for being so reticent. Delia earnt herself a sweet and suddenly, now that my new innovation of bribery was revealed, I had no problem getting three more tales! In the end the class did me proud but the Dean now knows the truth.

She only stayed for the first period (normal) and then I had feedback in the break. All good I am happy to say but then I am probably the most humorous and “fun” teacher in the university, even if I do say so myself!

On the bus coming home (yes, I refused English corner, having attended last week) it was unusually busy but I did manage to get a seat. Two stops on, an old lady boarded, laden with no less than five shopping bags. Nobody offered her a seat, not even those sitting in the old people seats. However, the stop after, two boys (aged maybe ten) who had been sitting together, bade farewell as one of them got off, leaving a spare berth.

The old woman moved to stand close to the remaining boy who now had two seats. I watched as the boy studiously ignored the fact she was there, laden with more goods than I would carry these days. Nothing.

The biddy was going to be Chinese and say bugger all. The kid was opposite me. I could have done nothing but I tapped his upper arm and indicated he should shuffle over to make room. He did so, no doubt internally raging at the laowei, and the old dear took the now vacant seat. Not a Xi Xie came my way and I wondered why on earth I bother. When someone gives up their seat for me I never fail to thank them profusely but the elderly Chinese by and large just seem not to. It is almost enough to make me appreciate why the younger generation hog seats whilst geriatrics stand – I'd be pissed off giving up my seat for no display of gratitude!

And people wonder why I travel to termini to guarantee myself a seat, otherwise take a taxi......

Tuesday 12^th November, 2019 1200

Well the ATMs were out again when I went so I had to find another one at a different bank to mine, annoyingly being charged to withdraw my cash. I could have gone for a haircut but the forecast for today said a high of 4°C and (amazingly) snow, so I thought better of it!

Yesterday morning it happened that I was on the same bus as dean Delia but neither of us noticed until we alighted. On the walk to campus she hit me with two things: firstly a gift of a 30Gb USB stick – always handy – and secondly she was coming to observe my class tomorrow.

I suppose there are some teachers who would contact the class monitor to pre-warn them in order that the class (and ergo the teacher) could look good but I am not doing that. If they aren't active it won't be for lack of trying on my part and it will reinforce what I told her, this year's crop are barely more animated than corpses.

Later in the morning I had an email from dean Liu, the head of the translation department. She invited me, Eli and Khloe to her home for dinner and in true Chinese fashion, it was a same day invite. Well, I wasn't doing anything else and dinner was going to be a chicken burger and chips in Dicos otherwise, so I agreed. Along with we three there were two translation majors, the dean herself and the vice dean of foreign affairs (deals with the international students). The latter was there because he could cook and dean Liu cannot, her husband (who is away) does all the cooking. Side dishes were ordered in from a restaurant. The beef and potatoes were lovely but a spinach dish blew my mouth off and started my eyes running after one leaf and later at the end, the chicken soup had an odd taste. I thought it was ginger and indeed some was present but there were some crunchy things which I made the mistake of biting. They were whole peppercorns and the effect was similar to having just paid a visit to the dentist, my lips lost all sensation bar a tingling! The food also went straight through me this morning, I was fearful of going to work (with only squat toilets to hand) but having arranged to meet Pat and go to the optician, I chanced it.

I am now reeling.

I don't have any glasses, they will take about a week to be made. If Pat's translation was accurate, the diagnosis was astigmatism, which would explain why all aspects of my vision have deteriorated over the past year.

Between a rock and a hard place, I knew I wanted varifocals (hope that's what I am getting!) and after the initial shock of the lens and frame prices, I decided on Zeiss lenses, the second-lowest imported price with the additional cost being for “computer fatigue”. Total price with discount? 2640¥!!! There were other lenses that would have seen me paying thrice that and there is apparently nothing that can restore perfect vision across the spectrum but to be honest the 66 bus will now appear as 66 and not 666 or the 15 not the 155.

They'll take some getting used to, I felt nauseous just wearing the test goggles for two minutes.

Saturday 9^th November, 2019 2330

My bone-idle weekend started well on Friday when I did absolutely bugger all and continued until this afternoon when Andy my cleaner arrived. He was very happy earning £6 for twenty minutes just sweeping and mopping the floor (I do sometimes give him more to do but not that often) and then I went out. I must clear one of my tables that is covered in flour one day.

The plan had been to go and buy a shedload of sweets as bribes for my classes, get my monthly drug supply, daily liquid requirements and get dinner in the restaurant near home.

The room housing all the ATMs was in darkness and the machines were off. I had about 20¥ in my wallet so my only options short of travelling distance to get cash were to go to the jing jo shop and tell them I would pay tomorrow (decided against as I have plenty of stock) or have dinner and use my Bank of China debit card.

I had dinner. The place is expensive for me but only because the portions are enormous. Two or three eating and it is reasonable but I have absolutely no chance of eating even just one dish. I had butterfly prawns with some Chinese noodly stuff and managed half. If only they did children's portions I would go there more often.

So tomorrow if I have the energy, haircut, sweets, medicines and cooking. And of course only if I can get bloody money from the holes in the wall.

Tuesday is my early day, ergo my shopping day. This coming week it will also be the day I cave in to blindness. There's a large opticians close to BHG. I want varifocals and so in preparation used a translation site and copied the simplified Chinese - 变焦 – I was rather happy when my cleaner could actually read and understand my “handwriting”!

I have a “date” next Friday with Pat. I did actually invite her yesterday but she said she had already gone home. You will have seen her in previous photos from my dinners, she used to clean for me too. Turns out her home is close to the Japanese restaurant I will take her to.

Much more interesting was the revelation that Jacob was a bit of a shit.

Jacob, you may recall, was the Peace Corps volunteer who did a bunk at the start of his second year due to a “family emergency”, resulting in my having extra workload and ultimately commuting to all three campuses? And oddly, the emergency was so unexpected his little dog had already been shipped back to the States.

Well, when he was teaching Pat I was nothing to do with her campus and we hadn't even met but now she has told me that he asked her out for dinner. I suppose on ¥1480 a month that's a big deal for the Peace Corps people but she refused. If Pat is to be believed – and I certainly do – he threatened to fail her at oral English.

Can you imagine being a young person in a position of inferiority who needs to pass in order to graduate and being told that?

I never knew her then but by God I wish I had. And Jacob would have wished he never met me.

I have had run-ins with my students but I keep that to the personal side and never, ever have I allowed it to affect my evaluation of their performance.

She knows full well he wanted to sleep with her, equally she knows I would love to as well, the difference being that I know it will never happen!

He never did fail her (no idea what her marks were but she scored 96% in my exams) but I am guessing the prat realised failing the girl who won the speaking contest two years running being failed would raise questions. In fact this year she didn't enter and entered the writing contest instead. I am proud to say I helped her and she came top in that too.

In a rather childish way I wish Jacob was reading this to not only know what a dick he was but also that Pat quite happily comes out for dinner with me.....

It's amazing what comes out of the woodwork over time, especially in China and when you are a “caring” foreigner.....