Saturday 30^th January, 2021 1445

Nothing to do with China but I believe the link below is to a programme which features my hometown. Sadly if you are non-UK resident and have no VPN it is unavailable. I haven't seen it yet but that's because I swear when the students go home they turn the internet down. It has taken me ages to watch the new series of The Bay and now I em expecting to take a week to watch the new Marcella.

https://www.my5.tv/the-thames-with-tony-robinson/season-3/episode-4

Wuhu Alice has come up trumps again on the Taobao front. I was panicking because I was down to my last bottle of Lingham's and nowhere could I find any more for sale – not even for the link she found it on last time. She couldn't find it either but after what I imagine was a couple of days' dedicated searching she eventually located it. I ordered six bottles (which should last me about a year now the Americans aren't here to gobble it up) and then I promptly cancelled her return flight from Nanjing to Guangzhou. Incidentally, Annie (currently locked down in Los Angeles) told me she saw it in a local shop, recognised it and bought a bottle for herself. She was a piglet for the stuff.

No, I wasn't being horrible to Alice. She stipulated mid-afternoon (which to be honest is when I prefer my flights provided I don't arrive at the destination too late) and of course it's expensive. I had paid 860¥ (nearly £100) for a one-way flight in economy. Given that I normally pay £150 to Shanghai to sit up front, it was excessive. Now with Beijing endeavouring to reduce the biggest mass human migration on the planet by as much as possible – offering incentives to migrant workers to stay put and not see their families etc but sod all for me! - the no cancellation fee rule on cancelled flights is back. If only I had waited I could have avoided my own 59¥ penalty but that's the way it goes.

I then booked her on the same flight (still expensive compared to morning flights) for 450¥ and so ended up owing her 300¥, said debt I am happy to say I have discharged.

In a few days Jody says she will go to her family for the festival. I have again joked she will return after one day but I have been toying with idea of having a couple of nights in the Crowne Plaza on new years eve and new years day. With my new status as a Platinum Ambassador (yet to be tested) I should get free breakfast and a free upgrade so I could book the next one below Club (free booze at night) and in theory be bumped up. If not, a penalty bonus of 10,000 points paid into my account. It's irksome that the nearest IHG to Pudong is a cheapo Express. I probably won't action my thoughts and will simply stay here for the celebrations, which will, if the last couple of years are anything to go by, consist of a few neighbours letting off a few fireworks. Yet again the square has not been adorned – this time it should have been oxen. Anyway, I would just be spending money needlessly because I am bored.

Jody is really making the most of the chilli! She is having it for the fourth consecutive night for her dinner. Damned annoying for two reasons: firstly I fancied a Burger King and shopping in Metro today and secondly because I want the pot back! It's the one I use to cure my ham. I have bigger ones of course but I know the dosages for that one. And I would actually like to give her a lump of the pink stuff to take to her family, assuming she stays longer than a few hours.

 

Wednesday 27^th January, 2021 1500

I neglected to mention that this time (and as far as I know it was the first time) Jody had to sign us in to the BHG Mall. I asked her why and it was because she had forgotten to take her phone and they wanted to see a green code. I'm guessing as a foreigner I'm not worth the aggravation of them trying to make me understand as I have never been asked. And anyway, the only time I carry the smartphone is when travelling or I need to stay in an hotel.

Our drainage problem seems, at least for now, appears to have disappeared. No idea what causes it but what surprised me is that although there is a manhole in a straight line from my bathroom, the one they eventually had to unblock was at 90° and twice the distance. Considering a few years back they dug up and replaced all the pipes I would have expected them to route my sewage via the shortest route but then maybe I am being too logical.

Yesterday I decided to cook something with meat in it and bugger Jody with her veggie tendencies. My onion had gone missing (and she swears it was nothing to do with her) so maybe I unwittingly dumped it. I used another the same a week ago and the leftovers really stunk the place out, I have never ever come across such smelly onions in my life. So because I had already been out and it was -10° outside, I made do with champignons, red pepper and kiddly beans. I've decided I'm not keen on cumin so will give that a miss next time but guess who absolutely loved it? So much so, she has bagged the leftovers for her dinners tonight and tomorrow. Good. I found a year-old slice of Pizza Hut stuffed crust in the freezer which will do me tonight.

The roads have now mainly been scraped clear of packed snow and ice but annoyingly there is a swathe of ice that has been left right outside the entrance to our building. With no street lighting it could be extremely treacherous for someone like me coming back at night unawares.

Next Thursday I should have been jetting off to Kunming for a fortnight in Yunnan (I think they produce pipe tobacco there) but from China Daily today it would seem cancelling said trip was probably prudent.

http://global.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202101/27/WS6010aaa9a31024ad0baa5468.html

I know I moan a bit about the virus situation and realise that these days I am in a far better predicament than many of my readers who are under severe restrictions but I think it is safe to say that we are all probably thoroughly fed up with it. I am “trapped” in Lanzhou but can still eat out and do normal things, boring though it is. Others are not so fortunate.

And this plan to quarantine everyone who arrives in the UK for ten days in airport hotels (no choice of hotel or room) at a cost to you of £1500? A hundred and fifty quid a night??? Change your own sheets, do your own cleaning and food dumped on the deck outside the room? £150?? Guaranteed to kill all but absolutely vital travel. What is going to be left when this is “over”? Any pubs or restaurants? High street shops? Jobs? And all these adverts for paying for a holiday now and travelling any time in the next two years, how can anyone guarantee the travel firms and airlines will still be around then? It brings to mind the Stephen King-inspired film The Langoliers!

I do actually class myself right now as particularly lucky and all because I made what some (myself included) considered a rash decision a year ago. Here it is difficult to know just how bad the situation is, purely because at the very first sign of a problem the authorities now go into “whack a mole” mode but at least they don't dither or “follow the science” and perform u-turns on a daily basis.

Hey ho, it'll be over soon won't it?

 

Monday 25^th January, 2021 1900

So much for my forlorn hope the snow would melt overnight sufficiently to allow me to venture out to BHG.

Yesterday in true Chinese fashion an army of people were despatched by the school, armed with poles to which were attached enormous homemade shovel blades (which were probably plywood) to clear the snow from the roads around here.

All they achieved was taking away any cushioning should anyone fall yet leaving enough snow behind to turn treacherous overnight. This morning I was fed up with paying double price for my wine and after the fish clearout last night about my only options for our dinner were baking bread to toast and smother with baked beans or pasta a la luncheon meat. Either way I had to go out so it may as well be BHG.

However, we do live on a slight incline, and the hard packed snow/ice concerned me. These days if I go down I either break something or do other damage that takes weeks to stop paining me. And a frictionless “Whoops! Upsadaisy!” is going to hurt a damned sight more than a “normal” tumble, given the rapidity of descent.

Then I suddenly remembered the rubber shoe attachments I bought ages ago for the sadly-aborted Harbin ice city trip. It took some searching but I found them. First time of use required the strength of Hercules to stretch them over the shoes but I got there and lo and behold, I was skid-proof! Well on ice anyway, not so well on dry, shiny, tiled floors in the supermarket!

So off we went. On arrival it was of course the usual rigmarole of temperature and mask except one of the straps on my mask had broken! I could have spent five minutes trying to rethread it and tie it but for once, security were helpful. He pointed me to the next shop, which now sells packs of 10 for 10¥. I normally make one mask last a fortnight (because I hardly ever wear one) but this one packed up after two uses! And it cost 12p!!! Jody is happy, she wears one outside always and helps herself at will from my stash of what must be forty of them now whenever she likes.

We did the shopping and checked out. I have no idea what made me check the receipt this time, normally I don't – I don't even check what I have been charged, but it was only 257¥. it simply had to be more than that. For starters the fish fingers were 37¥, butter 70¥ and pork mince must have been over fifty to name just a few. New girl on the till.

I queried the receipt as best I could and asked if she had taken account of the three boxes (18 bottles) of wine in the trolley in front of me? I think that new girl learnt a valuable lesson today or maybe even two. One, pay attention and two, foreigners can actually be honest. Once she got her supervisor in to help I paid a further 357¥ - otherwise she would have worked for a month for nothing or I would have received frantic texts again imploring me to come back and pay.

Once home the washing machine was put on. Once done, I put on another load, only soon to be alerted by Jody to the fact the bathroom was flooding.

So much for whatever faffing about they were doing last week.

I had them here for two hours this afternoon. Trying to assure them that the problem was outside and not inside was like farting into a Force 10. Eventually they found the problem.

Outside.

 

Sunday 24^th January, 2021 1810

Still haven't made it to BHG!

The only person to blame is lazybones here. That and having developed square eyes – I start watching catch-up TV and I am lost. It could be something to do with the fact the internet lately slows right down just after midday so I don't shower before then and when I do, it's getting too late to bother as there will be too many people shopping anyway.

Tomorrow I really must go. No wine left and the same stuff in the local minimart is twice the price. Plus I can rope Jody in and between us we can get the shopping and three loads of plonk. If I play my cards right and go twice a week I could stockpile enough to ensure I can cover the one bottle deficit each week until the summer holidays. Holidays. Hmmmm. I wonder if it will be safe to travel domestically again by then or whether they will implore me to remain locked in this, quite frankly, dismal city.

Brenda came on Friday, which was in fact THE day I had decided I would in fact get to BHG. She phoned me in the morning and asked me to take my fire extinguishers to the gate to be checked and recharged. I politely said no and she was taken aback. Why not? Because I don't have any.

But you must have at least one?? Nope. I did have four but four years ago you asked me to take them to the security guys at the gate and eventually they would bring then back recharged, I did and they never came back. Why didn't you say something? I'm used to Chinese safety standards now – we never had them in Chizhou either.

But then she said that as she was checking the other foreign apartments (Annie's and Nordine's) she would be in the area and would call in within the hour to take a look at my phone and the green code problem. She was not to be dissuaded without creating suspicion so Jody had to scarper pronto. I am convinced Brenda suspects I am keeping a woman here – she has seen the neatly-folded bedding on the sofa and keeps taking a look in my bedroom, not sure if she has clocked the second toothbrush and feminine hygiene products in the bathroom yet but if she does I shall have to say I am a part-time drag artist!

Anyway, she spent ninety minutes getting frustrated with the health code thing. It does indeed say it's only for Chinese ID and eventually she found out where to register me with my passport but that is supposed to take twelve hours before anything happens and so my code there was black. She showed me what to do yesterday to check and I said quite honestly that I would never remember it. I didn't. She did however sort out a one-touch button that does the job so I am quite happy with that. I don't need the journey tracker she found that said where I had been this past year, if I am ever to check into an hotel or travel again all I want is the green dooberry. So by the time she left even had I showered it was too late to contemplate shopping.

Last night Jody discovered the joy of proper chips as opposed to “French fries”. So tonight we had fish fingers and I made chips for her second time. I sent her out to get me a bottle of wine because I was too frightened.

From noon it had been snowing. In fact by then it had turned into what I believe is the heaviest snowfall I have ever seen in this city. Nothing much, maybe three inches but what frightened me was falling over should I venture out. Three inches on a grassy field is fine but on a concrete road that's going to hurt and worse, I would be like a turtle flipped on its back. Even she nearly went base over apex apparently.

So the hope is it thaws by lunchtime tomorrow.

 

Thursday 21^st January, 2021 1730

Well now. Yesterday at 0930 there was an insistent knocking on my door.

I happened to be up and at my desk reading the news and drinking a coffee so that didn't bother me. I waited to give Jody time to hide away before going to the door.

You know how normal people knock on doors? Maybe knock knock knock? Then they wait to see if anyone comes to open it? You know, normal.

I knew exactly who this was at the door and it wasn't the police. I took him to task about it months ago and he clearly hasn't learnt. He just knock, knock, knock and knocks non stop. That really gets my goat. He's lucky he's so nimble on his feet. The doors here open outwards so as quickly as I could I released the handle and swung the door open, hoping to clump him with it but no luck.

He wanted electricity for the pump they were using for the sewers. No problem, I don't pay for it anyway so we cracked a window and plugged in their extension. But that screwed up my trip to BHG because I waited in all day for them to finish, only to realise at 1800 they'd cluttered off, left their electrics outside my window with nary a word to me!

Worse, Jody saw a dark lump on the floor of the living room, picked it up with toilet roll and for some reason smelt it. It was a lump of human shit he must have brought in on his shoes. Can't have been me, I was in slippers all day.

Now I was fuming. I fired off an email to Brenda. My two complaints were the uncivilised knocking and the shit and also requested that if they were coming back today could they please leave it until 0930. She said she would email their boss.

Boss never saw the email until later this morning, that much was obvious when I was awoken by an uninterrupted knocking at 0830. I enjoined Jody not to answer the door, bugger them. Now of course I couldn't go back to sleep so I broke the ice seal on the window using my backscratcher and plugged their extension in. And then emailed Brenda again.

The workmen now hate me.

No idea what sort of a bollocking they got but they have now said they will use electricity from someone else in future and stated they were doing the work for the community. All I ever asked was that they didn't come too early, knocked the door the way the rest of the world does and that they don't deposit lumps of excrement in my living room – is that too much to ask???

So anyway I never got to BHG again today. I did though make it to the chemist for a much-needed top up of supplies. No idea how much it cost, I paid ¥180 for another six months' worth of fish oil (continued long-term use of which has been the only thing to alleviate the gammy hip and for some strange reason not chargeable) and the rest went on Jody's medical card, the receipt for which was indecipherable to me. I used to have one of those in Chizhou, it was great because they took a little of my salary to put on it and the school put on a lot more. And in Chizhou, anything the pharmacy sold could be charged. It covered my medicines with more to spare. No such luck here for the foreigner.

By the time I had finished any thought of cooking chicken and chips had fled, so today's food is cheesy biscuits! I'm really enjoying this holiday.......

 

Tuesday 19^th January, 2021 1545

If truth be told the omelette was perfect but the chips less so. The internet can be a wondrous thing at times but it has its faults. With the absence of any instructions in English and the impossibility of finding an English instruction manual online for a Silede DF25A (searches returned results based on Suzuki motorbikes!!) I had to plump for what seemed to be the correct answer.

Now as an amateur (and slow) cook, when a recipe calls for a pan on a medium heat I generally opt for the low option, high I go for medium. So one answer was 170C so I thought I played safe setting it for 160C. Ere long my chips looked as if they had been in the African sun for an entire year! Tonight as a result, I shall go for sensible option – 130C.

The annoying thing is, the damned thing doesn't tell you when it has reached temperature. Oh, it has a green light to say it is warming and an orange light I expected to replace it when it had done its business but it appears the only time that comes on is when I turn the dial full whack. I do believe I have a learning curve ahead of me, particularly if I want to attempt anything other than chips!

But I CAN do chips!

1815

I braved the sub-arctic conditions earlier (and the extended trek because of the now defunct shortcut). I really do need to go to BHG, if only for the fact that locally the wine is costing me double (one bottle's discount pays for taxi there and back) but I just can't seem to motivate myself.

I think our drains are blocking again. They were buggering about with the outside manholes a couple of days ago so someone must have complained. After months of absolutely wonderful drainage after they actually did the job right in summer I am guessing I may have to put in a complaint imminently. I will see if I am flooded again in my shower tomorrow. Why does everything go wrong in the holidays??? Even the internet keeps going off lately.

I made an awful dinner for myself tonight. I pulled a frozen burger out of the freezer. I couldn't remember if that batch was the tasteless lot I made about a year ago so took a chance. I shouldn't have. No herbs, spices or anything. Yuk. But my second attempt at chips worked a treat! Now I just need decent potatoes to come back into season. Might try deep frying buffalo wings next. Just a case of trying to work out a suitable something to smother them in after cooking.

But hell! What am I moaning about? The locked-down UK is now Top Of The Pops for world virus deaths (that'll show the Yanks!) South Africa you can't get a beer, they're having tennis practise in hotel rooms in Oz and partying like there's no vaccine in Rio. In the meantime I have cancelled yet another holiday but the mask only comes out for buses and supermarkets.

No threat of a jab for me yet, or other teachers as far as I know.

Oh and I have now noticed the orange light goes out when the fryer reaches temperature – the low sun must have obscured it yesterday. Happy days!

 

Sunday 17^th January 2021 2300

Well Lanzhou Alice was highly delighted with the news I had had to cancel my Yunnan holiday. Personally I feel it is somewhat unfeeling, notwithstanding her reasoning; it means she can see me a few days before Chinese new year. Love her though I do, I would rather be with the other Alice in warmer climes living in luxury although I know what she means, I'd love Joanna to be here instead of Kuala Lumpur – purely for selfish reasons also.

Anyhow, as of tonight I am happy to report I am now in a position to make my own ham again and also chips! I will include a photo of the fryer when I post, hence this will not go until tomorrow. The fryer is larger than the previous model, easily capable of feeding chicken and chips to two or three people at a time. I would have liked one double the size with two baskets but sadly have no room for one that big. But hell – chips again! Egg and chips, ham and chips, ham, egg and chips. Fish fingers and chips, spam and chips, spam, egg and chips, spam, chips and spam, spam, spam spam and cue the Python crew. If I want to be really lazy they sell frozen chips in Metro that I mistakenly bought ages ago thinking they were oven chips. They aren't, they are just pre-cut spuds! Lazy yes but that's my middle name these days and when next term starts it may well be something I will investigate. I am even thinking of buying a chest freezer, after all I'm not going to be spending 10,000¥ on a Yunnan break now. Feedback from students seems to be that they like “Grandpa” so fingers crossed for another final year to take me to retirement.

Oh. For the life of me I can't recall if I said this already but Mr Zhang has now stepped down from being my director. I am sure I mentioned ages ago that as senior faculty approach retirement the practise is for them to move sideways and down a little so as to allow someone else to be promoted. Due to Covid Mr Zhang remained in situ for nearly a year longer than he should have and I was rather hoping he would sign off on my final year of working here. However, his replacement is an affable sort, he came here with Brenda to check out my flat, so I am not unduly worried.

Monday 18^th 1750

My laziness knows no bounds.

Ended up deciding not to go to BHG for a proper shop and instead elected to go locally. I did regret it though. Their potatoes are still ropey and of course I now want chips! Really started to regret it when the only bottles of cooking oil I could find in the only brand I buy (goldfish on the label) were five-litre ones. They're damned heavy. Combine that with the fact the packaged eggs were in dozen packs but buy one get one free then even before the bottle of plonk and spuds it was a load. Thankfully I eventually found a two litre bottle and combined it with the one litre I already had. Plus with the virus scare now becoming ever ore real the shortcut to and from home is now well and truly bolted shut so I have once again to take the long way around. I gave Mr Jing Jo a miss tonight. And I still have 22 eggs to use up.

I did however clean up the fryer ready for use. The 2.5L specification would seem to refer to the “Min” mark rather than max because it took nearly three litres. Dinner shortly will be cheese omelette and chips. You know what it's like when you get a new toy, I will probably have chips every night for a week now! Chicken curry and chips sounds inviting.......

But I really must go to BHG tomorrow. I need more oil!

 

Saturday 16^th January, 2021 1830

Well today didn't go exactly as planned.

Jody complained of having a sore throat this morning so I cancelled any idea of dragging her out shopping – or myself for that matter. What I decided was that this evening we would check out a little restaurant close by. I didn't know if it was a hotpot place or a barbecue restaurant and was curious.

We had been going there back in the warmer weather when she went into a tizz over something I said and stormed off home before we even got there. Tonight we actually made it inside. It's a hotpot restaurant. I don't mind the occasional hotpot.

Traditional hotpot menu where you tick the boxes yourself as to what you want but of course it was all in Chinese. I got a beer and she started to explain perhaps we shouldn't have spicy soup. I said I didn't mind a little bit spicy but it turned out for once she didn't want it because of her throat. Fair enough.

However, she then proceeded to commence explaining what things were by pointing to the menu and showing me. The menu is entirely in print with no photos. And in Chinese.

I laughingly asked why she was pointing out the words when she knew I couldn't read them. For some reason (time of the month, recent family arguments, I know not what) it triggered a nuclear reaction. Had I in fact said or done something wrong then just maybe my face would have reddened at the ensuing very public attempt to humiliate me which culminated in her storming out of the restaurant. Seeing as I had in fact done sod all wrong to justify this course of events I simply told her she couldn't blame me for her family's actions and asked if this was how I was to be repaid for what I did yesterday for her with her students? I was then treated to the “I should know her mood because of her family arguments etc” spiel (yes, when we spend all day in separate rooms, of course I should!) and the waterworks were turned on. I suppose when you can't win no matter what you say or do you should just not bother trying and that's precisely what I did. Or rather didn't.

She left anyway.

I stayed and drank my beer, taking my time while I pondered on the mysteries of women and their moods. As always I never figured out the answer but it was freezing outside and I wanted to stay warm awhile.

When I left I went to the jing jo shop (wonder when my Taobao stuff will arrive?) and then went home.

In a delicious twist, I found her freezing outside. Her grand gesture had ended with the realisation that she had forgotten her key! I let her in, she took her key and left again. Where she has gone I have no idea but I suspect she will have dinner somewhere while I in the meantime will go hungry, having eaten nothing all day. Will she be back later? I have absolutely no idea.

I know I can be an aggravating swine at times but this was not one of them.

 

Friday 15^th January, 2021 1830

This “Grandpa” monicker seems to be universal here when it comes to me. By rights I should be highly indignant seeing as I am not yet of official UK retirement age but of course here I am four years past my sell-by date.

However it does bring to mind a teacher we had at my grammar school (Sir William Borlase) when I must have been fourteen years old. He taught Russian (pretty sure he wasn't himself though) and at that age anyone over forty looks positively reptilian and ready to crumble to dust at any moment. I guess he was perhaps a very badly-aged sixty or so in reality.

Anyway my class took Russian, although having spent four years in Oz I was so far behind (ditto with Latin) that it was deemed pointless for me to even contemplate said subjects and so during those lessons I seem to recall I was banished for individual catch up classes in other subjects such as French and German.

Anyway; and I cannot vouch for the truth of the story as it was relayed to me; one day the rest of my class unscrewed the hinges of the classroom door and closed it so that when he came in the door crashed to the floor. Kids can be so cruel.

But we had a nickname for him.

Death.

I suppose I should be grateful for mine, although over the years I have occasionally wondered what he thought of his – because as sure as hell he will have found out what it was!

Yesterday was Lanzhou Center day. Jody did her usual missing act until late so I ate alone. BK spicy angus. Jesus, I can still taste it! Yes it was a bit spicy but entirely ruined by gallons of dark brown sweet and sickly gunk that was to be honest, putrid. Never again!

After that it was new shoes time. I hold the Olympic record for shoe buying, sometimes with disastrous consequences but I think, having worn them this afternoon, they will do ok – especially as they only cost 200¥ and in a boutique shop where I was expecting eye-watering price tags. Still not “trampoliney” as I (maybe falsely) recall buying in years gone by. In and out in under five minutes.

Oh, and yesterday my health code stopped working on my smartphone. Jody told me it said it was only available for Chinese ID numbers not foreign passports. Looks as though a trip to China Unicom is called for but that also signals forking out another 200¥ to resume connection to a network I neither need nor bloody want.

Anyway, after plying Jody with a thimblefull of Baileys special coffee flavour and a peach Rio after our trip to Metro, last night she inveigled me into coming to her extra job to meet two kids, both aged six.

What I never realised when I agreed was that not only would we be meeting in McDonald's but I would be footing the bill for four meals and two ice creams for the anklebiters. As it happens they were quite cute considering I can't abide the creatures for too long but Jody introduced them to that appalling, execrable habit the Kiwis and Septics have – dipping French fries into ice cream. It turns my stomach every time I see it. About as appropriate as serving up crackling covered in whipped cream. Stop the bus I want to be sick!

Playtime over, we got a taxi home. For the first time in absolutely months the driver demanded I put my mask on. They all wear them but for passengers (especially in the back) it is normally voluntary. “Oh God, you're one of those” I muttered. And then I struck back. I have no idea what it is about Chinese taxi drivers in the colder climes that makes them feel it's fine to freeze their customers' nuts off in winter. I understand the reluctance to use aircon as that costs but heating is free!

So I ordered him to close the damned windows. They are closed, apparently he said in Chinese. So how come I can get my finger out of the front passenger window? All windows were then closed.

Oh my God, then Armageddon broke out. He said something and Jody went into full hornet mode. For a foreigner it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between normal conversation and a row because it can often appear heated even when amicable. There was no mistaking it this time, the lioness was not pleased. During a lull I enquired what was happening. He asked where you are from. Well, I had guessed that because although I can't speak the words, I knew she had told him I was a teacher at Lanzhou City university. So, he was just curious, they ask that all the time.

Out came the stinger with a vengeance. NO!!! That's why he told you to wear a mask! He thinks you brought the virus into China! To be fair to Jody that is now the third occasion she has been with me when we have encountered virusism and she is quite frankly fed up. She was like an IED just waiting to go off sitting next to me and I honestly thought he would end up chucking us out of his cab but he didn't. He then accused us of saying bad things about him and looking down on him when we had done no such thing. He also claimed he couldn't understand English so she said then how do you know we said bad things? I said tell that a-hole I haven't left this country in nearly three years, I stayed with the Chinese when the virus hit when I could have run away and this is the thanks I get?

The rest of the journey was somewhat silent.

Oh well, big BHG shop tomorrow (she can carry two boxes of wine while I take one plus the real shopping!) and then a lazy weekend.

 

Wednesday 13^th January, 2021 1700

Well there goes the holiday.

After discussion with Alice, who I think had secretly changed her mind and wanted to be with her family anyway, I cancelled it. Thankfully it cost me just 59¥ (£7)for the outbound flight (I hadn't booked the return) and the hotels were all on a cancellation-free basis.

Yes we could still have gone or I could have gone alone but thinking rationally, was it worth it?

Let's say we went. Having been requested by Gansu Provincial foreign affairs not to if possible? And something went wrong. I had an accident for instance – and I haven't taken a tumble for a while (touch wood). Or I became ill? Or my biggest fear these days materialised, getting locked down somewhere other than my home. Now, these days I have much more money in my accounts both here and back “home” (although it stopped being home a decade ago) so I could weather being stuck somewhere for a couple of months staying in a mid-priced hotel but it would somewhat bugger up any plans I may be able to follow in summer. Alice still wants to go to Yunnan then and maybe we will but of course I also want my Shanghai sojourn. But if something were to happen after being asked nicely not to, it wouldn't reflect well on either me or the school. So I'm playing ball. Yet another holiday that is simply time not working.

Not least of all because I want to apply for a new passport so I don't have to worry for another ten years. Macabre thought – for all I know it could be my last one.....

I think Jody has just had her last meeting – the Chinese do love a pointless and overlong meeting – so with luck we will go to Lanzhou Center as planned tomorrow. Trip or not, I still need new trainers/shoes and if I can find decent underwear, those too. But I have slipped very firmly into indolent mode. I blame the cold for my not going shopping, even only seeing Mr Jing Jo every two days. I just sit here on the laptop watching videos and sometimes don't even cook. Tonight though I am making the effort. Fish fingers, boiled spuds and peas. Well it says NZ peas on the packet but if they really are then I would be surprised – more like green bullets.

I wonder what excitement will enter my life in the next two months of dullness.

 

Tuesday 12^th January, 2021 1600

Have you ever watched a much-anticipated holiday slipping away in slow motion?

I think that's exactly what I am doing.

After reading about the migrant workers yesterday, this morning I had a call from Brenda. Yesterday there was a meeting at the school about the foreign students and foreign teachers, or rather teacher. Because I live a long way away they decided not to ask me to attend (good!) and Brenda was updating me on developments.

Gansu provincial education and foreign affairs officials have been to the school. Teachers have been advised not to travel outside the province during the holiday, ditto foreign students. Now of course I have already submitted my travel plans for Yunnan. They (the school) have been instructed to treat foreigners as Chinese. That would be great if I had the medical card and other benefits but what they meant was during the holiday I am supposed to report in every day before 1000hours to confirm I am not sick or dead. Well that's never going to happen. I do follow their rules but sometimes I stay in bed on vacation until after ten!

Luckily Brenda knows that and she suggested that I only email her if I am sick and I said don't expect one if I have died. No email from me, she will email the authorities to say I am hale and hearty even if I feel dreadful after a night on the booze. So far so good.

Do you still intend going to Yunnan? Well, I still want to but if there is quarantine involved then no and I am waiting for further developments before I decide. Will you lose a lot of money if you cancel? Actually no, I have only paid for my flight to Kunming, not the return as the prices are still too high, so that would cost me 59¥ - hardly a fortune. The hotels can all be cancelled without penalty. Ok we respect you so if you go it is fine. For that read Chinese diplomacy for “we only have you so we want to keep you”!

My crystal ball says I am once again a prisoner in China, albeit in a big cell but to be honest, Gansu; being the poorest province in the country; is not really an exciting area to go travelling in. Hardly any western chain hotels and very few western restaurants – you only have to look at the capital city (here) to realise that.

It's feeling even less like a holiday now.

 

Monday 11^th January 2021 1100

And the cold spell continues. The forecast says today's high will be a positively roasting -1ºC and allegedly tomorrow and Wednesday will actually get above freezing with lows at night only going to -8 or -10. It is rather a deterrent to going out!

We have some small flare-ups of Covid, notably in Hebei where 11m are now back in lockdown and I read today in China Daily that they are urging migrant workers (for those unfamiliar, they are people who go to find construction work and the like in big cities because they are from small, poor places. They send money home to their families and generally only get back to see them at spring festival) to stay put, employers to pay overtime and bonuses and postpone the holidays until later in the year. It does somewhat sow the seeds of doubt over mine and Alice's planned jolly.

Even if there are no restrictions in Yunnan, I will worry about a lockdown being declared there while we are visiting and then I will be stuck!

A few days ago Jody told me she wouldn't be home last night. Her parents were going to be in town so after meeting them she would go to her own place. After the problems she had with her family before, I expressed doubt. She assured me her parents would be fine. I joked I would still see her last night.

Well I didn't but only because I was tired and went to bed at nine but before that she had sent a text saying it hadn't gone well and she would be home later. I will wager once again the issue of her being still unmarried reared its ugly head yet again. She is very strong-willed and thankfully has her own income, so doesn't need to kowtow to them as my students have to. All they are doing is driving her away – as far as central America if all goes to plan.

This morning I asked her that now she won't be visiting her folks for new year, what was she going to do while I am away? She said she would just stay here alone and study. So now I feel guilty! She could of course come with us and I will suggest it but I know she won't, she never came to Shanghai. I hope she does that Chinese thing of spring cleaning before new year though! To be fair, she did have a good go at the kitchen yesterday (after the ice on the inside of the windows melted).

I wanted to go to Lanzhou Center with her tomorrow for me to try and get some comfy footwear, top up in Metro and have a BK Whopper but that's off now as they have declared three afternoons of meetings starting today.

Apart from my not working, this doesn't feel like a holiday at all.

 

Thursday 7^th January, 2021 1700

Well that's it, the holidays are truly now started. I filled in and emailed all the spreadsheets for the marks so officially I am done. Four weeks now of doing bugger all unless I want to do anything and apart from shopping and cooking there's not much else I intend to do.

In fact I haven't set foot outside in two days now, what with having no hair and the Arctic conditions (ice even on the inside of my office window this morning and that's with communal heating) but I do need to get some bits in due course. New trainers for starters and I need to splash out this time, the cheap ones aren't cushioning me from the terrain enough and if they do they are too firm. Do you know, if they had Dr Martens Airwear (if that still exists) here then I might actually consider getting a pair. I also need more boxers and socks. You can never have enough of the last two.

I also want to replenish my supply of Prague Instacure. It's been a while since I ran out and Jody's utterly useless when I have asked her to order on Taobao for me and I want to start making ham again – damned handy for lunchbox sandwiches as well as dinners. Also, I intend to replace the deep fat fryer (finally) that I stupidly managed to destroy. The times this past year or so I could really have done with being able to make chips is unbelievable.

So for that I have asked Wuhu/Guangzhou Alice to order for me and I can give her the money on 4^th February when we meet in Kunming. If the virus doesn't rampage again – we have a few little hotspots again here. Hopefully we can keep out the new English version seeing as all flights to and from the UK are now banned.

Talking of Alice, last night she asked if we could abbreviate our holiday by cutting out Lijiang! What?? The entire trip was her idea! I miss home, she said. As everything is booked now bar my return flight (waiting for prices to drop) I was somewhat miffed, particularly – and as I pointed out – I had asked her if she was ok with not being with her family at Chinese new year and she had said she wanted new year in Dali.

We are back to sticking to the original plan.

She is also desperate to leave her “international” school (a euphemism for slave labour language mill) as she is pissed off with being treated like a skivvy and abhors teaching naughty little kids. For the latter she only needed to have asked my opinion before she took the job!

She has found a university in Guangzhou that she might be able to get a job at. First she told me the money was so low she couldn't live on it (4,000¥ a month) and I certainly couldn't even with free housing and utilities, which she wouldn't get. So I told her to stay put, grit her teeth and continue looking elsewhere. I suspect all men reading this will understand my reaction when she then said she could live on the salary! New advice was to take it if she could, get away from kids, work fewer hours and just maybe make a career in higher education.

Sometimes I despair.

Jody seems to be done with invigilating but now Dean Bitch (who has been unnervingly nice to me since I became the sole foreign incumbent) has been calling all-day meetings at which I gather the teachers emulate the students and nod off in their seats. I understand these meetings are pointless (aren't most?) so I guess she is simply grandstanding while she still has a department.

And that hot water bottle the students gave me for Christmas? It has been used every night except once when I forgot to plug it in to heat it. My feet can't really feel it but it must surely be doing some good!

 

Tuesday 5^th January, 2021 1945

Well this being on holiday isn't much yet. Still tying up loose ends. Yesterday it was BHG and ensuring I had enough wine (very important!) to last beyond the student migration as taxis will be in heavy demand. So that would be two boxes please and very little else as it's damned heavy.

Last night I ordered a birthday present for Joanna. I thought I was ordering from the UK but my bank told me when I called them after my card was refused that it was in fact from Ireland so it had been flagged as possible fraud. Ireland or because I have never ordered women's jewellery before? I shall never never know but it was from Etsy and they are on UK television. I know it will arrive in Kuala Lumpur just in time and I just hope she likes it.

Today? Well by my standards, sodding busy. I had to scramble to shower, have a coffee and a beer before heading out just after eleven to catch the electricity Auntie before she knocks off for spring festival. Got her and so now have 1,590Kw/h on the meter. Checked the post room for the first time in months and stuff all there (only ever had the bank and MNOPF send stuff that arrived and the latter has now gone email only which is great) so came back to warm up.

It's blessed freezing here these days – today was a “good” day with a high of -4 and low tonight of -14 and I still had things to do. I sallied forth to buy enough gas to last until summer. I can claim it back from the school but as it only costs me about £55 a year I don't bother because I do use rather a lot of electricity.

Then it was off, finally to go almost bald. You have no idea how good it feels. But of course there was no way I was leaving unprotected in the bonce area, I had (after much searching) found the ushanka and so donned that. The barber thought it amusing, I thought it sensible, even though a glance in the mirror informed me I looked ludicrous. Given the choice between freezing your cods off and looking idiotic what would you choose? I choose being warm every time! I never wore pantyhose at sea but I know quite a few ABs who did and I understand now.

Then I went to the local supermarket. Yesterday in BHG and today there I was made to wear a mask again. Turns out according to Jody the virus is getting worse a thousand miles away in Dalian, where a university has stopped its students from going home due to one case of Covid. Wonder if my Yunnan trip will go ahead after all.

Mrs Jing Jo also thought my headgear hilarious so just to save face I lifted it to show her my newly-shorn noggin. Immediately afterwards it was obvious the three security guards at the entrance also found some humour in the laowei looking like a yeti so I had to show them too and explain that it was “binda”. Hell, it's cold enough when you get a haircut in summer but I was desperate for one by now.

Alice from Wuhu/Guangzhou who I am hopefully travelling with in Yunnan in a month told me today her school had no record of her so they had hired new teachers. Confused? I was too but she meant the one she applied for because she wants to quit her current one.

She wanted advice so I gave her the best I could offer. Always look for a job when you are in a job so get cracking and fingers crossed. Failing that, marry me.

Unsurprisingly the second suggestion was rejected out of hand!

Going nowhere tomorrow – forecast High of -9 and Low of -20. Bugger that.

 

New Year's Day 2021 1215

I am now wondering if my English majors ever paid attention in their maths classes. Last week I took great pains to explain exactly how I would conduct the testing and confirmed with them that they understood what I had said. I had no problems with my five translation major classes so English majors would surely comprehend?

Their three classes have all been on Thursday this term and all three comprise thirty-two students. I always like to do slightly more than half the first week in order to make my last week easier so I told them I would do seventeen yesterday and fifteen tomorrow (the Saturday finale being occasioned by the early closure of the school).

The morning class turned up in their entirety! Exasperated, I sent fifteen of them away – with the best will in the world I cannot do them all in one hit. The middle class played ball and I thought perhaps word had spread. When I tested number seventeen of the late class I was somewhat disappointed to be told there were still four more waiting! I was told that I could send them away but they'd been standing outside in the freezing cold for two hours. I decided to hell with it, I would do them even though it meant I would finish after time. It was not entirely selfless though, it means my final session tomorrow will end early as there are now only eleven to test.

Sod's Law states that the one day – Thursday – that I have the additional weight of my computer to carry, has always been the day I have waited in vain for a taxi. Last night was no exception. It being new year's eve the dearth was exacerbated and it may have been more prolonged were it not for two Chinese teachers who suggested I walk with them, meaning when we got near the bus stop they spoke to a parked taxi driver who wasn't showing his red flag and had a woman sitting with him in front. He agreed to take me.

The traffic was appalling. There were police at every junction and the trip took four times as long as usual. By the time I gratefully opened my flat door I was dog-tired. Any thought of cooking had long since evaporated. And whilst I was at liberty to go out to a bar to see in the new year (unlike millions in other countries), that wasn't going to happen either! It was a case of slippers, cigars and a bottle of plonk and bed before midnight. I'm rather hoping to have more staying power on the 11^th February for seeing in the year of the ox in Dali.

As for today, I am not setting foot outside. The supermarket will be packed so that can wait until Sunday. The much-needed haircut can be had on Monday so I don't have to look too much of a plank by wearing the ushanka for very long, just enough to get me back home and have time to acclimatise.

I see we now have a vaccine approved for general use now here. Manufactured by Sinopharm, I don't really think I want it (I'd rather have Pfizer) but I am wondering whether the school might stage a huge inoculation drive and give me no choice.