To utilise that rather stupid football commentator’s remark “It was a game of two halves”, two very different days indeed.
On Sunday I went to do my bit as Santa at the JiuHua hotel - reportedly the most expensive in the city and certainly one which does good food. The kids party was so-so but to be kind it was because nobody there had ever organised anything similar before. They had no idea about sticking to times or how to structure games/activities so as not to drag on too long and as a result it ran well over time. The headmaster even changed my bit the day before, wanting me to stand outside the hotel in the cold to greet the children and their parents as they arrived. I pointed out the error of his ways and we did it my way, where I waited in a room out of sight and made a grand entrance - remember, the vast majority of these kids have never seen a “real” Santa in their lives.
It was a pity that the largest Santa outfit they could buy in the city consisted of trousers that would have circled Cyril Smith’s girth twice, yet the jacket had to be stretched to cover my bulbous bow, resulting in last-minute appeals to the hotel to raid their courtesy sewing kits for safety pins. The cheap plastic belt and buckle was also way too short for a 4 foot circumference. I did though meet Ruby, whose nephew attends the school. She has excellent English and works in Shanghai - in fact she returned there today. I also met Lucy, one of the teachers (wearing a black top in the photos) who I fell in love with instantly and was crushed to find she is engaged to a local policeman.
However, I am pleased to report Santa received a rapturous welcome and my games were also popular. When I found out where the function was to be held and that we were to eat there (all the teachers from the school as well) I happened to mention I had dined once before when my own school treated us for Christmas. With no trace of guile, I mentioned that on that occasion a boar’s head had been produced which despite my misgivings had been utterly delicious. I thought no more about it until one appeared at our after-party dinner! Not the same as the previous one but delicious nonetheless (and costing 200 yuan) - the problem was that as it is mostly fat everyone only ate a little, the result being that I have it in my kitchen in a cauldron of water awaiting the addition of some vegetables tomorrow for me to attempt to turn it into a soup of some sort. Oh, and the headmaster is insistent that he takes me to his parents’ home to stay overnight and see in the Chinese new year at the end of January. Whether it is a Chinese promise or not time will tell, but he is fully aware that although I can leave the cats unattended, Pepsi has to come with us. We shall see but it will be an experience if I actually get to see how they do it rather than just hearing stories.
Now cut to today, when forty minutes before I was going to class to examine the first half of one of my classes. Cinny called and asked if I had done something she asked me for on Friday but which I told her she had no chance until sometime this week because I had so much on. She was desperate for it by tomorrow morning (and for her I emailed it a little earlier so she is happy now) but she also expressed surprise I was examining my classes now when the exams don’t start until a fortnight’s time. I explained we had been told by Prof Fang to complete ours before the other ones started.
Then she hit me.
Everything has changed - including exam methods and score reporting. I wasn’t pleased seeing as I have already done half a class last Wednesday and told all the other classes to either come for their test or take time off and come next week. It also means two weeks extra teaching in both winter and summer when for at least four years we have done it this way. Change I can handle but not the Chinese way - just before you get to the altar, and so I made my views known. I did my exams today as planned and will complete the Wednesday class this week but will have to give those forms two weeks of lessons after. Worse, as of next semester we have to make up lessons missed on national holidays! We have always had to work weekends to catch up the “extra days” they throw in to turn one day into five days off but this is ridiculous. If they are going to do that then I would far prefer not to have any days off at all in term time other than weekends - after all if you have to make up the classes you are not really having any days off. Sadly of course, the students will want their 5 day breaks to go home. The reason for all this? The INSPECTION. Currently the university is only authorised to issue bachelors degrees and they are desperate for master degree status. And they are blundering their way through the process because they have the forward planning ability of an undernourished moth.
No sooner had that bombshell hit me and I had as planned carried out my exams than I went to impart the bad news to Kevin. Whilst there I received another call from a senior student (one of mine) in the students union. Would I play Santa at the Christmas concert in two and a half hours time???!!! It seems obvious that this complete lack of sentience to think in advance starts in the womb. Damned good job I heard about the concert by sheer chance late last week or I may well have had other arrangements tonight but as always I wanted to attend a student function. And even better that I can adlib on a stage!
And guess what? The Santa outfit they have used since I have been here has been disposed of and they bought a new one. Great because I wasn’t happy about using a beard many others have spat through but they bought the biggest one available in the city! Yes, exactly the same as Sundays! Bring on the safety pins yet again!!!
Maybe they WILL dispense with my services in the summer, citing irreconcilable differences between my size and that of available Father Christmas costumes!
Anyway, you have a bumper crop of photos as a result. Tonight's photos from our own concert will be posted in a separate entry right away seeing as I am being prevented by the site.
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