Monday 29th December, 2014              1800


Saturday morning I went to the bus station and caught a bus which left just after nine, earlier than I had intended but it seemed a shame to waste any time after the noon check-in, given the cost even though it was discounted. I would have loved to have slept had I been able but I have always been terrible at sleeping on buses, trains or planes.

On arrival at the hotel I was informed the rooms were not ready yet as they hadn’t been cleaned, however I could have a room three floors below where we wanted to be (the 24th floor) and could move back up later. Bugger that I thought, I may as well sit in the executive lounge and have a beer or two whilst waiting and also for the others to arrive. They weren’t long after me so we all sat chatting for a while. I had taken some drumsticks I had cooked the night before together with pate and tomato on baguette and still had the latter. Kevin and Ollivier had not stopped for lunch and ere long they polished the food off.

Eventually the rooms were made available and we checked in on the 24th floor in the lounge. I was absolutely exhausted, so while Ollivier and Kevin went to check out the swimming pool and sauna I decided I simply had to have a nap if I was to be any company in the evening.

I had established that cocktail time (and ergo free drinks in the executive lounge) commenced at 1800 so that featured large in the plan. It was agreed we would all meet at the appointed hour and do some serious damage to their stocks. I had taken a jar of stuffed olives with me for the occasion and so a hefty gin and tonic was the order of the day. One of the waitresses offered to make my drink for me and was probably taken aback when I responded by saying that I would do it because she wouldn’t put enough gin in it! I then went and did something completely stupid by grabbing a can of ginger ale instead of tonic water (the colours are similar) and finished up with a gin and ginger!! For anyone wondering, as long as there is enough juniper in it, it’s not bad. My second was a more traditional drink. The girls experimented with their own concoctions.

Dinner was in the Happy Panda, which now it is no longer a buffet, hardly seems to get any custom and so we almost had the restaurant to ourselves. Ollivier opted for Aussie steak which looked succulent, I think Kevin had the mixed grill and I had chicken curry. Once again, my appetite deserted me and I could only eat half of what was a very nice dish. Kevin ordered a couple of bottles of plonk which cost I know not what and we had a good meal.

After dinner it was back to the executive lounge to rape the bar but we were foiled - they had packed it away already which didn’t please me much. The next port of call had been planned anyway, so it was back down to the Soho Sports bar to play pool. The special offer was half a dozen bottles of beer for 100y so we went for that. Twice. The games ended up all square with everyone winning one and losing one (unbelievably I threw away the second game by fluffing what should have been a simple black) but hey - it was Christmas!

Breakfast was, I have to say, a trifle disappointing, given that I had been really looking forward to it. Certainly there were decent sausages, bacon, grilled tomatoes and perfectly fried eggs to order but NO HP SAUCE! They ALWAYS have HP sauce! If only I had known I would have taken my own bottle. Breakfast is not breakfast with ketchup.

After breakfast there was time for me to relax in the room for an hour before leaving to catch my train. I had opted for the train back because although it takes 90 minutes more than the bus you can smoke on it. I would have taken the train going there but there is only one a day and it doesn’t get to Hefei until 1745, far too late. Two stops down the line I dozed off (after the late night I was very drowsy) but was almost immediately woken by someone saying I needed to show the tickets. I looked blearily at the young girl I was supposed to show the tickets to and it didn’t take a genius to know she wasn’t an official but someone claiming I had her seat. She showed me her online ticket on her mobile phone screen and I showed my physical paper ticket confirming I was in the right seat. She disappeared never to be seen again so I will never know what happened there.

We arrived back in Chizhou at five and I had a student Christmas/New Year party to attend at seven. There was enough time to take the bus into town and have a Big Mac and still get the bus to school in time. I arranged to meet Yvonne in McDonald’s. The problem was, when we left to come back all the buses were rammed solid so a taxi was needed. At the south gate, just as I watched the cab disappear, the awful realisation that I had left my wallet in the back of it hit me like a sledgehammer. Shit! Nearly 2,000y in cash and all my cards, photo of my father, so many things were now going to be history and I was left with 20y to my name until payday and a trip to the bank to open another account. I was devastated. Yvonne suggested I chase the taxi on my e-bike but that’s impossible, it isn’t fast enough. Deep in the slough of despond, a glimmer of hope - a very, very faint one though - appeared in the form of another taxi arriving to drop off. We shot over to it, Yvonne explained the problem and the next thing Lewis Hamilton appeared in the driving seat. The guy ran red lights if they didn’t have cameras and we hurtled off looking for a red taxi. There always comes a point in film pursuits where the road parts and they have to choose which fork to take. A red taxi had gone down each of these roads and it was dark. We took the wrong fork as the one that went that way wasn’t mine. Another red light jumped, sharp right screeching turn and cut across to the other route. Almost in the city centre, we caught a red taxi up and I was convinced it wasn’t the one we had been in. Our driver flagged him over and to my immense relief it WAS our taxi and my wallet was on the floor in the back! Talk about lucky! Mind you, it was the second driver’s lucky night too because I gave him 100y which was small beer considering I stood to lose twenty times that amount.

Of course, that made me late for the party but I had a good excuse. Anyway, I made up for it by singing them The Court of King Caractacus towards the end which seemed to go down well. I was just so relieved to have recovered my wallet against all odds.