Thursday 15th January, 2014               1315

Tuesday and Wednesday were miserable, damp days but I nevertheless went to town for breakfast and shopping. Finally this morning our pay turned up in the bank so tonight Yvonne will order my Taobao shopping online to see me through the holidays. Infuriatingly, the speciality laowei food online order firm, from which I was going to order another batch of meat pies, is once again out of stock of the ones I really wanted - beef and bacon. I would imagine that deliveries to the school will cease next Tuesday or Wednesday so if they don’t get any in stock by Sunday I am buggered. I have no idea where the courier firm’s depot is in town so collecting (and a big package to boot) would be problematic.

Ever since the weather turned cold there has been an ongoing tussle between the owners of office number four and we foreigners. They insist on keeping all the doors opened wide, regardless of whether there is an arctic gale howling through the place. As fast as we closed the doors they would open them again.

Last night the camel saw its back broken. It was freezing and I closed the doors. The wife opened them and as she was going to be leaving with a box full of food for delivery to campus, I left them. As she loaded up her bike and mounted it, I got up to close them again but she shouted to her husband to tell me to leave them. Ok,  it’s their place and they can do what they want but by the same token it’s my custom to take where I want and I am not paying for the privilege of freezing my nuts off. I finished what will be my last beer there and moved a little further along the street to a place where the doors are closed and they let me bring Pepsi in. not that I am vindictive at all, but they will in future be able to see my bike parked outside the café, rather than theirs. Who knows, maybe they did the same to a student and that is why they had a load of hoax orders the other day?

It’s not raining today although it is cloudy. My cottage pie on Tuesday went down well with the girls and I had bought enough to make two, so tonight will be a repeat. Last night I kept it simple with a carrot, lentil and chilli soup with baguettes. Tomorrow I may make them chicken wings a la Hong Kong. I am also toying with the idea of a macaroni cheese.

Saturday 17th         1800

The best laid plans pf mice and men eh?

Friday’s dinner ended up being pasta with the Bolognese I froze before because I was asked by the small school to come and talk to some prospective female adults who were thinking of improving their English. Time will tell whether they decide to splash out on a course of 48 lessons. I was treated to lunch for my efforts and so had very little appetite in the evening but of course Anna and Joan were hungry as always. The remains of the carrot soup went upstairs to the fourth floor where presumably Kevin finished it off.

Today was the rehearsal for the Chizhou city spring festival gala. It is not what was conveyed to me (not by any stretch of the imagination!) because far from being a party, it is a TV show! Wear formal clothes? Er, no! will I be giving a speech? Will I heck! In fact I won’t be saying a word.

No, what they want is for me and Wolfgang (the owner of the German restaurant here) to perform with a Tai Chi master. Unbelievable. The whole thing may last two minutes (although the show itself may be three hours long). For those unfamiliar with Tai Chi it is basically kung fu in slow motion and to be honest I wish it was full speed because I have stretched muscles today that have lain dormant for decades. I have a feeling I will ache in the morning, parts of me already do. Anna came with me and the dry run took place at the local television studio. The Tai Chi master is about seven feet tall too. We have another rehearsal next Sunday. By way of payment for making a spectacle of myself in front of a live audience of 340 and god knows how many telly viewers, I have been measured up for a traditional tang suit in blue which will be mine to keep afterwards. The tang suit is a traditional Chinese costume which appeared towards the end of the Qing dynasty. Strangely I think I will treasure it.

Having been interviewed/followed by the local TV crews three times now I am no stranger to appearing on their small screen, however I think performing this routine in front of an audience and knowing it will be aired a week later will seem an altogether different matter. It almost seems like taking part in Bruce Forsyth’s Generation Game where the amateurs have to try to replicate what the professional did. I will of course try to get what footage I can from the station and post it on YouTube if I am successful.