Thursday 7th May, 2015                                    1740

Why are my autumn years so eventful - and not always in pleasant ways?

On Tuesday I got up early and took Joan to the train station to book tickets for the weekend. She was busy and only wanted to do that but I promised to have her back on campus by eleven and so persuaded her to come for breakfast. Once back, I did some shopping and changed my bed. I was tired and so resolved to have a decent afternoon kip.

Just as I was about to disrobe and get under the summer quilt the phone rang. It was Ollivier in distress. He had gone to Huimin last Thursday for his May holiday and had driven to Hefei, parked his car at the train station and then he, Coco and Hadrian had continued the journey by train.

On the return trip I think they realised what a lethal combination a Sino-French union is.

When they got to Hefei, Coco suddenly told Ollivier that for some inexplicable reason she had removed the car keys from her bag and left them in Huimin. They couldn’t use the car.

The options were that they bussed it back and Ollivier returned in the morning on the bus with the spare key/they got me to take the spare to the bus station and give it to the driver of the next bus to Hefei or (this was never on) I took the bus to Hefei and came back with them in the car.

There ensued a frantic series of text messages to all my wives to try and find one who was free and could come with me to translate. Once again, Joan dropped what she was doing and came. She didn’t tell me until afterwards that the driver was a pig and hadn’t wanted to do it. He must have been really rude to her because the only time I have seen her that angry was after the Lingdian Society fiasco. Given that the guy earnt 20y just for putting a key in his pocket and taking it out at the other end when Ollivier met the bus on arrival, I have to agree with Joan’s opinion of him.

They finally returned here at ten. I of course was completely drained that evening.

You would think that after playing the good Samaritan something nice would befall me, wouldn’t you? But then this is me we are talking about here.

I had a good day teaching on Wednesday and by way of gratitude for my help Ollivier offered to treat me to a couple of bottles in the office, which I gladly accepted. We then left and I think he went to collect an internet delivery. I headed straight for home.

They drive on the right here and although not many stick to that, I do and when I was passing the pond outside the library (a circular affair, the pond and not the library - that‘s shaped like a crab from above) suddenly a student going in the opposite direction on an e-bike hove into view at speed.

He was heading straight for me on a reciprocal course. My options were limited - the surrounding pond wall was only about a yard to my right and were I to pull left and he did what he should (which was go right) then I would surely cause an accident. I started to slow, fully expecting him to go wide of me but to be honest I don’t think he even saw me and it was broad daylight. When he did realise I was in his path, instead of taking evasive action he panicked and braked hard.

This had the effect of making the wheels lock and he lost the bike. He came off and the bike continued rapidly on its side straight under my front wheel. I had no chance and so clouted his bike. Doubtless in Hollywood my bike would have simply ridden over the student’s prone bike but this was real life. The bike and I went down and for a change we fell onto the right side.

I smacked my forehead on the concrete and then my torso and knee connected as well. I wasn’t too pleased, especially when I realised my head was leaking red stuff and I had no tissues. Very kindly a girl who had seen it donated a packet for me to staunch the flow. The boy of course was completely unharmed, they bounce but I don’t any more.

The aftermath is that today I have a bike that now clicks when in motion (something must be bent), I have two bad legs instead of one and although last night I was hopeful I had only bruised my ribcage I am now - judging by the pain - almost certain at least one rib is fractured.

Life would be so dull if I actually had good luck!