Wednesday 31st May, 2017                        1300

The best laid plans………..

Well this time it was purely through choice. I awoke early, having gone to bed sensibly and decided to strip the bed and wash the linen. Didn’t really need it as I think I only changed it about three months ago but I do like to sleep in a clean bed!

Now I can’t shower while the washing machine is running due to the inlet and exhaust pipes trailing into the bathroom, preventing door closure so I have been on the laptop. Then I thought I would wash my bathrobe and towel but of course can’t do that until I take a shower. I shall do so shortly otherwise they won’t dry for tomorrow morning.

So shopping was declared off the menu for today and instead I shall do it tomorrow. Then it was a case of thinking of what to eat for dinner. Roast pork? A curry? Cottage pie? No, the latter are frozen for teaching days when I don’t have the time or inclination to cook when I get home.

And then it hit me.

Chips!!!

I have a brand new deep fat fryer, what better than to (try to) make my first proper chips? I mulled over an omelette to go with them but remembered I still have loads of sausages in the freezer. A bonzer idea - bangers, egg and chips, with the added bonus that I can cook an entire bag of about 10 and keep the uneaten ones in the fridge to take to school on Friday in hamburger buns I can buy tomorrow. The buns are the only things that remotely taste like bread I can get here and until I can source decent flour to make it myself, will have to do.

I have also been emailing looking for answers I really should have had long before now. I think Janet as a poor memory as I have to constantly remind her of everything - this time I am still waiting to know when I must complete my exams and also when term officially finishes, that way I will know when I can start to plan my touring.

I also sent one to Brenda because I still don’t know what my pay is next year nor do I know the exact position regarding air fares.

The above may sound like minor trivialities but not to me.

Now here’s one for any chip shop proprietors - I always thought you had to blanch them and let them rest before frying proper? The internet tells me to simply sling them in and apart from giving them a shake midway, that’s it. Doubtless I will find out later and you will either be treated to a picture of perfect chips or the aftermath of a kitchen fire……

1800

Well the deed is done and I learnt two things. I need to extend the cooking time for chips far beyond the 12-15 mins the machine says. Twenty or even more would be about right and although the chips were perfectly fine my preference is for a little more crispness but not bad for a first effort. The other thing I found out is that I need to buy a stout pair of pliers. The wire detachable handle for the basket that comes with the machine is as big a waste of space as I would be at a non-alcoholic tasting session.

The moment any weight is put in the basket the handle disengages from one of the guide holes and you end up with a bucket of chips swaying like a swing a kid just jumped off. And no, I don’t think a single potato worth of chips is excessive weight. I am pleased with it but will feel a lot safer with pliers to retain a firm grip. Chip days will never be the same again!  

Dragon Boat Day 2017          

I duly met Steve in the Hampton at 1400, previously he had requested I bring cold beers. Normally not a problem but as I hadn’t made it to the little shop since he arrived, I only had two in the fridge.

The hotel has upped their game since I stayed, Chinese smashed and murdered fried eggs are still on the breakfast menu but they now include sunny side up AND they have bacon and sausages. I have no idea if my complaint to Hilton had a bearing but Steve liked the place.

When I asked him what the noise was like (wafer thin walls) I was given a withering look and informed he wouldn’t know because both nights on returning he had fallen into a coma!

The appearance of more than a single laowei at one time saw us interrupted mid-way through the chilled Carlsberg he had bought from next door (the hotel bar does spirits but oddly no beer, although staff helpfully suggested buying them from next door!) by the general manager and the front of house manageress. We were given free zhongzi with sugar and honey and a platter of cut fruits on the house. After we shook hands the GM presented us with his business card. I knew what was coming next. Steve gave over his own business card. The look on the boss’s face as he realised they both worked for the same chain was reward enough and prompted calls for a photo of the two together.

He also said that it was unfortunate that he had booked his flights before being advised of a meeting he had to attend in Singapore, otherwise he would have left with the others. I thought the meeting was next week but it’s today! He got back to his hotel probably after midnight and had to leave again for the airport at the crack of dawn! I know he made it because I received a text while he was waiting for his connection in Guangzhou.

We had less than two hours together because Steve left 4 hours early for his flight, citing work he had to do at the airport. It was fine by me, I now had my deep fat fryer along with a kilogramme of gouda Jens and Shona had brought by way of Oxfam relief. No idea yet about the fryer but the cheese is creamy - some of it with crackers represented my dinner last night.

I have searched online for the Charing Cross bar with no success. If I can find it then I can find the Hoegaarden place again. I’d like to go back, although not too often at 180y for essentially half a gallon of admittedly very nice beer. And I must take a student or two to the night food market. There was a real buzz about the place and it was possible to exit the “motorway” densely packed with people by grabbing an alfresco table behind one of the stalls and remove oneself from the flow. Definitely crab, prawns and probably oysters will be on my hit list.

I have been looking well in advance for flights for next year. I often daydream (which is why my students get bored within five minutes of being separated from their mobile and I don’t) and think of far-flung destinations and where I could go. I know, I know, every plan I make turns to dust but I have to try at least.

I have an idea for next summer. If I can make it happen it will involve not travelling alone and would see my companion visit a foreign country for the first time. And I really want to take them. But it seems a shame to travel such a long way and only see one country, so my hope is to spring a little surprise. If I can and if visas are granted.

Said person reads this so I shall say nothing further and the only reason I mention it is because very recently I was told the flight prices drop with a stopover. Not my experience and remains the case where I have been looking, even direct with the airlines. In fact I have found I can save 2,000y by keeping to the original return ticket and popping off elsewhere in mid holiday and paying for new flights for the short hop!

The exercise has however hammered home just how expensive travelling is. Naturally I find everything expensive seeing as I live in China but even so, with flights for two from domestic to international hubs, a night in an hotel here and there to try and make it as painless as possible (too old now to bother with sitting in airports for 12 hours, rather have a beer and a bed) I am rapidly realising that a simple trip to two cities abroad followed by a few nights in Shanghai and then  internal flights home plus hotels and spending money is going to knock the stuffing out of about £5,000 or at todays exchange rate, 58,000y!!! Makes two weeks package holiday in Majorca seem like an Oyster card fare from Wembley Park to Faringdon!

But that’s my plan (if I can do it) and I really hope the other person concerned not only is free but can get the appropriate paperwork. We shall see next year.

Monday 29th May, 2017                      1140

Yesterday was a long day, considerably more so for the others, who true to their word went on a 20 mile trek around the city.

I arranged to meet them at five fountains terminus in order for us to have lunch at the Japanese restaurant. By now the other three must have been gagging for a cold beer and I was quietly confident we would not be disappointed because the Brothers Boat eatery always has cold beer. Somehow, despite my climbing the stairs and scanning constantly for over half an hour to spot their approach, they managed to sneak in using a moving bus as cover, climbed the stairs up to the next level and then called me to ask where I was! We took a bus to my teaching campus and Steve declared it was the first bus he had taken in China!

Jokingly, as we neared the restaurant, I said I hoped it wasn’t closed for lunch. It wasn’t but to our collective disgust they had no cold beer! With the time approaching 1430 nobody could be bothered going off in search of iced refreshment so we resigned ourselves to using ice to cool our drinks. Then came the bombshell. They told Shona (being from Taiwan she speaks the language) we needed to  order quickly as the kitchen was closing in five minutes! That did it for Steve, come on, we’re out of here. They lost what would probably have been a 600-700y sale.

Out we trooped, passing an ice bucket with four beers in it as it went upstairs for us (I can guess what the waitress thought) and we strode off to find a taxi to take us to a “bar” street. We found a bar called Charing Cross and they had plenty of beer. None in the fridge though! Being a bar area it wasn’t too difficult to find another, one that had cold cans and also, spotted by eagle-eyed Steve, draught chilled Hoegaarden weissbier.

A mini-barrel complete with tap was ordered (the first of three - maybe four - that were ultimately consumed) and it was pure nectar. At some point (no names) someone decided to stage a photo with the barrel atop my head, creating a bizarre scene of a pantomime Napoleonic hat. Earlier ill-feeling over the Japanese disappointment soon evaporated and the others started to look forward to visiting a night market. Steve wanted to buy some knickknacks for his staff, as he always does wherever he goes.

Well the night market was impressive and jam-packed with customers, except it was purely for food. Steve never got his souvenirs and none of us had any lunch or dinner. The others had some snacks from the food stalls - “manto” with pork and vegetables, barbecued chicken wings and legs etc and of course a warm beer but from a street stall we weren’t expecting anything else. The array of food on offer was impressive, ranging from chicken skewers to sheep heads to large crabs and prawns. For my part I simply wasn’t hungry at the time and accordingly ended up eating nothing the entire day. I may have lost weight.

Having tarried for half an hour, the itchy feet constantly displayed by my visitors (who showed me more of where I live than in two days than I have seen myself in 8 months!) it was off on the hoof to pastures new. We chanced upon a bar with outside tables and cold beer along with a live singer and band. Very pleasant and the time flew by. It wasn’t far off midnight when Steve declared a halt and everyone left. They went off walking whilst I approached a taxi. Jens shouted to me to ask if I was not walking back with them? It’s only 7km he said. ONLY????? I am meeting Steve at the hotel at 1400, his flight is 2000 but Shona and Jens took off at 1000. It would not surprise me in the slightest if he informs me they walked the 30 miles to the airport this morning!

One very useful fact I learnt was that taking Spring Airlines rather than a mainstream carrier would be a bonus. Spring are the Chinese equivalent of EasyJet or RyanAir and by all accounts the stewardesses parade up and down the plane in flight selling gadgets and trinkets. More importantly, you can buy cold ale in flight for 10y a throw. Thirty or forty yuan  on beer is a damned sight better than spending 800y to fly first class just to get a drink!

With luck I shall be a guest in their city in a couple of months. It was with regret I learnt Casey’s has closed, the owner now resides in Thailand I think but Heidi’s is still there and of course there will be no issue with warm lager………….

Saturday 27th May, 2017                      2110

Maybe I should completely give up planning things. I can’t think of a single event or trip I have taken in the last seven years (including going back to the UK) where disaster hasn’t been visited upon me.

Having spent time researching timetables, finding anomalies and actually getting my students to search as if they themselves were making the trip, I awoke this morning armed with plans A and B, both dependent on what time Shenyang Steve arrived. My own movements were immaterial, I had the simple task of taking a bus to the train station and then a train to the airport. Nothing could go wrong.

Of course, being Dragon Boat, there was a long queue of students waiting for the 131 bus. No problem there, I had left plenty of time and could at a pinch see four buses depart without me before starting to panic. I both boarded and obtained a geriatric seat on the third bus, leaving Peili Square at 0950. The journey normally takes 40-45 minutes and my train was scheduled for 1103. It was in the bag.

The first omen came five minutes later when we were held up by an accident that had occurred some time before (because the police were already there) in which a car had crashed through the central the barriers from the opposite lane, by the looks of things the driver had cut up a coach and the coach had mated it from the rear. Still plenty of time.

Another minor shunt delayed us further on but still no cause for alarm and indeed we arrived at 1035. I duly headed to the ticket office. I never took my passport, instead I took my Chinese ID, something I have used to buy train tickets all over China and even on one occasion a domestic flight. I need your passport. No you don’t, read the inside back cover - it says this is my ID in China. Well I could hardly back down and produce my passport just because this stupid woman didn’t know the rules, the damned thing was miles away at home and I had a train to catch in twenty minutes.

Except she then told me (after getting on the walkie talkie to her boss to verify I was right) the next train was 1148. No, there’s one at 1102 or 1103. No, next train is 1148.

Shit.

Steve lands at 1210, no luggage so maybe he will emerge from the terminal at 1220. I am going to be late. With no choice, I bought a ticket and with an hour to kill, went outside to smoke, fuming because I thought both I and my students had erred. Standing in the shade having a puff, I realised I was outside the automatic ticket dispensers (foreigners can’t use them as we don’t have plastic ID cards yet) and that above the machines it displayed all the train departures for the day.

There WAS a train at 1103!!! Only now, it was too late for me to catch it, all because of that stupid woman. You can guess my mood by now. I fired off some texts apologising to Steve and apprising him of the situation. Eventually I was sitting on a train and two minutes after we left, he phoned me at 1150 - around the time I should have arrived. Except I still had 45 minutes to go.

Utter disaster, hence I believe maybe I should abandon any form of planning in future and just go with the flow because meticulous preparation can be undone from the beginning.

As a result, he decided (not unexpectedly) that we would take a taxi from the airport, which thankfully he paid for at 200y - a rip-off. And the cheese I asked if he could bring me? Magically it had transformed into a proper deep fat fryer! He remembered my comment from my blog some time ago. The cheese is edam and Jens and Shona brought that with them when they flew in late last night. By all accounts it has survived by the skin of its teeth as Shona had the munchies last night.

So tonight (or early evening at least) we went to a bar, drank a load of beer (having found one that actually sold cold ones) and then we went to the sweet pork place for dinner. It seems they liked my choice of venue, certainly liked the food and even better the bill, which was about 240y - in Shenyang it could have been quadruple that.

Once sated we went in search of another bar but to our collective disgust (remember I have no company here so I don’t know many haunts) most of them had the idea that a cold beer involved pouring a lager into a glass filled with ice. We ended up back at the same bar we were in before dinner, where at least they had bottles in a chest freezer.

Ok they got tired very early and being the lunatics they are, they have plans to get up at dawn tomorrow and walk the equivalent of Land’s End to John O’Groat’s before breakfast. I meanwhile have said text me when you are done and want lunch! I feel somewhat inadequate in not knowing many places to eat or visit but I think/hope they realise that being isolated I don’t go out that often. It’s no fun exploring solo.

However, it was great to see them again and even better to be able to argue the toss and have no offence taken. I cannot do it with most Chinese as they do not understand the humour. Sadly I was most remiss in the photo department but we did get a waitress to take a group photo for us. Tomorrow could be interesting because they just want to eat wherever they end up - I may just find somewhere new and interesting to eat!

Friday 26th May, 2017                       2200

A good day of classes today, made better by the middle class presenting me with a hand-made wrist band to wear for dragon boat festival. The colour is “diamond something” and is supposed to bring me good luck in the festival. I shall wear it each time I leave home during the holiday. The last class presented me with a packet of Hall’s Original Mentholyptus lozenges! Unbelievable!

I use them a lot to prevent my smokers cough and yet they ordered one pack (2y) online. So thoughtful. If they had ordered a box for 40y I would have happily paid them.

On the way home we were only nearly killed once by an SUV owner who decided to pull out from a parked position right in front of us, infuriating me to the extent that I muttered “eff*** di**head” when I wanted our driver to stop completely after the near miss so I could drag the driver out by the ears and before knocking him senseless shout “Malagabee” at him. The more I stay here the more I am convinced I will either blog someday from a hospital bed or the grave and I will have not been involved in the accident.

Learning another language can be hard. Learning one that is related to your own such as German or French not so much but one which is far removed from your mother tongue definitely is. It is easier for females to learn, for some reason chaps struggle more. To truly have mastered a language (and I don’t think I did too badly by learning French, German and Japanese in my youth) you need to be able to think in the target language, rather than take it in, translate to English and then figure out your reply.

Well I can’t do that any more. The girl who plaited my wristband told me the name of it only hours ago and I can’t remember what it is called now. When the bus dropped me off tonight I bought my beers and jing jo and then, because I had eaten a chicken for lunch I decided to make myself a plate of chips tonight, I went to buy potatoes. The chap on the stall told me they were “chi yuan”. I know perfectly well chi means seven and proceeded to count out six yuan. One yuan being these days about 11p I was horrified when he complained I had short-changed him by one yuan. Liu is six, chi is seven. I know that perfectly well and yet my brain told me it was six. Seeing as this  stall was the one that made 150y at spring festival when I liberated three pigeons, hopefully they won’t think I was trying to skin them for such a trivial amount.

Two of today’s classes had the topic of financial concerns. We all have them regardless of how much money we have, the concerns simply change focus and range between having enough to buy food, pay the rent or buy that new car we fancy. It got me thinking. I am waking in the night these days worrying about having enough money for all I want to do in the summer holidays! Oh, how many people in the world would love to have that as a concern??

My immediate concern of course is tomorrow morning. A new influx of foreigners
To Lanzhou and I am supposed to know everything about the city when the reality is I know bugger all except my usual haunts and runs. My students did give me the correct times for the trains and I now know which website to check in preference to the one that talks crap on occasion.

If the plane I am meeting at lunchtime is a little early then the Yellow River may have to wait because we can take the rail and then a taxi, if not we revert to my original plan. Either way I shall be busy now (and probably drunk) until Monday.

Happy Dragon Boat everybody!

Thursday 25th May, 2017               1740

I am getting pissed off with Chinese train timetable sites. They can never agree. One site will tell me I need to be at the airport 90 minutes too early, another that there is one that is perfect.

 With the Shenyang Shag arriving on Saturday (sorry Steve, not the meaning you know but another one the Old Conways - and only them - will understand!) and who is concerned about meeting up with our other friends Jens and Shona (who are arriving tomorrow evening) as swiftly as possible and so the earlier the train the better. Two sites say two hours’ wait and two say not so long!

Tomorrow I shall set my classes a quick task - to find me the best times to and from the airport. If the students tell me then I will believe it. Don’t believe all you read on the internet or the Daily Mail!

Steve thought I was taking him on a guided tour when he arrived and in thinking of his friends, he asked if we could skip that and go the quick way. There is a slightly quicker way, a cab but that would cost about 150y and from memory when I first arrived and was collected by the school car, still takes over an hour and what a dismal journey it is. For 15 to 20 minutes more you can see the city and the river and it’s cheaper too. Much cheaper. Anyway, the route we will take is the reverse of the route I will take to get there. It’s a shame Joan isn’t here, she met them all two years ago when I took her to Shenyang.

Tonight was bubble’n’squeak night. I finished it all but I have yet to fathom how anyone fries it in patties/cakes and they stay together? I just get a mush and a God-awful mess sticking to the frying pan when I do it!!

There’s an old woman who lives somewhere nearby. I often see her from my window or when I am out and about getting my shopping. It’s difficult to gauge the age of the Chinese, the young ones look like children and the older ones could be any vintage. My guess is she’s 238 years old. Anyway, I call her Grandma although I doubt she understands me. In fact for my sake I hope so.

The first time I said “ni hao” to her I was rewarded with a look that could shatter a mirror. She walks with a cane and it is painstaking to watch. I’d like to pit her against my snail in a race and still back the snail. But she does it day after day and it simply HAS to hurt but no, she gets God knows where every single day, rain or shine. I’d get an e-trike personally.

Anyway, we have gone from frosty glares now to a ni hao in return and occasionally the glimmer of a smile. Sometimes I stop and chat with her. Completely idiotic I know because neither can understand the other but it probably gives her something to talk about with her Chinese visitors ( I hope she gets some) as much as it gave me something to write here.

I would hate to be her grandson though. Whilst I as a youngster was naughty with my mother, my Grandma only had to look at me with “that” look and I was chastened. This old girl would turn me into a pillar of salt! Bless her and I hope I never have to report that I see her no more.

Time to shut up now, I have eaten and am now about to have a Chinese wagon wheel to take away the taste. They are smaller than when I was a child but whereas the UK ones shrunk and maintained their price, I can buy a pack of 15 for the cost of two in the UK!!

Wednesday 24th May, 2017                               1800

Groan…………I have done nothing today except laundry, shopping and cooking dinner. When I retire it has to be somewhere I can employ a cheap maid or cleaner. Sod it, I may or may not make a token effort tomorrow.

I did go on the school website to see if there was anything about last week’s sports meetings and found this:

http://www.lzcu.edu.cn/info/1060/6374.htm

Not worth reading even if you can get your computer to translate (usual university jingoism) but count down to the 11th photo (students in maroon and ankle biters in white) and that’s our lot at the opening ceremony. The picture (remarkably clear) was taken by a drone. I am bringing up the rear out of sight.

I also found another photo in the following link:

http://www.lzcu.edu.cn/info/1060/6381.htm


One photo is from our campus at the end of the sports meetings, showing prize giving. It’s the third picture and I am the Tom Cruise Top Gun lookalike seated second from right. I was criticised by someone for not standing for the shot  but that was the prerogative of the leaders who had actually presented the awards to the students. I am certain I was only seated at the official table to make me feel included for actually turning up. I did stand for other “official” photoshoots but they never made it onto the main site. I have no idea how to locate my campus site.

I also discovered a short article about the recent delegation that travelled to Oxford and then Cyprus. It made me feel proud not only have to have been the foreign teacher in the programme to send the very first students abroad to study for Masters but also to see my chicks apparently fledging ok. They are the ones standing along with Mr Zhang and Suzy is the one immediately behind the chap seated with the red tie. I wish all of them the very best and hope they all attain an MA.


http://www.lzcu.edu.cn/info/1060/6384.htm

I reckon that’s enough for tonight.

Tuesday 23rd My, 2017                        1800

I remembered on Sunday that I still had some raw, thin-sliced pork in the freezer so I used that instead of chicken. Even with only using a fraction of the dark soy I did last time it was still pretty salty! Next time I think a tablespoonful will suffice.

I’m not keen on the packet noodles here though. Unlike the round ones you buy in bags in the UK they are skinny flat things that come in a roll. In fact the first time I saw them I thought they were rolled up slatted blinds or mats. Being inexperienced with them I boiled them for three minutes and they were overdone. I reckon a minute is ample to leave them with at least some texture instead of turning to mush. Odd for an area where the people love noodles so much.

On Monday the highlight of my classes was receiving a text from one of the students asking for time off. They really do confide things to foreign teachers far more than the Chinese ones. This one informed me she had just started her periodic menstrual cycle! “Women’s things” would have sufficed.

I was first on the bus to go home at five and bagged as decent a seat as is possible on the excuse for a vehicle the madman drives. Shortly thereafter a man and a woman who I have never clapped eyes on before started to board. That does happen occasionally and it does give me the hump because these people never seem to be teachers and you never see them arrive on the bus, merely overcrowd it when it is home time, blagging a free ride.

On this occasion, had I not managed to procure a decent perch, I would probably have caused trouble because the bloke started loading huge bags of stuff and rolled up carpets as well! He stowed them in front of the hinged rear bench seat so it couldn’t be pulled down and sat on. I kept quiet and waited, hoping their inconsiderate behaviour would be rewarded with being slung off with all their luggage.

No.

Every seat got filled and then a young couple (both teachers) tried to get on. The girl managed to park her bum near me, cramping four into three seats. The lad was reduced to sticking his bum on one of the carpets in the back and nobody said a Dicky! Not even the dean. The least the two responsible should have done would have been sit on their own gear but oh no, she sat next to the dean while he occupied the seat next to the driver in comfort. It is sometimes difficult to hold my tongue and I know were I to say what I thought they would think me “difficult” but still……..

Unbidden, I got up early this morning and thought great, I can take my time, wake up properly, clean the study floor, shower and do the weekly shop (well, more the weekly wine run!).

Easier said than done. Whilst I have more floor space here than in Chizhou I have little cupboard space and so I have things everywhere. So the study had to be cleared if I were to clean it properly. That involved simply shifting some of it to another part of the flat but the chairs, wine boxes etc also had to go temporarily.

And whilst the faux wooden flooring is incredibly easy to sweep, my sponge mop is most ineffective at removing stuck on dirt. Enter the long-handled brush but that entails my being bent double for periods to loosen small dots before mopping. It does my back no good (or my mood) and so by the end of it I decided shopping can wait until tomorrow.

So the office is done but that still leaves the bedroom, living and dining rooms. Only the latter has trodden-in bits of outside dirt so hopefully before Friday I can have it all finished without ending up in a truss. I’m beginning to think my best course of action would be to take my shoes off inside the door and pad around in bare feet but then there’s the dust to consider. I think I may well invest in a proper front-loading washing machine next term along with a small chest freezer as I did in Chizhou, then I could go to bed with dusty feet knowing the sheets would end up clean again after a wash.

The trouble is, there is also the new laptop to buy. When the time comes for that I must check how many Amazon e-vouchers I have (I reckon £150+) as I will get one from them in the UK and get Sis to ship it to me. Why? Because if I buy it here unless I am careful it will have a Chinese keyboard and will be set up in Chinese!

Saturday 20th May, 2017                    1640

Any form of motion this morning was not merely difficult, but damned painful. It was worse than yesterday and try as I might, I was unable to sleep past 0500 although I did try bravely until giving up and getting out of bed at seven. On a Saturday!

My grand idea was to do the decks in both kitchen and study today, living room tomorrow and bedroom and sitting room between Tuesday and Thursday next week. The bathroom is the one room I don’t regard as a chore for cleaning because I do it whilst I shower.

But with one arm that hurt even laying inert in bed, aching back and front, any manner of physical exertion seemed highly unlikely. In fact it took until nearly noon for me to decide to at least do something and so I filled a bowl with water and tackled the windowsill in the study. It is black marble (genuine I think) and gets a build up of sand and dust in very short order once cleaned. I haven’t done it in a while but even with keeping the windows closed the stuff still gets in. For now at least, it is clean and shiny again.

After an hour to recuperate, I decided to tackle the kitchen floor. It has to be the worst surface I have ever encountered for cleaning, bar perhaps holystoning a bridge deck. Whilst it looks reasonable now it is still not spotless, neither mop nor scrubbing brush will get everything off. Short of laying on my stomach armed with a brillo pad I can’t think of what else to do. But then I would need either a crane or the England front row to get me to my feet afterwards.

I even got as far as sweeping the study before giving up in despair. God how I hate housework! I am definitely going to try my damnedest next term to employ a student to come once a week. The problem of course is that they all live 90 minutes away by buses so I will have to pay bus fares and extra for travelling time. To be honest, once a week will be enough, there are no animals living here (except me) and it would mostly be a good sweeping and a bit of mopping. In the winter the kitchen gets hideous condensation on the bottom window frames and grows mould which is annoying, especially given that here the humidity is always low.

I popped out shopping earlier locally. Light salad tonight but I want to try a chicken, veg and noodle sesame/garlic stir fry tomorrow. Bought absolutely everything I needed for tonight and tomorrow to save me going again in the morning. I just realised I forgot to buy the chicken!

Anyway, when I was at the vegetable stall mostly I was engrossed in recalling what I needed and then find a suitable specimen so I was only dimly aware of another customer who arrived after me.

I did when I glimpsed a bare, flat midriff and perfect navel.

Maybe that’s why I forgot the chicken.

I haven’t seen hotpants for decades but what she was wearing were pretty close and there were legs to match. AND she spoke Chinese. You may think that an odd thing to say but she was western and I have never seen her before. I confess I was so surprised at seeing this stunner that I was completely unable to retract my tongue from my chest for long enough to exchange names. Rude of me I know and I only realised after I left. I think she is Russian. Hope I see her again but knowing my luck she will leave in a couple of months.

Oh yes, I forgot to say this but yesterday Mary sent a message apologising because she couldn’t come to class. There were no classes, it was sports day.

Friday 19th May, 2017                      1145

Call me a fool or a glutton for punishment if you like but last night I asked if there was also a closing ceremony and what time it would take place if there was. Molly told me the last games started at 0800 and she thought the final ceremony would begin at 1000. I sent a text to Janet to ask her to tell the bus driver to pick me up at seven.

Oh it would be so easy to point the finger and accuse me of being a goody two-shoes or of trying to curry favour with the faculty. Or even of trying to embarrass the other foreign teachers (none of whom as far as I know have even been sighted and are probably not even in the city - along with many of the Chinese ones too) but I don’t need to seek Brownie points, all I have to do is agree to sign on the dotted line to ensure another year here.

Nope, I would certainly like to earn a little more respect and regard from the students (not that they are disrespectful in the slightest) and demonstrate that yes, I do care about their education and also about the effort they put into things such as this. Certainly I could have lounged at home or if I had the money, gone travelling.

But without students there would be no teachers and I believe that by teachers completely disregarding the students’ efforts and treating them as unworthy to watch, then they do those pupils a grave injustice. I wanted to watch those kids receive their awards and I shall never forget the kindness my chicks showed me when I was in hospital in 2011. I would like to leave as lasting an impression on my charges as they did on me way back then.        

Mercifully, the final sports day was brief. It was also the hottest. The internet tells me 21C but if it’s that cool then I am Chinese. It was probably that temperature when I left home at 0645 to get the school bus.

The bigger of the two minibuses was in service today, along with the safe driver. It was also completely full, having on board about ten boys from the other campus who were competing at ours. Sod’s Law states that if the madman ever has an accident we’ll probably all die but it is to be the safe driver that has the accident. And so it proved to be.

Speaking objectively, our man was being a touch naughty by turning right when in a turn left lane but for China that is quite normal. The woman in the correct lane was so determined she would not give way that she ended up creating an accident which she could easily have prevented.

It was no more than an exchange of paintwork but of course in China it is not simply a case of exchanging details and continuing on your way. Oh no, you must leave the vehicles in situ blocking all traffic and wait for the police to come, take a million photos and write a full report - in this case for minor scuffs.

You may have guessed we all had to disembark and take Shanks’ Pony the rest of the way. Good job it was nearly at journey’s end.

They have had some very odd events this year. There was the team hopping on one leg race, another where they had a line of rabbits/frogs hopping and today teams had to run in line with both hands on the shoulders of the person in front.

The races finished before ten but before the medals, plaques and certificates could be given out the results had to be correlated. So they decided to get the classes fell in and to pass the time challenge the foreigner to beat the party secretary at shooting basketball hoops. Remember this is the guy who has final sway on whether I stay or not? Well I’ve never been the type that would let the boss win at golf if I could win myself.

But this foreigner, until today, had never ever attempted to put a ball through a metal ring so it was somewhat one-sided. I must say my opponent was terrible as well because it took forever for him to actually score, thus ending the debacle and the students encouraging me loudly to score. Despite being reduced to utilising a single arm I thought I did ok, I bounced off the backboard a few times and hit the hoop most times, admittedly from underneath on a few occasions!

Then it was prize-giving while we all sweltered in strong sunlight. I was summoned from my shady spot to sit at the VIP table in the sun while this happened and had to dutifully applaud when everyone else did after the speeches, even though I had no idea what was being said.

Then it was over. I was informed the school bus would leave at noon. It was by now about 1020. Having ascertained the driver had not been carted off to the nearest prison, I decided I could really do with an ice cold pijou while I waited. I never got that far, I was dragged off to the bus, disappointed at not at least getting one iced lager down my gullet but happy to be leaving early.

Before the bus departed, one of the teachers came aboard and presented me with an enormous wok (see photo)! If I keep showing up at their events I could probably equip an entire kitchen!  

        

Thursday 18th May, 2017                              1230

So I got up at seven, feeling as if I could sleep until midday, showered and prepared myself mentally for my forthcoming challenge.

Leaving at 0815 I trekked to the BRT stop to await the 15 bus. I had thought that perhaps at that time it wouldn’t be too crowded. The stop was heaving. I waited at the front door opening and a bearded, elderly gentleman stood patiently by the middle opening. When a bus eventually arrived it was scrum down by all and sundry. Not a cat in hell’s chance of a seat. I glanced across at the old man and he was thinking the same as me. Wait for the next one.

Same thing happened. Finally at the third attempt we both succeeded in getting a seat. No way can I stand on a jerky bus for an hour. I fully expected to be taken to Five Fountains terminus (Janet informed me it is not Five Streams as I had previously been told) but no, it stopped in a back street and everyone got off. This had never happened before and was quite disconcerting. I asked the driver where I could get the xe arr (12) bus and he pointed vaguely in a direction, in which I duly walked, finding Five Fountains eventually.

Arriving on campus at ten, my plan had been to collar a student to rotate my left arm and shoulder to loosen them up. The event was listed for eleven so I had plenty of time. Or did I?

No sooner had I got there than I was dragged off to compete! Have a practise, they said. I knew I was going to be in trouble before I went but had one warm up throw. Jesus! I was definitely in trouble. That hurt like blazes. With my students looking on there could be no thought of not competing.

I gave the first throw proper all I had and by heavens I thought I did myself a mischief. A couple of minutes later I took my second attempt. This time I literally saw stars. I retired hurt and refused to avail myself of the third and final attempt. I felt I would do very real damage if I continued and after all, I had taken part as promised.

I ended up winning “Best Foreigner” (1st out of one) and third overall (3rd of three teachers!). I think I may be in line for a Ferrari or similar.

When everyone cleared off for an early lunch I departed. I would have stayed but for the fact that if I don’t top up my electricity this afternoon I shall run out before the next electric day on Tuesday. I took a photo of the train station and its mountain on the way back and also of the interior of the 15 bus, which was one of the newer ones. This one however, wasn’t hybrid, it was pure electric. I wonder what distance they get between charges?

 Both days have seen glorious weather

 The girl in the centre is doing what I had just crippled myself by doing

 One-legged hopping team race

 Lanzhou main railway station

All-electric bus

Wednesday 17th May, 2017                 1900

That was a long day.

I did however get half an hour longer in bed this morning because with no classes the school bus wasn’t running first thing. Instead I was told to take the short walk to Peili campus and take the big school coach. Walking up the road in good time (I expected to have time for a smoke before we left) I was surprised to see the bus was already on its way out.

Cursing being misinformed, I flagged the coach down. I was thankful that it stopped but was then left highly embarrassed when I realised it was not in fact the school coach but one with “Police” emblazoned on the side! I apologised rather shamefacedly and waved it on.

What I didn’t know was that I could have hopped aboard anyway. Obviously the school only owns one large coach and for the day had borrowed or hired vehicles from all over to transport thousands of students to the west campus. I did however get the school chariot, which was reserved for teachers.

What nobody had thought to tell me was that, far from merely going along to spectate at the opening ceremony (remember I wasn’t required to attend and as expected I never saw another foreign teacher from the other two campuses either), I was to join the rest of the faculty from our campus and parade with our students, who each held the hand of a child who attends our kindergarten. I did get photos but as you will see, from behind the show rather than in front!

The Chinese do love an opening ceremony and a lot of effort had been put into it. Having to stand listening to lengthy speeches in a strange tongue was not so enjoyable.

I suppose we were there about ninety minutes and then it was time to take a convoy of coaches all the way across town to our campus, where our students were to perform another opening ceremony and afterwards compete in the games at our little place.

Stunned I suspect at the fact a foreigner had actually attended, the party secretary pushed his luck. He told Janet that if I took part in an event the school would give me a prize. Well what the hell can I do at my weight and age??? The only one I had a remote chance of not looking a complete idiot in was putting the shot. Except being China, its not! it’s a 1kg ball filled with sand and you throw it overhead forwards or backwards with both hands, depending on the event.

Not wishing to disappoint, I have agreed to compete in the teacher’s backward event tomorrow morning! I tried a practise at forwards but that hurt my bionic arm like hell and the ball never even made it to the start of the measurements!

I AM going to look a fool - one metallic arm and the other with no bicep! However, my prize will be won fairly and squarely - I shall call it an award for the best laowei.

I have a good chance of winning………….    

Sunday 14th May, 2017                          1330

Handily, I was tired last night and so went to bed well before the witching hour. I awoke in pitch darkness for a visit to the loo, at which time it was raining. On the infrequent occasions we get rain here it seems to be during the night and damned annoyingly, I can hear it in my bedroom.

When I did heave myself off the mattress, mainly because I found it impossible to drop off again, it was light so I knew it was past six. Indeed it was but I was most happy because it meant that tonight I shall be able to do likewise and will be refreshed (well as refreshed as I ever am at this age) tomorrow ready for a day of teaching.

Over my now customary coffee (I gave it up for twenty years due to caffeine palpitations, with the exception of the very occasional French, Irish or Jamaican versions) I decided on a whim to do my cigar run today. That frees up one of my days during the week and pandered to my procrastinatory streak - I have yet to address the issue of scrubbing and mopping the floors.

I then discovered that the Colon Cleanse that I expected to be ineffective is anything but! I had taken one last night as a test and because today I am having omelette. We all know eggs have a powerful binding quality.

And so it came to pass that shortly after ten I left home, robbed the cashpoint and went for a 131 bus. I arrived a few minutes prior to one departing but never got on as it was standing room only and I don’t stand these days. Bugger that, especially as I find young people in Lanzhou have a propensity to suddenly find something outside the window so intensely absorbing that they don’t have to give up their seat for anyone less than a century old. No, I waited, after all, I had all day.

No problem at all getting my arse parked on the next bus and jolly good job too - he had to have been the jerkiest driver in the city. Had I had the temerity to stand it wouldn’t have been the case for long - even the young people who did found themselves sloshing up and down the bus like bilge water in a Force 10 at regular intervals. The guy couldn’t even brake for bus stops smoothly. Either his right leg has St Vitus’ dance or that bus needs serious maintenance. I doubt it is a year old.

In China Tobacco my English speaking “pal” wasn’t working today, he who gave me a free bag and three lighters. In case of such an occurrence I had taken three mao to pay for a bag. The lady at the counter held up four fingers and said “sher” so I shook my head, held up five and said “ooh”. It then dawned she was telling me they only had four in stock. Damn. I took them and then looked under the glass counter. Plenty of expensive cigars of course but then I spotted the same brand in packs of five instead of ten and for the same price of one yuan apiece. Ascertaining they were also “sway jars” I bought a hundred to make up the deficit. As it happens the are cigars with holders, a bit faggoty and they burn just like cigarettes. Hardly ideal but better than having to make another run prematurely.

I paid and lo and behold, not only got a free bag but she pulled out a box of lighters! I asked if they were all for me and she nodded but I didn’t want to take the pee and instead took just three. They only cost one yuan each but everyone likes to feel valued as a customer, don’t they?

And so I left. A cheat bus to the train station, get off and wait for a seat on a return bus, again involving waiting for the second one to depart in order to get a seat. The Yellow river is high today so the dam must have been opened wide and the flow is almost pure mud, it’s as brown as I have seen it. In fact the only time I have seen it less muddy was when it made a liar of me when Alice was here.

With Shenyang Steve arriving the weekend after next I have been mulling over how to get him to his hotel from the airport. We could take a train to the west station and a 20-25y taxi or we could overshoot to the main station and take a 131. I prefer this simply because he can see the city and also cross the river. Added to that, the bus stop is right outside the hotel.

Except it isn’t!

Well, it is but it’s the ONLY one the 131 doesn’t stop at!!! How idiotic! The stops immediately before and after are some distance away and whilst the Shenyang Superman who circumnavigates China on his bicycle every Sunday morning before breakfast without breaking sweat would yomp it quite happily, this fatty says No Way! I foresee going all the way to Peili and getting a 10y cab to the hotel. If God had meant us to walk he would never have let us invent the wheel.

I got home a while ago (2.5 hours just to get my smokes) with the intention of preparing celery stuffed with cream cheese to take to work in the morning. The cheese was a block of penicillin so that idea flew out the window and has now been replaced by tuna, pasta, boiled celery and chilli sauce. And yes, I am having omelette and chips as planned.  

Saturday 13th May, 2017                                      1220

I forgot to mention last time that whilst on the coach yesterday Janet sat across the aisle from me, picking my brains for suggestions or changes to the school website/leaders’ business cards etc. I was rather pleased at coming up with Pre-School Teacher Training College, which I sincerely hope they will use in place of their suggestion which was Early Education Children’s Teaching College. I did point out that their idea could conceivably suggest they were training the children and not the teachers!

After a while I felt I should broach the “not everyone is satisfied” comment that Brenda made. It was news to Janet. Without giving me any answers, she did explain that when my current students were told (their participation is not voluntary, something I would much prefer but doubtless I would probably end up with but a handful of pupils!) they were to take English lessons, many of them railed against it. Their reasons were that it was nothing to do with their degree, they weren’t going to be teaching it etc and all perfectly valid reasons for NOT learning it.

Very short-sighted in my view, English is always handy to be able to speak wherever in the world you are and whilst certainly the vast majority will never leave China even for a holiday, some will surely end up settling abroad and in any event they will from time to time encounter foreigners who will speak English as a second or third language. I now strongly suspect that the “dissatisfied” are in fact students. This unhappiness will doubtless have been expressed via the only medium they have, of the student scores they award their teachers. In that respect I am on a hiding to nothing because if they don’t want to be there, nothing I can do will prevent them from venting their displeasure in any way other than pillorying my competence as a teacher. I can only hope those that count are intelligent enough to realise this is what is happening.

Janet herself cannot understand why anyone wouldn’t jump at the chance to learn English, especially as it is for free - they are not being charged extra for my classes. I could understand if I was teaching chemistry or calculus which they would never ever use in real life…………

I was very sad last night to see Alison sent packing from Masterchef to leave the final three contestants. I had tipped her to win from the off but with her gone, I switched to Dr Saliha to triumph in the final cook-off, purely because she was outrageous and adventurous in her dishes.

In the mornings I always check the same websites in the same order and early on I get onto the news to see what’s happening in the world. I start with the BBC and, in order, next the Telegraph, Mirror, Mail and China Daily. The Mirror is a particularly annoying paper as there is scant news and everything is either shocking, harrowing, adorable or hilarious and they seem to think news of national importance is a dog that picked up a set of false teeth.

They also have another infuriating habit of spoiling popular soaps by revealing key storylines. Some of these soaps I am embarrassed to admit, I watch. So as these spoilers are almost always located in the side panel to the right I simply avoid looking.

Whilst I was downloading last night’s final, what was the first thing I saw in the Mirror? Saliha had won. Talk about furious.

But I have been thinking. Throughout the series there has been talk of deconstructed this and deconstructed that. Well logic surely says that if you deconstruct say, baklava, it means go back to the basic ingredients?? They do like to use fancy descriptions sometimes for simple things such as croutons or tomato soup!

Thursday 11th May, 2017                1245

I could really have done with that medical card! A spit off 300y in the chemist! Mind you, I did decide to get some more laxatives (I’m running out of the UK ones) and of course they had no idea what I wanted specifically. They got the gist of it but I have a feeling bicosadyl is not available in China, normally they find an equivalent but not this time. Whatever it is I bought, I doubt very much it has the same strength - it was on the “public” shelves, meaning it would be “over the counter” in the west.

Why do I mention this item?

Because the only English words on the bottle say “Colon Cleanse”!!!!! I shudder to think what would be emblazoned on a box of Viagra…………

Anyway, I have now “moulted” courtesy of my girl in the barbers and feel a lot tidier for it. As always, I left their floor resembling the picture on a monochrome television. I always get a kick from that. She and the owner on this occasion wanted to take photographs together. I duly obliged but couldn’t help wondering if perhaps I was going to end up in some advertising campaign. If I do I want a discount.

It’s really warm today. I put my fleece on  when I went out but should have left it at home and tomorrow it‘s supposed to be 26C (hope I can dispense with a jacket at 0700). Very fortuitously on my return I decided to start the soup off and filled my witch’s cauldren with water before slinging allsorts into it. What with chopping garlic, onion, celery, spuds etc I wanted to wash my hands once done and discovered the water is off. At least my dinner is guaranteed.

Friday 12th                                  1400

This morning, on the basis that it would heat up later, I went out in short sleeves. Another degree or two warmer would have been better but it wasn’t unpleasant and meant I never had to carry my fleece later.

Did all my morning classes and retired to my office for a cuppa and my lunch of chicken salad wraps. At 1230 my phone rang. It was Janet. She wanted to know if I was in my office and I confess it was tempting to lie and say no in order to prevent a visitation. I didn’t.

She was calling to tell me my afternoon class was cancelled and I could go home. “Oh” said I, “the bus left half an hour ago.” No, another bus would come soon and she would wait for me at the campus entrance, be “quickly”. With visions of a busload of people waiting for me, I hastened out, only to remember all my books, USB sticks etc were still in my classroom. Earlier I had heard a lot of scrooping from my room and I merely thought some students were rearranging the seating.

Well they were, for when I burst in, strange faces were sitting as if swotting for an exam and the entire room had been altered. And no sign of my belongings. Eventually I found everything, books on a windowsill, USB sticks and pen in a cupboard and I threw them into my office and legged it down to the toilet on the 3rd floor. The bus would have to wait for me to take a leak because I doubted I could make the trip without relieving the pressure.

There was no bus when I emerged. Apparently the time is flexible (anytime between 1230 and 1300, depending on traffic). It arrived just before one but during the wait I discovered the students sitting in my classroom were waiting to defend their theses. Janet had asked my students if they wanted their class in another room (why the defences could not have been done in a spare room and not displaced me is beyond me but this is China) but they had said they would like to sit in and listen to those about to graduate give their defences. They are only sophomore4s and wanted to get an idea of what to expect in two years themselves. Fair enough and a result for me. Afternoon off.

I then asked her to arrange for the bus to pick me up on Wednesday morning next week as I wanted to watch the opening ceremony for the sports festival. Oh no, that will be held on the west campus. How do I get there? Take the big school bus (it’s a proper coach) at 0730. Ok great, thought I, then I can go home at noon. Janet on the other hand, had other ideas. All the teachers from all the campuses (foreigners excepted unless they want to) have to attend and many students from all campuses will also go. Then afterwards “you can come to east campus (mine) and watch our own opening ceremony“! Wish I’d kept quiet because now I have set myself up for a full day on two campuses. Ah well, at least the leaders will see me making the effort, which won’t do any harm.

Wednesday 10th May, 2017                       1230

That was the quietest birthday I have ever spent. Having kicked around the idea of popping out for dinner but only if I was paid yesterday, I waited for a text from the bank to say the money had gone in. Whilst I am not skint, recent expenses left me determined not to deplete my reserves further (psychological thing) and as the day wore on the beers went down, as did the red wine.

Eventually of course I lost interest in going out. I decided to make enchiladas instead. The packet of tortillas I opened a while ago more resembled a petri dish than anything remotely like food and so sadly I wasted money there. Thankfully I had one pack remaining that hadn’t been opened. I shall ensure that tomorrow night I use up another couple when I prepare my Friday working lunch. I don’t mind wasting cheap stuff but things I buy on Taobao I hate to see getting thrown out. The money text eventually arrived after 1700 - too late.

Today is markedly different to yesterday (and allegedly tomorrow and Friday) by way of being completely overcast. I shall however in an hour or so venture out shopping but I am debating whether to go for a Generation Game hotpot or cook for myself instead.

Joan contacted me on Skype last night. She tried to call me but the internet was playing silly buggers and I was alternately losing connection from the internet altogether or if not, the Firewall Police were working overtime to keep cutting off the vpn. We did however manage a messaging conversation.

She seemed taken aback when she discovered I was all alone and asked why I wasn’t partying with my friends. The fact is I don’t have any here. My students live an hour and a half bus ride from me and in any event I have only known them for three months. To be frank, I am rather getting used to a relatively solitary life, punctuated by the occasional visit by friends from elsewhere. In seventeen days I have three of the four horsemen of the apocalypse arriving and I am quite sure that experience will last me until the summer holidays! That reminds me, I really must make an effort on the floors in here…..

1745

Gave dinner out the elbow in favour of cooking. The shopping was a bit on the high side  but then it was the monthly stock up on essentials - soap, loo roll, and my infrequent big jar of coffee. One of those lasts me two months or more seeing as I have one mug a day and that’s it. But I didn’t get much change out of 300y once half a dozen plonks were plonked in the trolley.

For tonight I decided to try my hand at stir fry and to that end had bought some pork. Here you can buy it ready chopped or sliced, fatty or not so fatty. Normally when I buy it I get them to put it through the mincer but this time I got sliced, lean pork for the fry. I have to say, I’d forgotten just how salty dark soy sauce is! However, noodles, pork, peppers, onion, ginger and garlic fried in soy and chilli oil was actually quick and tasty, albeit after a while the sheer amount of soy I used started to become a touch all-conquering.

The plan for tomorrow’s fare is a potato, carrot and celery soup. I bought a loaf of bread (praying it’s not sweet) and no I’m not going off a recipe, it will just be chuck stuff in and see. And if it tastes great then hope to God I can remember what I did next time. If it’s awful, pray I don’t repeat it!

Also tomorrow I need a haircut and to top up my drugs. Annoyingly, all of my pills have just about run out at the same time so it will cost a bob or two. Most months I just need one or two items but this time I could really do with being in Chizhou. I still have nearly 300y on my medical card but it will only work there! If I ever go back (and I may) I shall take it, get the computer to regenerate it and empty the damned thing by buying as much as it takes.

Tuesday 9th May. 2017                       0030

Thought I would do this before bedtime.

Happy to report that for the first time this term I felt awake all day at school. Ok my roast dinner was largely untouched on Sunday night (understandable the way my belly had been) but I did take some chicken legs in for my lunch.

Having been waiting for two weeks following my questions as to A) does the school want me to stay another year and B) questions I had concerning whether I would stay anyway, I finally was told yes, if I wanted to remain I could.

Well that’s fine but other things need to be considered. Salary increase (there always is one after a year and I confirmed there would be one before I joined, I simply don’t know how much). Other minor considerations were asked and yet in a fortnight during which I knew the French teacher had been asked to stay, I had heard nothing.

Not unnaturally, I began to suspect that maybe I should be putting my name out to agencies yet again.

Brenda had told me she was in Beijing on business and Mr Zhang (director of foreign affairs) was away, could I wait. Well how long are they gone for?? So I took the bull by the horns, I had waited long enough and asked again. I think Brenda got a little annoyed, judging by her reply. She is not on business as she had said, she is training. For that read “in prison” as she is limited to internet and phone time.

Well pardon me for wanting answers when every bloody year I have to go through the “do I have a job or should I find another one” scenario. Fine for her, she has a job for life unless she farts in church.

I do however now know that yes, if I want to stay I have a job. I know that I will still be teaching at my little campus - I really do like it now. I also know that the Cyprus Masters degree programme will continue, which is great but if only they would listen to me and lengthen it beyond one term.

For the second time though I also was informed that “not everyone was satisfied but it is hard to satisfy everyone”. Now that pissed me off. Always the anonymous “they” or “not everyone”. So far all I have done is respond that if “they” are the students then tough, they accept my discipline (which is so strict it involves not sodding talking to each other when I am and not playing games on their phones) and of it is faculty then why has nobody spoken to me about it? I am getting to the stage where although such remarks do hit home (and why wouldn’t they?) I am beginning to care not a jot. If people cannot be straight with me their opinions are worthless. The results I achieve are.

I will stay here but I am not telling them so until my questions are all answered. I don’t expect to get everything I have asked for (otherwise it will hardly have been a negotiation) but it would be awfully nice (as Sgt Wilson would say) to know what the pay is going to be.

I am going to kill the second Monday class. I thought I had made a mistake in my little notebook because for some reason they were a unit behind the other two Monday classes. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why. I repeatedly asked them how that could be and not a bloody soul offered an explanation. It was only on the bus home that I realised I had had a senior moment, or as the fashionable term is nowadays, an Alzheimers Aberration or a Dementia Doolally. That’s the make-up class I cancelled in order to fly to Xi’an!!! The buggers! Mind you, if that’s the way they think then just maybe (well, probably, no maybe about it) I may never have to make up that lesson at all. But I’m still going to give them hell next week.

So tonight, despite having had some chicken for lunch I was ravenous. Something to do with having deposited half my body weight in the loo over the weekend. For the first time in my life I not only had but MADE bubble and squeak. I used last night’s leftover cabbage and carrot, made some mash and fried it using butter and had fried eggs on top. Never again will I throw away the day before’s vegetables! Ok, hardly gourmet but quick and easy and hell, did it fill a space! Never tried it? Do so!

Oh and happy birthday and Merchant Navy Retirement Day to me!

Please, don’t bother posting salutations, many of those reading possibly number among those trying to forget how many birthdays have passed. I doubt you all still get five pound notes tucked inside birthday cards (if you still even get them) any more. Just another day but at least one on which I do not have to work.