Thursday 14^th December, 2017 2130

Well bugger me.

Firstly it should be said that since the two lunatic Yankees entered my life I have been more adventurous in my kitchen. I should perhaps apologise to Kevin and Ollivier for my lack of derring-do in Chizhou but to be honest I lacked confidence. I was just a basic home cook and wanted to produce simple fare.

I still am but am now refining my skills. I would never have dreamed of making bread and butter pudding, custard, stuffing or anything that might go wrong. Not so now.

So it was rather bizarre to cook a roast pork, roast potatoes, carrot puree, cabbage, gravy and huge Yorkshire puds – basic fodder - and have them enthuse over it! Admittedly I finally guessproximated amounts on the Yorkshire correctly (none of which was left) and achieved near-perfection.

I am happy tonight.

Stephanie is now ovulating at the very thought of lasagne next Tuesday and Alice is, along with the others, eagerly anticipating pepperoni and jalapeno pizzas the Thursday after Christmas. Sadly Alice can't make Boxing Day but what the hell, at least Annie and Steph turn up and don't let me down.

The two Mercans had to leave early for another university's performance of “Cats”. Not something that would interest me and so I asked Alice if she would like to watch BBC programmes. I am not sure I shall invite anyone Chinese to do that again – they spend half the time checking and answering messages and they do not in the slightest think it is rude. What did I expect?

I am avoiding putting this on social media but I am currently endeavouring to recover a cancellation penalty for a telephone service deducted from my late Mother's bank account. No trifle at almost 600 pounds (5,000y+) and which I believe to be fraudulent.

Distance selling regulations and all that, the cold call never once mentioned contract, length or cancellation penalties. Quite aside from not delivering what was promised, in my view it was mis-sold and terms and conditions were only provided 6 months later. I am on the warpath.

The first shot was fired and I received the reply “Sorry we can't refund”. Standard bollocks and one which, judging from the internet, fobs most people off. They don't know me. The latest response to my reminding that the ostrich treatment will not work and the deadline is Monday met with a “please give us the account number”. WHAT??? An ongoing complaint and it is not flagged?

Nice try but no coconut. The deadline is still Monday, following which Phase 2 is the ombudsman. They really don't want to get to Phase 3 or heaven forbid Phase 4.

That money, which I intend them to repay, is earmarked for half the payment for a tombstone for my parents.

They may think they are clever. We shall find out.