Wednesday 23^rd May, 2018 1130

One hour allegedly from our destination in Tianshui, the science and technology park.

I left home at 0645 this morning, having been told it was a forty minute taxi ride to the foreign affairs bureau. For once a taxi was leaving campus so I hailed it instead of having to trot to the main road and pray an empty one happened along.

The forty minutes turned out to be twenty-five so I arrived with three-quarters of an hour to kill before the coach left. Feeling relieved at having made it in good time but irked at missing another half an hour in bed, I felt less foolish when, just as I was payingthe driver, Lincoln and another American James turned up equally early. Mind you, they had been told to arrive at 0730 – I had been told 0745.

The bus left on time but towards the city limits we stopped for a while and then doubled back. One of the invited foreigners had sent a message saying she was in a taxi chasing the coach. She had been invited but her school hadn't told her!

We have lovely sunshine for the trip and on the bus I count 25 heads. The “guest list looks like a United Nations assembly with natives from England, Scotland, America, Mexico, Nepal, Philippines, New Zealand, South Africa, Ukraine, Bangladesh, Egypt and Romania! Unless I misunderstood, everyone wil have a single occupancy room which is good because there was no way I was sharing as you know. Brenda this morning even sent a message to the organisers advising them as well.

I am actually getting quite peckish now so hope lunch is decent. So far the bureau have organised pretty well so fingers crossed.

1330

To be honest, I resumed writing this long after the event so minor details are hazy and I cannot recall where we ate lunch. No matter, there was an ample buffet for all and I cannot complain even though it was not to my taste – everyone else filled up. The problem was mine, even after eight years I still can't get used to Chinese food (unless it is proper Chinese food in an English restaurant!), hence six or seven days a week I cook for myself. It is no criticism of the spread by any means, more of myself.

After lunch we went to the Science and Technology agriculture park. Some people are always trotted out to either give a welcome speech or narrate a guided tour. Of course, these things are first in Chinese and then translated into English which prolongs proceedings. As it happens the park was quite interesting, sadly the parts we were taken and the fulsome commentary in two languages were not. We saw marijuana cultivations (medicinal use only of course), aubergine and other sheds. Plants galore but they never let us near the cows, deer, chickens etc which would have grabbed my attention. We also saw a funghi production complex from planting of seedlings or whatever mushroom embryos are called, right through to packaging the finished product, albeit the process was viewed in reverse. Contrary to popular belief, Chinese straw mushrooms are not kept in the dark and fed bullshit, they are well lit and the air is constantly sprayed with water.

We were then taken to the dairy where I had hoped I might manage to filch some cheese but of course, being China, cheese is not really a dairy product in demand. Milk and yoghurt was all that was available. Quite why we were taken upstairs in order to see closed doors and a 10 yard vewing window to observe people far below sorting milk cartons is beyond me for that was the only insight into the dairy process we got until at the end we were give a carton of milk and a bottle of yoghurt apiece.

I think we were all relieved to return to check into the hotel in the evening. Sadly for me dinner was indistinguishable from lunch, and indeed no meals during the three days differed substantially. Again, no criticism intended, it is merely my taste and I did expect it.

The evening “cultural exchange” was in fact some invited locally famous artists and calligraphers. Again not my cup of tea but it certainly appealed to many of our group, whose number had now increased by one, no idea why but she travelled by train and joined us in the evening.

And a group of us went out in search of a beer. No alcohol had been available at meals. I did not expect it to be laid on gratis but the option to buy one's own would have been good.

Anyway, Dariush and I, along with a few others, approached a bar close to the hotel. I asked if we could use the outside table and chairs that were plainly being occupied by the owners and staff and all hell broke loose. It immediately became obvious they had a considerable head start on us, in fact they were not far from the finish line. 'Welcome to CHINA!!!” this from a woman of about forty, accompanied by rather intimate cuddling.

Besides Dariush, the rest of the group beat a hurried retreat. We braved it out but only for a beer apiece because the Chinese hospitality, although clearly heartfelt, was somewhat overpowering. Even leaving almost saw some nastiness when the really drunk chap tried to physically prevent us.

The next place we found was perfect, an open square with picnic tables and chairs which sold 2 litre barrels of cold beer. We stayed too long – on these trips you always do, remember this was the largest collection of laowei I have ever seen in China outside Shanghai – and it was one before I hit the pillow.

Of course I was knackered in the morning but at least I had the advantage of not needing (or wanting) a Chinese breakfast. We embarked on our coach for Maili Mountain and one chap was late so was made to sing for a penalty. I made the mistake of later gratuitously singing Wild Rover -see later.

Maiji mountain is of historical importance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maijishan_Grottoes

and I had declared that I would remain at the foot whilst the others risked life and limb. Something someone said goaded me to say bugger it and I attempted the ascent, thinking I could go half way and descend again. It was some time later I realised it was one way traffic, you have to go up to take the down stairs!

I think I can say that was the most terrifying experience I have ever had in China. Since the longest day in 1982 I have had acrophobia with a vengeance and there we were scaling see-through steps wit a view of the ground 300 feet and more below and traversing narrow ledges tacked to the side of a mountain while the tour guide constanty referred to a major 7.8 Richter earthquake whichn destroyed many of the artifacts. Very reassuring indeed!

The worst part was near the top. Stone (and I mean stones set in concrete) steps which as you ascended became steeper so at the top the vertical distance between two steps became two feet. I was already hauling myself up using the handrails (over which I could see the 150m drop below) but of course at the top the handrail terminated. The two final steps struck terror into my heart because one, I was going to look a fool and an old man and two, if I musjudged, I was going to hurtle backwards into those who to be fair were waiting patiently for me to in fact finish, without demur.

The final step was something else. Perhaps I should have turned around and sat on my arse but I was wearing off-white trousers. Two girls in our company at the top offered to take my hand and pull me up but I felt that if I toppled backwards they couldn't hold my weight. It seemed an hour before I eventually grasped both sides of the opening and prayed. I made it.

Then in the final grotto I was simply standing there listening to the guide when my left leg almost collapsed underneath me! Oh God, was I going to be able to get back down again? Rescue services with a stretcher might be able to reach me in two days and can you imagine looking down at the ground trusting to people to do it safely?

As you can see I did survive but I think it will be a week before my legs work properly again.

After lunch, on the way to Tianshui normal university (“normal” means they teach teachers – same as Chizhou) I was approached and asked if I would sing at dinner, the university was feeding us. I didn't really want to. The group it seemed were no different to Chinese students when I ask a question – their heads retract like turtles. Few volunteered.

I said I had done my bit on the bus, why me? Oh there will be four of us singing. Ok.

After a tour of the university, bloody hell we walked miles but at least at times there were lifts! We were ushered into the auditorium for what was an extremely good student (and teacher) concert. A wonderful welcome as we walked in too.

Quite some time into said concert Marilou (Philippines) who had cajoled me into singing at dinner, informed me I was next! This was plainly not dinner. I had been conned and it had been as easy as taking pocket money from a child. Try sitting in your seat when the hosts on stage build up and announce you!

There is something about being in a foreign country – I don't know about you – that makes me not want to let the “side” down, whether that side be my country or as we were, what I nicknamed the United Nations Troublemaking Force. I had no real choice. Please don't think that I am uncomfortable giving a speech to a thousand people because I am not, I have had too much practise, but singing?

And the problem in China is that they won't know the song so will not join in the chorus. Wild Rover? I'd done it on the bus. I Belong to Glasgow? Forget it.

I sang Court Of King Caractacus.

Don't ask.

It worked.

Apparently I received a standing ovation but I coudn't see past the stage lights. I was congratulated by many of our group for “taking a hit” and also, genuinely by the Chinese leaders and our foreign experts leaders. It seems somewhat vain to say this but I actually felt quite elated after it was over....

http://xcb.tsnu.edu.cn/info/1003/4865.htm

That night after dinner a mob of us went to the open square, avoiding the Welcome To China! Place we encountered the previous night. It rained. And it rained. We didn't care. Finally this disparate group from the globe over had started to gel. Besides the Peace Corps volunteers there were 18 elective teachers, some who had been in China longer than me and foreign teachers abroad all have possibly more distinctive characters than were they in their homeland, it is more pronounced here. I will not single anyone out but they ranged from the confrontational argumentative ( who I sought out for company!) to the extrovert, the quiet knowledgeable and so forth.

So many countries, three days together and not one black eye.

Yesterday, the final day, we went to Fuxi temple which to my relief had no stairs because I would definitely have refused at the first hurdle, my legs even on the flat were complaining vociferously. Interesting and the guide never once mentioned earthquakes.

And then after lunch it was home.