Saturday 5^th December, 2020 1930

An afternoon from hell.

I said last time I was having a roast chicken dinner. Well dinner ended up being two baozi (steamed dumplings). Why?

Because before I washed dishes and started cooking I wanted to go and get my cigars, five months worth. Normally as I leave I pat the right side of my trousers to make sure there's the reassuring jangle of my keys clipped to my belt tags. Except today was one of those rare occasions when I patted after I closed the self-locking door. There was no jangle.

Jesus. Now I couldn't get back in!

Well, no big deal, I was going all the way across the river and town to get my smokes so would be maybe sixty minutes then I could just get a taxi afterwards to take me to main campus, get Jody's key and come home. Costly but these things happen.

Only, Jody's phone was switched off.

I got to China Tobacco and suddenly this time (as with taxis lately) they don't take debit cards. The nearest ATM was directly opposite but with an eight-lane road and four foot high central barrier, meaning a huge walk followed by a subterranean foray whereby I almost ended up taking an underground train before realising how to emerge the other side. And none of the escalators were working. I was all in by the time I withdrew the cash, my legs were all but buckling. I was stood right opposite where I needed to be and couldn't face that return expedition. As the crow flies it was a 50 yard journey but I hailed a taxi and paid 10¥ for him to drive up to the junction and do a u-turn. The guy knew full well why and he was happy because as soon as I opened the door to get out he had another fare.

Paid for the cigars and left and trust me, 2,300 of them aren't light. Got to the bottom of the steps and they called me back! I knew I had paid the right money so just stood there and indicated there was no way I was lugging that lot up again. Then it dawned. They wanted to give me free lighters! And in this case also a free stainless steel drinking thermos that I will never use but I am sure I can find someone who will.

With Jody still uncontactable on the way home I had no choice but to call Brenda. Four times. Now I WAS panicking. Thankfully she did eventually pick up, she was in the hospital with her mother. Couldn't tell her about Jody, it's a state secret, so I had to look an idiot (which I am for not frogmarching her to the key shop to get another cut) and I asked her to send uni workmen or locksmiths to drill out the barrel and change it and I would pay.

To my relief (and surprise) she said she had a key! That would explain why I was only ever given one when they changed them before, which I thought odd at the time. Damned handy now. But seeing as she was with her Mum she needed someone else to go and get a spare and for me to go to campus.

Oh great. I had three bags of cigars and nowhere to leave them, a taxi to take to campus which I may have to cause a war to get through the gate and it was freezing cold. I dumped the cigars with the jing jo shop and went to wait for a taxi. Mr Jing Jo came back shortly after, Mrs must have told him and the next thing I know was he was calling me back. He would take me!

Thank you God!

This time I had to direct him against his Satnav but when you make the journey 32 times a week and have been the dozen or so ways to do it, you get to know. And bless him, we waited until Mr Wei came, got the key and brought it.

When we got back I bought my drinks for 68¥ and I gave 100¥ and refused the change. It would have cost at least that in a taxi. The bastards absolutely refused to take the money and Mrs shoved it in one of the bags! Well I will get my revenge tomorrow – I have a tin of expensive British butter biscuits from which I tried one and instantly knew I wouldn't eat any more. I will take that to them as a gift. Wouldn't mind the tin back afterwards though!

As for Jody? She called at 1840. I thought I was quite reasonable to point out that had she got another key cut after I asked her (and offered to pay) this would never have happenedm indeed if her phone was on it wouldn't either. “Are you done?” she asked when I finished. “Yes”. She hung up. No sorry, nothing. Well it won't happen again as I now have a third key, I just need my knife to get the window open.

So no roast dinner today but tomorrow will be busy as I need to cook that and probably scotch eggs (and I need more eggs as before I left, my coat caught a pack and they hit the deck making a hell of a mess!).

Three days off to rest? Really???