When we pulled up at the hotel our taxi was approached by a veritable phalanx of concierges (a cluster of concierges??) to whisk our bags in for us and up to the room. What a breath of fresh air! Certainly we had been treated like royalty in Shenyang (house pests in Shanghai!) but it was almost as if they knew something and were doing their damnedest to upstage the Hilton. Having been friends of the boss they were never going to do that but by heck they certainly equalled it!

Again I was lent a mouse and I also asked if they could arrange for someone to take our ID to the train station and collect our prepaid tickets to save us time in the morning. I would happily have tipped 50y for that but they refused all payment, although when they arrived later that night I gave the bellboy 20y for his trouble. The room was fine although there were no disposable razors, a very small minus. The only other criticism was that some of the public area carpets were worn and should be replaced but overall a damned good hotel. Any shortcomings were easily outweighed by the willingness of all the staff to please.

After a much needed nap it was off to BitBurger, somewhere I had been three years before with Steve when he ran the Hefei Hilton. There we met Vivian (she who did the dvd of my life in Chizhou) for dinner. By the time we arrived she had already ordered onion rings (biggest onions I have ever seen), escargots and pizza. Joan ordered yet another lasagne which looked sumptuous. The food was great, Guinness was cold, what more could I want? Well Vivian picking up the tab was icing on the cake. When I protested she reminded me that last year when I treated her to dinner at the Hilton (actually I didn’t, the Hotel Food Services manager signed off the bill but she doesn’t know that) she had said next time she would pay. It had to be of the order of 700y and would have left me needing a cash point, as it is I still have money in my wallet!

Afterwards she came back to our room where she watched the spring gala TV show because she didn’t believe I was in it and doing Tai Chi to boot! And sorry Steve, because she had paid so much money for the meal I gave her a gift - yes, my lucky frog statuette. I should have asked for another one for emergencies!

Tuesday morning we went for breakfast. The train wasn’t until almost midday so there was no rush. The buffet was extensive and every bit as good as the Hilton, the only criticism was that nobody offered us tea or coffee. No big deal, there were plenty of juices to choose from so the orange took a hammering. They even had eggy bread and maple syrup, something I haven’t had since 1984 when I was stranded ashore by fog overnight in Baton Rouge, Mississippi! I left the breakfast table decidedly heavier than when I entered.

On leaving we had a party comprising some security manager and the female general manager (Cherry) to see us off and when I next go to Hefei the Holiday Inn is now my choice, the Hilton having gone downhill since Steve left.

The taxi (bastard) dropped us off outside the coach station. I wish I hadn’t tipped him. Joan had her rucksack and handbag, I had my suitcase, the holdall and the new rucksack. The only way to cross the road to get to the train station was to take the overpass. It was hot and the only consolation was that each side of the stairs there is a ramp so I could painfully drag three bags weighing a combined 30 kgs up, across and then try to stop them from running away from me on the downslope. I was soaked by the time we got to the station.

We were lucky because our tickets, although for consecutive seats, were either side of the aisle yet we managed to sit together by asking the rightful owner of the seat Joan was eventually in if he would mind swapping, which he didn’t. The only things worthy of note were A) the guard after about an hour spotted my Jing Jo (medicine wine) bottles and admonished me as it wasn’t allowed apparently even though you can buy warm beer on the train. He was good natured about it and left me alone because presumably I am a laowei and anyway we had been “communicating” by body language earlier when I had been smoking B) the first time I went for a smoke in the vestibule between carriages (perfectly legal, it’s where you are allowed) there was a chap in a pinkish t-shirt smoking a fag and a woman facing out of the door window gyrating her hips. I don’t think she had paid for a seat, only a standing ticket. As soon as I lit my cigar she went ballistic, castigating me for smoking in a designated smoking area. All smokers reading this will I am sure feel the same as me - we are treated as lepers almost everywhere these days and so when we are doing it where we are supposed to, then we fight back with a vengeance! I waited (and pink shirt watched on with amusement for she hadn’t said anything to him at all) until her unintelligible but unmistakeable tirade had finished and calmly pointed to the little sign which states smoking permitted. I then took a huge puff and exhaled clouds of smoke in her direction and pointed left, telling her to go to the WC. She wasn’t happy but pink shirt thought it was marvellous as she flounced off.

I had now made a friend in pink shirt, for every time he saw me rise to have a smoke, he followed suit! And every time we went for a gasp she was there, hips gyrating, enjoying the view. And every time I brandished my cigar case at her and beamed, “I’m back!” at her, every time some invective was levelled at me as she retreated to a smoke free environment. Every time pink shirt laughed and gave me the thumbs up. I think we both went for far more smokes than we would otherwise, simply to piss her off!

C) I asked Joan if she had enjoyed the holiday and she replied that she had enjoyed most of the time in Shanghai (she, like me, wasn’t best pleased over the hotel and room) but ALL of the time in Shenyang. That has to be entirely down to our gracious host who I rib mercilessly at times and who does strike back like a cobra, so many thanks again Steve.

 Five hours later we were on home turf, took the bus home and had an early night. I didn’t eat but made Joan some wraps, I was too tired to cook. This morning I took her on the bike to McDonald’s for breakfast (she is on her way home now on a 9 hour train journey during which she won’t eat). I nearly died when I saw the size of her suitcase but managed to squeeze it into the space between me and the front of the bike, otherwise we would have had to take buses. Suitably fortified, she has now been on the train for two hours and will arrive in her hometown at seven tonight. Her mother has killed the fatted calf as she hasn’t been home since spring festival. There are many like her, for whom it takes nine or ten hours to get home and the same back (the only train back arrives here at three in the morning for Christ’s sake!) so three or four day holidays just aren’t worth going home. As it is she gave up three weeks of her holidays volunteering and learning to teach and now eleven days to accompany me, although she HAS had a holiday she will never forget.

So back to reality, at least for a couple of days. At the weekend I will leave again for two nights in Ningguo in the east of Anhui province. I promised Helen if I had both time and money I would make a point and I have both the aforementioned. It will be poles apart from where I have just been, being a small place, a lot smaller than here so local knowledge will probably be essential regarding finding food I can eat. Ctrip says my hotel has a western restaurant but Ctrip often tells porkies. The reviews I have read that mention breakfast (only a couple) seem to indicate it is only Chinese and not much variety either. Doubtless I will find out when I get there but I am not getting up early to be greeted by gloopy congee (a sort of rice porridge with the consistency of snot), I would rather pass.

Tonight I am taking Alice and a friend of hers to dinner. They haven’t been home all vacation as far as I know and have been staying in one of the dormitory blocks the school has left open. Mind you, we have to go early because the “auntie” locks the doors at eight-thirty! Every other year it was ten so I think she is just being bone idle - these are legally adults with an early evening curfew on holiday! I shall take them to the all you can eat barbecue restaurant, at least I know how much the bill will be in advance. Tomorrow will be a shopping trip to buy snacks for the Saturday trip (here to Wuhu, change trains and then there to Ningguo), not that I normally eat on trains here anyway. Or if I get up early I can always have a McBreakfast before I leave. Yes, might do just that.