Tuesday 29th December, 2015               0130

Sunday was quite rightly a lazy day. I had done my bit on both Christmas and Boxing days so I thought sod it, slob around even more than I normally do.

You know, when I was a young child, maybe seven or eight years old, my infants’ school class had an organised coach trip to London to visit London zoo for the day. You have all had it, especially when young - that keen anticipation of a trip or an event. Well when I was that age I loved nothing better to receive on Christmas morning those hard-backed nature books about the fish in the oceans, African wildlife etc - it fascinated me.

Imagine it, two days before I got to see elephants and monkeys and lions I contracted measles or chickenpox (can’t recall precisely which). I felt fine, just looked a little different and was still looking forward to going on the trip with my schoolmates.

I wasn’t allowed to go. The only one not to make it.

To this day I don’t understand why not - it wasn’t as if I felt awful, I didn’t - and in those days if someone caught those things your friends’ parents sent them to see you so THEY could catch it. None of that MMR stuff back then and the sooner caught and dealt with the better.

My mother confined me to bed and whilst my friends all had a wonderful day I had to content myself with looking at my wildlife books or gazing wistfully out of the window wondering what my classmates were doing. I was devastated.

Of course as you grow older you learn to deal with such disappointments, in most cases with a sense of sang froid or simple resignation. As I am sure many reading this will have had, I have of course suffered huge disappointments over the years, the latest of course being my impending dismissal for growing old(ish) - or  middle aged as those in their early 60s are now being referred to as -   and the cancellation of my intended trip to the ice festival and other places.

Disappointing enough some may agree but regarding the Harbin/Shenyang/Nanjing trip I could still have justified taking it seeing as the flights were paid for,  a way could and would have been found to afford the rest of the money needed. However as you know, due to you know who, the tickets have been cancelled and I have lost over half what I paid - not to mention that to rebook at this stage would cost double what I paid in the first instance which would effectively mean another 150% cost on flights alone.

Yesterday I found out that you know who has suddenly decided her student employees are free to go after their own exams on the 12th.

We were booked to leave the day after, so we could have gone after all on a trip somewhere I have wanted to go for five years now. I feel very much like that little boy half a century ago sitting in his bed and looking out of the window dreaming of elephants and tigers. A few days in Nanjing will be scant consolation at a time when I really need to drag myself up out of the doldrums.

That is life, and this is China.

1430

I have now completed testing of 80% of my students and it is quite upsetting hearing them express the fact they will always remember me (quite what for I shudder to think!) and that they will miss me. I always miss my students, even the bad ones but it pains me to see my kids not wanting to change to Richard’s classes next term, doubtless as much as his students feel right now.

I made a load of cottage pies last night, ate one and froze the rest (although Anna is coming tonight so I had to take one out of the freezer just now) and today went shopping. My life these days seems to revolve around shopping trips and on the bus journeys my mind is full of thoughts of getting another job somewhere I will be happy, whether I will preserve enough money to last between my last here and first payday there and very importantly, how the hell do I get all my accumulated possessions to the next harbour?

I really don’t want to have to start all over again, I have almost everything needed for a comfortable life here (especially in the culinary department) and to replace everything would probably cost me four months salary (not savings, the entire wage). These people make arbitrary “rules” with nary a thought to those they affect and whilst that may be small beer to the backpacker one year teaching types who were never going to stay, to the like of Kevin and myself who want to put down at least semi-permanent roots, it is decidedly unwelcome.

Anyway, the cats finally destroyed the fan heater they have had since year two so I need to throw that out. In the meantime they have Kevin’s old small one that he left. It does on occasion squeal so it is unsuitable for a human bedroom and what with global warming being a hoax and the temperatures here at night becoming icy, I decided I needed something to take the chill off the spare bedroom.

So I splashed out today on a new one for 128y - one that hopefully I can take with me wherever I go. It is small and at first knockings seems to throw out a decent amount of heat. I have a small bar heater that has also gone the distance although only one bar works now. It used to serve me very well in the old and cold flat when I kept it in the bathroom and turned it on each morning to warm it before I took a shower. It has been a faithful servant during my tenure and is now resident on the balcony, where it is used to ensure laundry done in the evening is dried by morning.

Too many things have I accumulated to simply walk away from them yet again. As I age, so I like to make my life easier - don’t we all? My comfort blanket these days is having the gear to cook. As a kid it was a blue old fashioned kite, the tail of which I used to suck because it tasted of salt. God know what I was sucking on and it probably caused brain damage but I would hide in the meter cupboard under the stairs and suck away contentedly!

Ah well, I still have a break in Nanjing to look forward to in a fortnight.