Tuesday 30^th January, 2018 2045

Stephanie was coming to dinner tonight. I was going to make lemon baked salmon and try to produce a yoghurt and cucumber sauce. Instead I dined alone on a cheese and tomato baguette.

I am not annoyed. I am though experiencing a little guilty schadenfreude.

Stephanie has had a taste of my world, the travelling one where everything always goes wrong.

She was in Chongqing and texted me to tell me she was on her way to the train station and did I want her to bring my little suitcase back tonight. Good job I wasn't expecting it, having bought my new one.

An hour later another text arrived. She had missed her (expletive) train. The taxi had dropped her at the wrong entrance, she didn't know where to go, nobody would help her and bystanders were filming and taking pictures of her crying. For some reason they wouldn't sell her a ticket for the last train either, something about the fact she already had a ticket for a departed train. I can't imagine being fobbed off with that tosh personally.

I have no idea whether she slept in an hotel last night or in the waiting room of the other Chongqing station she went to in order to get a morning train. She should be disembarking in about ten minutes.

So I had a lazy day and eventually decided that I really did need to shop if I was going to get a haircut before Xian. I got a male and female work experience/school holiday fill-in couple on the wine section. Terrible English and they were trying to give me six bottles in individual bags. They were at a loss when I pointed out they should go and get a box from the warehouse out the back so they called their supervisor. She knows me but never fails to get me two boxes even when I ask for just one! No matter, I will drink it all anyway if I stay alive.

For most of this afternoon I sat in my office, door closed and fan heater going and I thought it must be exceptionally cold outside because my office was none too cosy. The radiators were barely warm. Maintenance maybe but they are back on now.

So tomorrow I shall get shorn and depending on how brutal my head feels, buy a Homburg or something and maybe some speakers. I will have another clean up in the flat, clear the decks of laundry and then sit wondering if I am going to Xian to be alone on Thursday or not but go I will. I do however hope to have company otherwise it will simply be two days in the hotel – I have seen what Xian has to offer twice in a year already.  

Sunday 28^th January, 2018 1930

This has got to stop.

It was six this morning by the time I went to bed and when I got up at one this afternoon all my plans had died. I was going to get a haircut notwithstanding going to colder climes later this week. I was also thinking of buying some small speakers for my new laptop for playing music from the office when my dinner guests are in the dining room. I haven't even opened the front door today! I doubt I shall do either of those tomorrow seeing as I need to shop at BHG. Stephanie is coming on Tuesday for dinner.

On Wednesday she will stay in an airport hotel before jetting off to the States complete with a list of herbs and spices to bring me on her return and a special gift of my choosing. She asked me what I would like. Her father is an opthalmologist. I don't wear spectacles but do carry a foldaway pair of reading glasses for the once-every-two-months occasions when I need to read tiny print.

I asked her if her Dad could find me a treble magnification monocle!

I am more of a Patrick Moore than a Chris Eubank but I thought it might be good for a laugh.

Despite my inactivity, I have however, two nights running, started writing the novel I have procrastinated over for years. The problem has always been that I had three-quarters of a plot but never an ending! I have one now together with plenty of autobiographical anecdotes and situations that I can inject as required.

Last night when I went for my beer supply I decided to go and buy some vegetables preparatory to today's roast chicken dinner. My usual veg stall had already packed up for the night so I trudged further up the road. I needed an onion for my cheese and onion quesadillas for last night but never saw one at the next stall. Even if he had them I doubt I would have bought one, it seemed all his wares were a day away from being turned into pigswill. The next one, the one that often has decent potatoes when nobody else does, didn't seem to have onions either. I was beginning to think there was a city-wide shortage. I checked the back room. Nothing. The lady started showing me things I didn't want and I made a circle with my fingers. Ok, how many vegetables are circular? Not a lot, so she understood. She showed me another back room I hadn't spotted and produced an onion. Runner beans and a carrot and I was done. Her potatoes looked the same as the other stall – terrible. Except there was a small box I spotted with good ones. Given that BHG seem to be running out of decent ones I bought two. The problem was, they were all huge! Half of one is ample for me but it does mean Steph will be eating something using spud on Tuesday!

And in a different vein, I was reading about China seeking to open a Polar Silk Road using the Arctic to send ships.

Great for commerce but what about the poor sods manning the ships? They want the Tropics, not frostbite!

Sunday 28^th January, 2018 0300

Ok I am going to bed soon but Facebook comments kept me up. Anyway, no need for me to get up at any hour.

Not much happening in China so I thought I would reminisce. This has to be 20 years ago or thereabouts.

I met a girl online. No, not a dating site, purely by accident although I have nothing against dating sites. Anyway, I fell in love with this girl, well, as much as it is possible to fall in love online. It seems crazy now and I scoff at others who have done likewise but yes, I did indeed.

I took it to the next stage and thereafter ensued a two year relationship during which time I lost my heart, my money and ultimately my life, although not in the strict sense of the meaning.

We met in the airport and before we even left I knew in wanted to marry her. Clearly as we never did she had other ideas, I reckon that led to a much less fulfilling life than I would have strived to provide but that's not germane to the tale.

I stayed in the Prysbaltiskaya hotel in St Petersburg and she visited , the second night staying. I felt like the teenager my brain said I was and took her to things a forty years old person should. I never booked her into the hotel, don't ask me why but I came to wish I had but that is for the next entry.

The morning after she stayed we went to buy some English learning textbooks. To do so we had to walk down Nevsky Prospekt. At every traffic junction there is a pedestrian underpass. Walking through one of these underpasses a rather unshaven chap violently collided with me, I thought deliberately. Needless to say I (rather inadvisedly in hindsight) shouted out “Oh don't mind me!”

Seconds later as we were walking on the upslope, a group of men overtook us, two closed in at the front and slowed to a stop.

Now James Bond would have reacted and reached for his gun but I am your ordinary bloke plus a bit. The chap in front seemed awfully like the the one who banged into me going the other way. I know now that was to verify I was foreign.

It all happened so quickly. If it has ever happened to you then you will know. You have a feeling something is wrong but it happens so fast. You are in a communist style country and something is going very badly wrong but you have a millisecond to figure it out. Unless you work for MI5 you have no chance. It happens before you know.

I was younger and fitter then but I know the reaction would be the same today regardless. My girl was by my side and we were hedged in and motionless by a group of five men. Terrified? NO I bloody wasn't! Enraged: YES!

A hand went to take my bulging wallet with $2,000 and all my credit/debit cards and along with it my holiday with the girl I had dreamt about for so long. Stifled, neither of us able to move the tunnel vision kicked in.

I have only had it once before. I came home from the pub one night after some road rage from a neighbour. He (dead now) gave me abuse as I opened our gates to park and then was the only person ever in my life to land a punch on my nose. God, if you have never had one don't try it! It stings a lot.

My father had to come out and stop me from pressing the neighbour's cheeks onto my car exhaust.

So here I had a group of men who thought a tourist was easy pickings? Two days after he had met someone he hoped to be with for the rest of his life?

I admit I can be an idiot at times, they could have been armed with guns or knives but there was a hand trying to get my holiday out of my back pocket.

And with my new girlfriend.

Now I would have died for her (and still would) but stopping me from courting her? Sorry but you never read the manual.

I am a taurus. I don'r believe in that stuff but I did turn into a bull. If I didn't break the wrist that was trying to lift my wallet I will be disappointed and having shaken them off I went around in circles inviting them to bring it on.

I don't recall any other time in my life I have been so angry. Had they had guns I would have taken bullets and ripped them from their hands and they may well have been armed. Maybe I was stupid but by God I was incensed and even an AK47 was not going to quell that.

I shall not give the entire courtship but next time will give another warning for people visiting other countries. 

Thursday 25^th January, 2018 2115

This post is coming from the ancient Chinese capital of Xian, right? Nothing went wrong and my journey went without a hitch of course. We are sitting enjoying free cocktails in the executive lounge having dined on a sumptuous all you can eat buffet.

You know me better than that!

Full of the joys of winter (spring left me years ago) I leapt (or rather, creaked) my way out of bed late morning, ripped the bedding off and put it in the wash, the idea being on our return we will have clean sheets.

I made a coffee, turned on the laptop and phone and once the phone had warmed up, two messages popped up.

You just know what's coming next......

Last night here we had about an inch of snow (heavy by Lanzhou standards) but which this morning appeared trivial. I should have known my Journey Jynx would appear cackling and rubbing its hands with unbounded glee.

Oh yes, Steve, sorry, we had heavy snow here and my parents forbade me to leave the house today, it's too dangerous.

I confess I wasn't exactly enthralled reading that. Considering the hours and trouble it took to actually book the hotel, here I was now faced with cancelling it. Sometimes I wonder why on earth I bother making intricate plans because they always come crashing down around my ears.

She needed to know quickly if she should rebook the train tickets otherwise she would lose the money she had paid to get to Xian. Of course, if you look hard enough you can always find some consolation when things go base over apex. Not a lot, but there are crumbs of comfort to be had if you try.

The hotel, had I been able to book online (remember I was locked out of my account), would have been advance payment with no refund. I had paid no deposit when the hotel booked it for me so I was allowed to do so. Joan altered the tickets, costing an extra 90\ for the privilege, I in the meantime never stood an earthly of getting to the ticket office in time to change my ticket to Xian, ergo I forfeited 231\ and someone had extra room next to them. So far, 321\ loss.

We decided to reschedule for exactly a week later. When I rebooked the hotel on the website myself, I managed to save 100\ on the original price, except now if I cancel I will lose 1300\.

Then there was panic for me to get another train ticket as next week's are selling out fast. My only two options were to arrive and wait five hours in the station for her or get there a quarter of an hour before but I needed to do it today, tomorrow was too chancy. I spent this evening commuting in the freezing cold and even then fate still had something in store.

Nobody spoke English but I had written clearly what I wanted (writing 1^st Class together with the price and the correct money folded in my passport still always has them pulling up 2^nd Class prices and happened this time as well) and when I had gotten through to them they showed me the screen. I had used the American way, 2/1/18 as they do and sure enough the screen showed 01/02/18 – the English way! Great.

I got my ticket, left the counter and checked it. It was for the 18^th February! I am guessing the 01 referred to the number of tickets and the year wasn't depicted on the screen at all! Jesus! Of course, I now had to go to the back of the queue and wait all over again. By the time I was done I was about to rip out their turnstiles.

But it is done now and despite the waste of time and money, financially mitigated to 221\, there is another – not so small – comfort. Whereas this week we were going today and she was returning home on the Monday morning early, I laid the guilt on thick (over 21 and being told what to do by her parents) and albeit it will be a week late, I will have an extra day with her as she will leave on the Tuesday, and thankfully she couldn't get the early train as she had booked for this Monday.

It is nonetheless infuriating when your bags are packed only to have to call the whole thing off at the eleventh hour.

And I have to make my bed later.......

Wednesday 24^th January, 2018 0005

Today at least, I have swept and sort of mopped. I even swept the loose stuff off the dining room ceiling (a first) because I knew when Joan got here she wouldn't believe I cleaned, she knows me well. Haha! Already there is more snow so if I sweep tomorrow I can guarantee it will again before we return. Steph and Annie keep insisting I report it to the school (because my complaints are rectified whilst as volunteers nothing is done about theirs) but my attitude is that the “fix” will be the usual bodge using no fixers and merely putting up more stuff to rain down. So far thankfully it has not actually had the audacity to tumble into any of my dinner parties, once it is down it cannot come down again.

The case is nearly packed, just last minute stuff to go in like medicines and a bottle of HP for our English breakfasts and so forth. I confess I am like a puppy on a polished toilet seat with anticipation and I really ought to stop, keen anticipation of an event in my experience normally leads to disappointment when it occurs.

While I was shopping Saturday night I had a text from an ex student of mine. Long-term readers may recall Tony. He was in Amy's class and indeed featured in the video of my life in Chizhou, the one I told “You shall die”. For a teacher he was an arsehole. He could have been very, very good but as only one of two boys in a class where the other was a wallflower, he craved attention. And at all the wrong times.

Professionally I hated him, personally he reminded me a little of me. Except he was more so. Kevin I am sure would have failed him for class disruption but my view is that, stuff the attendance and classroom activity (unless it helps a struggling student to pass – I try to be kind), if someone's English is good I cannot in all conscience fail them for not attending, not being active, being overactive or for being an arsehole. So as much as I threatened him behind the scenes using others as conduits (and by God it put the fear of Bejaysus into him near the end!) I implied he was going to fail for his antics. That of course prompted third party calls from people he had begged to call me and plead his case and his shenanigans lessened.

He wasn't the best of the intake, my second batch, I think Yvonne was, but he was up in the top five. I should maybe have taken him outside and had him against a wall by the throat but ruin the rest of his career? Not me.

Anyway, I ramble, but a blog IS rambling, isn't it?

About a week ago he phoned. He is now a “headmaster”, by which I interpret he is a form teacher for his year 9 students because nobody in their right mind would make a 25 year old headmaster of a school, leave alone him. Naturally I congratulated him and hoped all his students behaved for him in the way he had behaved for me. I think he has matured a little since then!

Did I have WeChat or QQ to do a video call for his class? No I bloody well don't. Could we have a phone call, his students were in Luan and had never heard a foreigner. I agreed. I try to help all my students, ex or nay. So I had a call on hands free with the class and thought that was the end of it.

Stupid me.

On Friday I had a message asking if I was free at 2100 for another call. NO, I am shopping. Oh I want to cry, this is our last chance, when will you be free. Next week before Thursday. That was it, the last chance gone, slight guilt on my part, unwarranted as it was.

Sunday, will you be free at 0900 tomorrow? What happened to “last chance”? You are joking, I will not be awake! Text me nearer noon and ask.

Well as it happened, and truthfully, I woke at 1110. Equally honestly, I never turned my phone on until 1155! At my age I take a while to come off choke (that one for the older readers!) and I assumed at noon there would be no chance of a repeat request.

I should maybe have left the phone off all day but I am not one to keep my thoughts to myself for long. Oh yes, there was a message asking if I could be available 0900-0930. This was 2 hours later, safe!

Quack,quack,oops!

After my text saying I had only just got up, are you available now?

Well what would you have done? There was desperation here - I promised my students they could speak to you.

Red rage in a velvet glove now. Never, ever promise kids you will deliver something you don't know you can't. Sorry but I am not a tame foreigner you can trot out at will, did I ever invite anyone to come and speak when I was teaching? How dare you?

When the grovelling subsided I said to wait ten minutes and call me. I needed time to become calmer, for the childrens' sake!

Don't think I am an ogre, I am not. Yes I will do it again when asked but with sufficient notice and less frequency. I object to someone who is now an adult, a teacher in his own right now, promising his pet monkey will duly come out to play on command.

To some extent foreigners in China ARE seen as performing animals, much as black slaves were in the UK many years ago but it is something we accept. You get taken to the best restaurants, fed and tested for your drinking ability and sometimes you are paid for it. And it must be said, always treated with the utmost courtesy. It's a bit like a nondescript UK couple having Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts or Lady Gaga on the guestlist at their wedding.

I have always enjoyed it when I have been invited to a student's hometown (Amy and Qing in Tongling, Helen in Ninguo spring to mind) because their families genuinely show respect and thanks for the honour you have bestowed upon their household. You don't deserve it but it is lovely nonetheless. I hate being taken for granted though, use me if you like but if you use me be subtle or pay! My school can use me, they pay me, and if I get gifts like those lovely gold plates they can use me any time.

We are all prostitutes in life. We sell ourselves, be it our labour, talent, fame or whatever. Even Buddhist monks sell their poverty as a way to receive money.

I have drivelled long enough. The next post if I have time will be from Xian in Shaanxi Province but don't count on it, this is one reunion I don't want to waste a minute of!!  

Monday 22^nd January, 2018 1930

Sardine quesadillas are not exactly a meal of choice but fill a hole if there's nothing else. They weren't as unpalatable as one might expect. Really only for emergencies though.

Yesterday I still put off the shopping trip (the haircut is on hold also until after Joan leaves) but I did manage to go to the underground market in the square where I bought 20\ of pick'n'mix and then went in search of a small wheeled suitcase.

Steph has my old one for her trip to the States. To be honest, I was convinced Joan wouldn't come and that if I was to go anywhere alone it would only be for one night so the laptop case would be enough and I lent it to her. Now of course it is for two nights and I like to take my own bar with me so two bottles of wine and four half bottles of jing jo will hardly fit, let alone clothes. I actually managed to get a decent deal on a small one for 230\. Two-thirds of the pick'n'mix are for me, inedible. They now nestle in the case, I am sure my visitor will eat them!

I am falling into the holiday trap of retiring late and sometimes waking too early. Other times I am unavailable until noon. The latter was the case today but with only two days left after tonight, I want to at least make an effort to clean the floors. They are not filthy but the faux wooden flooring shows up every speck of dirt and anyway, it's winter so the ceiling in the dining room is snowing plaster.

So today was crunch day for food shopping, well, not actually food (pack of bacon and some spuds – which seem to be becoming worse quality again), rather it was for two boxes of wine. My wine girl was surprised I hadn't gone back to England for the duration but who the hell wants to go back to snow, post-Christmas?

And here's another thing – there still seem to be quite a few students here. I am sure there are teachers still but it seems strange, I don't recall that happening last year. Thinking back to Chizhou, during my first spring festival absolutely everyone left. The only life on campus was security, Piggy my dog and me. The second one there were a handful of teachers and each subsequent year saw more teachers staying as the new, much warmer flats were opened up. But no students.

And I just looked at the weather forecast. It's not often I do seeing as it's normally wrong but I hope it is this time. Some rare snow here on Wednesday but not Thursday, heavy at times in Xian on Thursday but not Friday. Hopefully nowhere near what the likes of the UK and Japan are getting.   

Sunday 21^st January, 2018 0000

Sardine quesadillas? Hardly haute cuisine but when you are tired and hungry they are not as disgusting as they sound.

But of course, this is a trip I am organising. When have mine ever gone without a hitch?

No change there this time either.

A couple of days ago I started searching for hotels in Xian. The place I stayed in with Alice is fully booked. Not the best of places but a large suite can be had for a good price, breakfast useless for me but great for Chinese and they did give away lots of nibbles and snacks and also for a fee there was a courtesy car.

So I looked at the Hilton (I am in their loyalty programme, ditto IHG) and of course wanted executive privileges – breakfast included and free drinks in the evening. One look was enough to deter me – even using the friends and family pass, whilst offering a decent rate for a standard room didn't look so advantageous when the fact about 50% has to be put on if you want two breakfasts each morning. Rich man's territory.

I looked at Holiday Inn. Never underrate them, they are great hotels (not Express, they are like EasyHotels). Breakfast and drinks included at half the Hilton price (don't misunderstand, Hilton prices depend on the city they are in) so that was it. Forget the Sofitel (expensive) and although Grand Soluxe looked good, I know what to expect with IHG.

Could I book? Could I hell!

Despite recently receiving a reward statement and new offers by email, I was locked out of my account. I couldn't get online chat and didn't want to ring the USA so I emailed. The problem? I have two accounts. News to me but why was I prevented from accessing either? Why could they not have emailed me ages ago and informed me?

I think what happened was I enrolled and then a hotel I stayed in enrolled me again. I think Hefei did it when I said I would give them my membership number when I went online in the room and they said don't worry we will fix it. Well they actually buggered it.

You cannot book online direct with IHG without logging in or registering for membership for the discount. No log-in available so should I have opened a THIRD account? No thanks! I am still waiting for them to merge the two I already have and allow me back in!

Eventually I managed to phone the hotel in Xian and what a palaver trying to explain despite their suggestions I could not do it online, they needed to help me. Great, I didn't have to prepay as per the site but they came up with a huge price and I educated them as to what the bill would be as per their own company's website. Fine. Can you send a confirmation email? Yes.

Actually no. Despite spelling using the phonetic alphabet when giving my email address, it was “wrong”. Five phone calls and four hours later, I asked them to text me THEIR email address so they could reply to my test message. It was impossible to get the girl (Bella) to use phonetics, every time she gave half of it by way of “reservations@holidayinknigelnapkin@mumblemumbledotindistinct”.

A big problem here when giving email addresses is that they know what the asperand @ is when you say “at” but the moment you say “dot” they write “dot”! Then when you explain you mean full stop they are flummoxed.

Anyway, all booked now. Pretty sure it isn't an executive room but it does have the privileges. Now I am angling for the 200y daily dining allowance as per the email I received yesterday for Chinese New Year. Well it never gave dates! If they say no then time to complain to Merca about the hassle they caused me, the fact Grand Soluxe nearly got the booking and the time, calls and effort I had to expend. The squeaky wheel gets the oil....

The bad news is that Joan is only arriving Thursday evening in Xian at 1834, we will come back here on Saturday early evening and she needs to go back on Monday. One day effectively in Lanzhou. I shall try to persuade her to stay at least one more day here, after 18 months it seems so brief. I won't mind so much if the result is I can lay the guilt on thick and convince her she needs to come with me to England though.....  

Saturday 20^th January, 2018 1800

Procrastination sometimes bites back.

We did have water ever since my last post (there are still buckets of water just in case) but despite a complete lack of wine I postponed shopping until today. Adriana was coming for dinner and after we were going to the bar where I drink gin.

The plan had been to sleep from 0200, get a good kip and wake up mid-morning, shop, tidy and sweep and then produce some home made burgers and chips for dinner.

I think I maybe slept for four hours, it was certainly dark when I woke and for the life of me I could not drop off again so I got up early, thinking everything would get done and after dinner I wouldn't want to go out drinking.

That all changed when Adriana sent a text, problems with her grades and she needed to go to school to sort it, could we postpone? Manna from heaven! Yes, sorry about that but ok. Hot on the heels of that was another from Joan telling me she would come on Thursday, let her know and she would buy the ticket immediately.

Frantic internet searches showed the only sensible train she could take arrives in Xian 1834 (previous fast one all sold out in all classes and anything later either slow or arriving after bedtime) so then a look to see what options there were for me. Flying takes almost as long as the train and for once the train is cheaper anyway, yes there was a train which arrived 24 minutes before hers so no tarrying for hours waiting, in fact enough time for a cigar before she gets there, perfect.

Loads of seats left (first class being the preference) and I could easily have decided to turn up on Thursday afternoon to buy my ticket just before the train left. This is China. It is spring festival. Xian is a tourist destination. Would you cross your fingers that during the biggest human migration on the planet every year there would still be a seat left by then?

No, I thought not. I needed that ticket today.

The problem was, the train leaves from the west station. That's a 40y taxi round trip. I could buy the tickets from the main station, a 2y round bus trip. That's what I did. I WILL go shopping tomorrow! Buying the ticket took two and a half hours start to finish, the actual journey itself is only 30 minutes longer! At least I know I have seat 6A in car 1 though.

When I had my ticket I considered eating a chicken curry in Dicos at the station but decided instead to wait and have sweet pork nearer home. The bloody place is all shuttered up! Either they have gone on a very long winter holiday (still more than 3 weeks to new year) or they have gone out of business. I find the latter hard to believe, it may not have been busy during the day but it always seemed popular at night. Who knows?

Being too tired to travel elsewhere, I dithered over whether to have noodles or not. Then I thought I could have a fried bap with assorted fillings from the stall nearby. Until I saw the huge queue of students.

I had cheese and jalapeno quesadillas last night (highly recommended if you are suffering from constipation) and tonight I am trying something wacky – quesadillas filled with sardines in tomato sauce! Sounds vile? I'll let you know!

Thursday 18^th January, 2018 1930

I never showered yesterday. No sooner had my laundry finished than the water went off. I can't shower at the same time because the pipes for the washing machine feed from the bathroom as well as drain. It was off until after five when I took the opportunity to have pot noodles (awful – advertised as Hong Kong Chow Mien, it consists precisely of some noodles and a small sachet of sauce! I was expecting dried beansprouts and the like) and afterwards when I decided I would take that shower, it was off again!

I did though find out my timetable for both campuses next term. All day Wednesday on east campus, all day Thursday on Peili followed by Friday morning on east campus. That is going to destroy me, three mornings on the trot getting up at 0500, 0600 and 0500. Not only that, it will put me in a quandary for Thursdays, where will I get the baguette for my lunch when I camp out on the 7^th floor? I shall have to see if I can find somewhere near east campus that sells them.

On the positive side, it gives me a four and a half day weekend!

I also had an email from Joan, she is after all going to come and visit me although for some reason she finds having to decide whether to accompany me to England this early (bearing in mind she still has to obtain a passport and subsequently apply for a visa) difficult, so as it stands she is declining the offer. We need a chat.

I got up this morning expecting the water to be back on but it wasn't. No dishes washed, no me washed and absent-mindedly I flushed the loo after a pee so all day I had a toilet full of brown stuff. By mid-afternoon it was still off, I couldn't make a coffee, ran out of beer and really didn't want to go outside looking frightful, so I sent a text to Brenda. She is currently in Qingdao but managed to call some of the Chinese teachers here. They had not been informed either and hadn't put any by, so she then called a water engineer. Water would be restored in time for the evening meal but they have a couple more days of work to carry out. That means unless I get up really early I won't get a shower. Forewarned, I have a couple of buckets filled, ditto the kettle but I desperately need to go food shopping so I suppose I'd better be up early. It seems to happen more frequently during the winter holiday, probably because all the students have left.

Wednesday 17^th January, 2018 2330

Sod it.

I am as near to a rock as anyone can be other than Hollywood cowboys but I still need female company.

Not a soul has said yes.

I could understand if I was a lecherous creepy old man (and I admit to the last) but hell, at least in Chizhou my students obliged.

I just happen to be alone. I also happen to have itchy feet and fancy a few days away.

I know, I need to conserve money for summer.

I just wanted to treat someone to a couple of days away.

It is tempting to just go somewhere alone but all that would happen would be that I used my hotel room in precisely the same way I use this place. So to hell with all those who refused me, I shall probably remain where I am.

That of course focuses my mind on summer.

Perfect outcome? Joan comes with me to England. Second is Alice in Wuhu and third (but only because I never for a moment thought she would agree), Joanna.

I will make a prediction right now. Joan will refuse citing gossip, Alice will be studying and Joanna will have work commitments.

If all the above come true I shall not see the UK for yet another year.

I may not go anywhere. I may go somewhere I have never been.

I am however seriously considering what Chinese “friendship REALLY means.

Tuesday 16^th January, 2018 1945

Welcome to those of you who made the transition! I really didn't wish to do this but the only other option was to keep the old site running while people accessed photos from me on my Shutterfly site whilst being unable to post any of their own. Not that anyone ever does!

Last night by my standards I pigged out. Utterly glorious. Fish fingers, mash and peas! Ok so they weren't Capt Birdseye by any stretch and the “peas” here are actually beans that need an hour of boiling before they soften, but a perfect example of scoffing food – simple, plain but bloody lovely, along with the likes of corned beef hash and poached egg. Does anyone else like that? Soft poached of course....

Today I went from the sublime to the ridiculous. Instead of going to bed in the wee hours and waking post-ten, I went to bed in the early small hours and woke up before dawn! I thought it was merely to pump ship but in no way, shape or form was I able to drift off again so I gave up and made a coffee in the dark.

Well if you are going to be up early, surely you should do something?

So I did. I decided to go to the supermarket with some western produce and see what they had, along with checking out if they were stocking cheese again.

Oh yes, they still have brie and camembert (are there REALLY enough French people here to justify that???) and there was a solitary bag of pre-grated cheddar. I mean really, I am lazy but who the hell can't grate their own cheese? Oh, sorry, it's not grated, they use Mercan here so it is shredded!

I did though spend 150\ on pasta sauces, a couple of tins of REAL peas and a tin of salmon. You only ever see tuna, never red salmon so I thought I would try it out, expensive as it was, it might be a stock item for my baguettes when confined to Peili campus all Thursdays next term. Still haven't had my timetable yet from the little campus, which reminds me I must nudge Janet. Never again will I need to order pasta on the internet, as always they did have that. I would like to actually investigate what they have in their booze section but like so many Chinese supermarkets they have myriad double-glazing saleswomen types keeping their beady eyes focussed atop folded arms, simply waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting moth of a customer and try to persuade them to buy something they have no interest in. Yes I could still browse but it would be at the expense of upsetting the entire shop because one attempt I can handle, subsequent ones are treated to a broadside. And then I lose my interest anyway!

Afterwards I went for a plastic steak before heading back. I hate living in crowded cities. Shanghai I could handle even though it embodies everything I loathe, because I could buy anything I wanted and go to restaurants serving any cuisine I wanted. Except notably, pork pies which are unobtainable anywhere in the Middle Kingdom.

Here there are all the disadvantages of a capital city and none of the advantages. Chizhou was much smaller and offered more, at least for me – and the bus drivers all knew me so I always got a seat.

And with the students having disappeared I thought the buses would be less crowded but they weren't. I had to resort to my method of travelling 3 stops onwards to the end to catch the next one back, ensuring a seat.

Well Hallelujah! The bus I was on WAS the next one back! I was about to get up and disembark when I noticed people getting on at the front. A lot of people. Not wishing to forfeit my seat above the heater, I decided to wait until challenged to pay my fare back. I never was, so I saved 1\!!

Life can be so exciting!

Monday 15^th January, 2018 2015

Yesterday was a day that went bad and then managed to become even worse.

Despite receiving no text from Steph I removed the macaroni from the freezer. I rather wanted to get rid of it because although she liked it I had found the batch too bland. The cheese I had wasn't “cheesy” enough and I should have used more mustard.

At the suggested hour and with still no contact I sent a message which received no response. Later I sent another, knowing she wouldn't be on a train until about 2130. This time I got a reply. She had slept until “super late” (likely, seeing as she went to a nightclub), her phone was dead and she couldn't find her charger (where have I heard that one before?) and she was frantically packing.

On the bright side, I dumped the food and now have another baking tray free to use.

Late that evening I had an email from Kevin. His centenarian father had been in hospital following a Christmas Day fall and breaking a hip. I was aware of that but amazingly they had operated on him a week ago. By all accounts he was rallying well until yesterday when he started deteriorating. I believe the last words he spoke were to Kevin's son, whom he informed he was very tired.

I do feel for Kevin. His Mother died a few years ago (I think she was about 95) and departed just before he got back to England. He had booked a flight as soon as news came she was going downhill and as he had been waiting for it for some time, he immediately asked the school to release him. They agreed, Prof Fang had always asked him how his Mother was when she saw him. Instead of a farewell, he got just the funeral.

And his flight to Birmingham departed today, it was booked a month ago and he planned to stay a month because his father had told him he missed him. His old Dad couldn't stay awake for another two days so now Kevin has lost both parents and just missed the last curtain by hours both times.

He was close to them. Our Western Wednesdays would see us chucked out of his flat at ten because he always Skyped with his Dad every night. Mum sadly alternated between knowing him and not but Dad was still as sharp as a razor, in fact until about three years ago he was still driving and even when they revoked his licence he got an electric buggy and used to ride to the pub and supermarket – at least when battery powered permitted.

I shall not talk of a good innings and the like and being gone too soon but having on one occasion spoken to him on Skype I can say he was a thoroughly lovely man whose accent rivalled that of Richard Todd. He had a wonderful and varied life as you will see from the newspaper articles below. An engineer through and through, Kevin would often tell tales. One in particular I remember was when he worked for Carmichael in quite a senior position.

He wanted to make their airport fire engines faster than the competition so they could reach distressed planes more rapidly. I forget the details now but I do know he succeeded, giving Carmichael the leading share in airport emergency vehicles. He met Winston in WW2, worked in Kenya (where Kevin was born, hence I always told my students Kevin was black!) but always loved Worcestershire and never failed to have wine with dinner.

I shudder to think how many people will be at his funeral, I can only hope Kevin doesn't have to pay for all the drinks and sandwiches on his own.

A remarkable gentleman just went to join his wife of many years.

http://www.worcesternews.co.uk/news/15369011.Engineer_who_met_Churchill_in_WW2_celebrates_100th_birthday/

http://www.worcesternews.co.uk/news/10124358.Platinum_couple___s_romance_got_off_to_a_flying_start/

Sunday 14^th January, 2018 0255

Yep, a late one.

I arranged to meet Stephanie and Dean the IT guy in the gin joint at eight.

Now when I make arrangements it's not often I deviate but I suspect values are slipping. Oh to be sure, I am well used to the Chinese way where things change by the second but I am not sure whether it was the American way or just callow youth that brought about a slight readjustment last night.

Stephanie had indicated she was going out for dinner with the landlady but would be at the bar by about eight. Fine. I decided to be adventurous, never ate all day and set my heart on a particular dinner and so left in time to eat that dinner and still be at the bar on time.

I was so adventurous I took the bus despite my abhorrence of stairs and I walked for ages until I arrived at Subway. Only once in my life had I been in a Subway and that was in Luton, probably twenty years ago now. But here I was, actually getting excited for the second occasion!

Well when the best they can offer is Pizza Hut and you can make better pizzas, it could be a big deal.

So for the second time in my life I went in. Not cheap, 25\ for a 6” and “only” 16\ extra to upgrade to a foot long torpedo or whatever they call it. Instantly I decided I would try the tuna but had to wait while three young men decided what they would have. Spotting they were not Chinese, I started up a conversation.

They were students and only one spoke English. I assume they were here to learn Chinese but sometimes you chance upon situations that epitomise (I'm getting pissed off with this poxy Yankee spellchecker that kept telling me I spelt the last word wrong – as well as spelt!) really how delightfully divergent life can be from one moment to the next if only you grasp the opportunity. So many do not.

I found myself talking to two Russians from a very cold mountainous region and could not speak English and their classmate who was Iranian yet now called Kazakhstan home and did speak English. Bizarre given my location certainly but a wonderful thing nonetheless.

Anyway, I ended up envying their choice of Italian sausage, which didn't look too appetising until it had been cooked. I will not complain about my tuna though, it fed me before the gin joint and an hour ago gave me supper too.

While I was eating I texted Steph to tell her where I was and I would be there at the agreed time of eight. Oh we just got here and we are leaving at 2030! What? Come now. No I am eating, I will be there at eight as agreed.

1958 another text asking, it's nearly eight, where are you?

I instantly replied it was not eight yet and walked through the door on the dot. Stephanie was stunned. I keep time. Very few I encounter do likewise. And yes they had been for a hotpot but she was with Denver and they were moving on to the Jam Bar. Come with us. No, Dean is coming and anyway I don't like that bar, it's for young people, too busy, too noisy and they have no tonic water. In the end they left at 2110.

Meanwhile Dean had pushed his arrival back from eight to nine-thirty which of course ended up being five to ten. Does anyone stick to agreed times in this world any more?

Anyway as you can tell, I lingered awhile, we played Dou Dizhou and this time I lost but what the hell. I have now threatened to invite Dean and whichever woman who is not his wife he chooses to invite, here for a western dinner once the American scourge have all disappeared and my larder is safe once again.

On that note, Stephanie is coming this evening for macaroni before she gets the train to Chengdu..... 

Friday 12^th January, 2018 1200

Of course, with an early start, it simply had to be that I was unable to sleep until the small hours and getting up was painful.

I made the right decision to wear the suit, this was apparently the first ever visit by the Foreign Affairs Bureau to the school and I was one of only two foreign teachers present. There was Olga, the Russian married to a Chinese teacher and myself. Nordine was in Xian, having gone there presumably in the hope of catching a glimpse of President Macron, Annie as you know is away training and the others (I learnt today there are seven of us in total) are not in Lanzhou either. Sometimes being a stay-at-home works against you, others for you.

The trip to the main campus was dreadful, today it is bitterly cold and the 121 bus was full and I had to stand most of the way. Being one of the older buses also meant it was a very jerky ride.

Brenda did a good job of translating what was being said for me, just as well because I was unexpectedly asked for my opinion of what had been discussed! Basically there were two main points, the fact they want yet more foreign teachers/experts and the Dunhuang culture which has been incorporated by the fine arts department into their works in clay. Dunhuang is famous for being an important point on the ancient Silk Road. In the last five years alone, the school has filed thirty patents for their designs in clay, indeed one such example sits in my display cabinet, a gift given to me during the Rewi Alley epic journey.

At the end were the photo opportunities (I never took my camera, it didn't seem right) and the presenting of gifts to Olga and myself. She received a silk scarf embroidered with Dunhuang art and very nice it was too.

I got the best of the bargain though, of that there can be no doubt. I was fully expecting a trinket I would politely thank them for and which would be stowed away at the back of a cupboard for evermore.

What I got though was absolutely exquisite. Two decorative display plates about 6” in diameter, gold plated and adorned with colour etchings of flying apsarases, both set in a lovely wooden case. I had never heard of apsarases and had to Google them – they are Hindi/Buddhist mythical female angels often depicted playing various musical instruments.

Ok so the gift serves no practical purpose but by God it very pleasing on the eye and henceforth shall take pride of place in my display cabinet alongside the other items I have been given during my time in China.

Well worth the effort of putting on a suit!

 

Thursday 11^th January, 2018 2245

Having done bugger all yesterday, as usual I left it all to do today.

In fairness I did actually try to start “early” by getting my final top-up of electricity before the big shutdown by going at 1130. I have no idea what the electricity auntie's hours are but considering she only works Tuesdays and Thursdays they seem rather lax because of course she wasn't there.

I try not to leave it until I am desperate, having had prior experience but this was in fact crucial, nearly two months to last and about 830\ on the meter. For a Chinese that would probably last six months but I do not sit at home in sweater and coat. My little fan heater supplements the radiators the entire time I am up if necessary. You may imagine my slight concern as I left the empty building, wondering if she would be there this afternoon and if not, having to make waves. She ain't a bad sort, just terrible at timekeeping.

So off I went to spent a fortune in the supermarket and hey! Blow me if suddenly there are fish sticks! No, not what you are imagining, these look like fish fingers! I haven't had them for 8 years and even at 50\ a box I had to have them. No idea how I can make parsley sauce without parsley though!

I did also buy, after all the Yaketty-Yak Xining weekend, two yak steaks. Originally I was going to make omelette but this was whimsical. I knew it was wrong but it would at least shut up Stephanie forever.

Don't you just love it when someone texts long after you have been shopping to ask if they can invite Denver to dinner too? Well, something like bolognese or lasagne no problem because it can stretch but two steaks between three people. I felt bad but not my fault.

Got home after shopping, relaxed and waited until I felt even the tardiest of aunties would return from lunch. She had thank God. Lovely, eeh chien (1,000\) credit bunged on so now I have 1,800 – plenty for spring festival.

Next the monthly drug run followed by the jing jo top-up. Actually I have rather too much jing but that's because I have been drinking too much pijou but never mind.

Then it was time to cook dinner. Yak steak eh? Well it was much as expected. Somewhere they are breeding perfectly cylindrical yaks with a diameter of 6”, just as they breed Aberdeen Angus the same dimensions especially for Chinese supermarkets. Bloody plastic.

But hell, I suppose they were actually yak so I have now eaten it. Tough and the sauce was awful, wish I hadn't bothered because I am convinced it was yak milk butter. But I can say I have had it. It does not rank anywhere near ostrich, which cooked correctly is superb.

And then the piece de resistance was almond and pistachio ice cream. I hate almonds. I loathe marzipan. But in ice cream of course the predominant flavour will be pistachio, right?

Ever tried marzipan ice cream???

It took three full swigs of wine to eradicate the assault on my taste buds. Oh yes, SHE liked it of course. And now I am stuck with half a tub of very expensive inedible ice cream in my freezer for when Annie returns after the holidays. Oh yes, Steph never missed the chance to send a picture of the yak steak to Annie just to annoy her.

So an early morning tomorrow for this apparently very formal meeting which will feature speeches and other traditional niceties. I am only interested in the gifts they will give us, whether I will actually want them or give them away!

Should I be posh and wear the suit and medal?

I will decide when I get up.....

Tuesday 9^th January, 2018 0000

The locusts have been. Annie took some of the macaroni for her journey to Chongqing, Stephanie the rest for breakfast along with the remains of the soup in an orange juice bottle!

I have been cooking for myself for so long that it is likely I have forgotten how desperate I was in the early Chizhou days to eat western food. They talk of culture shock and I do not believe that exists, it is merely a case of not doing your homework but food cravings are very, very, real.

If you plonked a Chinese person in the Congo they would be the same. No dumplings, no noodles, no dan chow fan etc – they would kill for Mother's cooking. I am no different except in the respect that I actively change my culinary environment by recreating as best I can my “normal” diet. Bugger this ”eat like the locals” idea. I tried that for a year, never enjoyed it and despite the popular belief Chinese people are slim because of their diet are slim, put on weight! Admittedly I eat little of anything but it seemed somewhat insulting to adopt a Chinese diet and get heavier.

Apparently I almost dropped Annie in it earlier when I told Brenda she was going to Chongqing with the Peace Corps. She isn't. She is taking a few days out but of course Brenda hopefully assumed I confused Chongqing with Chengdu, after all, she WILL be going there with the Peace Corps – they both begin with CH so it can be marked down to the old fart getting confused.

It did though highlight what an utterly awful organisation the Peace Corps is. All the foreign teachers are now on holiday except the Peace Corps troops, who are on holiday but not actually on holiday. Yes, they have to report for training (sod this volunteering and being paid nothing, they have to TRAIN!) but if they leave their school without permission they can be sent home. If they fail to wear a crash helmet on a bike and are seen they will be sent home too! I understand the reasoning behind that last but for God's sake they are volunteers!

Anyway, the school cannot know Annie is going to Chongqing because it is illicit. Why? Ok, I work hard when I work. I don't have to but I do. Lately I have had extra put on my plate BECAUSE of Peace Corps members doing a runner. By the by.

Peace Corps get 48 days a year holiday, by my reckoning about 2,000\ worth of stipend. If they don't get approval from both school and the corps then any unauthorised days are deducted from their money!

I get at a guess and including weekends about 180 days holiday per annum (ok this bloody school doesn't pay for August but that's a first for me) and I honestly wonder why anyone in their right mind joins Peace Corps. If I want to travel I simply inform the school I will be in Beijing or wherever and that's it. I always do it simply because I don't want it to be a shock if they find out I am in hospital there. Peace Corps are prisoners and the schools are not necessarily their jailers.

I already told Annie (forgot to tell Stephanie tonight) that I want to scale down the dinners next term. By that I mean the full-blown ones. Mince and potatoes, curry, spagbol etc are fine and by God I am happy to cook for them but spending half a day producing apple pies and suchlike is tiring for me and also my wallet. To them I am rich and yes I am but I am not. A one course meal costs me nothing really, it means that unlike times before, the food is eaten or taken away instead of being wasted.

I will feed them one decent course every night if I am cooking.