Friday 31^st January, 2020 Brexit Day!!! 1500

Last night Jody texted to ask if she could come and stay for a couple of nights, there was no water where she lives. My cats used to sleep less than she does! Today she excelled herself, admittedly I kept her up until 0130 but still, she didn't surface until three this afternoon! It does bugger me up though, I have to creep around the place.

She tells me the Wanda shopping mall downtown and the big mall in Xiguan have closed, which is unprecedented. By all accounts the actual supermarkets are staying open but with limited hours. As long as BHG stays open for a few hours each day that's fine by me, I can no longer buy meat locally and once a week is fine. Now I am really missing the chest freezer I bought in Chizhou. With that I could easily have stocked up for a month of being under siege.

And that's in a way how it feels. I was reading this account on the BBC website and actually felt sorry for the young lady. New home, new city, no friends yet.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-51276656

If I am being frank, being 90% under “house arrest”, whilst slightly annoying, is not that much of a privation for me. Unlike Chizhou where I had many friends and my e-bike to go to town eating out quite often (and warmer!), here friends are mostly confined to students and they are with their families. I would be staying home most of the time anyway but normally I wouldn't have to wear a mask or worry about whether somewhere I wanted to go to was open or not.

As long as I can access my alcoholic and nicotine requirements, my medicines and decent groceries I cannot complain. I can though about the internet censorship which seems ever-increasing at a time when morally they should be relaxing it. Not only that, connecting to the UK is very hit and miss again and painfully slow. I have a feeling yet again my 6 Nations will be played out on the radio.

I also read today of a guest on BBC Question Time who horrified the rest of the audience by suggesting British expats in Wuhan should have been left there rather than bring them back to the UK. I think all my readers know full well I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment.

I told Jody last night I would make her a cheesy frittata for dinner today because she tends toward the vegetarian/pescatarian diet, only for her to inform me at four that she is partially allergic to eggs! Why didn't you say anything last night? I don't cook so I didn't know what it was.

So it was either a trip to BHG to see if we could buy sushi or I came up with something else. Tonight if the dough turns out ok, we will be having a veggie pizza but with king prawns on top. It must be nearly two years since I made pizzas.

One thing's for sure, if the school doesn't open for a while, I am glad I have enough electricity on my meter for another six weeks! Gas is not a problem, I have a month but I can go and buy more any time. I think!

Thursday 30^th January, 2020 1100

Brenda very kindly reassured me yesterday that if the situation becomes too severe, HMG will come and take me out! I told her she obviously didn't know me very well if she thought I was going to skin out just because I could.

Well according to the BBC there may not be the option to leave for much longer, airlines (including BA) are starting to cancel flights to and from China and to be honest it's the correct thing to do – not evacuate and spread the thing.

Alice Wuhu's school has just postponed reopening. She had already booked her flight to go back (rather silly) and I told her this morning to check as I doubted they would open on the 8^th as planned. She has now cancelled her ticket and was going to book another for the new proposed date of 24^th. I told her not to bother, that could well be pushed back as well. There's not a soul on the planet who knows when it will die down. Or even if! She is desperate to get back to Guangzhou and the warm. I had to point out the school wouldn't allow her in her dorm.

1400

Another call from Brenda with “good news”. Mr Zhang the director had managed to buy a couple of masks for me and would bring them this afternoon. He has done so, two of the same type I bought and one 3M 9001. FOC from the school. They probably think I'm bonkers for not having legged it. I've just been out wearing a cheap one and I hate it. Not just because I feel uncomfortable wearing anything on my face but because the damned thing kept riding up and poking me in the eye! I suppose wearing it underneath the nose would be rather defeating the object.....maybe I need a Siebe-Gorman SCBA outfit.

The bad news was that today the epidemic has “exploded”, sadly the line was too bad for me to get an update on numbers at present.

I also see that the evacuation flight for Brits in Wuhan is grounded due to lack of paperwork. I would have thought they could have sorted that out before sending a plane?

Notwithstanding, I'm not sure I'd want to be on that flight even if I wanted to run. Maybe someone can correct me but let's say 200 people from the worst-affected place on the planet, packed into a flying cigar tube. Aircraft recycle the air. So if even one person is down with it, everyone will be treated to it, masks or not. And then two weeks cooped up together in a hangar at RAF Northolt or wherever?

Oh well, look on the bright side, the UK leaves the EU soon and if my internet is fast enough, I have the 6 Nations!

Wednesday 29^th January, 2020 1000

Twenty-five cases here now.

I had another call from Brenda, this time updating me with the news. She said the Peace Corps had asked all schools in China to send any volunteers they had working for them to Thailand.

Khloe is back in the States, Eli is in Malaysia but when his holiday is over he will go straight to Thailand. I'm not quite sure how Thailand feels about a large number of Americans being dumped on them, considering some may in fact be infected. The non Peace Corps teachers are a Russian girl (married to a Chinese teacher in the university) who is currently visiting family in Russia, Nordine who is now in France, leaving me as the only foreigner working at this school who is still here. The thought has crossed my mind that the others simply might not come back!

She was also trying to organise a mask for me but failed. She also complained that all the shops nearby her home have closed and when she went to the supermarket people had been panic-buying. Not one pot noodle left on the shelves!

She implored me not to go outside. Well, I don't need to go to BHG until next week but I do have my daily, five-minute outing to the jing jo shop and occasionally the fruit and veg stalls. I'm not going to sit inside on bread and water, especially as the Firewall Police are increasing their efforts even more now, making it frustrating to say the least. Anyway, when I do go out there's hardly anyone else around.

1630

I think I am infected. Not with novel coronavirus but terminal laziness. I had planned to make a load of Chelsea buns and have something hot for dinner tonight. I did nothing and what was going to be dinner is still in the freezer. Instead, two rounds of tuna and cucumber sandwiches will be my day's intake. I have discovered bakery bread that for once doesn't taste of cake. Damned expensive, eight slices for 15¥ but none thrown away though.

And then I plucked up every ounce of courage I could muster and went outdoors! Well, I had to get my daily liquids, didn't I? And lo and behold, Mr Jing Jo has just taken delivery of some utterly ineffective masks! Just to shut everyone up, I bought two. A black one and a pale green girly one with brown polka dots. The latter was pure mischievousness – had he had pink ones I'd have got one of those as well. So now, according to the Chinese mentality, I can venture out with impunity. For me it doesn't make a blind bit of difference, I am no more protected than I was without one! But taxis will stop for me now and the harridan sentinel at BHG won't be able to castigate me. Not that I took any notice anyway.

Do you know, it occurred to me earlier that if my Mum hadn't passed away I would be getting bombarded with hourly calls entreating me to flee to Nepal, Siberia or Peru. And you know, I actually wish I was getting those calls.

It is a trifle boring though. Don't get me wrong, I haven't confined myself to barracks any more than usual. The problem is, quite apart from the VPN aggravation wherein I chase it all over the web, iPlayer developed that fault where I can't download. No problem if the net is fast but with everyone barricading themselves in the buggers are all online, slowing it up. YouTube can only offer so much and watching back to back films wanes quickly.

Stay safe folks, wherever you are!!!

Wednesday 29^th January, 2020 0100

Welcome to the regular insight into the virus-ravaged country that is China!

Well, I'm not exactly in the thick of it but from everything going on here you could be forgiven for thinking so.

There are many things about China I love but one thing I don't is the constant battle I have to connect to the outside world with “Mr Shithole's” relentless assault on VPNs. His country is facing an epidemic which may yet cause a pandemic and yet censoring the internet is still vital. I could say something vulgar but I won't.

Exams have been cancelled and schools in various provinces have told students not to return. They are closing indefinitely. Chizhou was due to reopen on the 8^th but their website now tells students to stay away. I find it hard to believe the situation will be sufficiently contained by the time we are supposed to open a fortnight later. Just wondering how that will affect me, no way am I catching up and working double time seeing as my lessons don't even count towards their degrees!

Naturally I have been scouring all news sites like a hawk – wouldn't you in the same situation? But do you know what is really annoying me?

The Brits.

Bleating about other countries coming to “rescue” their citizens but not the UK. For God's sake, they aren't in a war zone (that would be different), they are somewhere they chose to be and just happen to now be trapped. So they should be saved and the Chinese left to rot? Am I being unreasonable in thinking if you make your bed you lie in it? They are an embarrassment, at least to me. I ain't going nowhere, to put it in dreadful English. Well, Mercan actually but apt.

However, yesterday I went out to get some veg. Never seen it before. Maybe I went out too late, it was after all 1600 yet they are normally open until 2100, but bar a couple of fruit shops close by, almost all of the rest of the units were closed. My veg shop was one and I kept walking until I found one (spuds were dreadful) and then another with half decent stuff. Had I wanted meat I'd have been out of luck.

People are saying stay inside and don't go out for two weeks but how the hell do you do that? I don't have a chest freezer. How am I supposed to get 30 bottles of wine, jing jo and three cases of beer to my home without a car? Ready meals don't exist here. Of course I'm going to go out.

The situation has, it must be said, probably ruined many peoples' spring festival holiday. Subdued is possibly too mild a word. I am thankful the only plans I had came to fruition before the shit hit the fan. And I know you won't believe me but Wuhan was a city on my list someday, if only en route to Shanghai given its proximity.

So whatever you read in the news, Wuhan is in lockdown. Everywhere else is not too bad unless you want to travel, For now, anyway.

Isn't life exciting?

Tuesday 28^th January, 2020 1345

Hahaha! I went on Monday to buy a mask from the jing jo shop seeing as he had tried to sell me one the day before and guess what – sold out!

Then Brenda called me from the office. It's a holiday but by all accounts she had been asked to work so as to check on the foreigners. I assume foreign students too. I told her I was in Wuhan but sadly she is beginning to understand my brand of humour.

Nice to know they care but I suspect it's only so they don't get into trouble for letting us die in their employ. But it did give me chance to confirm a couple of things. One, that school doesn't start until 22^nd February (stunned me, seeing as Chizhou are due to restart the 8^th) although as that's a Saturday I'm not sure if we would work the weekend or wait until the Monday. I also found out the school are waiting for government instructions as to whether to open or not, something I have been wondering myself, what with so many people in close proximity. It was also confirmed that what I had heard was true – the Peace Corps are discontinuing sending volunteers to China. According to Brenda, Khloe who originally as they all do, signed up for a two year stint will be going home in summer and there will be no PCVs in China. Great news for me, it will mean a severe shortage of native English speakers in the universities in Lanzhou and my desirability should be enhanced. The decision was taken some time ago so it has nothing to do with the “contagion” and everything I think to do with Trump. I suppose I should thank him.

It does make me ponder on the question “If I had gone to Wuhan for a holiday and was now locked in, who would pay for the hotel?” I'd probably end up on the streets.

Having said that, Brenda informed me the number of cases here in Lanzhou is now up to eight. I have to rely on the Chinese for this sort of news as it's not on the media I use.

I read today that should UK nationals be repatriated from Wuhan they will be quarantined for a fortnight. At home, voluntarily. That will work!

Meanwhile, here:

http://www.xinhuanet.com/english/2020-01/27/c_138735934_3.htm

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202001/27/WS5e2e89dfa3101282172735ee_7.html

Monday 27^th January, 2020 1430

I'm going to buy that mask from the jing jo shop shortly. Not because I think they are effective, far from it, but today's experience rather calls for it.

I went to BHG. I had to go as I was completely out of cigars and was reduced to grubbing around in my rubbish bag for larger than usual butts. Firstly the taxi driver had a go at me for not wearing one (hence I shall get one in case they stop picking up people not wearing one) and secondly BHG had a go! I'm sure the woman was holding an ear thermometer but I gave her a dismissive wave of my hand and walked on. A Chinese man, also bare-faced, came into a torrent of criticism too. It became quite heated and by his gestures he was clearly pointing out that I wasn't wearing one either. Whoa! Leave me out of it!

Try explaining to them when they don't speak English that in some respects the masks are worse than nothing at all – it's impossible. They don't realise that without using disposable surgical gloves every time they go out or remove the mask, it is pointless. If perchance the mask actually catches the virus, when you touch it to remove it, it's on your hands! And do they wash the mask after every use? Of course not.

I've just worked out that with about 2,800 confirmed cases in China (although that will increase, there is no doubt) it represents a whopping 0.0002% of the population! And I read that HMG is still mulling over whether to lay on evacuation flights for expats in Wuhan.

Good move. Let's bring back planeloads of possibly infected Brits back to the UK to infect the nation. Sorry but it ain't the fall of Saigon, we foreigners in the main chose to be here so shouldn't expect special treatment, I certainly don't.

Anyway that's me sorted for another week of playing hermit. All I shall be doing probably is going a two or three minute walk away for beer, jing jo and fruit & veg that people wearing masks but no gloves have handled. Madness.

I have to say though, going out this afternoon was bizarre. Now, spring festival around a university campus is always quiet but today it was eerie. A handful of people out where there would normally at least be a crowded table of old farts playing Chinese chess or mahjong regardless of weather and now 90% wearing masks. It's like something out of ET when the authorities catch him.

So from virus-torn Lanzhou in China, this is your Asian corespondent signing off until next time. Hopefully not from a quarantine unit.......

Sunday 26^th January, 2020 0130

Ok so I have “retirement syndrome” or at least am practising for it. You know, when you don't have to work so every day is Sunday and you can sleep whenever you want?

The big news in my life is the toilet is blocked, worse than ever before and I am now wondering just what Jody shoved down it, usually filling it and giving it laldy with the plunger clears it but not this time. I really don't want to have to call the maintenance men so will have another, more energetic crack at it tomorrow (or rather, later today).

Not everyone is wearing masks around here although Mama in the jing jo shop did indicate I should be wearing one. Thankfully the son was there to help me explain to her that I think masks are a waste of time and that washing your hands is far more important, along with avoiding other people of course. But hell, you'll either get it or you won't and with an incubation period of up to two weeks I am amazed other countries are simply thermally scanning arrivals only from Wuhan at airports.

And now this:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-51249208

Worse, Kevin informed me tonight Sri Lanka doesn't allow tourists to bring in tobacco products! He's teaching there now. Apparently you can buy the likes of Sri Lankan manufactured fags (Dunhill and such) but no cigars!

Whoa! Ok I checked and you can buy them in special places like the Hilton (doubtless at exorbitant prices) and have now emailed Sri Lankan customs asking for clarification because I may have to rethink the summer holiday plans. If of course I don't die from Wuhanitisbatsoupeating disease. But I ain't going anywhere I can't have a smoke for eight days. That's no holiday for me, that's a prison stretch!

If I have to change that's going to be like standing under an elephant taking a leak. Not just because I've never been there but also because my budget, if it stays on track, allows me to make every flight from here to everywhere planned, including Joanna's, sitting up front.

There just has to be somewhere to buy lardies in Colombo. I don't mind paying the price for a week (Kevin tells me Dunhill are £7 a pack so maybe £200 for cigars for the week?) and I had my heart set on going there. Don't ask me why, it seems to me now to be somewhat a cross between Victorian and prohibition USA. I'm not a good fit for that.

Anyway, looks like Kevin is having a rough time out there. Wages are shit (ok cost of living is low but even so) and the school is taking the piss. Tonight I attempted to pull in some favours from people who don't actually owe me one.

I've emailed the director of foreign affairs for the province (the lady who gave me those beautiful gold plated aspirases plates) and the girl I let down last summer at Gansu Agricultural Uni.

No idea if it will help but because he left last June and will turn 65 shortly, many provinces are throwing their hands up in horror. Maybe here it will be different, it's hardly a magnet for foreigners. In fact it's dreadful. I have made no secret of the fact I dislike this city – as opposed to the people.

There are worse places to be. Maybe they will give him a visa and work permit.

Friday 24^th January, 2020 Chinese New Year's eve 1400

Well, last night's veggie option for Jody was so well-received that she declared it the most delicious thing I have cooked so far! A bit odd, for all her pepper was stuffed with was rice and mushrooms. I think the Linghams had more than a hand in it.

Sadly I couldn't eat mine (which also had pork mince) as it was too painful. For a week now I have suffered from an infection in the front of my maxilla which has affected my speech and made me look like Plug from the Beano. I've been taking antibiotics and had it persisted for another week I had resolved to go to see a doctor. This morning it was huge and immensely sore but at one point I had a foul taste in my mouth and a putrid smell pervading my nostrils. I had decided to make a leek and potato soup for tonight and bake a loaf to dip in it – good, hearty and above all soft sustenance.

But I think the abscess has burst. The swelling is much reduced and I reckon I can tackle some leftover lasagne tonight.

I was reading about the Wuhan coronavirus outbreak this morning and the rising death toll and number of those infected. I now see most of that province is closed down, no public transport and road blocks in place now to prevent people leaving.

From what I gather there is an “end of the world” mentality taking root, with people panic buying food and leaving shops empty. Considering it's Chinese New Year enormous quantities of food are bought anyway but with this added attraction it will not be long before there are serious problems. I have visions of food aid convoys with people in hazmat gear delivering it!

And today I am told there are two confirmed cases in Lanzhou. My students and ex-students are imploring me to wear a mask and avoid crowds. Quite apart from the fact I wouldn't wear one as I don't believe they are particularly effective unless they are proper respirators, I couldn't even if I wanted to – apparently the city is sold out of them!

As for avoiding crowds, well the only contact I shall have until Monday is Jody and the jing jo shop and you will recall I did my shop in order to avoid the throngs. Monday should be quiet in BHG.

Mind you, this couldn't have come at a worse time for those in Hubei province. Reuniting with their families elsewhere is now not possible, in fact Jody's brother works in Wuhan and was due to fly back to the family here today. That's not going to happen and I see the government has decreed that any travel tickets by any means – rail, road, air or sea – that need to be cancelled will not be charged a cancellation fee and full refunds will be given. Quite right too.

I wonder whether, as a precaution, schools will be suspended until the situation is contained?

Thursday 23^rd January, 2020 1620

Jody let me down badly last night. She had a late lunch, always the wrong thing to do when coming to me for dinner. Not only did she not eat much of the lasagne but hardly any of the strawberry cream fool. Funny that I should have mentioned veggie stuff last time because it transpires she tends that way. And yet she knows full well I am an omnivore.

So we did have an evening of watching films and she ended up staying the night. And boy, did she stay! We must have gone to bed just before midnight, I was up just before dawn and then proceeded to creep around my home like a mouse because she was still comatose.

Around the time I was wondering if she had actually died in the night and whether I should go and check for a pulse at almost 1300, she surfaced! My cats slept less than that!

Before she left to go home this afternoon it came up in conversation that I was making stuffed peppers for my dinner. No, I never made them two nights ago as I couldn't be bothered, instead I used Annie's American packet macaroni cheese which she left me. It was utterly vile as expected but it was quick to prepare. To be honest, a tin of that stuff you can get in the UK seems gourmet in comparison.

Anyway. I had to show her internet pictures of stuffed peppers. Suddenly she decided she would return tonight for dinner! But get this – no meat in hers! And probably I will need to be as quiet as the proverbial mouse tomorrow morning.

Fine, I'm doing rice anyway and when I go out I will get some cherry tomatoes otherwise just rice and mushrooms will be a bit bland and she doesn't like garlic. I swear she's not Chinese.

Currently I have a madeira cake baking, hopefully she will find that more to her taste than fool. If not it will last me until Sunday at least.

Oh and iPlayer isn't playing ball today, nothing will download so I guess it's one of those episodes where they have a crackdown. Hopefully it won't last more than a day or so. I still have no problem with ITV, 4 and 5.

Do you know when you watch things on TV or online and you have preferences? I personally love documentaries and real-life medical, police shows etc but my guilty secret is soaps. Well, and I don't know if I should admit this, I've been following Celebrity Coach Trip. Celebrities? The only one I know is Mr Motivator! The entire show seems to be “gay” and yet it is oddly compelling. I wouldn't touch Big Brother unless you paid me but I reckon they could also do a coach trip with ordinary people.

Ok I have some peppers to stuff. Until next time folks.

Tuesday 21^st January, 2020 1110

Coronavirus is the latest thing. Anyone would think it's new but fifty years ago there was always a large bottle of it in my Dad's bread van. I remember in 2009 when I holidayed in Nanning at the height of the H1N1 outbreak. Airports were scanned by heat-seeking missiles and anyone with a high temperature was abducted and quarantined and when I went to a hospital to buy some pills thermometer was shoved in my lughole without so much as a by your leave. It gave cause for concern when I flew back to the UK in case I was incarcerated for the incubation/infectious period, however long that was. Do they have a bar in quarantine? I find myself with the symptoms of contamination – cough, shortness of breath etc – but I blame that on being forced to smoke unfamiliar cheroots.

Alice is home and I asked her last night where she had put the chamois leather as I couldn't find it anywhere and she had, after all, moved everything just to confuse the hell out of me. Inside the big black suitcase, came the reply. No it wasn't. You mean the fur hat? No. It was clear she had no idea what a chamois was so I sent an image of a used one. Oh, I threw that away, I thought it was rubbish. No dear, my cleaner uses it on my office windows. Isn't life wonderful?

I went to BHG yesterday for my last shop of the lunar year. It was bad enough then but as the days pass it will become ever worse until on Friday, new years eve, it will be carnage. I did that once inadvisedly in Chizhou and it took me over an hour to get chicken breasts for the animals. I bought everything for tonight and tomorrow's meals. Another lasagne for Jody on Wednesday and stuffed peppers for Adriana tonight. I bought four huge red capsicums and then Adriana cried off! Great. Now I'll need to try and rearrange the freezer to fit two in for another day.

Nearly all the recipes for the above are vegetarian, have you noticed? Not that I don't occasionally have something veggie (cheese and tomato sandwich, packet of crisps, carrot and lentil soup etc) but I could swear at sea they were stuffed with meat, or perhaps meat and rice combined. So that's what I shall attempt, pork mince, rice, chopped mushrooms and garlic with a bit of cheese on top. And Linghams chilli sauce just to make them special. Not sure I can eat two though.

1915

Ok, yes even I have felt the pinch on the pork prices since the swine flu thing - not that I eat that much of anything but every bit I get minced up seems to cost at least £6 these days – but the fruit???? Tonight ten strawberries (admittedly quite large and genetically modified probably), four lemons and two bananas cost me £4.50!!! No wonder I hardly ever eat fruit.

I don't know what it is about this city. It's the biggest day of their year on Friday when at midnight they welcome the year of the ratatouille, yet apart from the supermarket there is no sign of its impending arrival. Obviously I do not expect to see Christmas trees and fairy lights but this year I'm not even seeing the couplets they normally stick on the outside of the doors to their homes. It's almost as if they don't care. Even at the train station the other day there was none of the England v Germany Wembley stadium crowd I have come to expect, the only sign being on the train ticket sites that trains are sold out for sleeping berths.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest because I shan't be whooping it up but it does rather resemble a city where ambition dies. I am sure there will be the odd firework let off at midnight on Friday and copious plates of food served on Saturday in various homes but other than that it really seems to be a non event here.

Of course, there is a north-south divide in China, just as there is in the UK, here in the north they favour noodles, in the south, rice but here there is just no build up. It simply seems subdued, sedate, uncaring even. On the night I shall probably have some baby bangers let off nearby which, if I am in bed I shall in all likelihood not even hear and it will be in stark contrast to that foolish night in Chizhou where I wanted to get closer to the “action” for once.

I booked a night at the Dong Rong hotel close to the station and never got a wink of sleep until I went home the following afternoon because fireworks went off non stop for almost twelve hours.

This really is the strangest of cities, and not in a good way.

Sunday 19^th January, 2020 Lanzhou 1900

God it's cold. But then it will also be for many of my readers except perhaps for those in Australia who have managed to ravage their country with fire and now, with relief arriving in the form of rains, floods! Maybe the Bible was based on tales from there before the British invented the country? Seriously though, I know from experience the bush recovers rapidly, not so the people who lost their homes. I do however have rather more empathy for those who lost their lives. A home seems somewhat small beer in comparison. Oz was built on a pioneering spirit just as much as Britain was when the Empire was built. Oddly, I reckon the Ockers still have it, the UK it would seem, is now populated by snowflakes or “woke” people.

What the hell is “woke”????

I have been woken up in my life by alarms, loud noises, reveille and the duty lookout calling me for my watch but I would never have described myself, once up, as being “woke”. Awake maybe but then I remember a world when you could offend people legally and if the other party didn't like it then 16 knuckles (not smashed beer glasses or knives) would decide who was “right”. Sometimes I really do despair of the West. Thankfully there is none of that load of cobblers here, they behave rudely regardless of who you are!

Anyway, Alice left last night at 1830. her train was leaving from the main station at 2045 and when I said she could stay here another hour she informed me she needed to actually collect her ticket, she had ordered and paid for it but not got it. I then said to her that being Chinese, she could use the automatic machines.

Apparently not. As a foreigner I can forget about using anything which saves time here but a Chinese national? It appears the automated dispensers are only for the bullet trains – I never knew that. So she had to go and queue at a counter and naturally, being in the upcoming swell for the biggest human migration on the planet, she was expecting (and I must concur) large numbers of people with the same idea.

So I walked her down to the bus station in Peili Square. I couldn't help but notice that this year, unlike every other year I have been in Lanzhou, there were no mice or rats in evidence.

Not that I mean it is awash with rodents, far from it, but previous run-ups to Chinese new year have seen whatever the new animal for the year is, represented by figures all around the statue of Rewi Alley and his adopted children which takes pride of place in the middle of the square. This year, nothing. Last year when I went down at midnight, nobody letting off fireworks either. I won't be taking a wander this year even if I am still awake.

Anyway, Alice left with an entire ginger cake, two huge sausage rolls, three portions of lasagne and a flask of gin and tonic, all but the last she “made” under my direction. I thought she might eat the sausage rolls en route but no, she had enough Chinese snacks for the journey, they were to take home. Maybe to brag to Mum and Dad that she made them – which technically, she did.

Now the eating habits of the Chinese have almost stopped being shocking or appalling to me after all this time but do you know what she ate for her breakfast yesterday morning? One of the sausage rolls, chilli sauce and the remains of the garlic bread from the lasagne dinner on Friday! Two hours later she went out for beef noodles for lunch and when I made her dinner of a chilli puff, she only ate a few morsels because she was full!

Anyway, she left last night at 1830 from here and will get to her parents' around 0300 tomorrow morning, two days later. Bugger that but of course, flying to Hefei and taking a fast train from there was out of the question because it's spring festival and air fares rival return prices to New York. Small wonder some poor migrant workers here resort to making 1,000 mile journeys on e-bikes that take a week between sleeps and charges for the bikes, or that some buy standing tickets for the slow trains where they must either stand for 28 hours or sit on their baggage, occasionally gaining the relief of an unoccupied seat between two stations. And people ask me why don't I travel in spring festival???

The government is now trying to promote “reverse migration” where the parents/family in the country now travel to be with their offspring in the big cities rather than vice versa. I believe fares the opposite way are lower although to work I think the saving needs to be substantial.

However, I am alone again. She was only here for eight days and as she was working on her thesis I only really saw her in the evenings for dinner and a film (perfect if you ask me!) and the rest of the time she was in the dining or living room. Suddenly though, last night the flat felt empty. So did I.

I'm used to it but it still hits.

Oh well, I think Adriana wants to come for her dinner on Tuesday and between Wednesday and the 27^th Jody wants to see me. So much for saving money, January's pay is gone and 'ere the month is out, so will be much of my savings. The Wang Guan Cigar Shortage must shoulder much of the blame. It's becoming ridiculous. The cheapest cigars you can buy and they only “release” them a couple of times a year – anyone would think they were designer or Cuban!

Wednesday 15^th January, 2020 1300 En Route Tianshui-Lanzhou

Last night I managed to drag my tortured legs about two hundred yards to the barbecue place we'd spotted the day before. It turned out to be a Japanese-style BBQ which was most welcome. And most odd.

Alice was busily ordering individual items when I suggested perhaps it might be easier if we ordered a set platter. It was one of those affairs with the sunken grill in the table and you cook yourself, always a hit. However when our set meal arrived it came on what can only be described as a miniature spiral staircase, on each step something different rested.

Assorted ham, bacon, beef, aubergines, tofu – you name it, we had it, including some absolutely divine cocktail sausages I would love to buy for home if I knew where to get them. The only thing that let the restaurant down was the steak. It became quickly apparent they had simply purchased a perfectly circular, plastic steak frozen from a local supermarket, then cut half of it into segments and the other half into strips. Such steaks have the consistency of soft rubber and I for one would have preferred to have had heaps more sausages instead!

We both had our fill though and before leaving I wanted to go to the loo. The “auntie” who was busily bailing out the tsunami in the gents refused me access, so the walk back to the hotel was a little brisker than that leaving. Alice cluttered off to take a nose around in Xstep, which she informs me is a world-famous sports/sportswear chain. I've never heard of it.

I never made breakfast this morning. Oh I was up in plenty of time, that's for sure, but having eaten quite a bit last night I simply wasn't hungry. You-know-who of course went down and ate two portions anyway.

Check-out at 1145 was simplicity itself, just hand over the keys. By a strange coincidence before we had arrived I had expressed the opinion that seeing as the hotel had no bar and the restaurant only opened for breakfast (which is free to all residents) it was preposterous that they should still demand a deposit. For those unfamiliar with China, you are in trouble if the only money you have is sufficient for the room, they will want anything from 300-1500¥ in addition against incidentals, unless you pay by credit card. I have no problem with it if I intend to run a bar bill or eat but last time in Shanghai in the Ramada I haggled them down to a minimal amount when I pointed out there was no way I'd be using the hotel facilities when we were in the middle of the expat bars and restaurants!

However, for the first time in China, they said there was no deposit!

Unfortunately they were unable to summon a taxi this morning, they were all busy (the taxis, not the staff) and I guess that may have been because it snowed in the night and was by then spitting with light rain. We had to go to the main road and the Gods smiled, Alice stopped a cab before I'd even set foot on the zebra crossing.

You would think that being the second largest city in Gansu province (Lanzhou being the biggest), Tianshui's railway stations would sport a few – actually a lot – more amenities that they do. By this time I was peckish and a McD or BK would have been very welcome. I should have bought a packet of biscuits but foolishly I ordered a New Orleans style burger. The chicken had the consistency of jellied eels so I ended up taking the fowl out and eating the bun with the sauce and salad!

We are now well on our way home and will be arriving in 45 minutes.

Tuesday 14^th January, 2020 1430 Tianshui

Not everything the internet tells you is necessarily true. According to Google maps, our hotel was 1.4km from Tianshui south railway station if you walked, about 4km by car. It took half an hour in the taxi.

Now, when booking the hotel a week previously, I had gone directly to the IHG site in order to take advantage of the prepaid advance booking discount. Except I couldn't because there was no option to use Unionpay. Well I could but that meant using my UK card and incurring exchange and NST fees which would have wiped out any savings. And booking through a third party means you don't get your reward points.

So I went on the “guest services” webchat and was told the reason was because the hotel doesn't accept Unionpay. That seemed ridiculous to me for an hotel in China but I ended up booking for the higher rate, paying on arrival but securing it with my UK card on the basis that if I took cash with me to settle nothing would be deducted from it.

When we got here I had a whinge to reception about it being idiotic they never accepted Unionpay, only to be told they do! Was it Booking.com who said this? No – your own company's website! Needless to say a suitable missive has been emailed to IHG and I await their reply.

The room is spacious with everything you need and despite said website saying it was non-smoking throughout (that would have meant leaning out of the window for a puff), I sit here contentedly inhaling in a smoking room. To my dismay there was no soap in the bathroom (only body wash, which I hate), no razor (I could have brought my own had I known) and no body lotion.

Now you may think I could suffer these deprivations and indeed I could but nonetheless when we went out to dinner I asked at reception. Soap and razors were delivered but they actually don't keep body lotion. I can hardly complain. Some of you may be wondering what on earth would a grizzled old salt want with body lotion so I shall tell you. The Lanzhou climate has dried my legs and if I don't use it I scratch them in my sleep and end up bleeding. My back also itches to distraction left unmoisturised.

For lunch we walked miles. I didn't want lunch but Alice naturally did. I wanted a beer. After a hike we found somewhere, a hotpot place. Alice asked for the least spicy soup they did. When it was placed on the hotplate I was aghast, it was packed with evil, fiery red chillis! I tried just one mouthful of beef. It was beautifully tender but you know occasionally when you chew something and you get the impression in about a minute it's going to kick you in the nuts? It did. My mouth was on fire for about two hours.

In the evening we found a little place fifty yards from the hotel and went in, originally to have dumplings. However a picture on the menu of pork and pineapple dispelled that notion. Plus some “man to” (steamed bread rolls) with two different types of pork, one marinated in stinky tofu, completed the order. The first was lovely but for me the pork for the steamed rolls was not to my liking. And we over-ordered so there is a doggy bag which will end up in Lanzhou tomorrow.

We were up early this morning as breakfast ends at 0930 and anyway Alice wanted to climb Maijishan to see the grottoes. With only one bus a day taking two hours to get there, I plumped for a taxi. About an hour each way, an all-in price of 350¥ and the driver will take you there and wait to bring you back. It seemed reasonable to me.

Being a Holiday Inn Express I hadn't expected much. There would be no bar and the restaurant would only open for breakfast. I was however hoping I could get some bacon and eggs with toast. No bacon, only chicken sausages (I still say there is something bizarre about them) so it looked as if I would sit watching Alice eat whilst I drank juice.

The restaurant manager, clearly too good to be in an Express, noticed and came and asked me if he could organise something I could eat! Surprised, I said some bacon and a sunny side up egg would be nice and it was a pity the sausages weren't pork. Well blow me if he didn't get them to rummage in the freezer and get them! Ok, the bacon wasn't good and the sausages were inedible for me, they were typically Chinese bangers but I couldn't knock him for trying. Afterwards I explained why I never ate the sausages and said tomorrow I would probably just get a couple of eggs and have them on toast. He apologised and started to explain the upmarket hotels have all that and I stopped him by saying I knew the situation. He hasn't long been here, previously he had worked at an IHG 5* place and I think they are wasting him here, he reminds me of my Hilton GM friend – top of the game.

Now I climbed that mountain two years ago courtesy of a jolly laid on by the Bureau of Foreign Expert Affairs for the province and all I could recall (aside from the fact that the climb all but destroyed me) was that the coach parked close to the foot of the mountain. So this morning we were dropped off at the ticket office, Alice bought a ticket for 80¥ for admission and grottoes, mine was for 25¥ seeing as I would not be ascending. Jesus Christ! We got up the steps and I forked out for a little bus to take us (I thought) to where we had been taken the first time but no, it took us part of the way and then it was an uphill hike from there on. About a mile up roads which at times must have been a 40º gradient! This was even harder than I recalled climbing the mountain was!

Lanzhou is freezing cold. Tianshui is even colder. And Maiji is way colder even than that, and today there was a blustery wind that soon saw me losing feeling in feet, hands and anything above the neck. It was purgatory inverted, waiting for ninety minutes at the bottom while she carried out today's mission.

And then of course there was the walk back afterwards to the taxi. Easier going downhill than the reverse for sure but with each step I was becoming increasingly concerned that my knees would simply buckle and once again I would go down. Given that after a week the pain from the last episode is only just abating, it was a genuine worry. And at the death I took one look at the final stairs down and just said “no”. It terrified me. There were no railings to hold on to and I know had I fallen I would have been killed. A very kind lady who had been chatting to Alice on the final bus back to the exit went and asked for me if there was a less precipitous way out. There was, a bit of extra distance but ultimately only three steps. I can handle them!

I got into our cab with relief. It took half an hour to be warm enough to unzip my coat and now we are toasty in the room. Second and final dinner this evening, we spotted a barbecue restaurant so will give that a whirl.

Monday 13^th January, 2020 1000 Waiting to depart Lanzhou-Tianshui

Alice arrived on Friday night at 1920 but it took us over an hour to make the short trip to my place because we went to collect our prepaid tickets for this journey.

She was in raptures over my minestrone and I thought she was going to give birth when she tasted my first ever attempt at a ginger cake, which was actually uncannily similar to offerings from Mr Kipling.

On Saturday I never felt like cooking (besides breakfast for her) and so we went to “26 Inch Station”, the place I walked out of a long time ago when the kid serving said not to get drunk before we'd even had a drink. The only reason we returned was because I fancied the assorted sausage platter.

This time they had beer and wine available so we both had a Bud, chilled the Lanzhou way by adding ice to your glass. I ordered chips, bacon and cheese stuffed potatoes and the platter. I doubt I shall return.

The chips were fine but the potatoes, far from being as per the picture (and the way I had them the very first time I went with Jody), seemed (and tasted) as if someone had scooped out a little potato, added mascarpone and Whiskas and shovelled it on top. Awful. Then the platter arrived. Except it was assorted pieces of chicken! It was returned and eventually our sausages arrived.

From memory, both in the menu picture and when I first had them, there should have been five different types of sausage, all from different countries. Here there were just two – the American one I don't like and a skinny, pencil-type one that was quite tasty. Of the other three varieties there was no sign, they had simply given us bigger amounts of less.

Now yesterday when I awoke, quite aside from the agony of my ribs, I felt nauseous, and did so all day. I couldn't blame the previous night's food because Alice had eaten far more of it than me so it is a mystery. It meant that I was in no mood to make the roast pork dinner I had planned, or anything else for that matter. Alice was quite content with that, she wanted to climb Five Streams Mountain (incidentally there are no streams whatsoever) and it gave her chance to have beef noodles in town alone, she loved them last time she came.

So yesterday I ate the sum total of a meagre slice of ginger cake.

Between bladder and ribs, I spent a fitful night, getting at most five hours sleep. I rose at 0545 (the alarm was set for seven), which worked quite well. I am sure everyone knows an injury hurts like the devil when you wake up but during the day with pain relief it's much better. I needed to make myself “comfortable” before we made the trip to the train station.

Despite not feeling hungry I knew I needed to get something inside me. Burger King in the station beckoned, specifically because I had no idea what they did for breakfast, if anything. A fair selection and I chose a Whopper with pork, cheese and bacon over a ham, egg and cheese muffin, particularly because of the bacon. Sadly, it seems to be universal here that bacon is merely shown the hob for long enough for it to warm above room temperature and then is plonked on the burger. The result is of course, a mouthful of soggy fat. I managed about a third of it while Alice, who had an hour previously partaken of eggs on toast, got rid of another third of it. Next time it will be muffins all the way!

Just in time for the spring festival human migration, a new e-system for train tickets has been rolled out in order to make boarding quicker. Naturally, the long-suffering foreigner cannot purchase his e-ticket at the automated machines but hey! It's going to be great to simply present your passport to a scanner to access the train platform, right?

Nope. It is now worse than it was in the first place for me! Whereas previously I bought a ticket and to board shoved it in the slot to open the barrier, now I have to go and see an official, show my passport AND a printout of the e-ticket!

Ah well, we are on our way to the second largest city in Gansu. I wonder if we will find a decent restaurant.

Wednesday 8^th January, 2020 2222

I am seriously considering finding a vet willing to put me down.

I received a text uncharacteristically early from the bank announcing that this month's pay had gone in. Normally it's after 1700 but this was lunchtime. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't penniless, I just didn't want to break into the rounded sum I still had in the bank. As it happened, for what I ended up doing I had enough in my pocket anyway but I didn't know that at the time.

Anyway, in keeping with my pathological indolence since my holidays began, I decided the dishes could wait (they've only been there since Saturday!) and as I couldn't be bothered to cook I would do something I always regret – go to Pizza Hut. So I did. Once again no wine either by the glass or bottle to be had, the beer I ordered instead initially arrived as some frosted blue confection which was immediately refused and the menu never had any huge pizzas. Not that I have any chance of eating anything bigger than “personal” but I thought it would be handy to take most home so that when Alice gets here on Friday night I could simply warm some up to feed her. Now I will need to make a nice minestrone with baguette and some sort of cake for afters for her.

Anyway, I had a normal person pizza, managed to eat half and got a doggy bag for the remainder for myself tomorrow. On exiting it happened.

It's freezing here, snow in parts and ice in others, so as I left I felt the door had locked in the open position behind me and was not springing back to close. The Chinese never close doors and on this occasion maybe I should have been more Chinese, for I swivelled back to rectify the door problem, not realising my right foot was still one step above the pavement.

The second time I have gone down like a bag of spuds in as many months but this time because I was togged up, the only damage is sore ribs in my upper right quadrant. A passing uniformed soldier, bless him, noticed and approached at the speed of sound to get me back on my feet and, dignity destroyed, I made a point of shutting that bloody door into Pizza Hut! Then I went to get my bus home. I don't know about anyone else but even as a child when I fell over the only thought in my head has always been “did anyone see??” - forget about any injuries! The huge problem these days is that if I go down now, I don't think I could actually get upright again without other people or something for me to grab on to. That worries me. I am old but not that old. I guess my goalkeeping days are over! Weinstein frame, anyone? Oh, and the doggy bag survived.

I have been getting some very helpful suggestions re my possible amended summer trip from a friend who is beleaguered and surrounded by the NSW bushfires. Far more well-travelled than me (I think maybe a hundred countries thus far) and has given me some great tips for a brief pitstop in Kuala Lumpur for an airport hotel and later, the best way to get to/from the city centre to the flight using eKspress. Having only been to the airport in transit I'd never have known about it.

Tomorrow I need to shake off my lethargy and go shopping, do the dishes and maybe even go on a (probably futile) cigar hunt. The Wang Guan drought continues. Because of course on Friday evening Alice arrives and I need to bake and cook unless I want to splash out on a restaurant, which I don't. The Tianshui trip alone is going to cost 1,500¥ and anyway, she loves my cooking.

Monday 6^th January, 2019 1845

All change, ergo situation normal for my life!

With Alice having contacted the Xining hotel, yes we were confirmed for one night but they couldn't let us stay for another. Cue the cancellation button! To be fair, when I cancelled I had a nice email from someone called Nancy apologising and telling me to come back in the future and she will arrange a free upgrade, so I will be sure to take her up on that – book a superior room and get a two-bedroomed suite.

Escaping without any pangs of guilt (I hate cancelling bookings, it seems so un-British) seeing as they couldn't accommodate my requirements, I got Alice to cancel our train tickets and book others to Tianshui instead. Once done I booked two nights in the Holiday Inn Express. I love Holiday Inn in China but not Express, usually all they have going for them is an inclusive breakfast. However, it is only about a mile from the train station, I/we can relax the first day (I hope) and then she can go and climb that dreadful mountain whilst I remain firmly at the bottom drinking jing jo. It flaming near killed me two years ago so I shall not even attempt or contemplate it now! Bloody annoying though that admission to the park costs the same whether you climb or not. Maybe I could find a bar nearby........

So, she arrives on Friday and we go gallivanting next Monday. In the meantime, it's 99% certain Joanna is headed for Kuala Lumpur in March. With such a major upheaval and with someone who thus far has taken short breaks only in Thailand and Bali, it is perhaps understandable she is not enthused about going to the UK a few short months after restarting her career in a foreign land and with new colleagues.

I resolved that whatever happens I would at least go to see her in Malaysia but to my delight, she has agreed (circumstances permitting) to come with me to Sri Lanka – the place I originally wanted to take her! So with luck I get a three-country holiday this summer if you include Shanghai. And in the end I may just get what I wanted in the first place.

I never knew Colombo was so popular. Hotels are filling up. Tuk tuk tours are plentiful though and a private day tour to a national park to see hephalumps, monkeys, cheetahs etc, whilst pricey, are still to be had. I am not however booking anything until she sends me her passport details, she knows once she does that the only way back is my money down the drain.

Dare I start looking forward to summer again?

I had good intentions of cooking myself a roast pork dinner today. Not of course a UK type, just a small bit of pig (even if I wanted I have yet to find a proper joint tied with string and perfect for crackling) with spuds and veg. What with everything going on with Wuhu Alice and Joanna, before I knew it I had to forget it. Seeing as I awoke to a blanket of snow (Lanzhou style, about an inch) which has persisted outside my home all day and the expense of doing what I really fancied (taxi downtown for a BK Whopper), I ended up popping down the road for beef noodles. I bloody hate beef noodles! They are not “delicious” as my students assert, they are B O R I N G! But at 8¥ (90p) for a bowl four times the size I can eat, it filled a hole. Maybe tomorrow I shall make myself some “proper” food.

It makes me laugh. All the students are starting to drift off home to Mum's cooking because they miss it so much and all I want to do is find western fodder!