Monday 30^th October, 2017 2230

Well that will teach me to prattle on about croaking it. When my alarm went off this morning I certainly felt like death.

On east campus my campaign paid off, apparently tonight they were replacing the computer in my classroom so on Friday I can go back to using that room. A tad annoying that they only told me this afternoon because when I went for my McDonald's big breakfast, on the way back I paid to have a key cut for the training room to prevent a recurrence of being locked out again as happened on Friday. At least it only cost 7y.

I really think I was tired enough today to have grabbed forty winks during my long break but I was foiled firstly by the music announcing the start of class, then by the students filing past my office chattering and finally at lunchtime proper by piano practice in the classrooms either side of my bolthole. I tried. I really did. I failed.

Once teaching was over for the day I went to the office to kill time before the school bus left and just as I was about to lock up and leave to catch it the phone rang. It was the vice dean from Peili campus. I guessed she was calling to inform me she had secured us a room for English corner but I guessed wrongly.

She asked me if I would consent to being a “judge” for the provincial finals of the FLTRP Cup – the national English speaking competition. Hell, I've never even BEEN to one before – Kevin always did that in Chizhou and I was hardly going to try and take that away from him. Now here I was, being asked to do it myself and until this year Kevin himself had not been invited to do it (and he so badly wanted to!).

By “judge” it is meant “question master”. I will not award scores, merely ask each contestant a question about their speech. Terrific. I don't have a suit that still fits me, although I was told smart casual is fine. It will have to be. With no iron or ironing board I have had to despatch two shirts to the campus laundry to be sorted out (yes, amazingly we have one, I found out tonight!).

It is actually quite an honour I think to be invited after merely one year here. Every university in Gansu province will send competitors and teachers, deans etc and as far as I know there may only be two question masters chosen from the foreign teaching contingent.

Honour it may well be but there goes my weekend! I am being collected at 1600 on Friday to be taken to another university (my guess is Lanzhou university, not too far from east campus), for training. With eight local finals under my belt already I am intrigued as to what form the training will take or how it will tell me anything new but I do know I just lost Saturday and Sunday to an endless litany of homogenous speeches on the same topic. I feel I will experience first hand the reason why many MPs and Lords nod off in the various houses. Except of course, I will be expected to be alert the entire time. I expect two full days of “belt and road” orations.

Unlike Kevin who had to be in Hefei for the Anhui finals and will have been put up in an hotel, fed and watered, because ours are being held here I will be taken back home far too late to cook. I can but hope I will be feted to dinner. The plus side is that apparently I will be paid for my trouble. Although I reckon I will earn it, if I get the same as Kevin did last weekend then it will soften the blow of the missing weekend.

I did try to shame Annie into coming along as a spectator seeing as Pat is taking part and she teaches her as well as me but she suddenly developed a very busy social schedule! I can't say I blame her – she can't sit with me as I will be up on stage I assume.

So I may be meeting a sizeable number of laowei in a few days time. I wonder if I will be the Grandad.......     

Sunday 29^th October, 2017 2320

And I have to be up in five and a half hours.

Not happy. I never did what I intended – toddle down and buy some gas (not critical and can wait to be fair) – and never cooked myself a roast. After toying with going out for fast food I even decided against that in favour of rustling up a chicken curry and chips.

I did so and even invited Annie but she had just finished yet another training weekend with the Peace Corps (for that read Modern Slavery Corps) and was going out to dinner with other slaves – sorry, volunteers. She does however want to come tomorrow to have the leftovers from tonight (and there are plenty) once I get back from east campus.

I haven't been able to sleep well this weekend. Bad dreams and an annoying bladder managed to see me rising at times that normal people would call routine and to be fair I thought “so what”, it just meant I would go to bed early tonight and not feel like death in the morning, as I often do when it is still pitch black outside.

In fact I was really tired and had to force myself to stay awake for fear of going to bed too early and waking at 0300. I capitulated at 2030, flopped on the not so soft mattress and was asleep in minutes.

Some time later I needed a pee.

I got up feeling groggy, groped my way to the loo and evacuated my bladder. Unusually, on returning to bed I hit the light on the bedside clock, hoping it was maybe 0300 and I still had a couple of hours to rest.

Incredibly it showed 2205!!!!

An hour and a half since I crashed??? I had to check. It was right. But of course now I was wide awake and no way could I drop back off. I got up.

So here I sit. Ok it hasn't been unproductive, Georgina had sent me an application for Swires for me to improve upon so I did that but hell, having done my best to ensure I would be refreshed tomorrow and ready for anything, I am now going to be a zombie when the alarm sounds. It is almost tempting to just stay awake. I wonder if I will care about sleep when I eventually retire? Do old people (well, older than me) when every day is Sunday, worry about when or how long they sleep?

I was thinking about death earlier today. Maybe that had something to do with the sleep pattern although I doubt it. Unless I am destined to become the oldest person in the world then I am well past the half-way mark and on the downhill slope, there's no denying.

How long left? Five, ten, twenty, thirty years?

I have cheated the grim reaper a few times, of that there is no doubt and I have been blessed with a body that, whilst hardly one suited for an Olympian, seems to soak up all the punishment I and others give or have given it. Does that mean it will pack up when I feel hale and hearty as opposed to having languished for years feeling poorly? I would hate to pop off feeling ready for that slap-up restaurant meal or that trip to somewhere nice. Equally, spending months in bed crapping into a pan and having to be spoon fed by someone before I drew my last doesn't fill me with excitement either.

I suppose the only thing I can guarantee is that my end will not be because my parachute never opened, I never skied off the edge of a cliff or overdosed on Class A drugs.

I assume I am similar to others of my age. You think about death (funny isn't it? When you are little you worry your parents will die) but the closer you get the less you want to croak and yet the less you fear it. You want to start enjoying life because you no longer NEED to earn and there are things you never had the time or money to do that you still want to. Well as long as there are no taxes in heaven – not that I am going there!

Enough morbidity!

Unless I suffer from Sudden Old Ditherer Infarction Trauma (SODIT for short) I shall return!   

Saturday 28^th October, 2017 1700

With Mr Jing Jo having capitulated in respect of my cigars and returning my money, with a mere 30 hours supply in stock my hand was forced today. I had no option but to go hunting myself if I was to keep my addiction satisfied and cravings at bay.

To be sure, the cheroots I smoke are cheap but after seven years I am used to them. Other varieties are available but at double, treble or quadruple the cost they are not an economically viable option – plus anything other than my Wang Guans gives me kennel cough regardless of quality.

Having already tried the China Tobacco near east campus and drawn a blank, I really only knew of one other place where I stood a chance, the biggest CT shop in the city. The last time I went there they had none and the chap who spoke English had taken my number and promised to call when they were back in stock. That was three months ago and he never called so I boarded the 131 bus with very low expectations of achieving a successful outcome.

I have a feeling the English speaker no longer works there, for to my delight they had packs of 10 and 20 in stock! Had I not disposed of 10,500y this month I would have bought every last Wang Guan in the shop on the spot. However, in buying a laptop and repaying an aged debt I had left myself with a tight budget until payday in a fortnight. Five hundred were all I could purchase without risking draining my UK account of the last few pounds left in it.

With the comment made one time that I was the only person in Lanzhou who buys that brand, I contented myself with knowing that I had a month's supply in a carrier bag and doubtless when I return at least another month. Depending on how much stock they have, I will get as many next time as I can afford. It's almost enough to make a man turn to cheap Chinese fags.

I need to take a walk soon to buy some more gas. In over a year I have only spent 200y on the stuff which means on average I use around 2/3 of a cubic metre a day for cooking and hot water. I think that's somewhat cheap given I do cook and shower daily. Then of course on the other hand I drive the electricity woman to distraction as I have probably used 7,000y of that in the same period!

I know little things sometimes amuse me but the security barrier at the entrance to this campus often does so. The guards prevent any taxis from entering if they are carrying students (yet if they are in their parents' car they can pass) and the gate is manned round the clock. It is equipped with an ANPR camera, which activates an automatic barrier. Yet at least once a month the barrier is either missing or has been removed for repair or the arm is stuck at an angle in the air, having been grossly misshapen by who knows what.

Student vandalism is surely not to blame, given the 24hr presence of guards? What about cars crashing the barrier? Well, why? All that happens is their number plate is recorded until they leave again so no reason to do that. Maybe sometimes it doesn't lift high enough for the school coach to pass.

I have no idea and will probably never find out. But it is currently just off the vertical with a terminal crease not far from the elbow. 

Friday 27^th October, 2017 2100

I must remember the clocks in the UK retard this weekend. Only because it will mean I can start BBC downloads an hour earlier here!

I entertained Annie for a quick dinner here before English corner last night. Black pepper salmon, mash and the Chinese version of runner/green beans. First time I had tried the beans, they always look so anaemic but I must say they were actually quite good – as was the salmon. The potatoes in contrast, could more accurately have been described as potato soup! And honest Guv, not one drop of milk did I use! God, I will be glad when proper spuds come back in season in this Philistine of a city/province for potatoes!

The “room” the students had been given for the corner turned out to be the stairwell of the teaching building! Ok, the central heating is now on and it was warmer than outside and it was lit, but bloody hell – standing around with stark walls and a bare concrete floor?

I approached Iggy, the leader of the society. No, it's a girl. Explained my suggestions and she seemed interested, although as to implement them it would mean being given the use of a proper room with seats, she was dubious. I asked why and was told they had been informed all classrooms are in use for evening study. Utter rowlocks. They aren't all in use during daytime classes so how the hell can they all be occupied at night?

Trying to be constructive and not garner a reputation as a troublemaker just five weeks after arriving on this particular campus, I emailed Delia the vice dean with my suggestions. There was of course a Plan B in case my request was refused but that involved getting the students to barter with the Shijia hotel for a good price on a conference room once a month – and probably me paying for it. I am willing to do so but would rather not of course. But I hate telling students I will try to arrange something and then failing.

Blow me if Delia didn't call me at lunchtime while I was on east campus. She loves my ideas, Iggy had relayed some of them to her when she put in an appearance after I left last night and she is going to speak to the chief librarian with a view to getting the use of a first floor room in there. You know, the school encourages the students to set up and run these things, the least they can do is provide adequate facilities.

Talking of facilities, the teacher training room (my temporary classroom) wasn't locked this morning so I never bothered getting the keys. At lunchtime I left my books in there and when it was time for afternoon class I returned not only to find it locked but not a bloody soul about for me to get the keys! I was livid! Add to that 20 students missing as they had been seconded to cheerleading practice (how many cheerleaders does a team need – there must have been 100 working out on the sports track???) and I was highly disgruntled. My views were made clear to Janet and next week even if it is open I will get the damned keys. Everybody else (teacher-wise) seems to decamp at noon on Friday and I am the only one actually working after that.

With so few students, I gave them a choice of having a lesson or a film. I would have been poleaxed had they elected for the lesson, although I could have given one from memory anyway if needed. But that's not the point. It's the computer guy doing it, I am convinced of that because today he rearranged my office – he has keys because the computer in there doubles up as a station where people take their card to top up their electricity. He's got the hump because I have been given the teachers room to teach in. Well, tough – should have fixed my classroom computer.

Joanna tells me that tomorrow the global CEO of her company is interviewing her for a promotion. She is naturally nervous but she wouldn't have been asked to interview if he wasn't impressed by the reports on her. So, very publicly I would like to wish her all the best for tomorrow and say that I am confident she will soon be on a higher salary with more responsibility. If anyone is capable of doing the job (which involves dealing with people in English) then she is.

I in the meantime am back to Cigargate. The jing jo shop can't locate any and I will run out on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Allan Sillitoe eat your heart out. I did give them a fortnight's notice so don't blame me. Tomorrow I will need to waste a couple of hours going to the big China Tobacco shop, praying they have fresh stock.

If it isn't one thing it's another.   

Wednesday 25^th October, 2017 2245

Oh God.

Late last night I was for some reason delving into my videos and I came across unnamed ones without pictures that the computer could not open. Obviously they were not supposed to be there and so I deleted them all. Good move?

Hardly. They were all my BBC downloads.

Half an hour before my lights out I suddenly noticed iPlayer was downloading shedloads of programmes! Worse, by then I was back to having to go via LA. Worse still, only one programme completed downloading by the time I really had to throw in the towel.

It meant a solitary lunch break today with just one hour of anything to watch. Except it didn't. I got 20 minutes and was then presented with the infamous green screen. Not happy.

I can only assume this is Auntie detecting and running interference. Instead I devoted my time to typing out emendments to the subtitles on Wild Goose. I have one final page of six to type in order to complete the task now. It was a long day.

As Congress closed and Xi completed his elevation to Deity status, connecting to the UK was impossible but a little earlier than now I managed to plug into London and re-download some of the shows which didn't work. Hopefully they will now.

Pat sent off the repayment for the loan but as the recipient is in the process of changing their mobile phone they have yet to receive text notification. I pray the money is not now locked immobile in the labyrinth that is the Chinese banking system.

She has also been ordering my Taobao shopping and wait for it – there is a problem with OXO cubes.

Oh they have them all right but before they can be sent the vendor needs a copy of someone's ID for customs!!!!

I told Pat just to send hers, what we are ordering is not drugs, simply cooking ingredients. I seem to recall Joan having the same problem with something else and I told her to find another seller. I have a feeling the vendor has no idea about procedure. I am importing nothing. Whatever I am buying he already did. Visions of snorting lines of powdered OXO cubes spring to mind and if anyone can tell me that it makes you do anything other than sneeze, please let me know!

The English majors, after initially giving me hope, are now disappointing in that they are turning out to be reticent and requiring hard work and much exhorting on my part. I will not tolerate it much longer but in keeping with the ethos of Western Wednesdays I will use them as an inducement to receive an invitation and so with luck see more enthusiasm.

There is a girl in Pat's class who sits at the front and always tries. I asked her name in the break and to my embarrassment I have forgotten it but she will be invited to the next one along with Pat, who earns her place anyway for being my helper in all things.

I also need to involve Alice whenever I can because she has shown herself to be keen to help. The problem I have is the time, money and effort in preparing first-class meals.......   

Tuesday 24^th October, 2017 1130

It has been many years since I used McDonald's wifi.

I'm sure when I did I simply had to log on to Cloud or something but that wasn't the case here. No wifi password displayed and until they found a manager who spoke English it was all Chinese to me. Now I know there will be no problems in future – you enter your mobile phone number and it sends a text with an access code. Simple if you know how.

I didn't spend that long there, I still couldn't route via the UK (or I would have caught up on some ITV programmes I have been unable to access) so I went back to the office and watched downloaded BBC stuff instead.

I think congress ends tomorrow now that Xi has elevated himself to the level of Mao and today I have noticed I have been able to connect to London more readily than the past week. Presumably the firewall police are having their overtime cut. Good.

I just went shopping and only bought six bottles of wine (all the wine girls now seem to know I go for the bogof deals) but the final bill was nearly 400y. It was only when I unpacked at home I realised why. Big lump of pork which will be turned into ham by Sunday, bag of tiger prawns (for omelettes), cooking oil (changing the fryer for the first time – it seems to last forever when you only make chips) and half a kilo of black pepper salmon fillets. Plus other bits and bobs of course.

This week therefore, no students will be coming to dinner. Quite apart from the expense, it is the time and effort involved. Also, I am going to see if it wouldn't be better to have the western meals on Tuesdays. Having them on Thursdays limits the time to enjoy due to the Corner, even though I am only going to every second one Annie goes to them all.

So this week it is just Annie. Omelette and chips tonight and the salmon on Thursday. I am also cooking tomorrow's lunch for my incarceration on the 7^th floor – a wholemeal giant vienna roll and three drumsticks. I am even taking a small bar of soap I filched from some hotel or other – as long as the students know it is mine they will leave it on the windowsill for the next time. Toilets here (except good hotels and restaurants) never have soap or loo paper – especially schools, hence the students think washing their hands is a case of simply splashing them underneath running water.

1715

And as so often happens here, Annie, who was asked to represent the Uni at a speaking competition (presumably as a questionmaster) in town, had at the 11^th hour, the time brought forward on her. Originally she needed to leave campus by 1740, now she needed to be gone by 1700.

Of course, the soup kitchen was geared for a 1630 arrival and I can't simply magic up a meal in two minutes. She would still have half an hour to eat and she can can tuck it away with the best so all it meant was I delayed my own until after she left (I will have mine in about half an hour). She has gone, sated, and with the advice that when this happens again – as it surely will – just to tell them no she has arrangements. It's not as if it is part of her work or that she will be paid. There are times when it is far better not to be too obliging.        

Sunday 22^nd October, 2017 1415

And the tussle with the school continues. It was put to me that two of my five classes would be on the ground floor while the other three would still be in my current room – with a useless computer.

So that would have seen me playing at Chris Bonnington each day and still having to locate spare rooms for 3 classes to show videos. It's not Janet's fault but she is taking the brunt. I told her I would squat in 402 (my room for the past year) and pointed out that repairing or replacing my set should not really be a huge obstacle – or was the school THAT poor?

I may now have been temporarily located all the time for now in 318 and the leader will make a decision on spending money this coming week. No wonder there are no nets on the basketball hoops!

Today I had three things to do and have yet to do any. Buy some gas, that's now gone by the board as I'm too lazy and anyway I have 12 days or so left. Start withdrawing money in order to amass enough by Wednesday to get Pat to repay my debt – that will be done a little later when I shop. Finally, email Pat with my Taobao list.

Except although I can get on the Taobao home page, whenever I try to search for an item it opens a new page as normal but I always get “server took too long to respond”. I've trawled online for solutions and none of them work. The cause is either Avast antivirus, Windows firewall or the new laptop settings I think but I am damned if I know how to solve it.

I did have a brainwave. I disconnected the new set from the VPN (you can only connect one device at any time) and fired up the old one – it never had that problem. Google search engine doesn't work without a VPN, neither does Chrome. Taobao is in Chinese and Chrome automatically translates.

Having now gotten used to a laptop that is up and running in about 30 seconds, it seemed like the Old Girl took an hour to wake up. The VPN wouldn't connect. There have been updates and her system is outmoded so I tried to see if I could upgrade. Maybe I could but it's Catch 22. Without a VPN connected the damned update automatically tries to go through Google so no go there. I tried every location site to no avail. I have emailed Kevin for advice because not being able to get Taobao is a major problem for me. If he can't help then I shall contact Dean. If he can't either then I suppose it is back to the computer shop to ask them.

On the bright side, with the new unit, even with the clampdown while Congress is sitting, I can always get connected – albeit rarely on a UK site but normally long enough to start UK downloads.

Life is never easy, is it?       

Friday 20^th October, 2017 1415

Just grabbing a couple of minutes at school before class. Lunchbreak flies by when you have downloads and a laptop! Sadly the school internet is beyond me at present re wifi and I cannot plug a cable in because the set is too slim, something I never thought of! Having filched login details I can however access “permitted” sites to read the news.

Janet just texted me. They are proposing to move my classes, half to one further up the hall and half down on the first floor. I am assuming this is their way of avoiding having to spend a few bob on repairing/replacing the computer in my current classroom. This was, I am sure, precipitated today when my student was refused the keys to the teachers training room, which does have a working set. Comfy seats too.

In high dudgeon, on being told we were denied access, I asked where the teacher was and she showed me. It happened to be the internet chap who can't fix my set! I was in no mood to argue the toss and so I got the keys, much to the astonishment of my student who plainly thought I would also be given short shrift! He of all people knows it is broken. He probably complained at the Chinese teachers meeting today and good, because my own complaints have hitherto gone unheeded. The ends justify the means.

2220

My dinner last night was a simple affair. I did have notions of producing soup as another course but decided against. My first steak and veg pie? Better to concentrate on getting that right instead, especially as the beef cost 40y.

I must say the beef was damned good quality – well it was lovely and tender when slowly simmered for ages. I was delighted with my filling too, I never put a foot wrong - utterly delicious.

I even blind baked the base for the first time. Huge mistake! Now, I know too much water in pastry makes it hard and too little makes it crumbly. I would LOVE to make crumbly for a change! I swear I used just enough eau to make it bind but I ended up with the perfect filling encased in lead boots. Needed a road drill to separate the portions! I will get it right if it kills me. It wasn't helped by the poor quality potatoes available here still. There isn't a lot even a skilled cook can do with crap, hence McDonald's refused to open here for years because the local government insisted they had to use local Murphys. Helen and Fay, the two girls who bought me chicken for lunch last week, seemed to enjoy it nonethless, although they did the typical Chinese thing and ate everything individually – understandably leaving the cement pastry to last.

Anyway, I skipped English Corner, having popped a capsule for the problem middle-aged people sometimes get through not eating enough fruit. I was concerned it might work through at an inopportune time when I was ten minutes away from the nearest available usable convenience (mine) and anyway every week in my opinion is far too frequent – especially as I rise at 0500 the following morning. You say you will go for half an hour but end up staying much longer.

And I wasn't amused after going to to bed at 2200 when I woke at 0330 and never got back off. Oh for my youth when I got up as fresh as a daisy at six! 

Wednesday 17^th October, 2017 2215

God help me if I am ever late getting up for Wednesday classes on Peili campus. This morning I had a painful hip before I even reached the teaching block! As for climbing 7 floors, well I reckon some of the students consider calling 120 or 119 or whichever number it is for an ambulance here as they pass me on their way up – either that of they think I enjoy leaning on the banister every floor to admire the view!

Of course it didn't help matters that I had my shoulder bag, computer bag and another bag stuffed full of bread pudding. I really needed those fifteen minutes when I finally scaled the heights before class to have a cigar, slow my heartrate and get some breath back.

But of course, this time the lunch break was not going to be quite so tedious, I had the new toy and plenty of downloads to watch in solitude in a classroom. This despite the fact it is now becoming most tiresome to actually connect to the UK AND to a site the Beeb bloodhounds don't sniff out and deny access. It was impossible yesterday and took me an hour tonight to do so. Of course, once the Communist Party conference is over, I imagine the overtime for the Firewall Police will be scaled down. As it is, I am mostly confined to Los Angeles which is fine if you are a Yank but not great for me.

In the break between classes one and two I took the pudding in for class three – two dozen cubes of it. I put it on the desk of one of the girls who bought me chicken and she was horrified. “But I have already eaten!” she exclaimed. I pointed out it was not all for her, there was one piece each for all the class and the others could thank her and her friend for it. The suspicious sniffing and dubious looks from the students were amusing but once a couple had declared it delicious everyone followed suit.

Then when I had their class in the afternoon I invited her and her mate to dinner tomorrow before English Corner. I can't believe I am actually going to these sodding corners but I am despite my abhorrence, primarily to support Annie.

I can but pray the potatoes on the local stall are not the dusty/turn to mush type and that my first crack at a steak and vegetable pie is not an utter calamity. Not being proficient at desserts, I will opt for leek and spud soup and rely on an iced lolly for afters!

By midweek next week though I will have recently divested myself of approximately 1200 pounds (only now do I discover this new set has no pound sign key and somewhat puzzlingly, no yuan option in its place) what with the outlay on the laptop and finally, although it will wipe me out, repaying my debt to a good friend in Shanghai. Not once has he mentioned it and is still willing to wait but I want it discharged, then I know everything I save is mine.

So in todays classes I enjoined Pat's lot to be an extra special class tomorrow for the observance, not by being an ogre but by using what salesmen call the sympathy close – do you like Annie? Do you want her to succeed? How would you feel a month after becoming a teacher if authorities came to assess you?

They made their own decision. I will find out at dinner.

Oh yes, finally this afternoon the courier dropped off my parcel from Rabbit. I assumed it would be a small trinket or memento so went straight from class to collect it, still toting my shoulder bag and computer. Jesus! I wondered what the hell was in the box! I kept having to change arms and it is only about 150 yards walk to home!

24 cartons of what I thought was milk once I investigated. I thanked Rabbit on Skype messenger, a sweet gesture but she could have warned me about the weight. I won't have to buy milk for a while. Except she informed me it wasn't milk but drinking yoghurt. Good job she told me or tomorrow morning's coffee may have tasted odd!

And later when I went to the jing jo shop the husband seemed to want me to go for another drive! I could have, this time I had my smokes and a supply of grog but after yesterday for all I know we could have been going to another province. I politely declined, unsure as to whether he was pulling my leg.

I am looking forward to a decent length of time in bed tonight but don't want to go just yet because my phone has been off for 3.5 hours while the battery charges. You may remember the phone won't now charge via cable so the battery has to be taken out and slid into a universal device plugged into a socket. With a battery that lasts a fortnight it takes a fair old time to fill up even when only half empty.

New phone next month.  

Tuesday 17^th October, 2017 2100

Nearly bedtime.

Not entirely a lazy day, I did go shopping and on my return went to the jing jo shop prior to starting to cook bread pudding for the class in which two students last Wednesday paid for and brought me fried chicken for lunch. I don't forget kindness.

As I paid for my beer and jing the husband entered the shop just as I also handed over 500y for them to get my monthly cigar order. I thought his sign language was asking me if I wanted to drive his car so I declined. One I don't have a driving licence for China and two, if stopped doing so at that time I would have spent 15 days in prison for excess alcohol. No thanks, e-bikes are different, you don't need a licence!

But no, he insisted and despite his wife's disgusted expression, I got into his SUV thinking perhaps he was taking me to get the cigars – even though I won't need them for another 10 days.

His mate got in the back and my mind visualised that I was being kidnapped, fanciful of course, nobody to pay a ransom and in any event I spend 2,500y a month in his shop so why kidnap your best customer?

Far from going to get my smokes, we went to the furthest western reaches of the city – parts I have never seen before. We were at the extremity of the city where it meets the mountains and can expand no further.

I'm still not sure why we took the ride. We went to a place that handles internet parcels and also repairs cars. Maybe he has shares in it. The bonnet went up and photos were taken and after a mad puppy exhausted itself chasing my hand (and yes, I did want to take it home!) we left, only to go to Williamtown.

It's a new English style development being built and very nice it will be too. It became apparent that Mr & Mrs Arkwright are considering buying a place there. Great but why was I along??? Had I had nothing to do would have been happy but I had cooking to be getting along with. And no, cigars never featured.

Back at home I got the bread pudding on the go and I had said to Annie there would be a chilli waiting if she wanted after work. She did. That girl eats anything and has an appetite to rival some of the piggiest students I have ever met.

The chilli had been in the freezer for months and I realised after it defrosted why – it was awful. I had forgotten tomato puree so aside from being spicy it was bizarrely bland. She still ate triple what I did! Maybe I am too critical of my own cooking......

I also told her I shouldn't have to invite her to come for dinner every time, she should ask me if I m cooking. She is always welcome even if it's only bacon and eggs – if I am cooking, which is most nights. No place for being shy in a foreign country with few birds of a feather.

She also expressed concern that the English Corner now want to create an English Society. Understandably she thought it would mean a Corner each week AND other events. My opinion is that it will pave the way for the corner to become what it did in Chizhou – shows by each class held inside in the warm! I hate Corners but feel obliged to go at present in support of Annie even though I am not obliged.

And hahaha! She is being observed on Thursday! By the Peace Corps ostensibly but I will guarantee there will be Chinese teachers there ready to report. They are watching her take Pat's class. I have done my best to offer sage advice – after all I have been on TV, now in a film and once had 7 Chinese teachers sitting taking notes to report to Chizhou University so it is more of a game to me now than anything to concern myself with. But of course she is new and young and I was once both of those and haven't forgotten!

My first class tomorrow happens to be Pat's. You can rest assured that when Annie takes them for her “crunch” class on Thursday they will be a model class and will be SO active! It will not be hard for me to ensure that, simply because I am pretty sure they like her and they already know without doubt they need to pass my class and that I failed half a dozen last year. But I will make them want to make her succeed.

So she is home now, doubtless worrying unnecessarily. I have just offered to let her sit in on one of my classes if she is free tomorrow. I am hardly an expert but one thing I try to do is make my classes interesting.     

Monday 16^th October, 2017 2200

I started to download the files from the old laptop at 2100 on Saturday. Twelve hours later it finally indicated everything was on the external drive. I plugged it in the new set and perhaps naively, thought I might be presented with a simple option to just upload everything.

Stupid boy.

No Instruction manual and a highly inexperienced user made for almost as much frustration as the old one not even bothering to try working. In the end I capitulated and texted Dean the IT lecturer for help. Surely he would come here, perform a few clicks and be gone in five minutes?

Oh yes, nearly forgot – this is ME we are talking about!

It took him half an hour to figure out how to upload all my files and then it took a further thirty minutes to ostensibly do so. Except once it had completed, every file was about 47kb with sod all in it! What was showing as nearly 100Gb fed in as next to nothing. Dean was probably more mystified than I was, after all, I am more than used to things not going according to plan whilst he is actually conversant with all things computer. In the end I suggested that maybe it would be best if I simply transferred things in small chunks and so he left. So far all my films have been relocated, next will be the 2,000 photos and then later, maybe my blog. I am unsure on that last because the new set doesn't have Works Taskmaster as it is (probably quite rightly) obsolete and I really should have switched to Open Office a long time ago.

Regardless, I wouldn't be wanting to get a new laptop every month.

I am however pleased to have a keyboard where the keys all work, although it cannot cope with the speed of my (admittedly two finger) typing and not all letters appear first time around.

And of course, with the Communist Party 5 year conference imminent, the Great Firewall Police are all over the internet and VPNs like a dose of chickenpox. Connection is sporadic, bloody annoying because I have to contend with not only the Chinese running interference but also Aunty's efforts to sniff out people abroad accessing iPlayer. You know, if the BBC came up with a system for expats where you could register and sign in from anywhere, I would pay.

I am though enjoying a laptop that takes about a minute to power up and connect instead of being able to take a shower before it happens.

I thought about taking it to school this morning, after all I had a 4.5 hour break to kill but with nothing new to watch on it I decided against.

The computer shop chap, having been told I would be free and in my office from 1000-1200 turned up t precisely ten o'clock! Clearly he trusted me to take the set away but not THAT much!

However, he did me a favour. I was hungry. McDonald's was on my mind. No, not a Big Mac, a Big Breakfast. Praying they stuck to corporate policy and served same until 1030 I legged it (well, strolled briskly) and was rewarded with muffin, eggs etc and a coffee. I reckon that may become de rigueur each Thursday this term, especially when I sat there musing on what a dolt I had been not to think of it before.

I now have a laptop with a battery that works and doesn't weigh as much as a medium-sized dog. McDonald's has free wifi. For the price of a breakfast I can sit there for hours on my laptop if I want!! I won't of course but a couple of hours will be good, for the rest I will download shows and films I can watch in my office. Can't get wifi in the office and this set is too slim to plug in direct but hey, anywhere with wifi is handy.

This morning's class was actually infuriating. Getting anyone to talk was akin to trying to find a four-leaf clover. It was a challenge not to get angry. Bearing in mind for the previous year I taught non-English majors who were much the same, it shouldn't have been a problem but of course now I have English majors too.

I understand Early Education majors being ordered to take English might be resistant but hell, I like to think my classes are relaxed, informal and above all, fun. I also understand that, 7^th floor apart, I actually now look forward to Wednesdays. It's good to teach English majors and not have to explain the simplest of words.

Afternoon class, after an entreaty NOT to be like the morning one, was a lot better. I need to have two heads, one for Mon & Fri and another for Weds!      

Saturday 14th October, 2017                       1900

Alice presented herself at 1100 this morning and off we went to get the 131 bus. The only bit of luck we had all day was that not only did we arrive a minute before a bus left, it also had ample seats, most uncommon at the weekend.

The shop was a couple of stops before the train station and within sight of the Lanzhou Legend Hotel. It was not a case of “if” I bought, the alternative was an impending complete communications blackout. I have to say my preferred option was another Compaq, after all this old donkey is now well into her second decade - why change a reliable combination?

No, I was offered Lenovo (one of the world’s largest manufacturers of computers and I wasn’t averse) or Asus, whom I know nothing about but Kevin had/has one so they can’t be all that bad or he would have moaned to the rafters.

When I am forced to purchase anything the process with me is that I go in, choose, pay and get out in short order. Bugger looking at every single laptop and spending the day in-store. A salesman’s dream you may say.

I wanted the cigar ash protector for the keypad, a 1TB external drive and that was it. Oh, and it had to be set up in English instead of Chinese. Consternation. That will take one to two hours. Maybe they thought naively that I would drop the specification for expediency but that’s not an option for me.

We agreed a total price of 5,500y which was far more than I imagined but by then I had seen way higher prices on other stalls - the place was like a Silicon Market with many small shops competing for business in one. To be fair the boss (Alice’s friend) did point out if I bought in the UK it would be cheaper but the fact of the matter is this one will not live that long for me to wait until summer - if nothing else, I will end up smashing it through a window in anger.

Ok, Japanese lunch while they convert language but to show willing and to make sure my UK Visa bank card worked I insisted on paying before they went to any trouble. Debit and credit cards in China have a 6 digit PIN, the UK only 4. The two PDQ terminals they tried to take the money on both threw hissy fits and sulked. Could I get the money from the ATM? Yes but not in one day, UK cards have a daily limit and mine (never needed to increase it!) is currently 2,000y a day.

The person at the bank who could solve the PDQ problem won’t be there until Monday. By Monday I could have the cash. Oh ok, you can take the computer when it is ready later and bring the money in on Monday. 5,500 yuan!!!!

Faced with inordinate trust being placed in a complete stranger, I made a deal. I was taking Alice for lunch and when we finished I would get 2,000y from an ATM and pay that today, then I could return on my long Monday break with the rest.

By now we needed to go. At the back of my mind was what happened when the Shenyang Shags visited in Dragon Boat festival when the cooks were about to go home. I think we got to Brothers Boat at 1330. No cold beers but plenty of ice available and more importantly, a lovely lunch and the first time Alice had tried Japanese. It was what I would call “clean” food if you understand, delightfully presented and of course Alice had to take photographs which I am sure were online before we even tucked in. Better still, I have over 100y remaining on my VIP card.

So back to the shop. Not ready yet. Another 20 minutes. I wouldn’t have minded so much had there been a restaurant, bar or even coffee shop nearby to sit and wait in but the entire area is populated purely with shops selling electrical equipment - can’t even buy a can of Coke.

But the 20 minutes always became just another 20 minutes and I started pointing out elderly people to Alice and telling her they were ten years old when they came in to buy a laptop and they were still there.

Eventually, 4 hours after first agreeing to a deal, it was all ready. A quick try to see it was indeed now in English and we scarpered but with the boss now coming to my office between 1000-1200 Monday to collect the balance to save me the trouble of bussing there and back. It’s not too far anyway. And it was a taxi home. With a laptop half the weight and size and with a battery that hopefully works.

I now have the daunting task of trying to back up this one overnight (only done it once years ago so am clueless) and then tomorrow trying to turn the new one into the old one.

Talk about a wasted weekend…….        

Saturday 14th October, 2017              0040

I forgot to mention the latest antics at Chizhou University. You may recall during my time there I often railed against the almost Keystone Kops-like administration?

Well, when I first arrived in 2010 the new campus was precisely that - new. There was also an old campus in the city centre. By the time I arrived all bar the Science department had relocated to the new, although some staff still lived on the old campus.

I suppose it was a couple of years, maybe three, later that all departments were located on the new campus although some staff still lived downtown on the old campus.

So probably five years after the school relocated in entirety they still, until a few days ago, had staff living on the old campus!

Unfortunately, the developers of the inner-city site decided to demolish the old campus to make way for whatever is to be built in its place.

Nobody I believe was at home at the time and to the best of my knowledge no animals were injured in the making of this farce, but apartments still occupied by current teachers were razed to the ground. How do I know? I saw it on the website where the school asked staff to submit inventories of what they lost when their homes were destroyed during period 4. I also double-checked the information with Joan.

Utterly typical of a school which in fairness I loved and still miss and yet abhorred the running of the place. A fish rots from the head down as they say, hence the previous leader is now in prison but now because of incompetence (and there was no reason for staff to still be living downtown unless they refused to relocate) because there is ample accommodation now on the new campus but how many items of sentimental value are now lost?

My recent spell in the doldrums has evaporated although it may well return later today once I have spent a fortune ensuring my internet contact with the world is once again assured.

However I think now I know what the cause was. I reckon it was the culmination of having no classes for the first 3 weeks of term (with all the implications that had for continued employment here), getting loads of non-English majors instead of Cyprus post grads and an increased sense of isolation.

I think young people may say that I have my Mojo back now? Where I was by my standards a trifle lethargic in class suddenly I have energy (hip permitting) and I am doing my acting more convincingly. Why?

I have Annie, Pat, Alice et al nearby now, people to cook for and more importantly three very active English major classes on Wednesdays. The zing is back and I am enjoying teaching again.

I have to admit, Thursday night at English corner I was speaking to Delia who is my assistant on Peili Campus. Annie and I had discussed her at dinner and she couldn’t place her and to be honest, only having met her briefly twice, I couldn’t describe her accurately either. Annie mentioned Dean Li and I said that must be her and we left it at that.

Anyway, at the Corner Delia was there with her son Thomas. Nobody is called Thomas nowadays so I convinced him Tom was far better and easier for people to say. Bearing in mind Annie had mentioned Dean Li, I was keen to know if I actually had the Dean as my assistant!!

No, she is the vice-dean -  still an honour nonetheless. She asked if I really spent all lunch break on the 7th floor and I said basically, shit yes! I also relayed the tale of the fast food meal which was brought and how touching I found it. I called Annie over and introduced Delia. Yes, to Annie it was Dean Li. Then Delia asked how were my classes?

I said well, I am happy with THEM but perhaps it would be better if you asked the students what THEY think of them? I duly called Pat and Alice over and Delia popped the question. I expected something along the lines of interesting, we like the classes etc.

Oh no.

I had to walk away when it opened with “we like Steve’s classes better than Jacob’s”!!!!

I never wanted that and honestly? Unfair on Jacob, he is young and only did it for a year so you cannot compare a middle-aged 7 year (Merchant Navy OAP) veteran, and one who doesn’t actually think he is teaching anyway to boot with a novice volunteer. Nice though the endorsement was, it made me feel just a soupcon uncomfortable whilst perversely bolstering my opinion as to whether I will be invited to continue working for another year at contract renewal time. Whilst I like the English Major classes, as hereinbefore mentioned, I really do not appreciate the 7th floor!      

Ah well, bedtime now. Alice is coming at 1100 and I need a clear head for spending I know not how much on new technology.  

Friday 13th October, 2017                         1940

It was only when typing the above I realised the significance of the date. And rather apposite it is this time too! More later.

Yesterday Annie was coming for her dinner. It was to be nothing special, just mince’n’totties but then Pat said she would come to clean at 1700. Ok I thought, the mince is limited (need to travel to buy that) so I will buy more vegetables to bulk it out. Later Pat said Ariel wanted to help clean too. The reality of it is that she doesn’t trust me enough yet to be alone in my home with me. That’s fine and eminently sensible, no problem with it but unless we were going to eat a vegetarian mince and potatoes with a teaspoon of meat apiece I needed to alter the menu a bit sharpish!

I rushed out for some chicken breasts and opted for curry and rice. I also decided to try my hand at making chapattis again - the last time was when I was at sea on curry nights when after my watch I would take a six-pack to the galley to share with the cook and produce “chapattis to order”! I’d forgotten how ridiculously easy they are, in fact getting the pan the right temperature and the dough off your fingernails are the hardest parts. Not bad fodder and afterwards we went to English corner.

Nobody stayed too long, it was held outside and the nights are decidedly chilly now.

A full day of classes on East Campus today with a computer still producing intermittent sound, meaning decamping for period two each time to the training room where it works and then home to find an email from my VPN provider. Large scale disruptions occurring from the Firewall Police, update to the latest version.

I tried to but received a message saying my computer OS was outdated and couldn’t receive the latest cunning program.

And then I lost all internet again completely.

It took an hour of restoring, rebooting, unplugging, plugging, cursing and generally fuming before I not only got basic internet back but “proper” uncensored internet as well. I am having to bite the bullet.

Tomorrow Lanzhou Alice is coming with me to buy a new laptop and an external hard drive. She is speaking to her friends to ask where best to buy a Compaq (this one has lasted 12 years I think so why change?) and I hope she will be able to ensure it is given to me set up in English instead of Chinese and also with instructions printed in my language. I also hope she can negotiate a decent discount.

I have no choice if I want to stay connected - Friday 13th culminated in yet another complete webfail combined with the prospect of not being able to access any meaningful sites unless I can update.

Now I can look forward to blundering about trying to transfer all the data from this old crate to the new one and hopefully setting that one up correctly. Geek I definitely am not.

BUT, I shall buy a much slimmer and lighter one that I can also buy a keyboard protector for (they don’t make them big enough for this one) which will keep my cigar ash out of the gubbins.

AND. The g, h, @ and other temperamental buttons will work! I am that used to having to check every letter now that I also do it when sending a text on my phone! Speaking of the phone, a new one of those can wait a month, it only needs charging every fortnight so I shall live with removing the battery to zap it for now, I just need to time it to leave overnight when I don’t need an alarm in the morning.  

Wednesday 11th October, 2017                              1830

I never had the inclination to prepare a packed lunch for school today. The garlic bread had turned out rock hard (because the baguette was overcooked in the first place) and to be honest when previously I have made lunch the night before, the following day it has been tough and chewy. Oh for some Tesco Value sliced white! I could murder a salmon and cucumber sandwich…..

I decided instead I would simply not eat until this evening - nothing unusual, I do it most days.

So when lunchtime came around I went to my afternoon classroom. There were half a dozen students still in there and they stayed for half an hour catching up on homework - we’ve ALL done THAT!

When they were leaving, a couple of them asked me (one was Jessica the monitor) if I had eaten my lunch. I answered in the negative and explained that scaling seven floors twice in a day was beyond me so I had my crosswords, a bottle of sea salt and lemon drink and would camp out. When they voiced concern I told them my habit of eating dinner only and added the rider that even if I was starving I would not go down and back up again and for them not to worry about me.

I have seen the Peili students just the once before a fortnight ago so neither side “knows” the other. Imagine my feelings an hour later whilst I was sitting there at a desk pondering over 27 across when the two who had enquired returned.

The wind was completely knocked out of my foresail and I have to say I was extremely moved. They had only gone and ordered an online fast food delivery of chicken burger, spicy chicken wings and French fries! Then taken delivery, scaled 7 floors to bring it and then returned to Ground Zero to take a nap in their dormitory before once again making an assault on Everest!

I had met them once. They did all that unbidden.

In the nicest possible way (oh, and they wouldn’t countenance payment) I ensured they knew that I was immensely impressed, grateful and touched by their gesture but equally please don’t do it again, I cannot handle the feeling of guilt. They don’t know it yet but they just earnt their class a batch of bread pudding, probably next week.

Just when I thought I had experienced every act of kindness Chinese students can come out with, I got my heartstrings snapped.

And another unheard of thing happened today too. I have three classes. The first is all girls, there’s one boy in the second and two in the third. The usual make-up for English majors and the norm is for the boys to sit at the back and never do a bloody thing.

With them not yet having the book, today I had to ask for volunteers to come to the front of the class to read my copy and the dialogues - role play. I was surprised enough when the solo boy in Class 2 put his hand up but I was absolutely flabbergasted when the two lads in Class 3 volunteered!!!! Never in 7 years has that happened, with the notable exception of the lovely Norman who tried so hard not to always be bottom of the class - and long-term readers may recall that in his last term I gave him all his accrued credit for the sheer effort and willingness and he came slap bang in the middle. Those three boys don’t know it but they just did me an enormous favour.

From now on it will be plain sailing to get the girls to put their hands up - you can probably imagine me saying “Well the boys are obviously better etc……”

A tiring day but one on which I realised I have good classes on Peili (and the computers work!) and my only gripe has to be that there is no lift to the 7th floor.    

Talking of computers, on arriving home I spent over an hour rebooting, restoring and trying everything to get mine to connect to the wifi. I was a click of the fingers away from rushing out and buying the first one I could find. Crazy I know but it is my only link to news and the outside world. Even in pre-internet times there was always the TV but not for me here. Can’t even buy an English speaking newspaper.

My notion of delaying the purchase of a new model until summer is rapidly fading. I may go hunting tomorrow or at the weekend. But a new one I need along with an external hard drive so I don’t lose everything if this one decides to die completely.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water eh?          

Tuesday 10th October, 2017                      2030

An afternoon spent entirely either rushing around the supermarket or wondering how my Mother managed to keep a house clean, do a part time job AND feed a family of eight on a daily basis.

I am probably the slowest cook I know. Ok I have more than the odd disaster but by and large the fodder is passable at worst. Had I simply stuck to spaghetti (actually in the end it was pasta) it would have been a breeze. But no, I had to do a dessert, originally to be apple but seeing as I had been given a bag full of pears last week, to save wasting them I wondered if I could make a pear pie. Never heard of one before but it’s a fruit so why not?

I am hardly the world’s greatest pastry maker, I think this was only my fourth time at making a pie. Previously I have made enough pastry to cover a football pitch and thrown tons away but this time I never made enough and had to roll it really thin with my patented rolling pin - an empty wine bottle.

Aesthetically it was a horror story, with patches of dough stuck over empty spaces! I couldn’t start again, no time, so it was a case of press on regardless.

The two hour version of Bolognese sauce ensured a rich and thick result and in particular Annie (far left in the two photos) packed away a hefty serving. Pat and Alice also did well. As usual, after all that cooking, my plate (along with my appetite) was much smaller.

The pie and ice cream? Hideous it may have looked to an accomplished cook but taste is what counts unless you are competing in Masterchef. Surprisingly good (and I had my reservations before I even started making it) so take away the artistic ability element and I have no cause to be embarrassed. At some point I will certainly attempt a beef and vegetable pie - except I will ensure I make heaps of pastry.

It was both good and bad that by eight the girls left. Annie had arranged to Skype with her family for the first time since she came (although she did bring her laundry to wash when she arrived) and the girls had night class and rehearsals for a Chinese debate next week. It was good because I need an early night before a schoolday but bad because sometimes it is nice to have company I can actually talk to.

As for Peili campus classes and the course books, it seems each class received different information - Chinese whispers at work there I suspect. I think Pat’s class have it already, one of the others has ordered it but for the wrong teacher and the third were about to order the wrong book. I was feeling guilty at forcing the students to pay 40y for yet another book on top of the official school ones. That was the price on the website I found it. The girls had found a Chinese seller flogging it for just 8y!!!! I no longer feel guilty. £1 for a text book???

I am now becoming increasingly fearful of the fact my laptop seems to be in terminal decline and needs end of life care.

More frequently lately it has been losing internet connection and worse, the wifi button shows orange instead of blue and subsequently sees no networks available. Sometimes a simple restart will sort it, others I need to carry out a system restore. Occasionally even that fails to work and I end up in an on and off cycle hoping the blue will appear.

One day I will be cast into the wilderness and no blog. I had hoped to nurse the old girl until next summer, at which point I would order a new model from Amazon UK using my vouchers from surveys ready for me to collect in person but I fear my hand will be forced sooner. I would do that now and have it sent here but I worry I may fall foul of customs duty and all the rigmarole involved. I can carry it straight in myself as it is for personal use, in the post I have to present myself and prove it.                

Monday 9th October, 2017                2145

First day back after Golden Week and all was not well.

When I left home it was raining slightly, didn’t really need one but I took a brolly. When I got to the campus entrance road I was amazed to see the cars all covered in white - it had snowed during the night. Suddenly I regretted only wearing a fleece, it was plainly not enough.

The school minibus gets more ridiculous each week, this morning we ended up with four people without seats, one sitting on a lap and three on the floor. Whether due to my frame, my age, being foreign or perhaps they know if I get no seat I will simply refuse, I know not but at least I was given one, albeit one of the awful fold-down ones with virtually no back. I shudder to think of the carnage were we to have a collision. In fact that bus should be scrapped, even with a “comfortable” seat I arrive and alight like a geriatric.

From there the day just went downhill. The students don’t have the book yet, nor I have just learnt do the Peili campus students. The Peili lot ARE English majors and I am assured they will have books next week and that is not a problem, with English majors it is far easier to concoct a lesson but with the others it is simply a case of “teacher does all the talking” because they are mute in class unless they are chatting to their neighbour in Chinese. Especially annoying as the campus knows where to buy the books having done so previously and also had 3 months to do it. Peili told the students to buy their own online as it is cheaper and I understand that. Plus they only had a fortnight.

Then the classroom computer did an excellent impression of Norman Collier. All last term I complained, the IT guy came loads of times and got it working after a fashion and buggered off. Nothing was ever done. Today he finally admitted he could do nothing. Today Janet informed the leader. It is madness, I went looking for another room with a working set and before I found one, set myself up with everything working perfectly. Except not one student thought to tell me that there was nothing showing on the screen! There was no projector!

Someone tell me why it is so much trouble to simply take the tower from there and swap it for mine?

Oh yes, and I still don’t have a login for the school network although the IT man logged me in using his details. His ID was too long to memorise and of course the password was hidden. I will make a nuisance of myself again on Friday. I am really not enjoying the 4.5 hour breaks even with computer access. It’s almost worth spending an hour and a half on public transport to have a couple of hours at home and return again.  

So that was my day - how was yours??

Sunday 8th October, 2017                                1500

With arrangements made to have a Japanese lunch with Annie today I was thrown last night when asked if she could bring another volunteer, a boy named Trey who is at Lanzhou university (as opposed to Lanzhou City). I knew my VIP card had enough credit for two but maybe not three diners. Considering if you go over what’s on the card by 1y the system won’t let you pay the credit and give 1y in cash - the computer simply won’t allow it. You can then either pay the bill in cash (and lose the 10% discount) or put more money on the card - minimum being 500y.

I expressed my concerns and she suggested we go somewhere else. Accordingly it was set for my first restaurant here, the one I used when staying at the Home Inn. Annoyingly I neglected to take the camera, basically because it was nowhere new. They decided to meet me at BHG and so I took a taxi. On arrival there were dancers and a band in costume, possibly to herald the opening of a new shop and I could have snapped them. Really colourful they were too.

We ordered my favourites, sweet pork, pancakes and a dry prawn hotpot (the one where I eat the entire prawn, head and all) and some vegetables to keep it balanced for the other two. I really am appalling at eating fruit and veg unless I have cooked it myself. Anyway, I have little appetite at lunchtime.

It was a nice change though but when I asked from curiosity what they were doing after lunch they said they had loads to do. Fine, all I wanted to do was get home, do some laundry and generally laze about on the last holiday day. What did they have to do? Study, said Annie, plus she had a project to complete for the Peace Corps and some “grading” (marking for English people) of student essays - like Jacob, she also teaches reading and writing. I escaped that due to my working on two campuses and having a full workload so Jacob’s two Rs had to be hived off to Chinese teachers.

So basically these volunteers teach a full schedule then spend time marking and then have projects to do for the Peace Corps! AND do office hours to boot! When Annie asked me when my office hours were she was stunned to learn I would never agree to do any. Sitting around on the off chance a student might wander in for a chat? No sir. For all that they receive a stipend of a very generous 1,900y a month. My smokes and bar bill come to double that! Oh - and in their two years they are reimbursed for just one return flight so they are confined to China and even worse, during the spring festival (and possibly summer) holidays they have to go for additional Peace Corps training.

Certainly not an old man’s game.

So anyway, I have taken pity on her and told her any time I am cooking for myself she is welcome to come and share. It won’t cost me a penny because whenever I cook I always end up slinging at least half away. I have though, now that I have students nearer to home, resurrected Western Wednesdays, albeit never on Wednesday as I teach all day.

On Tuesday I have invited Annie and two of my Peili monitors, Pat and Alice to dinner. Spaghetti Bolognese, garlic bread and if I have the time and energy I will bake apple pie, except this time I shall add more sugar when I mash the apples. I will also for the first time have a bash at blind baking to see if I can get a crustier bum to my pie!

If the pie works then I will try my hand at making a beef one another day with what I bought earlier in the week. I miss meat pies and to my shame I have yet to attempt to make one.  

All set for east campus tomorrow with my half a day lunch break. Nobody there to come to the hospital with me for a hip jab (all farmed out to kindergartens now until January) but I am armed with my passport so by hook or by crook I will demand internet access - even if I have to use someone else’s login details. I will also have an egg and salad cream baguette - well we were right by the bakery so it would have been silly not to buy some bread!

Yesterday it was shirtsleeves weather, today my fleece wasn’t keeping me quite warm enough. Ere long it will be tayters.      

Saturday 7th October, 2017                                 1000

Well after yesterday’s moan I called it a day at around midnight. Annoyingly I woke up at who knows what Godforsaken hour, I never hit the light on the clock to check but it was well before dawn. I was still tired but with my brain by then being highly active I struggled to drop back off. I ceased my battle for sleep just after seven.

I am somewhat remiss in my computer health regime and over a coffee I remembered I hadn’t immunised or cleaned it for some time. So I did so and, gaining impetus, once finished I decided to do something I haven’t done for probably two years - defragment.

Talk about regret starting something!

No wonder I don’t do it often, it has been gurgling away for nearly three hours and thus far is showing 2% and time remaining >1 day. I was in such a joyous mood when I started too…….

I was reading an interesting article on the BBC website concerning the upcoming congress here. A great deal of it merely reminded me of things I already knew - Xi Jinping is up for re-election after his initial 5 years and I doubt very much if bookies would even consider giving odds against his being re-elected for a second five year term. However the writer indicated there were whispers Xi may introduce something that could extend his Presidency beyond the customary two-term leadership.

That he is popular with the people is hardly disputed (except presumably by the million officials he has had stripped of office and slung in prison) although personally I am not so sure. Certainly he gets things done, albeit slowly but then in a country so vast nothing happens quickly, I don’t necessarily embrace all the policies but I wouldn’t anyway - you can’t please all of the people etc.

But given his age (64) he will be 69 when his second term comes to an end. Not being one who doesn’t value age and experience I don’t regard that as being a  minus. Bearing in mind though that politburo members are generally expected to abide by the unwritten rule to stand down at age 68 I fail to see either where the rumours are justified or indeed if true, how it could come about.

It would involve altering protocol in two major ways: firstly paving the way for a leader to serve more than twice and secondly removing the retirement age. And my guess is that the latter would surely have to apply to all party officials, opening the door for people to serve until they drop.

As I see it, the Chinese see age as an impediment - with a retirement age of 60 (although that must change) anyone over that is often viewed as a dotty old Grandpa or Grandma. Ok that is over-simplifying matters but when you consider none of the senior officials has anything other than jet black hair (aided by boot polish and dye) so as not to show any signs of old age, it’s a pretty good indicator that grey follicles are a sign of weakness or infirmity.

It will be interesting to eventually learn what is decided in congress later in the month.

And my defraggling? Even now it shows 3% and time remaining >1 day!!!!!!   Aarrgghhh!    

Friday 6th October, 2017                         2130

This is not so much a blog entry as an opinion piece. I have reservations over writing and posting it but then that’s never stopped me before!

Aside from the odd occasion I have socialised this holiday week, for some reason I have often felt depressed. Not just out of sorts but really grim. I could point to any number of causes but not pinpoint one that particularly stands out. However it is not a nice feeling.

Doubtless I shall regret posting as it may seem to some as being a “poor little me” effort when in fact it is anything but. There cannot be a single person reading this who has not been there so what makes me any different?

Well, this: for years I have had copied and pasted Facebook posts appear in my feed imploring people to share some rot about depression being a disease. For years I have said it is not, and I stand by that. Life is about highs and lows, you enjoy the highs and hopefully get past the lows - pick yourself up, dust yourself down stuff, it is not an illness, it’s a state of mind.

Boy have I been pilloried for it at times!

Before anyone reaches for the telephone number for Samaritans, stop!!! If I by chance am lifeless in the morning it will most certainly not be by my hand - it will be adult cot death. I will be just fine as always.

Although my own demeanour of late prompted this entry, I think the fact that anti-social media daily bombards me with whinges concerning “if you do or know someone who suffers from” - and the list is endless, ranging from Crohn’s to cancer to MS and by clogging the airways you can help. When the hell did Facebook ever find a cure?

Maybe my doldrums are caused by the eradication of what little intelligence people had by the internet? False stories being shared without compunction, famous people having quotes attributed to them to lend weight etc when they said no such thing. This morning I even had one asking me to share and pray for US servicemen killed just now when their helicopter was shot down over Afghanistan. The news was from 4 years ago. I despair for human intelligence. I also worry how the lies which are believed so readily by those who park their IQ by the side of their laptop when they go online affects elections.      

I find the internet to be my enormous library in my study. It seems many use it to replace their brains.

Wait for the brickbats…………

Thursday 5th October, 2017           1415

Well yesterday after complete silence since Monday, I was astonished to receive a text from Annie. She was going to the square for her lunch and did I want to join her! I didn’t but I was interested to learn why her phone had been off and why she hadn’t told me about cancelling Monday. I suggested if she was free later perhaps we could do what we were supposed to when she was a no-show. She agreed.

We met at three and I asked the questions. She had used all her data and the phone had been cut off, apparently it wasn’t even receiving calls or messages. She is with China Unicom. I found it odd but……….oh, and okey dokey it would seem doesn’t mean “yes” in American!

Personally I think she had other plans - meeting up with Peace Corps volunteers from other schools and her youth saw her unable to actually cancel with me. I have explained that I like honesty.

Then she had a question for me - she was going for dinner later with her host family and they had invited me as well. Having established it would be at a restaurant and not their home, I agreed. There went the Japanese meal! I didn’t want to go to their home as I didn’t wish to offend if I never liked any of  the dishes - you can do it with relative impunity among a crowd in a restaurant!

With time to spare we decided to proceed with going to my little campus and show her the Japanese place because of the number of shops there. We got as far as campus and then the meal was brought forward half an hour. Cancel the rest and take a taxi! It was agreed we will have that meal when she returns at the weekend, currently she is climbing mountains with fellow volunteers.

There were two tables with about twenty people. Insistence was made on my taking the guest of honour’s seat (facing the entrance) and luckily Annie took Chinese lessons before coming here, so I had a translator. Her Chinese Mum & Dad are both teachers on Peili campus, certainly he teaches calligraphy, although I think she does too. Present were the two most famous calligraphers in the province and the rest were mature students who the host taught for their hobby.

I had one of the acclaimed artists seated next to me and I am sure it was no accident. Why do I always get the biggest drinkers as companions??!! To make matters worse, for the first time ever, they refused to take no for an answer regarding baiju. To be fair it was an expensive type but it still tasted vile and even now it keeps repeating on me.

No expense was spared in the food department either, as you can see from the pictures

 and even though I had been pitted against a formidable opponent in a drinking contest, I enjoyed my evening. I was glad when all the baiju had been drunk. Then I produced my jing jo and the pair of us made short work of it before it was time to leave.

I hailed a cab and made my way home alone while Annie took a bus to stay with other Peace Corps “soldiers”.

An unexpected and pleasant occasion indeed.