Saturday 31^st July, 2021 1615

Holiday Inn, Kunming

We ( well, I) finally got clearance to fly at six last night. Having not eaten since I don't know when, before the BP check I thought I'd try to get some food inside me – maybe it could help. I tried a McDonald's single cheeseburger, no fries. I couldn't even eat half.

But we were on our way after an anxious wait for the doctor to arrive. But of course with a later flight, it was delayed an hour. On trying to exit the airport on arrival my green code was refused, the one the school had sent me was apparently only good for Lanzhou. So we had to go somewhere else to get an A4 form to fill in and sign, which I could have written any old nonsense on, and we were free.

An 88¥ taxi ride later and we were at the hotel. It was nigh on 0100. By the time I had relaxed enough to go to bed it was almost three. What a day we'd had.

Alice went for breakfast alone. I asked her to bring me a couple of pork breakfast sausages if they had them, plus a croissant. I had to try and eat. She returned sans croissant saying they didn't have any (surprising), two chicken sausages (ugh!) some weird roll and a small chocolate cake. The cake I ate.

She went to some lake which she said was “ok” and has now gone to Old Street, which is apparently famous for Chinese food. As for me, I'm being my usual useless self, seeing the inside of hotel rooms and the city from the lofty 19^th floor. I will order room service later for myself, I must eat or I'll end up in hospital.

Alice took my camera to the lake so I am hoping there will be a few photos to post in due course.

 

Friday 30^th July, 2021 0820

Zhongchuan "International" Airport

I would love to report that at the time of writing I am sitting at 32,000 feet and halfway to Kunming. But I can't.

For the first time in my life I was refused boarding.

You could be forgiven for instantly assuming “Ha! He was pissed!” I wasn't.

What happened was: after the courtesy shuttle bus from the airport, with an impossibly high entrance meaning someone had to shove my arse to give me a hand and getting out I ended up sitting on the floor, we went through initial security, checked in and were on our way to a final pat-down and the business lounge.

Before we got there I came over all peculiar, to use the vernacular. I honestly thought I was going to collapse in the middle of the concourse and it was a feeling I have never experienced before. I stopped to lean on the desk where you surrender your lighter and such and rather stupidly (with hindsight) disposed of mine. I was in a cold sweat.

Alice was most solicitous, asking if I needed a wheelchair. Initially I demurred, I didn't want the embarrassment, however seeing as all I wanted to do was sit somewhere and sleep I acquiesced. Alice went to get a wheelchair and she returned with one, into which I gratefully collapsed.

Then she wheeled me in the wrong direction. Where are we going? To the doctor. I don't need a doctor, I need a seat and a sleep! They insisted so they can be sure you can fly.

Bloody marvellous. Wish I hadn't said anything but had I not I feel I would have crumpled like Spurs' dreams of ever being champions again and it would have been far worse. Ok, let's see the doctor and they will clear me.

Only she didn't. She may as well have ripped up my boarding card. Refused boarding. Why? My blood pressure was too LOW! I suppose for someone who without medication would register something in the order of 180/120 I should be proud but I have to say it really didn't please me. I think I was 64/46 when she took it, so low in fact she buggered off to get another machine in case the other one was faulty. It wasn't.

End result? Bumped off to the next flight 12½ hours later! And then only if my BP is up a bit. So although the flight change for both of us was done free of charge, another 200¥ for another airport hotel to get some rest. Well you didn't think I was going to snooze in a chair in the lounge in an airport where there is absolutely no smoking for 12 hours did you?

I just pray my pressure is up later because until I have seen the doctor I will be denied access to the flight.

 

Sunday 25^th July, 2021 1300

And guess what? The health code still doesn't work for me. The really weird thing is that I can get a green screen (these days one screen fits all so no need to specify cities) by asking Victor to update it on his phone, sending him the confirmation code which is sent to my phone, then he sends me the screen on Wechat! So for this holiday I need to Wechat him the day before I travel to get an updated code and hope he doesn't drop dead or lose his phone.

On Saturday I went for lunch with Adriana. She had pestered me for weeks so I felt I should, especially as it was her turn to pay. Once again, if we wanted to eat in the crab place we faced a long wait. And again I demurred, particularly as it appears to be more crab hotpot than anything else. I would like crab meat and claws with some salad instead.

So we ended up at Tom's Steak House. It turned out to be one of those places where nobody actually cooks, rather they heat things up and grill steaks. I asked for beef curry and rice but was told it was off. Why? Because they had no curry sauce!! Christ, how hard is it to rustle up some sauce? Had I known in advance I could have made some here and taken it with me.

They had burgers but they all looked far too big to me – I haven't been eating much at all lately – so I opted for a small steak and plumped for the one the waitress recommended as being the easier one to chew, handy when most of your teeth are either stumps or missing!

Well if that was the easiest to chew I would hate to see the hardest! After struggling through a third of what was in fact an 8oz steak, I gave up. They had no beer and if I wanted wine we had to buy a whole bottle at 300¥ so Adriana nipped out and bought a couple of cans of Yellow River lager. My turn to pay next time so I won't faff about, it will be straight to the Japanese place. Expensive but bloody good.

Today I had to get up at 0545 so Victor could collect me at seven. This is the logic here: I could have had by now my two Covid jabs simply by walking on campus to the medical centre when they were sticking the teachers but no, because I was old, not allowed.

Now, old people can get the vaccine so that includes me. Except instead of a simple affair on campus they send a teacher and car and take me to a hospital teeming with geriatrics all with the same purpose. The queue was supposed to start moving at 0730 but nothing happened until eight. Most of the time I sat on a wall as Victor queued in my stead.

Then he decided to disappear with my passports and money and leave me to wait in line. It's amazing how even the old farts jostle and jockey for position even after they have been issued a number. I was 51 and ultimately was ushered through before all the queue-jumpers. The initial blood pressure check was met with surprise because it was so low and when I got to the entrance and was asked for my passport Victor was nowhere to be seen. I just begged to be allowed in to sit until he came back.

When he finally did he brought a form and asked me if I had mental illness, was pregnant and various other things including hypertension. To that I had to say yes, so back to the BP check! Still lower than probably anyone else's.

And then the jab. Followed by a mandatory half an hour wait to ensure you don't peg out. The medical profession is the only one I can think of that gives you a form to say that they could kill you and then get you to sign it to say it's not their fault. From start to finish the process took three hours. God I hope jab 2.0 is quicker!

Finally we have had half an hour of rain which has cooled the air a bit. Most welcome and I am sure wherever it fell on the ground the parched earth will already have eagerly sucked it up.

 

Thursday 22^nd July, 2021 1330

Dean Delia called the roster secretary in Jody's department yesterday – the one Jody is helping with timetables. She instructed her to ensure all my classes were on the first floor and there were no 4½ hour lunch breaks. That was above and beyond for Delia because she runs the English department, Dean Bitch runs translation.

However, the secretary afterwards said to Jody that Dean Bitch had never said anything like that last year! Brenda had made sure both deans were fully cognizant of the requirements yet I have just had the worst term ever. It will be interesting to see my new timetable for next term.

One of our readers emailed me regarding the floods, I am guessing mildly concerned for my safety. Whilst the devastation in Henan province was tragic (and bugger being stuck on a train in an underground tunnel with rising waters!) it is hardly surprising given the sheer volume of wet stuff they had in a short space of time. Chizhou used to get torrential downpours regularly and not only was the drainage system up to the job but the roads weren't designed at all to shake off excess water. Many's the time I was ankle deep in puddles. As for here in the desert, we could do with a bit of a drenching! It's been 31ºC for days now and some cooling down wouldn't go amiss. But no. relentless heat. No, I am not complaining! It won't be long before I am whingeing about the cold again!

Of course, we still have the Covid spectre hovering. Yunnan recently had 27 new infections so I am hoping they don't close up before or during our holiday. Alice on the other hand is panicking because her flight once we are done is to Nanjing. At present Nanjing airport is in chaos as workers have tested positive and hundreds of inbound and outbound flights have been cancelled. She just asked me that if she has to change her ticket to Shanghai can she come with me. I told her it's three weeks away and anything could happen, but of course there's a hotel bed for her with me – at least for nine nights anyway. I'll be up front though!

So Brenda had arranged for us to meet to try to sort my health code on Saturday but last night she said she would come at ten this morning with Wei Wei (Victor) from IT. Lovely, they'll be here ten minutes and it will be sorted. Two HOURS later it may have been sorted. I say may because it will take up to twelve hours for the system to process. I will know by morning. The problem seems to have arisen because now foreigners have to use the foreigner application (I was on the Chinese one before) and more importantly, I have got a new passport. It simply wouldn't accept me on the system. The passport LOOKS genuine! Anyway, right at the death they decided to utilise my old passport details and hopefully, Bingo! That's ok, apart from half the front cover having been hacked off by the Consulate, the expiry date in the Chinese system is next August.

If only it works tomorrow.......

 

Monday 19^th July, 2021 1800

Having emailed the spreadsheets with the student marks this afternoon I now feel that I am properly on holiday.

I still have plenty to do before Alice arrives next Wednesday (can't remember if I told you she cancelled her course), mundane things that need to be done.

Oh and the other day I went to BHG and as is (was) my routine, before surrendering the trolley I went to push it into Love Bread – the only place I can (could) get French baguettes and bread that only mildly tasted like cake – only to be confronted by a huge canvas curtain. Ok I admit, I wasn't paying attention on the way in because I make a point of always greeting the security guards (as I do on campus) and so no matter what bags I am taking into BHG they never tell me to put them in a locker, although anyone with me is not afforded the same courtesy. So I asked what the hell was going on? Seems they have either moved or they are having a refurb because the next time I went the noise from behind the curtain was as if from the Didcot chimney demolitions. Besides the bread they ain't good for much else, no doughnuts or croissants, both of which I would buy. Ah well.

I still don't have a health code thing on my phone. I am pretty sure the three options installed (and which I try daily) are only for Chinese people because I keep getting a picture of nasi goreng with two antennae which I assume is meant to represent aliens – me.

Despite her confident assurances that I would probably be fine at the airport (it's not her that would be refused boarding) I am meeting her on Saturday, when she will try again to fix it. If she can't then I might be in a bind. An expensive one. And I still haven't been jabbed. And I don't want a cotton bud rammed up my snout.

I may just get a decent timetable next term. The secretary supposed to be doing it has asked Jody for help! Just a pity she won't be doing the English major classes so I may still have to throw a tantrum to get my own way but I don't care, they have had fair warning and they know the reasons. This old croc is slowly but surely fading.

If that frigging bird will let me sleep in the mornings I may feel more energetic.

 

Thursday 15^th July, 2021 1600

And the shambles continues!

Today was my last day. Except the class never showed and I discovered they had another exam – not to mention another class was in my classroom. Stuff it, I came back. I had planned to come home after their tests anyway as it was the last chance to top up my electricity before the shutdown. At least I got that done.

I had two students who never came yesterday and had agreed to do them at two today, and indeed did so. But before I left home I received an email from Sue in the English dept to say she thought maybe I never received her email sent on 15^th May. I never received an email from anyone in the world that day and never got hers because quite frankly, she never in fact sent one, she's trying to cover her arse. Otherwise, she would have resent the email to me which would be date and time stamped but she didn't.

According to her I should have finished last week. Really? She also told me this afternoon's class wouldn't come as they had another test, they could come at 1630, so basically it was going to cost me 60¥ and two trips in order to examine two students. I did wait 15 minutes after the allotted time and when nobody showed I came home. No way was I doing 0800-1800 because of their cock-ups.

I got home to find emails sent after I had left for campus to tell me the students would come after all and one from the monitor asking which room I was in! Great move when I never had my laptop with me.

So far I have arranged to go in at eight tomorrow to do one class and I have said I will do the other straight afterwards, although I have yet to receive confirmation of the latter. I should be starting my holiday right now.

 

Friday 9^th July, 2021 1630

Well what an end to the week! Remember I questioned and questioned again about my finishing date? And it remained, in my opinion, much later than expected?

Well this week was the first of two weeks of exams – I couldn't complain, I was paid for July yesterday. So having polished off my Wednesday class and agreeing with my third Friday class that I would test them in one hit starting at lunchtime, Wednesday was done (giving me a day off next week) and I was expecting to finish at noon next Friday instead of 1620.

And this morning came the debacle. At eight I was confronted by thirty students awaiting their tests. I said no, I told you last week I wanted 16 this week and 14 next week! So 14 of you can go back to your dormitories. As they were leaving and I sat preparing my paperwork, the monitor approached me to say that they couldn't come next week because they had another exam during MY lesson!

To say I was angry would not be an understatement and I started to berate the monitor for not telling me last week – I could have started then. Apparently they were only told themselves two days ago! I really want to use the F word here.

So we recalled all those who had left and I did quick-fire exams on 30 students. Not fair on them and not fair on me. And you will never guess what happened with the next class! I would say “unbelievable” but this being China everything that can be thrown at you will be thrown at you. So I ended my day wiped out. Admittedly I finished at two but I had speed-tested 78 students in six hours with no breaks. Great, now I don't have to work next Friday but that's not the point – I knew something was wrong but kept being assured they were right when they were wrong and I knew it. Well guess what? Whatever dates they give me next year I will finish two weeks earlier and to hell with them. Three classes out of my eight suddenly lumbered with having to take two exams at once just isn't on. I could of course have simply left half of each class with a blank mark but the school would probably ask me to test them next term anyway, and of course the students shouldn't suffer because of utter incompetence by the planners in the faculty.

Really not happy tonight.

Seething,

Surbiton

 

Sunday 4^th July, 2021 1930

So this past week was pure films. As the term draws to a close, the timetable has really ground me down. The next two weeks are exams. And once again, they threw a spanner in my works.

My Wednesday class informed me that during the final week they have another exam at the same time as my class has been every week for the last eighteen. How can they do that? It was tempting to fly into a rage at the department (after all, how many times had I asked when I should finish?) but upon reflection I turned it to my advantage.

I told them I would arrive at noon (2½ hours early) and I would do the entire class in one sitting this week. That means Wednesday off the final week. Plus, my final Friday class only has 22 students so with their agreement they will start coming during lunch break and I will finish them in one sitting as well, meaning my final day this term I can leave at noon. And boy, I reckon I have earnt it.

Alice Wuhu will be arriving on the 22^nd for her course with some arty-farty title that means I have absolutely no idea what it's about. As our flight leaves here for Kunming at 0720 on the 30^th I decided to splash out on an airport hotel for the night before so we didn't have to wake up at even more stupid o'clock. And I'm sure Alice booked that course so I would pay for her flight to Kunming – and she knows I fly up front! Well she will be paying for first class train tickets in Yunnan!

And get this – the place is a typical airport hotel here. All the basics and this one allegedly has a restaurant. £15 a night. I have been booking and paying for rooms and flights all over China lately and the bank's computer decided all of a sudden that this transaction could be fraudulent! For fifteen quid! I really do wish they would remind their computer every year that not only do they send the card to China and I live here but also that every summer I go mad booking my travels.

I am hoping I get my favourite taxi driver again this week. She was there every day I leave early and it's wonderful to just get in and sit back. And her car is always immaculate.

I am doing very well with the beer ringpull competition. So far I have had 25 cans for 1¥ each and at present I have nine more tabs awaiting redemption.

I am not enjoying the Euros. The earliest kick-offs have been midnight (I made one match) and the rest are now all 0300hrs. I think it's about time they staged them in Asia.........