Tuesday, 28^th May, 2019 Noon

At Marlow Monday last night the conversation was most interesting. Over an entire afternoon's cooking (cheesy Captain's pie followed by extremely sweet and gooey brownies), topics ranged from what had occurred to see the unexpected renewal of my contract to other, more humorous subjects.

One of those was when Annie related inter-Peace Corps chatter. The Peace Corps mob are, although avidly keen to integrate with the Chinese and learn the language and culture, nonetheless equally obsessive with meeting up with their own “cloth” regularly and so gossip abounds. Not my cup of tea although sometimes it is nice to know that apparently I am in a small way “famous” among their circle (including senior management) and am referred to as “Peace Corps Grandad”. They've never offered me a job though.......

However, she was telling us that she smiles inwardly when her colleagues, apparently often, talk of needing their western food “fix”. Evidently they go to great lengths to locate western style eateries - handy for me on the odd occasion I feel the need and simply ask Annie what's new. Of course, on their stipends they have little option but to consume Chinese food thrice a day for nine out of ten days but she feels rather smug because everything western in the culinary department is provided here for her once a week and invariably she ends up with leftovers enough for another two meals to take away and microwave. Ergo, she gets no cravings!

At one point she also caught herself. She was saying something and she suddenly realised, “Dang, I'm talking English now!” She said that when she goes back to the USA in the summer (that will be her time here finished) her friends and family will be sure to remark on her change of language and she jokingly stated that she will tell them she didn't go to China at all but went to England. So I am making a difference!

Piece by piece I have started to bring stuff from my office on east campus back home. I will miss having a little bolthole to retire to and make a brew between periods, mind you, the Chinese teacher they have moved in now often has a load of students in with her assisting in filing and stapling etc so it is now no longer “mine” anyway.

At least today is reasonably warm (outside anyway, in my flat 90% of the time regardless of season it is cold) because rather than stay home all day I need to go out. Uncharacteristically I have almost run out of one of my drugs (my monthly trip to the pharmacy is a well-planned operation with a list to ensure I am sorted until the next payday) so need a top-up, after five months I also require more credit on my electricity and seeing as I will be out and about, I may as well buy some veg. I fancy making a soup later, maybe some cheese and onion slices too so I have something to take to work tomorrow (getting bored with chicken curry every Wednesday evening) and soup before I leave at lunchtime, plus I used all my sugar in the brownies and need to make a loaf of bread.

Things have been uncommonly uneventful here of late and it makes me nervous. It usually presages catastrophe for me!

Wednesday 22^nd May, 2019 2130

As is my wont these days, my weekend was spent at home, everywhere is too crowded to enjoy going anywhere.

On Monday I did make my first ever apple turnovers using my cheats' puff pastry. I was pleased with the result but not as much as the two girls, who ensured the only taste I got was one left for me to eat the following day instead of at dinner. My stomach curse was upon me when it came time to dish up so a few forkfuls of macaroni cheese were all I had.

Today in my classes I felt I was simply wasting my time with kids who have no interest. Even worse, when I show them part of a film (and I show them good ones that English majors do appreciate) and look around the room, I am lucky if three of them are watching, the rest are viewing something on their mobile phones. I was growing ever more keen on moving to Gansu Agricultural.

Until that is, Brenda called.

Another year, enhanced salary and a move to teach on Peili and/or main campus to teach English majors was mine for the taking, along with an understanding the school was aware I wanted employment to take me up to summer 2022.

What a volte-face!

The new offer is not quite as financially attractive as GAU's but it's a case of the devil you know and I certainly know all the deans, I bought them all gifts from Europe last year! A huge bonus is not having to move home (cancel that order for cardboard boxes and bubble wrap!) and no need to buy an e-bike just to get around another huge campus.

Money is not always the main consideration after a certain age, as I have stated before, security of tenure is paramount in an ageist land at my tender years.

So I ain't going nowhere, as the youth would say. At least for a year and then we will probably play out the same game again! At least if I let GAU down nicely tomorrow I may still have a Plan B next year – they seem to actively seek teachers with experience rather than Peace Corps volunteers or gap year students.

Friday 17^th May, 2019 1830

Monday I made my first ever hotpot. Not the Chinese version, Betty's (although I suspect hers was made with lamb, mine was beef). As per usual these days, I simply sat drinking wine watching the girls eat, I had a gippy tummy, something I reckon I need to live with perhaps for evermore.

I am always wary of Chinese beef, I think they hang it for just an hour before butchering but I did find a dark red piece and by all accounts my cooking turned it into tenderness personified. Maybe one day I will get to taste it!

I also found out on Monday that despite the students telling me they were Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (in 9 years they have always taken place over three days) sports days this year were merely Thursday and Friday. Blast! That meant classes on Wednesday! But I did them and the “bad” class actually came through after a little cajoling.

With not getting home Wednesday night until 2030 and the school coach leaving for the opening ceremony at 0720 the following morning, it was tempting to just say “sod it” and not bother, simply treat it as a holiday like most Chinese teachers.

However I did not. In a way I regret it, for this year was different. Instead of my lot turning up with all the kindergarten teachers with a brat in tow, they were my students. When the time came to enter the arena for the lap of honour past the Good and the Great, I almost had to break into a jog to keep up! At least with the toddlers they went slow!

By the time we did it I was in pain. The new medicine either doesn't work or needs longer to take effect since I stopped the diclofenac. We did though get to go in the stands afterwards to watch the performances, which in previous years were freestyle but this year every individual college carried out their method of dancing to the same music, three groups at a time. No kung fu, no ribbon dancing, all very similar. My lot did however bag second prize although the consensus of opinion among the foreigners was that they were best. First prize was snared by a department that employed a giant Chinese flag to cover the whole troupe at the end, impressing presumably the judges who included the new headmaster. My lot wore yellow tops and white skirts.

And with a new headmaster it seemed there came austerity. Unlike previous years there was no fleet of coaches to take us all back to our home campuses and so Janet and I found ourselves queueing for an intermittent public bus (after which we needed to take yet another to get to east campus) with all the students from our campus.

By now my feet were on fire and my hip was shouting from the rooftops. Bugger this I said, let's take a taxi. I was quite prepared to pay the 50¥, especially as I was meeting Adriana later for a Japanese lunch. We ended up taking two of Janet's favourite students with us and before she decamped early to go home for lunch she paid using that zapper thing they do on their phones here. I would have paid.

The students assured me the east campus opening ceremony would take place at 1430 (normal restart after lunch for classes) and yet when Adriana and I were walking back from lunch we could hear announcements and stirring military march music. She said it had started, I said no, they're just warming up.

They HAD started!

While she went to the toilet I stood at the entrance in time to watch the flag-raising. Janet was panicking and texted me to ask where I was because I wasn't sat with the dignitaries. Bit difficult to send sign language that you are waiting for a guest in the loo!

By 1430 the opening ceremony was over. Adriana needed to leave as her bus home was imminent, I said I would wait and watch a few races. Janet suggested I exercise my tortured legs and do a tour of the race track to give encouragement to our students and so we did. There was a Quasimodo pushing a whitelining machine and I asked what he was doing.

Bear in mind normally the games would have started the day before, whoever was in charge of planning should have been keel-hauled.

They had only relaid sections of the running track the day before and it was still so wet it was shiny! Matey with the machine was only just repainting the lanes!

I am guessing any games that took place were late last night and this morning. I never stayed for any of them. Words failed me, or at least out of decency I was prevented from uttering them!

Today though I had arranged to take Annie and Alice to Metro. The overriding factor was that to get tonic water I had to buy a case of 24 cans. I needed donkeys to help! The carrots were lunch at Burger King and the promise I would buy frozen spring rolls. It was more than enough.

On the hottest day of the year (allegedly 30C but if it was it merely felt pleasant to me) off we went. Now I know I am an old fart but I never even knew there was a “bear” outside the Mall. Even less would I have considered what Alice was desperate to do – take photos with it! We have now named our trio “Grandpa's Gang” although I have no idea who Grandpa is.......

The girls pigged out on a Whopper and a Double Whopper with onion rings, chips, chicken nuggets and sticks, ice cream and flavoured teas, muggins had the smallest cheeseburger on offer and paid for it all!

Then it was time to shop. With no chest freezer I was mindful of how much I could buy and still fit. They really like their spring rolls and I persuaded them to buy two new types in small packets instead of the huge ones I had bought before with 48 of them. I got my case of tonic, a new supply of cheese and had they had bagels I would have splashed out on smoked salmon and cream cheese, but no bloody bagels. Instead, I bought 5kg of ready-made puff pastry! Apple turnovers, cheese and onion slices spring readily to mind, not to mention enhanced sausage rolls.

After almost passing out at the checkout at the size of the bill, I paid, having asked the girls to split the tonic and evenly distribute the weight three ways.

On the way to get a taxi they kept asking if I was ok, as if I was a geriatric. Male pride (and the fact my hip was bearing up today) came to the fore and I was thinking that those girls were really strong because my bag was all but cutting my fingers to the bone.

Just before we got to the taxis I noticed Alice had a decent bagful but Annie was managing hers in the crook of her elbow. Either she was superhuman or I was toting the combined weight of both theirs!

I was.

Sunday 12^th May, 2019 1630

So on late Friday afternoon, Annie emailed me to ask if I was cooking. She was in the middle of “office hours” and was starving, could she come and “chill” at mine for a while?

Office hours are an excremental Chinese invention wherein they expect foreign teachers to sit in an office after work so students can come and discuss matters relating to English. I have never, and will never agree to office hours.

I did my own office hours in Chizhou. My office was a trestle table outside the campus supermarket every night when I went for a couple of beers. The students knew and were welcome to join me for a chat, sometimes Kevin and Ollivier too. But sitting in an office on campus? They keep schtum in class but then want an after-hours chat? I guess the reader has gleaned my opinion of office hours!

Anyway, I told Annie I wasn't really going to cook per se, just bake some rolls to have with ham and cheese. Could I do egg rolls too? American readers will understand but the British probably not, we call them spring rolls. Easy enough, I had 16 of them frozen but it did trigger a discussion later about what constitutes a spring roll. A bit like the coffee cake thing a while ago – to me a cake with coffee in it, to her a cake to have with coffee! Slowly I am teaching her the difference between our languages – pissed means drunk not angry, that sort of thing.

So, later there was a knock at the door. I opened it expecting to see Annie but it was Alice instead. Annie was hiding behind the door. They had hoodwinked me and to be honest it wasn't overly welcome because my stomach, which seems to be recovering tardily, was playing me up.

But hell, they DID bring a personalised birthday cake (strawberries and Oreo) and so I did cook spring rolls and baked some ham and cheese bread rolls. To their chagrin, not only did I not eat anything I made (Alice had the roll I did for myself) but I couldn't face the cake either. I did have some for breakfast yesterday though! It was sweet of them.

Last night someone was going to a bar nearby and asked if she could “crush” at mine at about 2300. I suppose it gave me the impetus to change the bedding but that's about it. She fails to grasp the gravity of what it could mean for me were we discovered (and no, although it would be suspected nothing untoward would be happening, I would not risk deportation within 72 hours) but she is probably the most selfish person I have ever met.

At 2315 I was tired and sent a text saying I was going to bed. No way was I going to open the door once I retired. I awoke this morning to messages sent at 0045-0100 asking if I was still up!!

She never came in the end.

Friday 10^th May, 2019 1500

Well that was some birthday! A day full of intrigue, contradictions and confusion but more of that later.

Despite intentions to launder my clothes and change my bedding I did absolutely sod all. The bed could wait until today and I have plenty of clean clothes to last another fortnight so hey – it was my birthday after all!

Annie, Alice and I took the 15 bus and sallied forth for a Japanese meal across the river, a meal that turned out to be rather expensive at around 600¥ but one at which all three of us had our fill, for once my appetite was also hearty. And after a mere two visits to that branch of Brothers Boat I am now considered a regular!

So I had a very pleasant day indeed, but as I stated at the beginning of this entry, it was a day with a full gamut of just about everything you can imagine with the exception of tragedy.

The bizarre events commenced with a morning call from Brenda, telling me that the director was away in Chengdu so she hadn't had chance to broach the topic of my remaining yet. However, what did I want if she was successful?

I've been on the planet long enough and been kicked in the whatsits enough times to be, besides a grumpy old man, an inveterate cynic and incurably suspicious. In the UK I would feel the same about the situation but here it takes on a whole new aspect. I cannot figure out (and doubt I will ever know the truth) whether Brenda is playing me like a fish or not. If so, I reckon my early securing of a job offer elsewhere has spectacularly backfired on her. I may be wrong of course.

However, during the call I was told she would try to negotiate a pay rise but Lanzhou City does not have the resources the Agricultural uni does (it's a lot larger) so the best they could probably do would be a little less than my other offer. Money is not the prime consideration, security for the coming three years is. Being aware I am now deeply dissatisfied with teaching non English majors, it was suggested that I be moved to another campus (probably the main one) to teach English majors whilst remaining in my home of the past three years. I left it with her. If they can give me at least a verbal assurance I would be fine until my planned retirement then I would be minded enthusiastically to stay put.

Now throughout all this, and remember Brenda told me on Christmas day Mr Zhang had said I was finished, imagine my feelings when on the bus with the girls going downtown this evening I had a text from him wishing me a happy birthday and health and happiness every day!!!???

Confused? I am to a degree but as I said I am a cynic and believe very little, I take nothing at face value unless I have a signature on a document. Do I care if a little mind game with me at the centre went badly wrong? Not in the slightest, I am only interested in my next few years and of course it goes without saying that of the students I may ultimately be teaching. School politics hold no fascination for me, I have no agenda to become a dean or chancellor, that would be impossible, I just want to be as good a teacher as I can until I have the chance to stop working.

I may yet end up at the Agricultural uni, you know as much as I and I have no idea what my immediate future holds. Rest assured, you will know the outcome in time!

There is a saying that life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you eat and whilst that is certainly true in many cases, in mine I think my biggest weapons are optimism and confidence. And above all, AGE!!!

Thursday, 9^th May 2019 0100

Sunday was a “catch up” day for the Friday classes we never had due to the four-day break. I detest catch up days and would far prefer to simply work as normal, with the exception of the official holiday days. However, this is not done for the benefit of the teachers but the students, who, with three or four days off on the trot, often take the opportunity to go home.

Fridays I have one morning class and one afternoon class. The afternoon class simply did not turn up. I am perfectly happy to be given extra time off for whatever reason provided I am still paid, and indeed I got to leave for home just after 1500 once I had interrogated the school by text as to what was going on. Do you know what pissed me off? Not the fact that the class were patently never going to show but the fact they could have told me beforehand so I could have cluttered off home instead of sitting around for three hours in vain!

There was no Marlow Monday this week. Today is my birthday and I shall later be taking Annie and Alice downtown for a meal, hence the lateness of this post, I would rather wake later than 0600 or 0700 in order not to want to hit the hay too early tonight.

Yesterday could have gone either way. You may recall my first class last week saw me walk out when they emulated a graveyard? It may possibly go against everything some of the readers think (but it should be remembered that my classes do not form part of the curriculum and the school has effectively fired me shortly) but I have to say it worked! Suddenly the worst class became the most active! I really enjoyed it and I hope they came to realise that by bringing vibrancy to the classroom they enjoy it too.

Yesterday morning though I had a text from Janet. Where are you? Can you come to my office? Now I never switched my phone on until 1100 and she sent it an hour before but I replied I was at home because my classes never started until 1430. Here we go, thought I, they are going to question me about the walkouts before the Labour holiday! I was though perfectly ready to admit having done so and providing reasons why, after all, what can they do? Fire me again??

Nope, it was to tell me (this time early) that my class on Friday afternoon is cancelled – the same class that never turned up on Sunday. I am guessing they have an upcoming show they are rehearsing for, shame because they are actually the best class, but at least I can leave at noon on Friday, I won't turn down that. And this time I know in advance.

Now I have in the past year moaned that I never had any term-time holidays because they were always scheduled for days I never worked anyway. Well, in my last term here it seems despite all the worry and misery that has knocked on my door of late, I am getting the rub of the green. It worries me that I may be due another apocalyptic event.

Early finish Friday and yesterday I learnt the sports days are next Wed/Thur/Fri and were I so inclined and had the money to travel, I have another almost two weeks off! As it happens I shall probably as usual put in appearances on all the sports days even though it is not necessary and I have been given the tin. I may even compete in the teachers' event, to which end tonight I started a little physiotherapy to loosen my left arm. I may even demand assistance for a little “torture” from the two girls over the coming days so I can give a good account of myself. Just because I am almost certainly leaving does not mean I should leave a bad impression, should it?

And do you know, it's May and our communal heating was turned off on April Fool's. I still have my fan heater on when I am at home constantly, today the high was 12°C when in Chizhou it was double that! Even Marlow was a few degrees higher! Quite why I am resigning myself to another three years in the Arctic is all down to the problems of getting work permits and jobs over the age of sixty!

Friday 3^rd May, 2019 1830

Not to be maudlin but I suppose it would be remiss of me not to make a passing mention that today would have been my Mum's 86^th birthday. I shan't wish her a happy birthday here or elsewhere – she couldn't use a computer down here so even if they have Facebook in heaven it would be pointless!

My Sunday dinner went well, soup was as expected and the creamy salmon and potato bake was delicious. The strawberry and mulberry fool was another matter. Never again will I use mulberries, far too bitter although the girls found it acceptable once cocoa powder was sprinkled on it!

I am still experiencing mild discomfort in the bulbous bow so I didn't actually eat anything on Sunday (at all) but I did on Monday, hence I know what my efforts tasted like. I am my own worst critic when it comes to gastronomy and it is not that often I declare it high standard but apart from the dessert, it was. It also entitles me in my mind to critique restaurant food – after all, I am paying them for the pleasure!

Interestingly, late in the evening I made myself a G&T and found Annie and Trey (yes, the Mercans have really odd monickers) stunned when I produced an ice cube bag. I was equally stunned that – given where they come from – they had never seen one! Just goes to show.....

I think on Tuesday Alice came with me to get my memory from the Vin Rouge laptop retrieved. The set itself is as far as I know now in landfill and I have no idea if my external drive holds everything but it is the best I could get.

Annie was supposed to go for Peace Corps training on Wednesday night. Her train was at about 2300. Bugger that, for just over twice the price she could have flown and been there in under two hours instead of half a day on a rickety slow train.

Except it was MayDay. The bus to the station took too long and she missed it and had to buy another ticket for last night, meaning she paid almost what it would have cost to fly! Quite why the Peace Corps have sent her for training is a mystery, she will leave China and them in July so it seems rather a futile use of resources to me. A bit like sending me on a teaching course three months before I retire.

She is there now until next Wednesday and get this – the classes she is missing she has to make up! I know what I would say in the same situation, and she doesn't even like teaching! I may cheer her up during Dragon Boat festival by taking her to Maijishan, that idiotic mountain with grottos that I climbed a year ago and was terrified. This time I shall watch from afar and it will be a relatively cheap two-day break.

Oh yes! When Alice and I went to get my memory, afterwards I took her to Metro so she could help carry a whole case of tonic water. When we were asking the assistant he (in Chinese) asked if I wanted Watsons or Schweppes. I never knew they had Schweppes tonic but there's only one Heinz ketchup or Rose's lime so of course I plumped for Schweppes. When I got home and the next day went to put them in the fridge they were ginger ale!!!!

Today I went for lunch with Jody, same mall we went to during Spring Festival. There's a Brother's Boat Japanese place there too we discovered (25% discount if you took photos of your food and uploaded to WeChat! I cannot but she did) so just maybe, if I can remember how to get there, next Thursday that's where I will take Annie and Alice on my birthday. There's a Korean restaurant and a host of others, nothing western sadly but stuff I can eat anyway.