Sunday 12^th May, 2019 1630

So on late Friday afternoon, Annie emailed me to ask if I was cooking. She was in the middle of “office hours” and was starving, could she come and “chill” at mine for a while?

Office hours are an excremental Chinese invention wherein they expect foreign teachers to sit in an office after work so students can come and discuss matters relating to English. I have never, and will never agree to office hours.

I did my own office hours in Chizhou. My office was a trestle table outside the campus supermarket every night when I went for a couple of beers. The students knew and were welcome to join me for a chat, sometimes Kevin and Ollivier too. But sitting in an office on campus? They keep schtum in class but then want an after-hours chat? I guess the reader has gleaned my opinion of office hours!

Anyway, I told Annie I wasn't really going to cook per se, just bake some rolls to have with ham and cheese. Could I do egg rolls too? American readers will understand but the British probably not, we call them spring rolls. Easy enough, I had 16 of them frozen but it did trigger a discussion later about what constitutes a spring roll. A bit like the coffee cake thing a while ago – to me a cake with coffee in it, to her a cake to have with coffee! Slowly I am teaching her the difference between our languages – pissed means drunk not angry, that sort of thing.

So, later there was a knock at the door. I opened it expecting to see Annie but it was Alice instead. Annie was hiding behind the door. They had hoodwinked me and to be honest it wasn't overly welcome because my stomach, which seems to be recovering tardily, was playing me up.

But hell, they DID bring a personalised birthday cake (strawberries and Oreo) and so I did cook spring rolls and baked some ham and cheese bread rolls. To their chagrin, not only did I not eat anything I made (Alice had the roll I did for myself) but I couldn't face the cake either. I did have some for breakfast yesterday though! It was sweet of them.

Last night someone was going to a bar nearby and asked if she could “crush” at mine at about 2300. I suppose it gave me the impetus to change the bedding but that's about it. She fails to grasp the gravity of what it could mean for me were we discovered (and no, although it would be suspected nothing untoward would be happening, I would not risk deportation within 72 hours) but she is probably the most selfish person I have ever met.

At 2315 I was tired and sent a text saying I was going to bed. No way was I going to open the door once I retired. I awoke this morning to messages sent at 0045-0100 asking if I was still up!!

She never came in the end.