Sunday 29^th April, 2018 1145

I suppose I should be pleased.

Adriana decided she would come to visit and yesterday told me she would arrive at nine because she “loved” my breakfast and could I please make sure it included French toast.

She overslept and had the decency to tell me it would probably be 0945. I could shower and take my time. Except the water was off.

She eventually arrived at 1045, with it being a holiday the world and his uncle is out and about on public transport. For someone on a diet, she defied it and had two fried eggs, a large grilled (whole) tomato, three rashers of bacon and a full slice of French toast. Then she demanded another slice of toast so she could learn how to make this incredibly complicated food! I'm now running out of maple syrup but the Chinese tend to use honey instead so rather than buy another bottle of very expensive imported stuff I will use that instead.

Then, having come all the way across town and river, she announced she was going to BHG and would get the ingredients to make bread pudding. Great. I told her how to get to BHG but it became apparent the BHG she was going to meet a friend at was all the way back across the town and river! So she travelled for two hours to have breakfast, has a ninety minute trip (if she gets a bus quickly, there are huge queues of travellers) to go and have coffee with her friend and then she is returning for a dinner of fish fingers, mash, peas and parsley sauce followed by bread pudding with loads to take away.

THEN she is going all the way back home because her Mother is back in town!

So yes, I should be pleased because my food inspires someone to do all that just to eat it plus I don't have to change the bedding as she is not staying over. She even hinted at returning tomorrow for lunch and apple crumble but I have pointed out that I wanted to make a beef and vegetable pie which unless I rose at five I couldn't prepare for lunch. The beef here needs to simmer for hours to ensure it is tender. I shall find out later if she wants to come instead for an early dinner rather than lunch. If not I shall probably go on a cigar hunt. I am spending far too much on alternatives currently.

So instead of showing her how to make bread pudding, once again it is down to me. Holiday? What holiday??

Friday 27^th April, 2018 1930

I had a first during my last class yesterday. The class consists of all girls besides one boy, Robert. Alice is the monitor and I am aware that Robert believes he should be monitor and that Alice is a poor substitute. I personally think Alice is an excellent one, certainly from a teachers' point of view. In any event, the class itself elects their monitor although that does not seem to hamper Robert believing he is King of the class.

Well I was showing them the last half hour of Master and Commander before we all went home for the day. Anyone familiar with the film will know that there are periods during the film when it is very quiet and other times during battles when it is extremely loud.

I sat right at the back of the classroom and when it got to the fight to finally capture the frigate Acheron, it was of course high volume cannons. To my amazement, Robert stood up, strode to the front of the classroom and promptly turned the sound down! I was almost, but not quite, dumbfounded. Instead I resisted the urge to turn green and split my shirt (just), bellowed, rose and went to the front, evicting Robert and restoring the volume.

I then returned to my seat to fume until the credits rolled.

If a Chinese person doesn't like to lose face then in my opinion they should give no cause for it to happen. Usurping me in my fiefdom is in my eyes, just cause. After the film he received the biggest public bollocking I have ever had reason to deliver in the years I have taught and was left in no doubt that not only was I the King in my classroom but that just because he was the only boy, he was still only a student. I actually forced myself not to explode as I believe it had greater effect, as did making him publicly state he would never ever try anything like it again. I did allow myself a little “Hulkness” when I finished by telling him he wouldn't like me when I really got angry.

I am guessing within an hour Peili campus will have been awash with tales but hopefully it will do me more good than harm. If the vice dean accepts that she is a student when she sits in my class then he definitely needed bringing down a peg or three. The hell of it was, he wasn't even watching the damned film – he was playing on his phone!!

Today in contrast, I had a call on my way for my Pizza Hut jumbo American breakfast (which incidentally will be my entire consumption for the day) telling me there was an activity after lunch and could I be a judge. Sorry, I can't, I have class. Just before noon three students from the class I walked out on for playing dumb last week came to my office to ask me again. I said if they asked the powers and they said yes then I would, otherwise I couldn't simply cancel my class off my own bat. I knew they wouldn't ask.

So I sent Janet a text. Cancel your class, be a judge and tell the cancelled class to go to the activity! I had no idea what the activity was to be but knew once they told me it was in the playground (sports field) it wasn't a speaking competition.

It was synchronised dancing! As infuriating as teaching on the little campus can be at times, I do get classes cancelled so I can judge dancing, singing and other contests!

I also had a call from Brenda regarding a couple of small queries I had regarding the contract. At the end, she said oh yes, are you going anywhere for Labour holiday? Nope, it's a normal week for me. Oh ok, it's just that if you go anywhere you have to fill out a form and give it to Mr Zhang to sign before you travel.

Well that's standard fare, never actually happened before but in case of accident or sudden illness I have always informed my assistant teacher of my movements outside the city, I wouldn't want to be in hospital in Chongqing and spring a surprise. This however sounded as if I were being told to ask permission! Probably a language thing but I asked incredulously if they expected me to fill out a form then travel to main campus to hand it in? No no, I will send you one you can email and maybe you can correct the English for me. No skin off my nose just as long as they do not expect me to wait for royal assent before going somewhere. In a few days I shall turn 62 and if I wish to travel in my free time then I shall do so. I wonder how long it will last.......

Wednesday 25^th April, 2018 1900

This morning the usual bus picked me up yet I failed to notice something was different. I slid the door open and boarded, laden with my computer case and small shoulder bag with my egg baguette for lunch, then slid the door closed. There were already people in the preferred seats so I had no option but to take the rear bench seat.

However, the millisecond the door slammed shut, while I was still facing forward, the driver immediately shot off. Inertia being the animal it is, though the bus hurtled forward my body wanted to remain exactly where it was. Of course my feet, gravity pinning them to the floorpan, went with the bus.

Due to a combination of bus and my feet proceeding ahead and my body remaining static, I found myself flying head-backwards towards the rear. Thankfully the bench seat wasn't locked in a vertical position but instead was languishing at a 45° angle or things could have been nasty. I landed in a most undignified, sprawled heap, half on the bench and half on the wheel arch. As the other passengers were female I resisted blurting out the F word, instead bellowing “For Christ's sake! Wait until I have sat down!” Only then did I spot it wasn't the crazy driver (who to be fair always waits until I am seated before moving off) but one I have never seen before. He seemed to think it was hilarious, as indeed did the women. I did not. If I see him again and he does likewise he will be made to pay one way or another.

As for his driving, I can't recall encountering anyone more jerky. I am convinced he has no idea what a clutch is either because every gear change was accompanied by a cringe-worthy crunch and on both outward and return journeys he took us right where all the worst of the traffic was. I hope I never see him again.

I did have some good news last night though. Alice has been accepted for the Heidelberg programme and is applying for a Schengen visa. Quite how she is doing it I know not, but she has to prove to Beijing that she has 50,000\ in the bank, I assume to ensure she can pay for everything before claiming most of it back on her return. She is funding it from her earnings and scholarships. Could I lend her 10,000\ as she only had 40,000\, it would be repaid the moment she proved to Beijing she had funds? Well, yes, I could but I don't have that amount lying around in the Bank of China.

I explained that to do it I would need to withdraw from the UK account and quite apart from being unable to return it from whence it came, I would be stung by the exchange rate/commission fees on withdrawal, a further charge for a non sterling transaction and then again when I changed it back to pounds. Therefore the 10,000\ would evaporate and become nearer 9,000\ with nothing to show for it. She is currently approaching others in China for help.

At work today I had an email from Brenda, could I read the contract carefully and if I was happy I could sign a fresh one for next year after the Mayday holiday. She had even automatically got an agreement for a small increase in salary, not something I was going to make an issue of. So that's another year sorted.

The only unknown is the British embassy in Guangzhou and whether they will issue her a visa. Fingers crossed.

The labour holiday is the usual fudge. Mayday is Tuesday so the school are “giving” Monday as a holiday and calling that three days including Sunday. Students and staff have to work and have Monday lessons this Saturday. The three day holiday is still just the one day because Saturday and Sunday are normally free anyway. I feel cheated though because I get no holiday – I don't teach Monday or Tuesday! For me it will be a normal week!

St George's Day, 2018 2115

Seven years to the day I ended up in Number One People's Hospital in Chizhou with a finger hanging on by the skin and a shoulder emulating a smashed Terry's Chocolate Orange. And true to form about an hour ago I went to sit up in my chair and the shoulder reminded me rather painfully that it will never be the same again.

Saturday saw me preparing food for Adriana in the evening, chicken curry with chapattis followed by good old fashioned bread and butter pudding.

Despite my not particularly wanting to, we went to the bar just to please her. I don't like going there, not because it is not a nice place (it is) but because I end up drinking a fortune in various gins. Adriana had two cocktails and promptly fell asleep in an armchair whilst I played chess very badly against a Chinese maths teacher. In my defence it had been fifteen years since I last played and alcohol rendered me reckless. I did however get given a gift of a miniature Tanqueray.

On Sunday she buggered off to meet friends but asked if she could stay that night and I agreed. She even said she would eat dinner out but not be back too late. Well this is China, “something” happened so she came here for dinner after I had eaten. Luckily I had made chilli mince and vegetables so there was enough to reheat for her.

And again, being China, immediately she had eaten, miraculously she had a message from her mother telling her she needed to get home to visit her Grandfather in hospital as he had fallen down the stairs. Maybe he had but I am too jaundiced, family emergencies crop up at opportune moments too often here for me to actually believe any of them. And to think that she actually asked to stay rather than my suggesting it......

I pleased the Mercan contigent tonight by giving them “Mac and Cheese” and also made my first attempt at rice pudding. The latter was not entirely successful despite using a litre of milk it still came out (as Alice eloquently compared it) like the fillings for Zhangzi at dragon boat festival. I suppose if I bought banana leaves I could sell those instead! But hell, with a hundred different recipes online it was difficult to find one to replicate Mum's.

Annie and Steph were trying to coax me into going on a trip with them for Mayday holiday. Well actually I don't get a holiday at all, it is Sunday, Monday and Tuesday next week and teach on Saturday the Monday classes you will not see. I don't teach Monday or Tuesday. I will get no holiday.

Anyway, they were trying to coerce me into going to Dunhuang. On the dates they want to go a return economy flight is 2,000\ and business double that. The train takes 14 hours and only hard seats are still available. Oh yes, definitely right up my alley. Why do they want to go? Because it's in the Gobi desert and you can ride a camel.

Apart from the fact I have a vision of my mounting a bactrian beast, the spine collapsing and two humps crushing me, what on earth possessed them to think I might be persuaded to spend half a day to go to the seaside without any sea, a city utterly devoid of any western restaurants in or out of hotels just to squidge in sand?

They know how I like to travel and it is not backpacking. Christ, they should know, I paid for the most expensive suite in Xining. They are also perhaps a little selfish. They know full well I am trying to save for summer, something now in jeopardy with the dearth of my cigars and having to pay well over the odds.

Friday 20^th April, 2018 2140

Thursday was a welcome return to teaching English majors. It restored my sanity and to an extent, my mood. I cannot recall a bleaker teaching day than Wednesday.

The problem on Thursday however was that half an hour before my last class finished we had a thunderstorm. With the edge of the Gobi desert on our doorstep, storms are a rare occurrence. I had gone to work in shirtsleeves, the forecast had said sunshine and so it was until then.

I was showing the class Master and Commander (boring for them I suppose but they had decided against Alien – they will watch it at some point though!) and Alice came to sit at the back with me to ask what was happening in the film. Unless you were at sea, even native English speakers would fail to understand a lot of what is said.

The storm started. Alice asked if I had an umbrella. I never have an umbrella. This time not even a jacket. With an unbounded confidence even I did not fully believe (remember, rain is a rare commodity here) I asserted with authority that the rain would stop by end of class.

It didn't.

In fact it was the worst rain I have seen here. Not on a Chizhou monsoon scale but bad enough and of course the engineering re building works completely failed to take rain into consideration so that roads were ankle deep very quickly and outside stairs became waterfalls.

Bless Alice, for she told Andy the Cleaner to meet me on the ground floor and escort me home under his brolly. I was accused of being stubborn when I refused the offer, pointing out it wasn't cold and that it was only water and I showered every day. Yes I got damp, even saw Annie coming in on the way out, squelching in her cloth shoes. I was wearing my leather ones which have been polished so much that by now they are virtually waterproof.

And it was a violent thunderstorm, so much so that an hour later all internet was lost. Now, in Chizhou, long before then the internet, electricity and power would have disappeared but at least here it was only my connection. I was still annoyed nonetheless. But I had BBC programmes downloaded to amuse me.

Last night I had a terrible time sleeping. It wasn't the sound of the rain pinging off the burglar cages, simply bad dreams the whole night. I suppose I woke for a pee at maybe three and never actually drifted back off after that. As always, when the alarm went off at five I could have slept until lunch.

The internet was not back when I got up. In fact the entire university network on all three campuses was still down. It still is. Dean tells me it may be fixed tomorrow.

Tomorrow Adriana is coming to stay the night. She doesn't want to eat too much. That's fine, I will make curry and chapattis and not bother with dessert except some tinned fruit and ice cream. Then we will go to the gin bar and meet Dean.

I just hope by then we will have the internet back again. I really don't want to have to keep going to the hotel for their wifi – this morning Pizza Hut's was so slow it couldn't connect me to my email or Facebook.

Saturday 0700

Internet finally reappeared just after ten last night but by then it was bedtime!

Wednesday 18^th April, 2018 2000

Today was going well until shortly after 1010 when I took my second class of the day. The topic was Fake and Shoddy Goods, in fact a topic I quite enjoy normally, having in my time bought both at times, sometimes knowingly, others not.

So after beginning the class with a light-hearted where were you last week because I came and you didn't? I posed the question ”What does fake mean?”

Nothing.

Now please understand these are not English majors so I cut them plenty of slack, I don't expect wonders. Please also understand I do not take the Mickey out of wrong answers, nor do I castigate anyone for giving one – I would rather have twenty wrong answers than none at all.

But none was what I got.

Now I know my class is not part of their normal curriculum and I have taken pains to tell them if they don't want to come then I would rather they didn't. So there is no excuse that they were forced to be there, they were not.

You may believe I was harsh but I am fed up with doing 99% of the talking when it should be 10% with them taking up the remainder. God, I would be happy with 60/40! All I got was lap-gazing.

Time to make a stand.

As an ex salesman, I know all about the “who speaks first loses” ploy in closing, equally it should work in reverse in this situation, no? I get an answer or we sit in silence.

Having embarked on this action I could hardly back down.

The class sat in silence for the next thirty minutes until the break time bell went. I announced that I was going for my break and would not be returning, they may as well go and do something else seeing as my classes were too irksome for them. I was hurt. I stewed for twenty minutes and went back down to see if they had gone. They had.

During lunch I started to seriously question what more I could do. I know damned well my classes are anything but boring, I don't browbeat the students except when they decide to watch films on their phones or talk to their neighbour during class. I questioned my ability and the way I had handled it. Should I have singled out someone to answer the question? That's not my style, I want answers to be freely given by a volunteer, not pulled like hens teeth. All that does is see you having to point to people for every question.

So by the afternoon I was having to consciously mellow in order not to take it out on the next class. I did open proceedings by mentioning what had happened previously. I had but ten students turn up from 44. Fine by me because surely the ten that did actually wanted to improve their English?

To my intense dismay the same thing happened, except this time I was not prepared to sit in silence for half an hour. I told them I was leaving, they had left me with no option but to inform the school what had happened and although it would not look good for me it would not bode well for them either.

I sat in my office seriously questioning whether my summer holiday was worth putting up with this shit, maybe I should move on or at the very least stipulate that I only taught English majors from now on. I even started composing an email to Janet to that effect.

When I first started teaching of course I had the odd bad day normally due to my own inexperience but after eight years I was confident I could deal with anything. My pride in my ability hadn't taken a knock, it had been hit with a sledgehammer. It was shaping up to be the worst ever day of my teaching career. And also a day on which I would either tender my resignation or issue demands.

After twenty minutes, a cup of coffee and a cigar, I remembered I still had to shut down the classroom computer. Minus text book (not that I really need it) I went down to rectify the omission.

The ten students hadn't left. On the contrary, there were now thirty of them, sitting patiently assuming I would return – were it not for the computer I would not have. What are you doing? I asked. The monitor came to me with a handwritten note because as she explained, her English was terrible. The note apologised for not telling me there were no classes last week.

I told them I never blamed them for that, the faculty should have told me, I was angry because they expected to come to class and just sit there like dummies as they do for Chinese teachers because that's what they are told to do.

Do you want a lesson or not?

Yes.

We had the lesson and people started answering. The previous class will be given an ultimatum next week. I do not wish to admit I cannot handle a problem (without bloodshed) but faced with mannequins despite my best efforts to make my lessons vibrant and fun, I am not putting up with it any more and “this is China” simply won't wash any more.

Especially as the answer to “what is fake?” was the very first sentence printed after the topic heading in their course book............

Tuesday 17^th April, 2018 1645

Well shirtsleeves weather it is indeed today at 24C but believe it or not I have my fan heater on! It does go some way towards explaining why there is no airconditioning in these flats, not that I have spent a summer here (my first one was mostly in a Chizhou hotel, hotel here or Hong Kong) and seeing as last summer I spent a month being destroyed by the school on the grand tour of China and then my own travels. I have a feeling my flat is going to be like a Victorian pantry, somewhere when you don't have a fridge you can still store fresh meat and cheese. Not just me either, Annie was complaining last night that she was sitting wrapped in a blanket at home in the day yet when she went out a T-shirt would have done.

It says tomorrow will be 29C. Dare I sally forth at 0645 in just a shirt?

Andy my new cleaner only ate one enchilada last night. He insisted he had burnt his tongue but I am an incorrigible sceptic. Before he bagged up his second to take away (probably to give to a roommate) I did exhort him to simply say if he didn't like it. Sometimes I wish people were straight – if something is not for me (you know, bull's penis, crispy scorpion, tongue of lark and eye of newt) I simply come clean. It's pretty obvious that with cooking western food in China people are not going to like all of it or indeed any of it. No different to me and Chinese food – in China. There is a huge difference!

His “burnt tongue” seemed to have recovered well enough when the apple and mulberry crumble and custard came out! I was lucky to get a portion for myself!!

I did my shop this afternoon, a simple one intended purely to negate having to go again before next week and also to get a baguette. I am tired of walking miles each Wednesday lunchtime to go and get lunch and ending up with a Boring Big Mac. Pizza Hut is out for lunch, one course and one beer at 70\? Forget it. They can have my Friday breakfast custom, I don't mind spending 45\ on that!

Yes, I talk about tucker a lot. Were I in the UK I wouldn't mention it at all. Going years without what I view as staples does that to a chap!

Oh yes, I related at dinner the tale of the abortive run to east campus last Wednesday. Unbelievably, Annie and Stephanie were envious! Why doesn't that happen to us? They cried!

What?

I asked them if they would be in fine fettle had they risen at five, left home at 0645 and then after travelling the length of the city, finding out at 0820 they could have stayed in bed? An unexpected day off is fine but not so much when every other bugger bar you knew about it beforehand!

Monday 16^th April, 2018 1515

Yesterday I did go on the hunt for rhubarb. I was doubly annoyed because not only was there no sign of tonight's dessert but I got confused in thinking there was a China tobacco around the corner from the buses. That is in fact at the main train station. Having left the market empty handed, I went wandering in search of something to smoke, I had a mere 24 hours' supply left. Eventually I did find a CT shop and bought different cheroots, still double my price but this time two thirds the size.

I have found a website operating out of this city where you can order cigars. The trouble is, they normally deal with products from Havana and the like so it might be laughable for me to ask for what are probably the sweepings from the factory floor. I may well do so though and if they can oblige then I will quite happily order 2,000 of them to make it worth their while. They wouldn't even need to deliver.

When I got back last night I bought apples and a load of mulberries. Dessert is in the fridge and simply needs baking. The enchiladas are a simple case of filling, rolling and putting on trays – probably the easiest meal for four I have cooked in many a long month.

Except tonight it is not four but five. I have invited Andy, my new cleaner.

Now I admit to making the assumption that suddenly I had a male char because he was perhaps from a poor family and didn't receive much by way of pocket money. Perhaps I should have considered the actual reason he wants to do it, you may think it is obvious but in a land where cleaning is very much for the girls, it never crossed my mind.

When he arrived I came straight out and asked. He replied that he had asked Alice (she is mentoring him) how to improve his English and the crafty mare suggested this! I took it easy on him (as I do with all of them) in that the floors, in particular the kitchen floor, were particularly woeful. I told him this week just do those, next week the floors will be easy and we can do something else such as kitchen counters, the week after the furniture etc. I am sure in a few weeks he will be able to pocket 50\ for half an hour's work each week.

He also made a point of telling me that Alice had told him about all the “delicious” food I make so I felt it would be churlish not to invite him this evening. It won't happen every week but this time it is a simple matter to make a little extra. Just so long as there are a couple of enchiladas left for my dinner after work tomorrow!

The temperature is once again in the ascendant. Shirtsleeves in fact. Perfect for tomorrow's premature shopping trip to stock up for Adriana on Saturday and next Monday's do, which will be curry and apple pie and macaroni and maybe rice pudding. The American contingent for some reason go bonkers over “mac and cheese” as they term it.

Saturday 14^th April, 2018 1500

The anniversary of a four-funnelled ship striking an iceberg 106 years ago.

But at least my Friday the 13^th turned out to have arrived and departed two days early. Nothing bad happened yesterday!

I am in the pattern at present of being early to bed and early to rise, not because the news has been full of early risers living longer than night owls, simply because I've been too damned tired in the evenings to keep my eyes open. I won't fight it if it helps on the days I have to work. My biggest problem there is eating properly (not that I ever do) on workdays.

Last night I made myself two hamburgers, simple affairs with just a patty, tomato ketchup and burger cheese slices. I was pissed off because the bakery where I buy my baguettes doesn't do burger buns so I had to get them in BHG. I inspected every pack of six and even the ones that were dated for yesterday were stale. I swear they bake them stale! Having said that, I did manage to eat two sizeable ones which was a feat for me.

Up and about at seven this morning I harboured notions of going to five streams mountain to hunt for smokes and visit the underground meat and vegetable market. Having singularly failed to find rhubarb so far (and I am told it is in season April/May) I now have a burning desire to make a crumble with it. Maybe the market will have it. I thought Stephanie might like to come but I should have known better, neither she nor Annie ever respond to the old man at weekends, they are too busy with the pretty young things! I understand but is a simple refusal too much to ask for?

Anyway, I left it too late and thoughts turned to a roast chicken and stuffing dinner instead! It is cooking right now. I will go to five streams tomorrow alone, probably a wasted journey but not if I get my rhubarb. Monday's plan is chilli enchiladas (no real cooking, the remains of the last chilli are in the freezer) and a bloody crumble. If it has to be apple so be it but the local stall has what may be mulberries. I sampled one this evening and I must say it was devoid of any taste but I will buy some in the absence of rhubarb, if only to add colour to the apple!

I don't think I have mentioned one of my neighbours before. I think she lives in the building perpendicular to mine. Mid to late thirties I guess and I assume married, with a son of about ten. She is not Kylie Minogue or Claudia Schiffer and she has the gait of a light-heavyweight boxer. She doesn't even know I exist – I saw her once near east campus and tried to make eye contact but to no avail. For some inexplicable reason I find her damned attractive. I saw her last week whilst I was at my computer and almost fell off my chair. She came past riding a white e-bike equipped with a blue flashing light on a rear pole and she was wearing a very, very smart dark blue uniform. Too smart to be police, probably tax inspector or security but by heck my jaw dropped!

Joan emailed me yesterday. Following my advice not to waste the four years she has already spent studying simply because she only gained a diploma and not a degree, she is thinking of swapping her studies from English linguistics to English education and ergo, instead of studying in her hometown of Suzhou, going to Anhui Normal in Wuhu. What did I think, did I support her decision?

What???

No, she's not looking for me to pay for it (although were she an orphan I would do so without hesitation), she just wanted my approval. Considering I exhorted her not to pack up her studies in the first place, of course she has it and I was bemused at being asked, as well as being overcome by a warm, fuzzy feeling inside at the thought my opinion loomed large in her life. I love her. I love Joanna and I find myself loving Alice as well. Those feelings never go away, at least not with me. I would do anything for any of them. For now at least, the only one who has asked recently has been Joan. Th others have previously but not for anything I can or will discuss with others.

Now, can anyone tell me when the hell my home made stuffing will be cooked – before or after my roast potatoes are burnt to a crisp?? I used two eggs instead of one!

Wednesday 11^th April, 2018 1245

Some days start with an omen, although most of us only realise it after the event. Mine did today and it's not as if it is this coming Friday the 13^th.

Last night I committed the cardinal sin of falling asleep at my desk, which resulted in my not being tired at 2100 when I had planned to go to bed. Of course, when my alarm went at 0500 this morning I simply cancelled it and awaited the second one to sound thirty minutes later. Quite why I do this I have no idea because I can never actually get back to sleep and might as well have got up on time but there we are.

After my shower I started checking the news sites and I cut myself shaving.

With an electric razor.

Don't ask, I have no idea and I didn't think it was possible but I did. I only noticed because my face felt wet and my hand came away red. That was my omen. I should have quit when I was behind.

In my office on east campus I enjoyed a cigar and a cup of tea and at 0800 went to the classroom. There was a solitary student studying and she wasn't one of mine. You get the occasional student who is late to class but never the entire form. I checked the Friday classroom just in case a teachers meeting had been called in my room but that was empty. Now my brain really woke up. Had I gone to work a day early by mistake? No, my telephone told me it was Wednesday and I had to reassure myself I wasn't going loopy, I definitely taught on east campus Wednesdays and Fridays.

I fired off a text to Janet asking if there was anything she would like to tell me in light of the fact my first class was missing.

“Oh sorry. You need not have classes this week.”

Well thanks for telling me! Nothing quite like getting up in the dark when you don't have to, it's a favourite pastime of mine. So now I had to decide. Did I wait until noon to get the school bus back or take public transport? Sod it, I went for breakfast. I intended to go for the large American at Pizza Hut but changed my mind and gave McDonald's one more try, after all it's half the price. And about half as enjoyable. Then I went on the hunt for some cigars, any cigars, seeing as I was going to run out before Friday.

I bought a hundred and they cost double what my normal smokes do and are half the size. And then to hell with it, I took the public bus home, at least at that time there are always seats. Anyway, I wanted to get some fluorescent tubes, a new watch strap and have eleven o'clock glued back in its rightful position on the face. Which I did and was still home before the school bus would even have left.

I suppose I should be grateful for the day off but I'm not. It doesn't feel like one when you actually got up early and commuted in. I am thankful for small mercies though, at least I know not to bother on Friday.

I must double check with Alice to ensure I do actually teach tomorrow on the other two campuses. She came up trumps last night, it seems as though she has found a freshman willing to be my cleaner each Monday, thank God, although it will be a first – I've never had a boy cleaning for me before!

Tuesday 10^th April, 2018 1530

It's been a while. I must be fair to Adriana though. Sceptic though I am, I never knew she was on an internship up in the mountains. Remember Isabel and her mountain sickness? I can only assume they also get much more severe sandstorms up high than we do here. Indeed, from what Adriana said, she would have liked nothing more than to escape to civilisation for a couple of days. She seems most discontented with her lot, in fact she is now questioning her purpose in life. One good thing though is that she is seriously questioning the Confucian (ie Chinese) method of teaching by rote. Now that, I am all in favour of questioning!

I did have a miserable Qing Ming holiday, the abscess flared up again but I have persevered with the antibiotics which, touch wood, allied with my diclofenac seem to be besting the infection.

Cigargate has loomed large. Wang Guan cheroots are as accessible as dodo eggs in this city at present so I am having to pay over the odds for smokes I don't even like at the moment. If I wasn't trying to save for the summer I would fly down to Anhui Province and buy up five months supply.

The weather has continued to play silly buggers, lovely and warm one day and freezing the next. Unbelievably my flat continues to be bitterly cold and I have the fan heater on permanently yet when I go out I can often do so in shirtsleeves.

We had a western night last night, I made my first chicken and mushroom pie which despite my forgetting to use chicken stock, turned out so well there was none left at the death. I am waiting for my mince to defrost (it's been out of the freezer for seven hours now) so I can make sausage rolls – I reckon I will end up with enough for dinner tonight and lunches tomorrow and Thursday! Using scales to weigh ingredients certainly helps for pastry and I have to say that the ones I bought, whilst being identical to the free set I received a while ago and which packed up a week after receipt, are still working.

Alice sent me a message last night to say she had lodged her application for Heidelberg so we now need to hold our breath for the result. I in the meantime have seen nothing stirring regarding the renewal of my contract but then my phone also still awaits the notification of the credit Brenda said she would apply to it by way of reimbursement for the gas I bought six months ago! I have given her long enough and so will fire off an email later this week. It is obvious she feels she can take her foot off the accelerator now I am “established”. Well she can, except not when I need answers. I've been a good boy for a while and not troubled her but what strikes me is how the Chinese fail to appreciate, being on their “jobs for life” contracts, is that we foreigners must live under the shadow of annual renewals. If there was one thing I could change it would be to have a contract for the next four years to take me to my 66^th birthday, then I could plan my life without the caveats an unexpected upheaval brings.

Back to work again tomorrow, somehow having had to make up classes on Sunday psychologically seems to have negated the time off I have had – in fact currently I get more time off in one hit when there isn't a holiday than when there is! If I wasn't saving I would be flying off everywhere for a couple of days in a new city or even a new country.

I was going to go and get my drugs, buy some replacement tubes for my office light and get a new strap for one of my watches today but I can't be bothered. I can do that after work tomorrow. Early night this evening and just maybe I can feel human during my three working days this week.

Qing Ming 5^th April, 2018 1920

As much as lethargy dictated due to Adriana crying off because her school buses are not running again today (sounds suspect to me and to be honest long may it continue, I have no desire to go out drinking and blowing two or three nights in a UK hotel in the process) but threatened to come tomorrow, I realised my plan to perhaps go cigar hunting on Monday had a flaw in that I will also have to grocery shop for the Monday Meal then cook. Not good.

So yes, despite having actually washed the bedding (long overdue I must admit and now finally I have clean sheets tonight), I stirred myself and sallied forth to the one place I knew I would obtain my needs. En route I resolved once there to purchase 2,500 cheroots, enough to last me until mid-September – if they had that many. Decision made, I confidently approached the largest China Tobacco store in the province.

It had been a few months since my last visit in December but even so the entrance seemed to have shifted. I apologised and continued to where I remembered it having been. I found a gaping hole. I assume they are refurbishing. The original door I tried with a dingy little store is now from where they do business. Not one of my cigars did they have. That makes them liars either in that I am the only one in the city who likes them or that they would get new stock in January, which of those reasons I know not.

There was a box of Wang Guan full coronas on display so I thought ok, I will buy a load of those, they are good value at 20\ for ten and are four times the size of what I normally smoke. The display box was the only one they had. Three hours of my life wasted in order to get a single box of cigars. I was not elated.

When I left home I had debated what to wear. It was sunny yet the forecast said it would be 6C so I put on a fleece but never needed to zip it up. By the time I got to the train station coming home I needed to whilst waiting for the 131 bus. On the ride home I fell asleep, dropped my cigars and came to with a start. Gathering myself, I was amazed to see snow outside! Maybe there's a pattern. Last time we had a sandstorm it snowed overnight and caked the cars in mud, yesterday we had a huge sandstorm in t-shirt weather and today actually quite heavy snow and freezing temperatures.

I got off the bus, immediately froze and went to the sweet pork place where I managed to get some fried dumplings which I reckon were boiled and drained and never saw a frying pan. They filled a hole and were cheap so what the hell. Plenty to eat ( I left half) and a beer for 20\.

I was absolutely frozen on the way home. Only a five minute walk and I did after all have a fleece on but felt my winter coats would have been more appropriate. By the time I stopped at the jing jo shop I was shivering. I am still cold. My little heater is manfully trying to rectify the temperature in my office but it is crazy given that a few days ago I could walk around in a short sleeved shirt and bask in the warmth.

As for the cigars, I now need to hope the jing jo guy can come up trumps or I have to buy ones I don't want that cost double, treble or quadruple. It never rains but here it snows!

Tuesday 3^rd April, 2018 1430

My chilli turned out well last night for the first time in Lanzhou. First I figured it was because I had added the onions after browning the mince, which did once make it taste overpoweringly of the bulbs, they are in fact quite strong here. Frying them got rid of the oniony taste but there was still something unpleasant. I was using a different chilli oil to the one I could get in Chizhou so thought maybe I was buying an oil with something else added. I couldn't tell as the label was all in Chinese.

Finally I got to the bottom of it last night. It was the fresh chillies! That was the last culprit I expected given the name of the dish. Dispense with those and rely on oil alone and it produces, if not perfection, a decent plate.

The abscess is proving rather stubborn so it seems as if I shall have to buy another pack of pills tomorrow. I'm wondering if the cause was my being run down because I have certainly been sleeping a hell of a lot the past few days. While I am at it I will see if the China Tobacco shop near east campus has had its annual delivery of my cigars, failing which it means a special trip to the big one in town.

Last night (aside from Annie last week), Alice informed me I have no lessons on Thursday or Friday and the Friday classes need to be made up on Sunday. A Peace Corp volunteer and a student. Not a murmur officially from the school. If nothing is said tomorrow it would be tempting indeed to simply stay in bed on Sunday morning and play dumb. I would be quite within my rights, I have no access to the school website any more – for some reason the URL can't be found any more and if it's moved nobody has told me.

But then I would be dropping Janet in it, she's supposed to keep me updated and anyway as an old China hand the school probably thinks I should have a crystal ball for these things. As it was, I was expecting to make up classes the weekend before or after the holiday, it was a perfect opportunity to give the students a five day break instead of four. Sometimes there is neither rhyme nor reason. On the bright side, it's my huge lunch break day so maybe I will finally get to see what Pizza Hut bacon, eggs and French toast is like.

Wednesday 4^th 1915

A normal, tiring day today made worse by my waking far too early at 0353. Janet did come to tell me about Sunday classes so better late than never. She also promised to give me a list of all holidays and any make-up dates – that would be very nice.

I managed to give away the 999 TCM cold remedy, one of my students had a really heavy cold so I deemed her a deserving case. At lunchtime I went foraging for cigars and as usual that particular China tobacco had none. That's over a year now since they last stocked them and it is irritating because it's a ten minute walk from from east campus and would make my life much easier. If there are the massed hordes queueing for buses tomorrow I will go to the big one in town, they must surely have new stock now.

While I was having my lunch (sadly McDonald's) I noticed it becoming slightly gloomy outside but put it down to the tinted windows. It wasn't. It was the worst sand/dust storm since I have been here. It seemed as though we were importing the Gobi desert. I still have some up my nose.

On the bus home at times visibility was down to a hundred yards and I had to smile at the unfortunate coincidence in timing. Tomorrow is a public holiday, Qing Ming or Tomb Sweeping Day. Tomorrow they are supposed to clean the graves of their ancestors and offer food, drink, burn money and generally ward off evil spirits but the reality is, most people will have done it today so they can simply enjoy the time off tomorrow. All the nice, clean tombs will now have a decent deposit of sand all over them. Somehow I doubt many will be returning to do it again on the morrow!

Adriana wanted to come and sleep here tonight but she learnt that there will be no bus from her school after her late class. I am glad as I will call it a day early and I was never going out to a bar with her tonight after a full day at work anyway, feeling ill or otherwise.

I am guessing she won't want to accompany me if I do go for cigars (I don't even want to go) so we will probably meet up in the evening. I might take her to Subway, I discovered the 66 bus stops nearby so it would save a taxi and from there after eating we can walk to the bar. A taxi back of course and she can sleep the night here. The bonus is of course that if Subway run out of bread before we get there I now know a decent little restaurant nearer the bar. I just hope I have the energy.

April Fool's Day 2018 2010

I forgot to mention yesterday that on Friday when I noticed the staff meeting had ended and went to ask Janet if the school bus would leave on time, she invited me along with her mate to her office. She noticed the visible facial swelling and asked what was wrong. With her poor grasp of English and even with her having the use of a translator on her mobile phone I couldn't exactly say it was a periodontal abscess, that would have sent her into meltdown.

Oh! you should go to hospital!

No. I got a student to buy me medicine.

What medicine?

Amoxicillin.

No, no no! That's wrong! That's for a cold!

Yep, the Chinese take antibiotics like Smarties for a cold. I do my best to counsel against it but my voice is lost. In the end I was losing my patience when I loftily informed the pair I had in fact received limited medical training years ago (Ships Captain's Medical Course) and that in my time on the planet had learnt not only my own body but also what the bloody doctor would give me so I was cutting out the middle-man.

Last night again I went to bed early (2030), had the sweats and shivers and emerged once again twelve hours later. The swelling has reduced so that only I know it is there and happily at this time although my jaw still hurts there is no dental pain – I can eat!

I never did get to go for the sweet pork because I ended up messaging Alice for too long but I did have ham, cheese and pineapple. I complained about my students telling me 999 was what I needed and she immediately exclaimed it was for colds. Well by now I knew that but I said another student wrote me a note to give to the chemist for a painkiller but they seemed to do nothing for the pain and I couldn't even check the stuff out online as not a word on the pack was in English.

She got me to take a photo of the box. The pills are for toothache (although honestly I would doubt their effectiveness for even that) so no wonder they had no effect. I ended up using my arthritis pills – they work.

So I have a busy day tomorrow washing welded-on food from plates and pans, shopping and cooking.

But it is nice to be feeling so much better when posting another milestone. This, in various guises, is my 1,500^th blog entry. Two blogs a week for eight years on average. When I came to China I thought maybe a hundred all told. But then I thought I would be here a year. Now if I was Samuel Pepys......