Saturday, 31^st March, 2018 1250

Sorry in advance for a moaning entry!

When I went to bed on Thursday I may as well not have bothered. Every time I dropped off and closed my mouth the pain from my teeth meeting woke me. I am sure everyone reading has experienced an abscess at some point, so have I but nothing serious.

When the alarm went off, not only was I in pain but incredibly tired. I was a finger-click away from calling in sick.

I didn't though and struggled up and into work. I have only once before not taught my classes personally, that was when I completely lost my voice so had to enlist students to play at being teacher. This time it was because I was irritable, knackered, in pain and in danger of throwing up. The students thought I was mad, they suggested I go and sleep in my office while they studied on their own. They would have studied too, albeit not my subject!

I asked for a student to go to a chemist and get me antibiotics and also confirmed with them that 999 was a painkiller. I knew I wouldn't be going for breakfast, (I ate a sausage roll for Wednesday lunch and have eaten nothing since) chewing would have been agony.

So when I finished at ten with a four and a half hour break ahead of me, I went to my office and made a beaker of 999. As it came in powdered sachet form I suspected it might be TCM but if it numbed me so what? It was vomit-inducing. I know medicines taste bad but this was something else. Only then did I look it up online. Yes, it is TCM – for colds!

I tried to get some sleep in the armchair to no avail but maintained the hope I would nod off. I gave up after two hours. When I got up, I felt my face and immediately went to look in the mirror. Within two hours the left side of my face now looked like a bullfrog's throat during mating season. By then the TCM had started me alternatively being freezing cold and boiling hot. I descended further into the slough of despond when Janet kindy pre-warned me that there was a staff meeting that afternoon so the bus would probably be late. The last thing I felt up to was taking public transport.

As it happened the meeting finished early for once so the school bus had room and left nigh on on time. When I got back to Peili I went to the chemist armed with a note in Chinese for strong painkillers. The price was certainly strong at 39\ a pack and to be honest the capsules don't seem to kill pain. With nothing on the box in English I can't even check what it is!

The pain did start to abate by then anyway, presumably the amoxicillin had a hand in that but I was so tired that I went to bed at nine last night. I obviously had a fever as I experienced sweats and shivering and had a very fitful night. And when you have a fever you have really weird dreams, none of them happy. I can't recall in how many of them I murdered people.

Twelve and a half hours later I got up. I am not so tired now but I do feel rather weak from lack of food. Tuesday night's dishes remain unwashed so I will have to at least do some of them, I need soft food so will overcook some pasta, open a tin of tuna and mix with mayonnaise. At least I should get some energy back!

Although there is less pain, today the swelling is more pronounced. If I put a handkerchief under my chin and knotted it atop my head I would look like an ageing, overweight Plug from “The Beano”!!

Thursday 29^th March, 2018 1930

Well despite the choice of dishes giving me problems to actually deliver them, I have to declare Tuesday a resounding success.

My guests seemed to think my chicken satay consisted of nothing more than pieces of chicken on wooden skewers because when I put them out (literally plain chicken because I really never had the time to marinate them) and went to prepare the peanut sauce, they started eating them!

Once the sauce arrived though they were in raptures. None of them had ever had anything like it before, which was gratifying. Stephanie declared my ham to be the best she had ever had, inside or outside a restaurant and I must admit, it certainly looked the part, having been done in a brown sugar and mustard glaze. There's still some in my fridge for me to nibble on when the desire grips me.

That at the moment is difficult. I have toothache, or rather I am pretty sure I have an infection underneath a molar so eating is hideously painful. So much so that it interrupted last night's sleep and left me extremely grumpy today.

I was safe in the knowledge though that today would be better than last Thursday, I knew where to get off the bus. Indeed, I left home 25 minutes later than last week, took 30 minutes to be outside the classroom at the window and with enough time for a cigar. Besides my tiredness and the pain in my jaw, the day was going well.

I taught the class to the bell at noon, after all, I now knew where to get the school bus. I arrived at 1205 to find the bloody thing had already left. How the frigging hell can the school bus for teachers transferring campuses leave before any of them have a chance to get aboard if they teach to the bell???? Rest assured, henceforth that class will terminate ten minutes early each week. Already grumpy, by then I was fuming as it meant a long, unexpected walk to take public transport, meaning I got home for lunch at one instead of half past twelve. I had been seriously considering taking a nap before afternoon classes.

By then the dental pain was excruciating so I took one of my few remaining UK painkillers (unavailable here as they are opioids and right now I have but four left) and tried to grab half an hour, unsuccessfully.

I asked my students what they took for severe pain and was told 999. I have heard of it but never used it. I hope it's good because after my Pizza Hut breakfast tomorrow I shall go to buy some along with amoxicillin, which I hope will cure the infection. I dread the day I will have no option but to check into a hospital to sort out my gnashers. They are surely and steadily crumbling (I assume due to the effects of long term medication) and will surely be left speaking like my Mother when she never put her falsies in - hardly ideal for a teacher. I don't even like dentures but it would be nice once again to be able to smile broadly for the camera. And eat pork crackling.

I have taken another pill (the last one lasted four hours) which will enable me at least to drop off in an hour or so, two more are in my bag for tomorrow so I can actually eat breakfast.

I wore summer trousers today but annoyingly even at 0900 it was too cool to dispense with the fleece yet two hours later it was too warm to wear it. It will definitely be too cold in the morning, the high is supposed to be 20C as opposed to the 26C we had today. At 0645 it will be ten degrees.

Ah well, as Winnie said, keep on buggering on.....

Tuesday 27^th March, 2018 1300

I don't know if my thyroid is malfunctioning but by God I was tired all day yesterday! I was glad dinner was postponed because I struggled to stay awake after 1800. In fact I ended up going to bed at the unearthly hour of 2030. I do long for the days of youth when I could sleep right through instead of waking several times though.

As for making plans in China, anyone thinking of coming to live and work here, beware! Matters not whether said plans are made with natives or Americans, they have to be regarded as fluid.

Remember all the faffing yesterday with tonight's dinner? First it was okay with everyone then Annie remembered two important things she had on – after saying yes? Five minutes after her last morning class finished today I had an email. Could she still come to dinner because the student dinner was off as they now had to attend a school meeting instead!

Of course, I have plenty of everything so she can come but it's a good job they weren't dishes where I have to buy individual portions such as steak. Actually I am delighted she won't miss it because if I get it right it will be good.

Juggling using the oven is causing problems though. The ham has been boiled and is now baking, having had the fat scored and a sugar & mustard mix rubbed in. Back in a minute, I need to now pour honey over it seeing as it has been roasting for an hour already.

(Five minutes later)

Maybe not! The sugar melted and is swimming around the bottom of the foil!

Once it is baked fully I can take a shower, wash some pots and go out to get a fresh pineapple to make a sauce. Last night I noticed they have skinned them on the market so my job will be easier.

I have to say I was concerned when I got out of bed because for the first time in a few months I found I had an arthritic attack. This time it was affecting my right ribcage, not a serious problem, but also it was rendering my right hand useless. The wonders of modern medicine came to the fore. A pack of 12x100mg diclofenac here costs a mere 4\ and I took one, safe in the knowledge that it would work, albeit four hours later! The restaurant will open this evening.

I note this morning that the international press is abuzz with rumours that Kim Jong Fatty III is suspected to have taken a train to Beijing. I checked China Daily and strangely there is no mention. To be honest, I hope he is here. What with the porn star president's inflammation of tensions since he took office and Beijing's increasingly cooling relations with Pyongyang, it would be nice if finally sense and calm are being restored.

Well, hopefully tonight's ham is now done, rather proud of how it looks and now I pray it tastes as good as it looks! Odd to think that a week ago it was a slab of pork on a market stall!

Monday 26^th March, 2018 1700

So much for tonight's dinner!

Stephanie has something on with her assistant this evening so asked could it be tomorrow instead. I hadn't even shopped let alone done anything so I said fine, have you spoken to Annie? Apparently Annie said Tuesday was better this week for her too so I sent a text to Alice advising.

Next thing, I get am email from Annie. She has a scheduled dinner with her freshmen followed by a planned campus film night. How on earth she could forget that and say yes to tomorrow is beyond me but worse, she asked if I could have the meal on Wednesday!

Sure, I'll get up at 0500, teach all day, get home at 1800 and then knock up satay and peanut sauce, boil and bake a ham and vegetables from scratch and then if we are lucky the first of the food will be served at 2200! A professional might get it done in 2 hours but not me. Aside from the fact Alice's dormitory would have locked her out before we even started, I still have to get up at 0700 the following day. Tomorrow it is and Annie will be elsewhere.

Pity, if my satay is anything like the last time I made it she will kick herself.

I did go shopping though, funnily enough Tuesday also suited me better, I have been lethargic since Friday. Bumped into Nordine the Algerian French teacher, first time I had seen him this term. He seemed to think Annie had also done a runner in spring festival because he hasn't seen her so I put him right. He also said a Chinese teacher had told his students that he himself was leaving in summer. Experience of China can sometimes be a blessing as I was able to tell him that the only people who would know are the dean and the foreign affairs department. He has obviously never gotten wind of any of the rumours that normally circulate about laowei on campus!

Anyway, this time we exchanged numbers. I will make a point of inviting him to one of our dinners – at least he will bring some wine! Plus, he told me twice or thrice a year he cooks Algerian food and hosts a night with some of his students. That will get us an invite to the next soiree although my limited knowledge of Algerian cuisine is confined to goat and couscous. I may not in the event eat much but I can make up in liquids!

And do you know, I only bought one box of wine this week and STILL my bill was over 300\! At least I have food for my personal consumption though, in fact tonight I have made sausage rolls (with pork mince and herbs) for my dinner and plenty left over to keep for lunch at school on Wednesday. They might even turn out well seeing as the new scales swung into action! I was rather chuffed when it came to measuring 100g of butter, I guessed and it was 97g! Maybe my guesstimations aren't far wide of the mark.

By Wednesday I am hoping to change to my lighter summer trousers. I am sure the students think I wear the same ones every week because I have two black winter pairs. Unfortunately my summer togs are the same, three pairs either very light grey or off-white. No doubt they will think the same all through summer.

Sunday 25^th March, 2018 2040

I could lie or keep quiet and nobody would ever be any the wiser. Maybe I should, given that I have hopes for a Malaysian holiday next summer. KL Steve (nee Shenyang Steve, nee Hefei Steve) is going to hate me.

It was oil change and wash time for the deep fat fryer last night. So I did. Even with the lid closed stray drops of hot oil had a habit of getting on the top surround so I gave that a clean as well. In doing so, I ended up getting dishwater down inside. Being a genius I decided to turn it on, close the lid and let it dry itself out.

I remembered what I had done some time later when an awful smell pervaded my office.

It didn't take kindly to being left on full heat with no reservoir or oil atop the heating element. The lid had melted. I thought it might still work even with half a lid but sadly not. It is dead.

Bloody annoying, it was great to have chips on demand. With the Great Summer Save well under weigh, a replacement will have to wait until next term but when I do I will get a double-basket one so I can cook two items simultaneously. Sorry Steve!

I find this term's work schedule not only gruelling but leaving me extremely loath to do anything at all on Saturday and Sunday. Oh I was awake early enough this morning and had every intention of doing my shop even though I hate weekend supermarkets. The longer I sat here the less inclined I was to do it so yet again I have given myself a hectic Monday. Shopping and then cooking. I have rather shot myself in the foot by saying I would use the recently-arrived coconut milk for a starter.

I want to make satay with peanut sauce but the pork I started curing last week is now ham so I also want to offer ham, roasties, veg and pineapple sauce. With a mini-oven no mean feat. They can run for dessert, I will just buy ice lollies!

I note an article in the Telegraph today where China's Social Credit system has come under attack by various human rights organisations. In short, and I suspect the implementation of needing an ID card to purchase a train (but not bus) ticket a few years ago was central to this, commit antisocial offences such as block the pavement with your parked e-bike, flog fake train tickets etc and you can be handed a ban on being able to purchase train or air tickets for a period of time – and nobody else can get them for you either. This effectively prevents an offender from travelling any great distance because the country is so vast it could take days to go by long distance buses.

As much as I dislike a lot of what the new Mao has been doing and I firmly believe it will be rolled out further and become a serious abuse of state power, in this instance I actually like the idea.

Think about it. What realistic effect do ASBOs have in the UK in curbing anything? In a country where a great many people need trains and planes as they don't own automobiles, it is going to have an effect.

I await with interest the next legislation, which will almost certainly be a step too far.

Friday 23^rd March, 2018 1930

Besides being utterly knackered this morning, at least the day was better than yesterday. Lately I have taken to being one half of the dialogues in the book. I got tired of waiting for volunteers to be A and B and to be honest, the English majors are only slightly more forthcoming than the early education folks.

It seems to be working, I have been given rounds of applause! Ok, I do a great irate fishwife and a passable spurned lover but only by virtue of not having to use all my concentration in actually reading the scripts, which of course they do. Maybe that's the road ahead, at least here anyway.

I found myself actually hungry when I went to Pizza Hut for breakfast. Instead of ordering one though, I tried again for a panini and lo and behold, they had them. Great, ham, cheese and egg panini please with two bangers. The sausages were a side dish of course. Despite the photograph on the menu depicting melted cheese oozing from the bread, the staff appear not to have entirely grasped the concept of a panini because they toasted the roll and then filled it with everything else being stone cold. As for the sausages, never again. Chicken sausages should be outlawed. Next time it's going to be bacon, eggs and French toast!

I also went to the underground supermarket afterwards to buy some tinned tuna, I may make my own lunch for next Wednesday. This time I opened my eyes – where the tuna was (the first time it struck me as an odd place to have tinned fish) is a very small section of imported foods. Loads of varieties of pasta, herbs, cereals etc although no bran flakes and the cornflakes are not Kelloggs. If they ain't Kelloggs they ain't cornflakes and anyway they don't help with keeping you regular.

The commute today was also pleasant, I was the only passenger both ways. Didn't stop Hu Hamilton from driving like a lunatic though.

When I got back I made my usual stop at the jing jo shop, put my customary 2 x 258ml of jing and 3 x 600ml of Snow lager on the counter, cost \58 (standard joke when I go in, they immediately chant “ooh sher bah” which is 58 in Chinese) and the husband produced a small bag. As I went to pick the items up and fill said bag I felt something on my hand. It was raining! Whoa! Hold on a minute! There was a pinhole in one of the cans and by my disturbing it, it was emitting a fine spray. Turned out to be a result, I was given it free and told to drink it quickly! I did not need to be told twice.

Thursday 22^nd March, 2018 1930

Well if I didn't like Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays before, this term, I definitely hate Thursdays now.

The lie-in until seven would have been most welcome had I actually not woken up at 0615 but to be fair I felt ok when I left home at 0845. Earlier than perhaps needed but I needed to find out where to go etc and didn't want to be late. I also elected to try and take the 66 bus instead of the 121 – after all I was already faced with ascending 6 floors twice so why make it more?

The 66 came perfectly at 0855 and I even got a seat, sent a text to Pat to tell her I was on my way. I will show you where to go between classes 0950-1010. If she thought I was going to cool my heels for at least half an hour she was wrong and I told her I would find the classroom on my own. I just hoped the 66 went to the same place the 121 did or I was lost.

No! It doesn't, she replied, get off at the second mention of the university and you will still arrive.

Great, not only are the announcements made in Chinese first but the English half-translation comes just as the doors close and the bus is on the move again! I had misgivings regarding the choice of bus I had taken. As the bus pulled away and the university was made reference to the first time, I happened to look across the road and saw half a dozen 121s parked up exactly where I wanted to be! The 66 DOES stop there, just on the other side of the road!

Ok, she said the second mention so maybe I will just get off near a different entrance. Well, it's a big campus but it doesn't sprawl across the Yellow River. Which we crossed. Now of course I was in unknown territory. Resigned to the fact I had little choice but to remain aboard to the end (where that was I had no idea) and take the next bus back.

Everyone eventually got off and I stayed on. The next stop was the depot where the ladies wash the buses. The driver got a fright when he realised he still had a passenger, and one who was asking if he should get on the bus in front of his. It was made clear that passengers were not allowed and so I had to trudge back to where everyone had disembarked.

After a wait, I got another bus and eventually got to where I should have been ages ago. I needed building 4. There is no indication as to building numbers so I stopped a student who gave me directions. To student dormitory block 7. Another student gave me directions to another area of the campus where I arrived at the student canteen! Yet another student sent me to what at least was a teaching block and by that time it was break time and students were pouring out. I stopped a boy, then a girl, nobody seemed to speak English. Then a teacher appeared clutching an English text book. SHE didn't know if it was building 4 or not either! I was about to despair and just go home to try again next week when she dug out a small map of the campus, took me outside and pointed somewhere else again, telling me to go through the “gate” (entranceway) and I would be in 4.

Finally, I was where I should be, knackered legs and Kilimanjaro to climb to get to the students. By an outrageous coincidence, where I needed to be was no more than two minutes from the entrance I had come through! I was somewhat relieved to be able to finish the class a few minutes early so Pat and Ariel could show me where the school bus departed from. I was back home thirty minutes after class finished, at which time I could have some cheese on toast, rest my trotters and prepare myself for Peili campus and the next climb.

It will be easier next week........

Tuesday, 20^th March, 2018 2110

Having extensively researched multi-city flights I came to the conclusion the best way to book was single flights in order to obtain sensible lengths of journey and airlines I would fly with.

A China-UK direct flight is about 13 hours so 16 hours would be fine with a stop in AMS/CDG etc but I was being hammered with flights (not even to the UK) of 21+, anything up to 38 hours. To hell with that, I am not your archetypal backpacker happy not to shower for a week and equally as comfortable sleeping on an airline bench or the floor.

No sir.

Alice is growing in confidence re air travel so I asked her if she would be happy to fly on her own from Frankfurt to London. She is. The current plan is to organise the flights so I arrive at T3, clear and make my way to T1 to meet her on arrival. I can then book a simple return ticket.

A night near Heathrow then a flight to Glasgow the next day, followed by the Skye/Nessie tour the day after. A return LHR-GLA at sensible flight times costs 88 pounds per head, Virgin trains first class nearly 400 pounds and the Caledonia sleeper? Ludicrous. At least in China sometimes the train is cheaper than the plane.

If I wanted to be stupid I could look at Ryanair for less than 50 quid but they are a no-no, too many T&Cs, paying for checked baggage and too many horror stories of exorbitant fees for them to print your boarding card. Bloody hell, in China you don't even need a ticket, just your passport or ID. Oh and the latest, having to pay to sit together! You can only treat your passengers as cattle for so long before it will turn into a bullfight or an exodus. Normal people simply want to book a flight, have 20kg allowance and be able to sit with whoever they are travelling with.

So anyway, plans are still fluid and of course it may all go wrong anyway.

Stephanie and Alice came for dinner, giant scotch eggs (if I could buy sausage meat they would be smaller but using coarse mince I need loads to encase), mash and hot ketchup followed by simple ice cream. Annie joined us later, having judged some competition on the outskirts of town, not been paid for doing so and having been treated to dinner in the school cafeteria. Wonderful.

During a break I asked Alice to write out for me 1 x toast, 1 x butter, 2 x sausages, 2 x bacon, 2 x eggs, salt and pepper and no salad.

This of course was so as to be able to obtain the breakfast I want in Pizza Hut on Friday rather than the one they thought I wanted and which went cold before butter and salt appeared, no sign of bacon or sausage either.

It took me a while to twig why she was asking me to spell “toast”, “sausage” etc – I assumed it was so she could find the equivalent Chinese characters.

But then I realised. She was writing it in English!

I just had a stroke and couldn't write myself??? WHY would I ask her to write me a note in English??

Please, I want it in Chinese so I can show the waiter because he doesn't speak English. Oh!

Cue much hilarity from all bar me, I was too stunned.

Monday 19^th March, 2018 2050

Bit of a mixed bag of a day. I got up early and faddled about whilst considering the chores I had to do in order to present a dinner this evening.

Eventually I loaded the bread machine with the ingredients for phase one of Operation Chelsea Bun. I've never made any kind of bun before so was sceptical as to the end result. I have also learnt that the trick to making anything doughy here is to let it rise for hours – even if it is only bread.

I abandoned ship after lunch to go shopping, having sliced chicken and beef for the fajitas and leaving them marinading. I still did my usual party trick of leaving myself a very busy time just before people arrived!

I ended up spitting tacks over the guacamole though. Three avocados had cost me 58\ and, having been left to ripen, two were rotten when I opened them up. I have never known avocados have skins that were more like nutshells with no “give” and I could only use one. The others liked it (apart from wishing there was more avocado in the guacamole but I gave it a wide berth. Other than that, the fajitas were good.

As for the Chelsea buns? Well, they exceeded my expectations, a welcome and rare event. Maybe a little too sweet (guessing game with the ingredients as usual but not for much longer with digital scales on order) but hell, I will make them again!

Before she left for prep class, Alice told me if her family can afford 30,000\ she has the chance to go to New Zealand for three weeks in the summer but her Mother, brother and sister in law (yes, that's right, sister in law!) forbade her as it's too dangerous. Kiwi. Too dangerous to visit with a party from the school, including teachers?

Sister in law's sage advice is to visit more Chinese cities. When I asked Alice how many countries her sis in law had been to you know the answer – none. I pointed out that every Chinese city was identical, they all speak Chinese, eat much the same food and the only differences are climate and the odd tourist attraction. Do you know, if I didn't already have plans for summer, I would take her to NZ myself. Fine, live your own life blinkered but for God's sake don't fetter others who have a bit of adventure in their hearts. It has left me feeling really, really angry. Ah well.

Oh, and I rather stupidly happened to mention I was making Scotch eggs for my dinner tomorrow. I should have realised my guests would have no clue as to what they are because they begged to come again for dinner. I am now hoping a pound of pork mince will be enough to coat four eggs – I've only made them twice before, in Chizhou for dinner and last year here as snacks to take to school for lunch. Back, rod and own spring to mind.....

Saturday 17^th March, 2018 1500

Oh God, will I ever learn?

I am doing it again. Exploring options and making plans. Ahhhh, who knows, maybe this time everything will go like clockwork?

But without dreams what is life?

To be honest, it is most tempting to book myself a business seat with the savings on Alice's fare (if she does in fact go on that course – as usual there are a lot of ifs) but if I stick to the original plan my planned 8 day holiday could be a fortnight.

Fly 1^st class to Guangzhou, night in the luxury Pullman hotel at the airport and then to Frankfurt. A night there with Alice then fly to Glasgow together. Then I had an idea. Originally I was thinking of a day trip on the train to Oban. I like Oban and the scenery en route is up her alley. But a return rail journey is seven hours, leaving little time for anything else.

So I looked up tours. Three day coach tours (on a luxury minibus) are available. Ok, in mid August they are pricey (about £400 for two for a 3 day affair plus accommodation, so double that) and then a couple of nights in Glasgow on our return. But Alice has the hots for Scotland and what better way to show her? I would never, ever, do that on my own! Follow that with a week on home territory.

I see Ryanair have really good prices from Frankfurt to Glasgow at £39 per person while Lufthansa charge £130. No contest? Except experience says Ryanair may look attractive until you factor in the extra charge for suitcases, booking seats next to each other etc. You know, I don't actually mind paying for snacks and alcoholic drinks on short haul flights as long as they are available so BA is still in the running. Ryanair and EasyJet are last choice.

In fact, I might even opt for Caledonia rail even though they cost more than flying when we head south because they have lovely double-berth sleepers, restaurant car and bar – just as they did in the old days when I couldn't afford to use them! I love showing my students Get Carter (I usually take a strategic loo break when the Britt Ekland/Caine phone sex bit comes on though) where in the beginning he is in the old-fashioned restaurant car having lunch. I tell them that is how rail travel should be.

But of course, us smokers need to consider how long we want to go without our nicotine. I have no idea whether I can hop off at station stops and have a puff in the UK any more. And most of the Glasgow hotels I have looked at don't offer smoking rooms. It seems somewhat unfair that I could travel with impunity as a heroin user, shooting up in a train toilet or in the privacy of an hotel room yet incur “deep cleaning” (for that read “using air freshener”) charges if they get a whiff of tobacco smoke.

Of course, all this thinking and planning could go awry when it goes pear-shaped and a great deal depends on how much I can save. When you consider I should amass over £4,000 and still fret as to having enough you will perhaps understand why I don't in fact understand how people can book a package tour to Torremolinos for £300 for a week and take £200 spending money!

Friday 16^th March, 2018 2040

It must be me.

I decided to boycott McDonald's, not because they keep running out of breakfasts before I get there so much as the shrugging of shoulders when I complain. If they can't be bothered then they don't deserve me as a customer, especially as I can make a better breakfast.

So I went to Pizza Hut to investigate a breakfast menu I never even knew they offered. Guess what? I asked for a ham and egg panini and they had none!!! Wondering just who the hell I have upset recently, I ordered an ordinary breakfast. Not without problems, no salt or pepper offered and I had to go to the kitchen to explain. The coffee was better than McD though. For the same price I received two scrambled eggs that were not scrambled but “Chinese” eggs – cracked, smashed and turned but edible nonetheless. I was rather expecting what was shown on the menu, which was bacon, sausage and eggs but got two bits of processed ham. And salad. Who the hell has salad for breakfast?? Maybe the Americans. I will know better next week as I will point out the components required. Amazingly the toast didn't taste of cake, it was almost bread although it was a palaver to obtain butter for it.

Overall, they just gained a Friday breakfast customer and McD have lost one. And it's not so far to walk.

I have to say I am not looking forward to next week, I was tired enough by the end of today but I can't complain, after all, I fought to keep my students. I cannot now moan that they acquiesced!

Then about an hour ago Alice asked to Skype, was it convenient? Well you know all the let-downs I have had over trips with Chinese girls. Except Alice is different, she came to visit me and has accompanied me on many occasions. I still felt I was in for bad news when I called her.

The problem was, she has the chance to apply for a short course studying at Heidelberg university in summer, about three weeks! If my UK trip was not to be then I would hardly blame her, it's an opportunity for a young Chinese woman that she should not miss. Well there was no way I was going to begrudge her that. The course finishes August 10^th but better still, although her family pay up front for flights and the course, upon her return Guangzhou university reimburse most, if not all, the costs. Can she meet me in England?

What???

Hold on a minute. I don't have to pay for her flight. That gives me options. I could be selfish and fly business class. Or I could fly economy and if she is going to Germany on a Schengen visa anyway, I could take her to see the Eiffel Tower on the way back! So many new possibilities opened up.

So I mentioned Paris to her.

This is a girl who has never left China. She is if her application is successful, going to Germany, then England and now I have offered her the chance to visit the romance capital, Paree. She will jump at it!

Do we have to go to Paris?

Er, no, but surely?

I want to see Scotland.

Scotland???? Really? Yep. You want to see Scotland instead of Paris? If it's ok?

Suits me! Looks as though I will fly economy after all and maybe have a slightly longer UK break than anticipated. Hometown area for a few days, whizz up north o'the border for a couple and then back to home territory. Great, I haven't had a lorne sausage in morning roll for donkeys' years! But where to go and how to get there? Caledonian sleeper train springs to mind, as do Oban, Inverness and the like as destinations (bugger the east coast, too much like Norfolk, flat as a witch's mammaries).

Wow, there's a turn-up. I won't know for sure until her application is accepted or not but I now find myself wanting her to go to Germany, it frees up more cash.

I know I complain a lot about the innate changeability in my life (actually I complain about everything in case you are blind) and sometimes planned trips never eventuate but hell, it sure as anything beats knowing you are going to Majorca for two weeks every July from now until you die!!

Thursday 15^th March, 2018 1700

Not only was my first class today (Pat's) the one the vice dean was coming to observe but I also learnt it was to be my last with them as they will move to the main campus on Sunday. By now of course I was resigned to losing them and of my ineffective powers of persuasion to sway the upper echelons. So now poor Annie had extra work but at least hopefully it would shorten my hours if they could rearrange my timetable.

I was given the next set of news while my lunch was self-cooking when the other vice dean (Miss Liu) hunted me down shortly after noon. My powers of reasoning and persuasion were in fact far from ineffective and that indeed, loyalty costs.

I will now have the dubious distinction of probably being the only teacher working on all three campuses. The schedule is not my most preferred option though. Thursday mornings I will go to the main campus to teach Pat's class 1010-1200, then return and teach the other two classes on Peili after lunch at 1430. That means I shall finish teaching at 1830 instead of 1620. Looking on the bright side, although my day has been lengthened by two hours in the afternoon, it has been shortened by an hour in the mornings, so I can rise at seven instead of six. It would have been eight but I have to take a public bus to get there, although there is a school bus to bring me back at noon. At least thirty students are happy with the result even if I am slightly less than ecstatic.

Once the vice dean had toddled off for her own lunch, I discovered I couldn't access Gmail. I could get the background image but not my mailbox. I assumed it was down to the internet speed on campus but found it odd that if I switched from the UK to Hong Kong I could get my mail. I find now that at home I can't get my mail either. I am wondering if this is anything to do with the new Emperor, whose incessant meddling is really getting on my wick now. Perhaps normal service will resume tomorrow, it's just a pain having to switch servers when I can only access UK telly using the UK servers. For now, it will be a sporadic visit to my inbox.

Oh, and that pork cook-itself meal? Not anywhere near as spicy as the last one but definitely not for me. I would say that I would have to come up with new ideas but with the new timetable I can now actually make something at home to eat or even go to a cafe in future.

Surely though, they can't sack me now I am teaching everywhere???

Tuesday 13^th March, 2018 1630

What with my solid three day, all day schedule at present, my diet has gone to the dogs. I have either been eating McDonald's or wheat snacks, nothing whatsoever with any goodness. On my free days, Saturdays I have not had the energy to cook so I am in a cycle of being bunged up or only slightly so when I actually have decent food.

Such was the case this weekend so on Saturday night I popped a capsule. Nothing happened on Sunday so I popped another. Only now, and this since Monday morning when I awoke with dreadful stomach cramps, am I starting to feel better. Since Friday I have eaten bacon, egg and mash followed by one boiled potato and egg on Sunday.

I had to cancel last night's dinner, I didn't dare stray further than a minute away from my western loo! Had I had classes I would have declared sick days. They would have been the first ever here and all because they don't have proper toilets in schools, even for staff. Western staff. No wonder their teachers retire at sixty!

This morning I still felt as if a chimney sweep was pulling out my intestines and it was a close call as to whether the rescheduled dinner would be cancelled. I felt dire anyway due to having to get up several times during the night. And hell, the east campus toilets are still being refurbished so there aren't even any rudimentary thirty inch high partitions! I have visions of me attempting to use them, falling in and having to call for help as I can't get up again. Shudder.

However by lunchtime, although I felt decidedly weak, I felt I was sufficiently empty to risk going to BHG. 400\ later I got home, 57\ of that on three small pieces of fruit I have been waiting for months to come into season – avocados. If they ripen over the course of this week then lack of sour cream notwithstanding, I may attempt fajitas.

The Chelsea buns went by the board, no way was I in the mood today so I bought ice cream and a fresh pineapple. It will have to do.

Wednesday 14^th 2000

Last night's meal went down well, I only had one kebab for obvious reasons, Alice and Steph two apiece and you just know Annie managed three! I made chilli and mustard mayonnaise dips but wasabi and some form of cajun butter (I found it utterly revolting when we had the steaks the first time) were also popular. I learnt that, oddly, cajun style cooking is becoming increasingly in demand in China.

At least I had a better night's sleep and awoke, if not fighting fit, at least ready to rise to the challenge of a thirteen hour day.

Only it wasn't a thirteen hour day.

The school bus was almost full when I went down at 1650 after work. I always have to hang around for forty minutes after class anyway but I should have known. Five o'clock came and went, a couple got off the bus and went to take a taxi or perhaps public transport but nobody thought to tell me what was going on.

By now I have the experience to know that if the dean is running late, everyone has to wait, often no more than five or ten minutes. We left at 1745 with an overloaded bus. I was not best pleased, three-quarters of an hour sitting in a cramped minibus. Not because the damned bus was late leaving but because no-one ever thinks to tell me beforehand, “By the way, they are having a meeting and it will run late”. That's all I ask because then at 1620 I could leave instead of wait around and go and take public transport. Had I done so today (and it would have cost me the princely sum of 2\) I would have been home before six. What actually happened was I got home just before seven.

I am too tired to bother cooking so no dinner today and the poor digestive cycle gets to start all over again. Consideration for others is sorely lacking in some respects and that, I am afraid, I will never get used to.

Sunday 11^th March, 2018 0300

So much for going to bed and then getting up in order to watch England thrash France!

On a personal note, it seems as though I shall be bouncing back from one of my endless setbacks/hurdles.

I have sent Janet the letter to send to Foreign Affairs asking to keep me and Delia the vice dean on Peili has assured me that they will also be sending similar. That makes it 99% certain I shall remain. Bloody stupid really, were I younger I would be looking for somewhere that paid more but inertia takes over the older I get.

However, that now means that barring catastrophe, I will be returning to the UK for a short time in summer, providing Alice is granted a visa. I think that will make the trip far more enjoyable than the last time five years ago when I went solo.

For one, it will be her first international foray, two I will have company on the flight and three, I won't be spending most of the time in an hotel room – I will be concentrating on showing her as much as possible.

Besides fretting about the constant problems set before me, I find myself these days spending inordinate amounts of time agonising over what new dishes I can come up with for Monday Mealtimes! Earlier I decided on chicken shish kebabs with mustard, chilli and plain mayonnaise dips. Running it past Annie, she expressed dismay that I wasn't doing yak steak.

Yak steak may very well be akin to Aberdeen Angus if it is genuine but the ones available to me are more or less the same as gammon steaks you get in plastic packets in Tesco – has anyone ever found a perfectly circular pig with a diameter of about six inches? Bloody awful. Pester power being what it is, the girls will have chicken and yak kebabs! I meanwhile will confine myself to chook. Hopefully it will be the last I hear of anything yakkish.

I am also giving serious thought to making Chelsea buns. I have everything I need so it should be simplicity itself but experience says there could be disaster looming. Trouble is, I won't know until it is too late, I daren't make them tomorrow in case they go stale and of course my oven is too small to do anything other than bake them after the kebabs are done.

I would love to be writing about upcoming trips within China but sorry, all efforts are now concentrated on ensuring I have enough money for the UK jolly. I'd love to fly business but no chance seeing as I am paying for two, even the direct flight economy with China Southern is showing as more than £2,000 a brace. I am tending towards Singapore Airways at the lower end (£700 or thereabouts per head) which takes five or six hours longer but I used to like their service many years ago. I also care about arrival times – who wants to get there when the pubs are shut??? The problem is, I always so far have managed to squeeze a few days in Shanghai to see my friends there. I am not sure I will be able to this year and if that is the case it will sadden me greatly.

Oh yes, and the shifting of students will not only affect my timetable. It also means I no longer have any cleaners to do my housework. Alice is not interested and neither are her classmates, maybe the remaining class will throw someone up, after all it's not as if I don't pay double what they would get for teaching at a weekend school for an hour.

Friday 9^th March, 2018 1915

Isn't life wonderful?

I awoke to a reply from Delia informing me nothing was finalised yet re the shifting students/teachers, hoped it would not take place until next term/academic year and that they realised it would inconvenience me greatly so would ensure arrangements were made to make it easy etc etc. Terrific, what more could I hope for?

This afternoon Annie emailed me. The other vice-dean had informed her this afternoon she would be taking over the affected class (additional work for her, less for me) but instead of having to take them on Wednesdays when she teaches on main campus anyway, they insisted she go there Mondays. Nothing finalised eh? Doesn't sound like that to me. So of course while I am grateful that my well-being has been thought of I am not so enamoured with the fact someone else has been told to take up the slack. Makes me look dreadful and I never once said I couldn't or wouldn't do it, merely that their suggestion was unacceptable and another way needed to be found.

Had it been acceptable I would have assented with a grumble but agreed nonetheless, however the bald fact is, I know my teaching would have suffered and quite likely I would have missed classes through over-sleeping, not to mention my being irritable. Not exactly a good quality in a teacher.

So now I find myself in the role of villain. Annie was quite happy to help out on the day she has to be on the main campus for her own work but is understandably dismayed at having to make a special journey for extra classes on a different day and I of course am angry (if indeed the matter has been settled – this is, after all, China) because were Annie and I not good friends she would by now be sticking pins in effigies of me.

I have now had to compose another email requesting that the school give me back my students and I have offered them various solutions (if I am any more flexible I will be kissing my own arse) and all they have to do is make it happen. Never in eight years of teaching have I offloaded work to a colleague and I do not intend to start now. The day went downhill rapidly.

Then, during the break in afternoon class, Brenda called. She had spoken to the Director of Foreign Affairs regarding next year's contract. She was now 80% sure. Everything was dependent now on a letter from the deans of east and Peili campuses. I already know I will be writing the letter from the east campus (glowing of course) which makes it 90% certain, maybe 95% so I now find myself at loggerheads with one vice-dean on Peili and in accord with the other over Studentgate and oh, by the way can I expect your support for a contract renewal!

My life was never destined to be plain sailing, plane sailing or even great circle I am sure. The older I get the more I am beginning to believe Wednesday's child really is full of woe! At least I can't receive the death sentence. Yet...........

Thursday 8^th March, 2018 1845

I met the other vice-dean of the foreign language department today. Last term she was in Shanghai, hence she was a strange face for me but fair play, she had the courtesy to come and make my acquaintance.

Actually I met her twice today. The second was not a particularly welcome occasion. I was informed that a new school has been built on the main campus for certain sections of the foreign language school. As a result, the powers that be (I am unsure precisely who they are but I highly doubt they are faculty) are considering shifting certain disciplines to said main campus.

One class affected would be Pat's, as they are specialising in translation. Obviously I have no influence as to what ultimately happens, nor I gather have the Chinese faculty no matter how senior. It was suggested to me that perhaps they could rearrange my classes (if it transpires) so that I would teach from 0800-1200 Thursdays on Peili campus and then travel to the main campus to teach from 1640-1830. I would be the only person on the staff actually teaching at all THREE campuses!

I was horrified and made it plain. 0500-1800 Weds, 0600-1930 Thurs and 0500-1800 Fri? When would I cook my food? Sleep? Ok if the campuses had canteens which served food I could actually eat I could struggle through but it is out of the question.

And anyway, who on earth uproots everything mid-term? It would not only affect me but the Chinese teachers (who would also be having to teach on two campuses – pinging back and forth like table tennis balls) and the affected students who would have to move home. Utter madness if it happens, and I gather it is not a done deal. I have my fingers crossed it will be left until summer, after which I will either no longer be required here or another Peace Corps grunt will have been sent to relieve me of the extra duties.

Not wishing to appear to be difficult and as regular readers will have observed, I may complain vociferously but nonetheless endeavour to do right by my schools, I have emailed Delia this evening to point out the reasons for my reluctance to embrace what was proposed.

To wit, I would be a Zombie. I would starve for three days. I would not be effective – I am tired enough as it is.

I have informed her that I would do my best to accommodate the school's needs and suggested that if it does indeed happen, I could teach until midday Thursdays and Pat's class I would do on Tuesday mornings. Ok I would be giving up a free day but at least it wouldn't kill me. I await further developments – or not, as the case may be.

Oh, and the self-cooking braised beef? Edible but not nice. The Chinese have a habit of making even the most innocuous foods spicy. And the beef needed braising for another hour. I am hoping the other one I bought (chicken or pork, hard to tell) will prove to be better.

Wednesday 7^th March, 2018 1845

I was rather pleased to find that at 0500 when the alarm went, although I felt tired I easily resisted the urge to hit “snooze”, that hasn't happened for a while.

As the early mornings are no longer bitterly cold and the days are pleasant enough to merely need a light fleece, that's what I have been wearing lately. Anything warmer for the morning soon becomes a pain, being too warm.

As there was a bit of a breeze first thing, I stood waiting for the school bus in the lee of a hotel wall which abuts my barbers. It is also where the electronic motor factory workers wait for their coach so unless you are looking for me I blend in in the dark. The bus arrived, I picked up my bags and made my way over. The deputy party secretary slid the door back and, with me right behind him by then, promptly slammed the door shut in my face! Charming. I did wonder if it was going to be one of those days, more so when halfway into the journey we performed a full-scale, four wheels locked emergency stop, avoiding going up the backside of the car in front by a whisker.

We did though arrive intact and I was a few steps from my office door when my shoulder bag plummeted to the floor. The shoulder strap had torn off from the bag and the only way to repair it would have been to sew it back on. I shouldn't complain, it has lasted about five years with daily usage and was showing its age anyway. I decided it was time for a new one, I had been considering it for a while, although I had wanted to be able to take my time to find one. Now it had to be on my lunch break.

On my way to McDonald's I happened to notice someone going underground on an escalator. As I normally walk on the opposite side I had never noticed it before but I was on that side today keeping an eye out for likely shops to buy a bag from, the other side is all appliances. Wondering what was down there, I went. Loads of appliance shops one side and clothes shops the other, not cheap either. Neither was the bag I bought for 148\.

I also found a supermarket so investigated. Nothing special in there other than they had tinned tuna and salmon which are unavailable in BHG – no use this term because I can't buy baguettes the day before the Peili classes but I did find something of interest. Remember the “lazy hotpot” that I just poured water onto a pad and it boiled and cooked? Well they had a few similar things in there, not hotpots though. One is beef in sauce with rice and the other I bought is either chicken or pork with veg and presumably rice too. Not cheap at 18\ a pop but if all I have to do is cart one up to the 6^th floor and at lunchtime pour water and wait, if they taste ok then that's my Thursday lunches sorted this term! If they are good I may get a store of them for those nights when I can't be bothered to cook. I'm probably hoping for too much though. Watch this space.

Monday 5^th March, 2018 1145

It has taken from Friday evening until now to recover! Yesterday I was up at 0730, today I was awake early but managed to doze for a while longer. I'll probably sleep late tomorrow, just in time to have to be up in the dark again!

Last night I was sent a text to say that Delia, the Peili campus dean, would sit in on my class next Thursday from 0800-0850. I immediately replied to complain that they never observe the second period which is when the fun is! A rapid response fired back said “Sorry I made a mistake, she is coming to the second period.”

There will be no film. Delia will have to join in the activity though. Methinks I shall go to the little supermarket sometime, jot down various prices and have a game of The Price Is Right. The observation is not merely about my contract renewal, for Annie is also having a visitation but I want to give the best impression everywhere for obvious reasons.

Also last night I decided to make my first Madeira cake. It meant I wouldn't have such a workload today. With no scales or self-raising flour it was pure guesswork but then all my cooking is! The recipe never called for milk but I think maybe I should have used some because while the outside rose, the centre was concave. I tried some and while it is not as light as I wanted, it is not going to be used as foundations for affordable housing. In fact it tasted good and with a bit of custard I reckon it will go down well tonight.

2030

So dinner is done, as they say. The parsley sauce was a success (Stephanie's request for ketchup was denied) and there was hardly room left for cake and custard but of course I hadn't reckoned with Annie. Oh yes, she still wanted her cake and custard! It has to be better than people refusing what you've cooked, surely?

And hahaha! It turns out the observation was originally to be me for period one and Annie second. After I sent off my text Annie was informed of a change to reverse the order of play – that could only have been prompted by my comments! My tenure here may be uncertain but it seems I still have a minor amount of influence. Maybe there are a few in China who appreciate accrued wisdom through years – even if possibly there is no wisdom.....

Tomorrow is a nothing day. I may wash my trainers and vacuum flask carry-case, pop to the jing jo shop but generally do bugger all and hope I can get a decent night's sleep ahead of Wednesday.

Saturday 3^rd March, 2018 1815

There were a lot more fireworks last night for the end of spring festival than there were for Chinese new year's eve. Lanzhou is a city which definitely has odd priorities, far removed from Chizhou. I never bothered going out, I was honestly numb in the forefront of my brain and only remained awake as long as possible so that I wouldn't be up at 0300 today.

As it was I nodded off on my desk at a time I know not and woke up after who knows when, at which point I tottered off to bed. It really has to get easier because I certainly can't get any younger.........if only.......

Joan asked me for a favour today. She needs help finding material for her thesis. I was somewhat taken aback considering when she visited last month she received news she had failed. I admit to not being au fait with how degrees work here but logic dictated to me that if she can't get one due to failure then submitting and defending a thesis is surely akin to a heavyweight boxer losing on a knockout, coming round and then saying let's fight the remaining rounds because the audience paid for twelve?

I will in due course get to the bottom of it and have indeed sent plenty of links to her, the topic being ambiguity in English. As a native speaker of course it is relatively easy to discern the difference between need and knead, lead and lead or the versatility of a well-known expletive (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIiutYIP9Rw) but of course for a non-native speaker it understandably becomes a problem of labyrinthine proportions – particularly with Chinese as they have no past, present or future tenses in their language. They say “I go to the cinema” to indicate they went yesterday, they go every day, they are going now or they are going next week. Quite how they actually communicate successfully is frankly beyond me but then I am not in charge of their national tongue. It does however explain perhaps why they only have around a third as many words as English does. Even then, when I read comments on Facebook I realise my students are still better than many UK-born posters!

So today I have not set foot outside. It took until mid-afternoon to even start to feel normal again, and again, I had neither the desire to cook nor in this instance take a walk and find a restaurant. I made two soft-boiled eggs. No bread in the flat so it was just that for my daily sustenance. I may well do a Sunday roast tomorrow if the lady up the top still has decent potatoes.

Then of course it is Mealtime Monday. Provided BHG have another box of them, it will be fish fingers, mash, proper peas and homemade parsley sauce now that Steph brought some from the USA. Also, now I have baking powder from her, I may dabble in making a Madeira cake. Doubtless they will want custard but I am beggared if I will let them take the leftovers with them this time! I am quite partial to Madeira cake with plonk or port.

By the time I teach again on Wednesday I hope the toilet situation will have been resolved. In a shining example of how not to schedule works, east campus are half-way through refurbishing the only ladies and gents in the main teaching building. Admirable as replacing primitive sloping concrete holes with flat porcelain fittings may be (they are all squat loos), when I left on Friday all they had were said loos. Previously at least each aperture received a modicum of privacy courtesy of a 2'6” high partition (no door, just two sides so often I walked past someone sitting on their heels having a dump and text messaging at the same time) and plumbing which as yet simply dribbles instead of flushing as it did before.

The entrances were covered by builder's synthetic sheets draped from the ceiling to foil prying eyes which passed but I noticed the girls had already managed to part one of the fixings to theirs which meant anyone going to the gents could grab an eyeful through the open doorway. And no, as tempting as the thought may be, I did not suddenly develop a weak bladder every break time.