I am back from Nanjing. Regular followers will know that every trip I take runs as smoothly as a vanilla milkshake through a straw, yes?
Of course not - I am a Wednesday’s child! My weekend lurched from calamity to disaster to catastrophe. There were times in fact that I wished I had stayed put!
It all started out swimmingly well, I dropped Pepsi off at the pet prison and duly arrived at the bus station 25 minutes before time. Checking at bay 8 that it was indeed the departure point for Nanjing, I was invited to get on the coach, however I declined in favour of paying a visit to the toilet before leaving. I did though get aboard after that and was surprised when my eleven o’clock bus pulled out at 1040. After a fleeting thought that my trip was so far going so well it was immediately replaced by the notion that things were going to go horribly wrong. I was not far off the mark there.
Sending regular situation reports to Joanna who was to meet me at Nanjing station - and thinking (having been told by students) that the journey would be 4 to 4.5 hours - I was surprised to see Nanjing South station after just three hours. I was about to send a message to Joanna to say we were passing by there when the bus turned in. Not only that, it was going no further! I thought that as there were only 6 passengers on the bus maybe they had simply thought send the laowei anywhere because he knows no better. Now Joanna thought I was telling porkies and was expecting me at three o’clock or so and here I was at one-forty in the biggest train/bus station in Asia. By biggest, translate to colossal - bigger than many airports. She wanted me to take the subway initially but after realising it just might be a problem for a laowei she (having only just got out of bed) came to meet me.
It was wonderful to see her again and we took the subway to SanShanJie station, cheap enough at 2y and less for her as she has the Chinese equivalent of the London Oyster card. Taxi to the hotel she had found for 128y a night. On trying to check in I then experienced something that in four years here has never happened. Blatant racism. I don’t have a Chinese ID card. I do however have a Foreign Expert Certificate which I have used to check in to hotels all over China including Hefei and Shanghai but I was refused at this place. I use the certificate rather than my passport for the simple reason the certificate is free to replace but a lost passport would cost me a fortnight’s wages. However even my passport would not have been enough, this place simply would not accept anyone who wasn’t Chinese.
I was dumbfounded and just a tad angry, in fact I wanted to haul the supercilious woman who was imperiously informing Joanna I wasn’t welcome over the counter and systematically snap her fingers but I contented myself with giving her some verbal abuse which although she didn’t understand she got the import.
So there we were out on the street. It was Qingming festival and most hotels at full capacity. Joanna bless her made numerous phone calls and finally found a room but it would cost 328y a night. It was that or sleep rough and I did joke with her that I would sleep on the streets if it meant being with her. Little did I know I was going to be marginally better off!
Flea pit is too good a description. I have paid 128y in many places for a decent and clean room and indeed only 168y in Shanghai and this was 328y with peeling wallpaper and mould. All I had was aircon and a TV. What the hell, I only wanted to sleep and shower there.
There then commenced the start of two days of Joanna trying to kill me by making me walk. She has GPS on her phone and internet and all that jazz and so I suggested perhaps we could go for dinner at Pizza Hut. Joanna, along with most of the Chinese race, is slowly redefining how we measure distance. When she says it is just 500 metres I now have to think two kilometres. But we got to Pizza Hut in Confucius’ Temple (not really, it’s just what they call the shopping centre) we were informed we would have to wait half an hour for a table as people were queuing outside! Sod that. I asked her if she had ever had a curry. No she hadn’t. find me an Indian restaurant on your phone said I, I think there’s a Taj Mahal here.
And so we got a taxi - minimum price there is 11y as opposed to 5y here - and were dropped off in a street because the driver didn’t know where it was. We took a walk and I spotted it, with a name like Taj Mahal I had rather expected an imposing place that stood out but from the outside it looked like a bog standard noodle or dumpling restaurant. It was though quite good. In fact I over ordered as usual because I had no idea of portion sizes. She (being Chinese) had chicken vindaloo and I went for the prawn curry. In fact the only criticism I have of the meal was that they left part of the shell on the prawns. Ordering the starters, Joanna wanted to try samosas. These were the strangest shape I have ever seen (and looked like mini Taj Mahals) and I fancied onion bhajias. When I said this Joanna immediately said “I hate onion”. Informing her that things can be cooked differently and taste differently I elicited a grudging promise that she would at least try a nibble.
When the food started arriving I suggested she taste the bhajias but never told her what they were. “This is nice” said she, “what’s it made of?” Onion. She was incredulous. It is one of the highlights of the weekend.
And then it was back to my temporary dump to drink alone in my hovel of a room, watching a TV whose volume was so low not only was I not in danger of disturbing other guests but I had to sit three feet away to even try to hear it. And that’s a laugh because as always, after seven the following morning I was awoken by loud conversations outside my door, presumably by the cleaning staff. One of these days I will emerge naked from my room and terrify the culprits.
The disasters continued in the morning with Joanna being late because her taxi took her to the wrong place. The plan was to go to the war memorial but bless her cotton socks, she had done her homework and thought of a complete plan for the day, albeit one which was to see me begging for mercy on behalf of my legs and also one which would see me forever summing up Nanjing in one word - subway.
At this point, considering I was now paying two and a half times what I expected for an hotel, I needed to get some more cash so we went in search of a China Construction Bank ATM. En route I saw a bakery called Paris Baguette so we went there. I was expecting filled baguettes but was disappointed and ended up with a Korean wrap while she had some sort of sandwich. Then we left in search of more money for me. A little further along the way Joanna said stop, I like this. It was a Chinese milk tea bar. She now regrets having done so, for the girl serving made her medium tea, sealed it nicely in the machine and promptly lost grip when offering it to her. The result was the top came off, I got a few splats but Joanna received the bulk of it, some on her white top. My premonition was being proved correct by the hour.
I never realised that if you are outwith the province where your bank is that even if you withdraw money from the same bank you still get charged money the same as any other bank’s cash points but eventually I said stuff it and went to Bank of China to get money. I made an attempt to withdraw another 500y and pressed the cash button, not realising there was a small “e” in front of it. After confirming the transaction I waited in vain for money to appear. After finally finding a Construction Bank we discovered I had somehow managed to put my money into a e-account when I don’t even have one, let alone know what one is! The best of it is, I have now to take a student to town to my home branch to try to get it put back into my account where I can get at it. As I kept telling Joanna when things went wrong, life is interesting - especially when you are around me!
I did eventually get some money (and thank God I never tried to withdraw all my c ash or I would have been up the creek) and we took the subway to the war memorial. The underground in Nanjing is actually very good, modern carriages and many with electronic maps showing where you are (much better than London), time between stops between one and two minutes but of course as everywhere no chance of a seat. We got to see the outside of the museum. In retrospect I made a monumental mistake because this was Qingming festival. Tomb sweeping holiday when the Chinese remember their ancestors. Of COURSE there were going to be thousands queuing.
Ok, cancel that idea. Joanna’s plan then came into effect. Back on the subway to Ming Gu Gong - the ancient Ming dynasty palace. Except there’s bugger all left except the gatekeeper’s cottage! We did though spend a pleasant hour watching people flying kites in the grounds and my legs recovered a little.
After a swift couple of beers it was back to punishing my legs and the subway. Time to visit Xuan Wu lake. Beautiful indeed and of course absolutely mobbed with people. We came across an area where there were many people and many printed notices hanging up (see photo) which intrigued Joanna. I thought it was a tribute to the dead but on realising what it was she was like a puppy on a polished toilet seat for it was a sort of speed dating thing where men and women put their details up in the hope of finding a partner. Excitedly she pulled me over to find me a girlfriend and pointed to a notice from a 30 year old. Quite impossible for so many reasons but she was so excited it was infectious. I just wish I had had more money because we could have taken a boat trip around the lake.
By the time we had finished it was getting chilly so yet again we took the subway, this time to go to Nanjing station to buy my ticket for this morning. It was then that it became apparent that on Saturday I hadn’t just been put on any old bus, there are no long distance buses to or from that station, they all go to the south station. Leave it, said I, I will sort it myself tomorrow, let’s go to Pizza Hut - they won’t be queuing at five thirty.
Really? Oh yes, thirty minutes to wait even at that time. This time though we waited. I never had enough cash to simply whisk her off somewhere else so we sat outside under a tree until our table was ready. Said table was downstairs and we opted for the set meal for two. Perfectly adequate as we both got a small pizza and she got bacon and chicken skewers, minestrone soup (which she loved), potato salad (which I don’t think she did) and ice cream. Except - and all credit to Joanna here because she was of the same mind as me - the ice cream came in typical Chinese fashion, BEFORE the pizzas.
Once finished it was time for farewells but if I am still here for another year I will be returning in the summer, only next time I will budget for a damned good hotel and book online. I went to bed and never set an alarm - no rush today or so I thought. I awoke to kids making a commotion and despite myself I couldn’t get back to sleep so got up only to see it wasn’t even seven o’clock! Bastards! The inconsideration the Chinese have for others never ceases to amaze me and maybe next time I am in an hotel I will buy a drum, stay up late and then play it in the corridors at 0400. Even they want to sleep at that time.
So I checked out of the hotel at about 1030 whereupon I was ripped off again. Suddenly my room hadn’t been 328y a night but 398y. I was not happy because I couldn’t argue the point seeing as I never agreed the price, Joanna could have but of course she was at work. 140y chalked up to Chinese experience.
I managed to get to the subway and even took it to the station, although for the biggest in Asia there is a distinct lack of assistance for foreigners who have no clue as to where to take their bus from. I did get it though but magically the price from Chizhou to Nanjing being 80y the reverse was 86y, by which time I was down to 37y in my wallet. And the bloody thing stopped everywhere and took a completely different route, making me wonder if this was to be the final disaster - me ending up in the wrong city. But no, we got here and I hopped on my bike.
My bike has done the school-vets-station-vets-school run before without demur but this time I just knew I never had enough charge to complete the task. The bus had taken longer on the return and I guessed I had until maybe six to collect Pepsi so I stopped off at McDonalds for a swift “dinner”. On leaving I just knew I was going to be left stranded if I didn’t get more electricity and by pure luck spotted a charging station just outside a meat and veg market I never knew was there so plugged in for 15 mins and paid 2y. It was just enough to get the dog and me home. The bloody bike is only 8 months old so the batteries shouldn’t be failing yet but then again this is China!
On the whole, the weekend was expensive, disastrous and infuriating. But I would do it all again tomorrow because this weekend was all about being with Joanna and that made up for all the bad things - and we could laugh together about them!
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