Thursday 12th June, 2014                      1930

Well that was a day from hell.

Of necessity this blog is of a medical flavour as you shall see.

Today as advertised, it was the laowei medical pre-contract signing medical day. Accordingly one of us fasted for the required time, one left it a little late and the other decided to have breakfast before leaving. Ollivier, Me and Kevin in that order.

Arriving at the hospital at 0830 we spent forever getting the paperwork to give over for each test and then another aeon waiting to actually pay for them before anything was actually done. Instead of the 400y Ollivier told me his last one cost, it was in fact 675y - not a bad way to liberate some cash from the medical card but the problem is I have already submitted 400y on my expenses in anticipation. Bloody continentals.

Nearly three hours after waking we finally had some blood drawn. None of your private consultation room here - oh no, queue up at one of six windows and when it is your turn sit there, stick your arm through an opening and they do it with everyone watching. It was tempting to cry out in fake agony just to put the jitters up those waiting behind me.

Then it was time to pee into a small cup with a spout for pouring into a phial. My phial was broken so after obtaining a new one I went to have a tinkle. The available toilet cubicles either had human detritus scattered about or were glaring at me full of what looked like droppings worthy of a Friesian cow so I used the cleaning cupboard. Sadly the cup was of insufficient size to contain my own effluent so at least the cleaner was given a little employment.

Off we went for the ultrasound, the one where they tell all foreigners they have a fatty liver (except Kevin but then he IS scrawny). This is where it became really infuriating. Now bear in mind we had Coco translating throughout, nobody had told us what order in which to do the tests. Consequently the ultrasound people complained they needed full bladders to get a better picture. After we had emptied them. We were told to complete the other tests, go for lunch, drink and return. Bloody marvellous.

Next was the chest x-ray. None of us have any problems except me. They very helpfully pointed out that I had had an accident because the eagle-eyed operative had spotted on the image half the Eiffel Tower embedded in my shoulder. I couldn’t resist pointing out that it was in that very hospital they had inserted the ironmongery.

And next was the ECG. I wasn’t particularly concerned about this because I knew I was keeping my BP under good control but when we were given the printouts Coco told me I had a slight problem but she couldn’t translate it into English. Shit! Bearing in mind the one thing that got me sacked last year was concerns about my heart, of course it troubled me greatly and I desperately wanted to know what the hell was wrong. If you want to see a doctor after you finish you can discuss it was what they said. I entered the slough of despond, thinking where the hell am I going to get a decent job at this late stage now all the universities have hired next year’s foreign teachers. My mood was sombre but we went to McDonalds to eat (and collect more glasses) where I had to stand Kevin a Big Mac meal because once again we weren’t paid on time. Just us again mind, Cinny told me she has been paid so is working on it and hopefully we will get it tomorrow. I thought all this had been sorted months ago.

Anyway, eventually Coco used her phone translator to tell me the problem. Tachycardia. I am embarrassed to admit that although I watch Casualty I confused that with arrythmia, which it isn’t, it is simply a pulse over one hundred and mine at that time was 103. Well to be honest it has been like that for years ever since I was changed from beta blockers to ace inhibitors. It was still worrying though because I knew the powers at the uni would seize upon it. There are medicines to sort it and naturally I wanted to do whatever is necessary.

We then went shopping while Kevin (who was on his bike) buggered off back to the hospital. Shopping with Ollivier and co is not a brief experience and I spent enough time in the underground car park to have smoked three cigars instead of the one I did. Kevin was getting tetchy because we weren’t at the hospital and he was needing the loo quite badly. The next text from him was to say that the ultrasound dept was closed from 1200-1400 for lunch. It’s only a hospital, after all!

Suddenly there was no rush so I suggested we find a place to have a pee and fill up again on beer - after all, even at this time of night it is still thirty degrees. We did and Kevin got the hump because he had thought I was joking and he was at the hospital and didn’t even have enough money for a bottle of water. When he realised I wasn’t joking and I told him to meet up with us he asked us how to find the place it was easy. I just told him head towards the commercial centre and when  you see an accident and a fight you will find us.

Shortly after we had arrived a scrap had broken out between two men with a woman trying to stop it. The scenario involves divorce, a shop that owes the ex money and the ex deciding in lieu of cash to take their entire stock of cigarettes. Even the adults here don’t know how to punch and the fight was no different to the one I saw the other day, with the exception that there was no kicking. Still the crowd of bystanders of course and at one point the protagonists plus referee spilled onto the road, causing one car to brake sharply and another to run into the back of it. Chaos ensued and it was all great entertainment. Kevin found us easily. Police were summoned, the two men taken away and after the old bill had left various women carried on the kerfuffle.

Back at the place for sick people we had our second ultrasound tests and we were all told we had good bodies (mine certainly has been, given all the abuse it has had over the years and not just from me) and then it was over. Except I really wanted to see  a cardiologist. If the tachycardia was to be held against me, I wanted to be able to say I was now taking medicine to slow my heartbeat. Kevin cluttered off, the blood in his urine having been attributed to a bad cough he has at present and we saw a chap who is one of the doctors Kevin sometimes teaches after hours. He never spoke any English to me, preferring instead to speak Chinese to Coco, but I told her not to give him the “book” the college will get. She did, much to my disgust. He listened to my heart and asked did it hurt. No!!! Bloody hell if it did they would have seen me long ago! Then the inevitable happened. I became the only one to have their blood pressure tested, hence my not wanting him to write it in the book.

Having just spent the last eight hours faffing about there or elsewhere, four of them fretting about my “small problem”, I thought my pressure would be up with the Gods. Even after all that had happened the reading was still only 120/70. Perfick as Del Boy would have said. At that point I demanded he DID put it in the book! Proof positive of what I told the school last year. Yes!

So tonight Prof Fang has all our reports and hopefully I will get the go-ahead to sign next year’s contract tomorrow. At least she now has something to show to the upper echelons proving that my BP is not a problem and a specialist she can call about the heart rate for confirmation if they doubt.

I just want to get the damned contract signed.