I set my alarm early in order to ride to town, have breakfast and visit Pepsi just to let her know she wasn’t abandoned and alone. And to see for myself if the treatment was working.
I had just finished my shower when I heard Ollivier’s front door closing and shortly after there was a knock on mine. Forgetting that because Mulan had stayed at her aunt’s I had bolted my door, I waited for him to come in but he returned home. I knew what he had come for.
Before I could finish typing my text to him, he phoned to tell me.
Sometime between midnight when the vets left and breakfast time when they returned, Pepsi passed away, all alone and in the dark.
Many thanks to Ollivier for offering his services as chauffeur because he felt I would be a danger to myself on my bike (probably correct) and I stuck to the plan by having breakfast anyway. Pepsi had already gone where she was going anyway.
Yesterday I had wondered why the vet had placed a canvas cover over her cage after she was put in it but I now realise it was probably to avoid distressing other dogs nearby and hopefully to reassure Pepsi. If I had only known she wasn’t going to even last until this morning I would have asked to sit with her all night but I never dreamed she could go from happy and joyous to be home again to deceased in just over 24 hours. I should have been there with her and I will regret that until I myself pass away. I did as much as I could for her but in the end I failed her. The being alone in the dark and dying will haunt me forever.
I bade farewell to her cold and lifeless shell and told her I was so sorry. Nonetheless, Ollivier’s very touching gesture by way of standing as large as he could in the doorway with his back to me as I did so to shield my tears from the prying eyes of the Chinese customers did not go unnoticed and when you read this Ollie, yes it was appreciated.
I got a refund on the 1,000 yuan I paid upfront yesterday because as her final gift to me my sweet Pepsi saved me further expense. Now all that are left are her collar and lead. I would rather have been handing over my last penny to the vet today than being given money back.
This entry is dedicated to the strangest, most timid and idiosyncratic dog I have ever encountered. She was MY strange dog and I loved her so much I am only now with rain falling on my cheeks realising just how deep that love was.
Sleep in peace my little one, no need to be frightened ever again.
To Pepsi
RIP
10.4.12 - 14.4.15
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