I forgot to mention that at the dumpling party the class had bought me a bottle of wine, albeit they forgot to bring anything to uncork it with. Notwithstanding, I knew exactly where they had bought it because it’s the one I buy gallons of. Cheap and cheerful but perfectly quaffable at 12.5y a pop (£1.25 a bottle) and so I asked why they bought that one from RT Mart.
Blindingly simple but surprising - they asked the assistants in the wine department which wine the fat laowei buys! It’s coming to something when supermarket staff clock your every purchase!
There’s one thing I have been meaning to post for a while now but kept forgetting. I see it every time I take the bus and it is a neon sign above a building by the coach station. It reads CHIZHOU COLLECTING AND DISTRIBUNG CENTER. I wonder…….
I was going to be picked up tonight at 1830 and taken to the little school Christmas party but with great prescience I decided instead to leave early on the bus and have something to eat in town in case I never had chance later. It turned out to be a good move. I went to McDonald’s, not because I particularly like anything on the daytime menu but I had spotted a sign outside for the 1955 premium burger. Last time I went they didn’t have any so I chanced my arm again. Mayo. Why the bloody hell advertise it of you never have it? Ok, I will have a BLT instead. Mayo. Flipping Big Mac was what I had to settle for, may as well have gone to Ke Bi Wang, at least I could have seen Jin Jun in a silly Santa hat.
Then I went to the little school, where the Christmas party was in full swing. I sought refuge in the teachers’ room and the owner and a teacher came in and offered me a supermarket Father Christmas outfit. I didn’t even need to try it on to know that the jacket would have fallen short by two feet against my girth and the cheap plastic belt, whilst probably being able to encircle my vast circumference, would have snapped within seconds. Oh no - here’s one I prepared earlier! Cue gasps as I unzipped my bag to reveal a quality outfit Vivian sent me from Yiwu. In total I spent nearly an hour in solitary confinement before appearing for just five minutes to give out gifts (all of which consisted of an apple in a presentation box). Then I nearly regretted inviting the kids to come and have their photo taken with me.
Hitherto I would never in my wildest dreams have imagined a group of primary school children could have overpowered me but they came perilously close to putting me on my arse in the crush! Never ever underestimate the power of numbers!
I was richly rewarded by the owner even though my intention was to do it entirely gratis, even being given two tins of cigars into the bargain and he very kindly chauffeured me home as well. Hence it was as well I had eaten before going or today’s sustenance would have been cheese on toast.
Tomorrow I can rest. If the mood takes me I might go shopping but if not I have plenty of plonk in stock and the makings of cottage pie. I even bought some foil containers to make individual ones again nut one thing that struck me when I bought them was that although they sell the containers they don’t sell the lids for them! Bloody ridiculous because if you are not careful when you freeze them they stick together and some of them get potato frozen to the bottom.
When I did get home, having been dropped off at the south gate so I could retrieve my bike, Mum chased up to say hello after I parked outside our building. She was closely followed by one of her latest batch of puppies, a cute little brown thing. He or she also followed me into the building with wagging tail and oh, how I wanted to pick it up and take it inside!
Of course, given my shelf life here it wouldn’t be fair on the dog, or me for that matter.
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