Sunday 11th September, 2016                      1300

When I went back the shop yesterday another two large boxes had turned up. Now they realised why I needed them to bring it in a vehicle, which they kindly did, thereby gaining all my future jing jo custom in the process.

I opened the box containing all my crockery, which I had carefully wrapped in old China Dailies. Half of my plates and bowls were in smithereens. Ok, I expected to lose a few (not quite that many though) and in fairness most of them had been inherited from Kevin and Ollivier when they left so I wasn’t going to grumble too much.

Next I opened one of the big boxes. A nightmare with everything jumbled up where obviously the handlers had simply lobbed things around with no care whatsoever. That one could wait, so I turned my attention to the other big box. One end of it seemed wet. By its weight I was certain this one held the majority of my books (the dictionary alone cost twice as much to buy as the entire shipping bill and being a numbered limited edition, is irreplaceable) so my heart sank.

I opened it. To my huge relief the books were at the good end and the only one affected was Triangle Trade (sorry Geoff!) and that only with a sticky flyleaf. A wipe with a damp cloth sorted that. The rest consisted of tinned and bottled food, containers and clothes. Somehow they had managed to burst a tub of Bisto gravy granules which would have been merely inconvenient on its own but they also managed to pop a tin of Lyles golden syrup! I have never not needed a screwdriver to prise the lids off!

The result was a sticky, sweet beef gravy over everything, including two suits. I have only just finished washing off the cans and bottles. They even managed to destroy one of my plastic eggcups - how do you manage that??

So my living room looks like a bomb site and a little while ago Janet phoned to say the final two boxes were arriving this afternoon. Great, my pots and pans, oven, chip maker and bread maker - I can cook at last. Except she went on to say that the woman who called her said one of the boxes was “broken” and they could hear glass inside!

The oven has a glass door and the bread maker a glass top window. I am going to go ballistic if they have broken my appliances. Joan did suggest that I put “fragile” stickers on my cartons but I pooh-poohed the idea, having been in the delivery business myself I knew it was a red rag to depot workers. Regardless, they would have been hidden anyway as the delivery firm had encased all the boxes in green sacks. So now I await the fate of the final boxes, praying the broken glass is because they have merely bust one of the saucepan lids. But this is me we’re talking about.

Oh yes, Janet very helpfully informed me that if the box was broken I could refuse it and it would be sent back to Chizhou. I did point out that the contents were not items I had ordered, they were already my property! I despair of that woman. Oh, PLEASE be a saucepan lid!

On a slightly happier note, last night I went to investigate the shopping street underneath Pizza Hut and to have some dinner. The idea was that maybe I could find a suitable eatery and if not there was always Homwo (without the extortionate wine). Blow me if just inside I didn’t spot Buddy’s American Diner!

Intrigued, I wandered over, had a glance at the menu in the window and walked on, exploring. All the shops were aimed at women and I saw no more restaurants, so back to Buddy’s it was. They offer proper steaks, burgers, hot dogs, pasta etc and I went for a burger which was delightfully messy, particularly as I had refused the plastic eating gloves! A few bits of gristle in it but otherwise fine, tonight I may well return for a hot dog. The waitresses are all sophomores from the Normal University next door, doing part time jobs and the English major in their number was designated to look after me.

After I had eaten a girl came and sat with me, asking me what I thought of the place and if I had any suggestions. They only opened three months ago and the boss (no his English name isn’t Buddy - although I did try to kid them that I was the real owner, showing them my name on my bank card!) wanted to know as this was his first business. I offered my critique, including a suggestion that as they have signs on the wall saying “Burgers and Beer” it might be an idea to actually HAVE some beer! It’s not the cheapest place to eat, the burger was 35y, but I will definitely become a regular, especially as they hinted at a discount if I introduced others to it, seeing as nobody knows it exists yet.

Just before I left, Clement came in, it was his first time as well. He is a brand new French teacher from Lille in northern France, very personable young chap whom I feel I shall see more of seeing as I don’t see any of my own colleagues.

So I shall post this, dress and go and see if the shrapnel that used to be my kitchen equipment has turned up at the shop yet. If I still have an oven, afterwards I will buy the gubbins for a cottage pie tomorrow, no point today either way as I need a really early night again.

One day things will go smoothly for me and I will probably keel over.