Saturday 4th February, 2017                     0530

Why so late or indeed so early some may ask?

I have thought long and hard as to whether to include this in my blog but those who have stayed with me for the past six and a half years will know that I have always made this a warts and all account of living and working far away from your home country. So here goes (and it will also be posted on my family-only blog)  although I tend to baulk at living EVERY aspect of my life online.

But such is life in exile.

Naturally I won’t reveal the minutiae but suffice to say that in the past 49 hours I have slept for no more than five of them. My mother has just entered the final straight. I was alerted in the early hours of yesterday by my sister, who has been her main (and unpaid) carer for the past few years.

Mum was in hospital and the moment anyone hears the word “palliative” you know the end is nigh.

So I stayed up, in constant contact via Facebook Messenger of all things. When I think back to when my Father went it was a telex that informed me 8.000 miles away. This time I have almost instantaneous communication with someone at my Mother’s bedside.

How do I feel?

Well of course I will be feeling much the same as my siblings who are in a position (whether enviable or not I am unsure)  to be keeping a vigil in the hospital. Of course, I managed to lose my Old Man when I was en route to Australia and now I will lose my Mum whilst in China. As the quote goes, to lose one parent is unfortunate, to lose both looks like carelessness. Except I am doing so both times whilst I am thousands of miles away.

It’s the risk you take. Nobody hangs around forever no matter how much you believe they will always be there.

From memory I was alerted Mum went into hospital at about 0200 my time yesterday. Since then I have stayed awake for all but five hours. Don’t criticise me for wanting to be awake when  the time comes. At 60 years of age though, I can’t stay up as long as once I may have and so at 0800 this morning  I admitted defeat - after all I can do nothing.

That was not before going out into -10C at six in search of breakfast. Thinking I could go to the KFC two stops away I was dismayed to note the BRT had not yet started for the day. On impulse, I hopped on the 131 that goes all the way to the main train station.

What a mistake. Expecting KFC to have a similar breakfast offering to MacDonald’s (Which is awful anyway but I wanted to stay awake) was lunacy on my part. In China it is either Chinese muck or a bun with a cheesy egg. An hour each way for that!

But it kept me up until 0800 at which point I had to cry enough, I need some sleep.

Mum is as I type still on palliative care, stubborn to the end. My siblings are playing her selected songs as her life approaches the closing credits.

Naturally, cooking has been the last thing on my mind so I absconded for an hour earlier and managed to find a place to get a cheap Chinese curry (thanks Mum) and as I type the clock now reads 0600.

Yes if you want to know, being thousands of miles away from all this is not pleasant but I take comfort from other family members being present. It just happens to be made that much harder for me because I am not in Chizhou and I have absolutely no friends or students I could invite just to chat to and take my mind off things for a few minutes. I would spend my last yuan to fly Joan up here just for the company.

But as they say, such is life……….and death,

If there is a delay between now and the next entry I hope my readers will understand and cut me some slack.