Monday 31stth July, 2017                1700

Ok so my blog is back to being my blog rather than something also posted elsewhere. I did not sacrifice the truth though on the altar of a free trip though as you will have read! Perhaps I ruffled feathers, perhaps not but I did warn them I would speak honestly!

It has taken until today to get my legs back after a fashion. After my foray to the supermarket it appears Wednesday will be fun, lugging my suitcase to the bus, through the train station and then the airport. However, after a year it looks as if I have finally (hopefully) sorted my cigar supply chain out. The jing jo shop, having seen me once a month for a year bringing in a bag with 500 cigars on my way home, eventually decided they could do with the custom. As of this moment I have enough to keep me going until the end of August. Fingers crossed.

Final wash before departure is now on, the clothes were done earlier so just the trainers getting a good rinsing now. In the interests of laziness tonight and tomorrow’s dinners will require minimal washing up  - burger buns with bacon, egg and cheese tonight, ham and toasted cheese tomorrow. Hell, from Thursday I will have 8 English breakfasts and also for five days after Shanghai, another one daily. Personally I could live on just that! Shanghai? Well I doubt I will be getting up in time for any morning repasts!

I shouldn’t really need it but I have replenished my snuff bottle. Joan ordered me what I thought would be a snuff box a couple of years ago but what arrived was a tiny glass bottle with a funnel and a long-handled miniature scoop to present to the nostril. Great for the pocket but she wasn’t to know the contents were dreadful - not too far removed from shoving curry powder up your nose. I still have plenty of Himalayan stuff from 6 years ago but on the container I just broached the metal lid had rusted away from the damp winters in Chizhou. I had to waste some powder to ensure I didn’t inhale corrosion but no matter, I have enough for another two decades at the rate I use it.

I said I shouldn’t need it seeing as my longest flight will be 2.5 hours. Of course with the recent discovery that PEK Beijing airport has absolutely no smoking booths (resulting in a 6 hour withdrawal) and the distinct possibility of delays, as an addict it pays to be prepared. Hitherto the only airport I knew of where they never even supplied a goldfish bowl for the unclean was Heathrow. Nicotine patches, whilst being largely ineffective, are though, somewhat of a joke. Has anyone taken one on a plane and tried to stick one on?

I did the last time I went to the UK. Once the China Southern airbus was aloft and the seat belt signs extinguished, I produced my “secret weapon”. Of course, these days they relieve you of anything that might remotely be sharp (with the exception of the tongues of mothers-in law) and the patches are impossible to open without scissors or a knife! I had to ask a stewardess to do the honours. The amount of things that are prohibited now it wouldn’t surprise me if in the not too distant future, passengers won’t be expected to travel completely naked and at security be subjected to a full cavity search. Maybe it’s time to buy a horse and cart.

Molly emailed me yesterday. Remember the English speaking competition in Anhui for teachers? She was fretting and I told her to send me her speech to look at and emend. She hadn’t at that time written one and never did send me it, instead asking for ideas of what to say. I assume she used my suggestions and wrote her piece the night before but no matter, I am delighted to report she won one of the three 1st prizes out of about 150 teachers taking part.

As for Alice, well as I don’t land in Hefei until 1700 I suggested she book into the hotel and wait for me. Instead, she is coming straight to the airport to meet me. Better for me because it means I don’t have to faff about trying to but coach tickets and finding where it departs from or at the end, trying to get a taxi driver to take me to the right one of four Holiday Inns in Hefei. My holiday head will be well and truly ON the moment I settle back in my seat on Wednesday afternoon.

What can possibly go wrong????