Friday 30th August, 2013           1930

The trickle of returning students has turned into a steady stream which no doubt tomorrow and Sunday will be an almighty flood. The only shop which isn’t open now is the gift shop. That place is normally first to close and last to reopen and sells mostly girlie things, although they do stock watches for both sexes which at about 27y are ideal - when the battery runs out simply buy another watch!

I popped downtown today and it is apparent that cigars are becoming very scarce indeed. I just have enough to last until my day off on Thursday so if I don’t find any this weekend I will have to devote the day to a trawl of all the cigarette shops and stands. It is utterly incomprehensible when the blessed things are manufactured in this very province.

I did go to RT Mart to get some more cheap plonk and a baguette, the latter softens up quite nicely when I microwave it with cheese and bacon inside - not a cheap meal at approximately 15y (especially as I can only eat half the loaf and have to throw the rest away) but it does make a pleasant change from dan chow fan or egg and tomato. I find myself keenly anticipating our western meal on Sunday. When I came to leave the supermarket I was surprised to find it was raining quite heavily. There had been absolutely no indication of impending wetness when I went in half an hour before, but by the time I had smoked a cigar under shelter it stopped and the worst thing about it was a wet backside because I hadn’t naturally covered the saddle to keep it dry.

Saturday 31st                        2100

Late afternoon I received a call from the kids school asking Kevin and me to the summer dinner party this evening. We both accepted, I got myself ready and went to the campus shops with the mutt for a run out before Kevin came to collect me at 1730.

At 1705 I got a call from Cinny telling me that the foreign affairs officer (that bastion of competence) was inviting all the foreign teachers out for dinner. In half an hour.

Needless to say the invitation was declined due to prior arrangements, but I am now convinced that woman deliberately asks us at the eleventh hour so we CAN’T go, thus putting us in a bad light with senior management. I am fast approaching the point at which I will be past caring.

Anyway, we attended the dinner we had accepted and had a thoroughly enjoyable - if lopsided - meal. the four males were all sat together and the girls likewise despite my exhortations for Kerry (the one in the photo of us together) to sit next to me. The dishes themselves were plentiful and varied and as always I liked some but not others. One I particularly liked consisted of triangle-shaped meat stuffed “pastry” which was like a Chinese version of sliced calzone without the cheese. A really nice evening.

The students are returning with a vengeance and all day today parents cars were causing chaos by the usual inconsiderate parking, not that it affects me on the bike but it did Kevin in the car.

Talking of four wheeled vehicles, yesterday before RT Mart I went to the kiosk I have been getting my cigars from to see if they had any more. They are situated up a side road at the side of the Chizhou Hotel and a car was parked opposite. The road is too narrow for two vehicles to pass, yet as I was sitting on my bike showing my cigar packet to the woman to indicate what I was after, from behind me came a very loud and very sustained blast on a horn. Establishing there were no smokes to be had, I turned around and shouted at the minivan driver “WHAT????” before moving off to a wider area to turn in. A motorbike rider had witnessed my outburst and as he passed he gave me a huge grin. When I went back to exit the van had moved up so close to the parked car I couldn’t get out, so I sounded my own horn, looked him straight in the eye and rather imperiously waved him to get back. This produced much merriment from the women manning the kiosk, more so when he complied and I - as I rode past - shouted cheerily “Si Sie!”

On the way back tonight I mentioned to Kevin that the new mountaintop temple was lit up for the first time last night so we detoured to get a picture of it. It is quite beautiful at night but sadly the dirt track up there stops well below the temple, hence the fact the huge gantry crane is still there. To go further you would need to be related to Sherpa Tensing so we had to satisfy ourselves with shots further afield which don’t really do it justice.

Tuesday 27th August, 2013               2115

The only thing to report today is that I was treated to a Japanese dinner this evening and sadly had to decline an invitation from Angela (the IELTS candidate) who wanted to treat me before she goes back to school in Beijing tomorrow. Actually I was terribly sorry there was a conflict but having agreed with Lynda I could hardly let her down.

Last night Lynda called me to ask if I wanted to meet but I was in the middle of dinner in the sweet pork place with Kevin so told her I would text her later. As she paid last time it was my turn to treat her and I gave her the choice of Japanese or western (I was thinking of trying the new place). I heard nothing for an hour or so and then got a message she had booked and paid for the Japanese place online! Online booking attracts a discount but then so does my VIP card and anyway I was going to spring for the bill. I was horrified when she said she had ordered 316y worth of food (after the discount!) as I knew there was no way we could eat all that. After I told her she got the message and said she would bring her cousin Tien Tien along to help.

Just before six I arrived and sent a message saying I was there. Shortly afterwards she rang - they were there too but upstairs. My request for them to sit with me downstairs was refused so I had to go upstairs where the food arrived. And arrived. And arrived. In fairness we didn’t leave that much and at the end I insisted they come downstairs for the fire ice cream - after I gave her the gifts of a fluffy cygnet and Marlow coaster, both manufactured in the UK. As we went down the stairs I caught the chef;s eye, held up two fingers and put a finger to my lips. It was as always to be a surprise and paid for by me. I think those two took the record for how far and how quickly their chairs went back on ignition.

A really nice evening and now she is fully aware that I will be taking her (hopefully on her own) to the new western restaurant. I may well do that Thursday or Friday.

Wednesday 28th           1945

Having been reasonably good all holiday in not going to bed too late, I am becoming naughty when it’s nearly time for work again. Four o’clock bedtimes and eleven rousings will have to be curtailed methinks - even though I only have one day a week where I work before lunchtime. I blame the tonic water.

I had another expedition to town, first getting another carton of cigars and then going to the repair shop. The saddle lock needed oiling - last night I only just managed to extricate the key - and an oilcan (or indeed oil for that matter) is not something I possess. I also got them to put air in the rear tyre as cornering felt slightly off. Then I did the double supermarket run, double because I wanted a baguette for dinner today - it’s all I need after the surfeit of gourmet grub last night.

I came home, dumped the shopping and took Pepsi out while the aircon started to cool the place. I have started turning it off when I leave as I think the problem with my unit is an ice build up. It seems to be the case because today was 36C and my room very pleasant after the iceberg had melted.

On the way home the bike definitely wasn’t handling well. Yes, the tyre was deflating. All I wanted was to get it to my charger for the night and then get a Chinese to call the bike shop for someone to come and repair it in the morning. I got halfway. Well I wasn’t going to hang around in the heat for a couple of hours for the chap from the shop to reach me, so I accosted two boys and got one of them to call the local old man and ask him to come. He turned out to be on campus already, at the shops where he has stored all the rusty old bikes he bought for a song from students leaving at the end of term and then sells to freshmen when they arrive. To my disgust he suggested I push the bike uphill with a flat rear tyre. Out of the question, so, annoyed, I set off walking to kidnap him and force him to come and fix it. Of course I had no lead for Pepsi, and while she happily accompanied me to a certain point, she refused to follow me on a road she didn’t recognise from her rides on the bike. In the end I thought to hell with it and left her to her own devices.

I did get the old boy to effect the repair and the puncture was caused by a needle of some sort. At least I can go to town tomorrow if I want. And while I was waiting for the repair Cinny came by. We will take her and her boyfriend for western fodder on Sunday evening. Oh, and Pepsi was waiting for me at the charging station when I finally made it.

Sunday 25th August, 2013          2030

One week of holiday left and it looks set to be a washout.

Kevin and I went to town yesterday as we both had things we wanted to do, my most important item was trying to locate more smokes - unsuccessfully as it happened. I did suggest we had lunch there at a new place serving western food he mentioned a couple of days ago. We got there just as they were closing because lunches finish at two but they did let us in and let us look at the menu. Well I say menu but it was more like a glossy recipe book, with some really interesting dishes among which were proper soups (pea and ham, leek and potato etc), pork/lamb chops, real hamburgers (with gherkins!) etc so we will definitely be trying it out. If the photos on the menu are anything like what they serve then that is probably our Christmas dinner sorted this year! Lunch was eaten in the Lotus Branch (not bloom as I had thought).

Then we took a trip to RT Mart to show Kevin. With a more leisurely stroll around we discovered things I hadn’t noticed before - such as a pet food section where they actually sell cat litter and a little nook hidden away that I spotted and investigated. It’s a little foreign section which is not much cop but it did have small tins of baked beans (not Heinz unfortunately), proper tinned sardines and at floor level, cereals such as special K and Kelloggs cornflakes. They cost an arm and a leg but I am partial to a bowl of cornflakes before bedtime! In the booze section he selected a bottle of plonk costing 12y and I turned my nose up but agreed that at that price it was worth a try. It had a plain label but in the evening he brought me a glass to test. It didn’t smell too good but to my astonishment it went down a treat so we will both be buying more of that. I pointed out the spirits section and he bought a presentation box of Baileys and Hersheys chocolate bars for Daisy and then he spotted the gin. There was Bombay Sapphire and Gilbeys, priced at 168y and 69y respectively. “Suppose they don’t sell tonic water?” he asked. I didn’t know and so went to see. They do! In at least four years that I know of, tonic has never been seen here. Needless to say we both bought the makings for G&Ts.

Today was forecast to be heavy rain all day but it was dry and bright until mid afternoon so I decided to continue my quest for cigars. I hadn’t long left when the heavens opened and I had to hurriedly stop and get the cape out. Even riding at walking pace I could hardly see and the rain hurt my eyes and face. I persevered until I came to a side road in the middle of a bamboo forest where many couples have additional wedding photos taken and decided to shelter there. Most of me was decidedly damp by this time but it did help to stop all of me getting sopping wet. Eventually I made it and was thankful to find a stall which had enough of my cheroots for four days, did my shopping at Lottemart and then went to the bike repair shop. Since new the bike has had an intermittent fault with the “petrol gauge” which shows how much charge you have left. It would work for a day then show empty even on a full charge for the next two days but every time I have been in a position to go to the repair shop the damned thing was always working. How do you explain with a language barrier that something that is working perfectly is in fact broken? Today though it did me proud. It is still not working and they have had to order what I assume is a complete dashboard display, which unless I misinterpreted may take 8 days to arrive. They will call me when it arrives and that could be fun unless they ring from their landline, the number being stored as a contact. At least that way I will know it’s them, if they use a mobile and I don’t have a translator handy it could easily be a wrong number.

Of course, having just had a violent thunderstorm I should have expected to arrive back to no electricity. Thankfully by the time I took Pepsi out for a quick one at 1830 and came back it was on again.

And on top of everything else, my aircon is raining inside again!

Wednesday 21st August, 2013         2130

The wages saga just gets better.

Finally today I was paid although I could have waited. Kevin landed in Hong Kong and we messaged online with me telling him Cinny and I were working on his salary. He hasn’t been paid for two months. He has hopefully enough cash to free his car so he can get back here but he has a credit card bill and rent on his flat downtown to pay - not to mention living expenses.

Anyway, had I known his middle name - begins with R so I guessed Reginald - it may have been sorted today as well but I was wrong so it wasn’t. Cinny now tells me she has been told it can’t be resolved until the new semester starts a week from Monday! He is not going to be happy and I predict we will both be laying siege to the accounts department within the next 48 hours. This entire mess is down to the school and yet the only person who seems to care is Cinny and she’s my assistant, not his. This is without a shadow of doubt the worst thing they have ever done/not done and my contempt for the administration of this place is now complete.

Friday 23rd       2030

Yesterday it rained all day - obviously Kevin brought it with him when he arrived and found himself penniless. Well not penniless exactly, he had enough to get his car back and get here. As he had obtained sewing paraphernalia and more mixed spice for me I treated him to a Japanese dinner.

This morning he went to the bank to ascertain exactly what name had to be used by anyone paying money into his account and this was relayed to Cinny, who is being a real brick seeing as she doesn’t have to do anything for him. As of this moment his balance is still zero so no hope of it being resolved until Monday now. And get this - I asked why, seeing as I was paid in July, was I not paid this month and it is because the foreign teachers are “tied”, meaning they either pay all of us or none. How comprehensively incompetent and ludicrous! So if one of us pegs out the others starve?

This morning the teacher timetables were put on the website for next term. I am highly pleased considering last term I was doing 22 lessons a week, this time I am down to 12. Mon/Tue/Wed I have an hour and a half after lunchtime, Thursday off and Friday will be the day I hate with lessons from 0820 solid until 1540. I noticed all my classes take place on the first or second floors with none at all on the third or fourth. I can’t help thinking that perhaps they have cut my stair climbing in order to ensure I remain alive for this year!

I went to town for pet food this afternoon and decided to eat in KFC. They are doing what looks like a hamburger (the same as in Qing’s workplace in Tongling) so I thought I would try it seeing as there seemed to be none of the ubiquitous coriander involved. It is neither hamburger nor beef burger. I have no idea what it is but it tastes like a frankurterburger! I must say that after the initial shock to the taste buds it isn’t that bad so at least there is now another item on the limited list of things I can eat there.

I had planned to visit Qing again this weekend but sadly she is working so it is postponed. Kiki had her operation today so hopefully in a couple of weeks she will be hobbling under her own steam, I believe she has another week in hospital ahead of her.

Tuesday 20th August, 2013          2140

Yesterday’s assignation with Angela was cancelled when the forecast 2mm of rainfall transpired to be an utter deluge, all I did was go out in the early evening with Pepsi to shop and get a takeaway but just as I was about to leave the heavens opened again.

I bought another bottle and waited but it became apparent it wouldn’t stop for a long while so when it was down to merely “normal” rain I broke out the cape and headed home. On the main road towards the west gate the road (which slopes uphill a touch) was flooded and thinking I was approaching a large puddle about two inches deep I entered it at full steam. It was a foot deep. The wash filled my shoes and I was thankful Pepsi didn’t leap off in fright.

Today has been dry and I met Angela for lunch at a traditional Chinese teahouse for a couple of hours. She introduced me to a gem of a dish made of pork and bamboo shoots which was really rather special. That may or may not be the last session with her as her mother has a business exam in Hefei on Thursday and seeing as her own will probably be there on Saturday she may accompany her and stay over.

I was on my way to RT Mart afterwards to buy animal meat and a baguette for my supper when Helen from the small school called to tell me her friend wanted to take me to dinner at the Japanese restaurant I had told them about last weekend. Bugger, dinner less than four hours after lunch and I normally only have one meal a day! Still, free lunch and dinner are not to be sniffed at.

Not really free of course, with Angela I was working and this evening I had a little work testing the pronunciation of a 15 year old girl who was surprisingly good. Now the friend who had invited me is a government official, rather intriguingly I am told he is in charge of the Yangtse river (how anyone can be in charge of a river per se is bemusing) but he is a nice chap. I was the only one on time so I had a beer on the tab whilst waiting and trying to explain to my mate the chef and part owner (with wife) that others were joining me to eat later. Now, I like to eat downstairs watching the chap cook but I just knew the govt man would want to go upstairs, so when they arrived - and we turned into a party of eight with wife, son, daughter plus Helen, husband and daughter - I had Helen explain that for their first time at least, I thought they should sit downstairs centre stage even though it is a little warmer. They did.

I think everyone enjoyed it. Not being very hungry I simply ordered tempura prawns and a sushi platter but ye Gods did the others order plenty! It was as I imagine an ancient Roman feast to have been but with out the vomitorium! There were steaks galore, buckets of clams and shedloads of egg fried rice to go with the squid, curry and about half the extensive menu. In fact the only thing I never saw were noodles. In cahoots with the chef I got the daughter to agree to have the “fire ice cream” as a surprise for all and wasn’t disappointed. As before, everyone bar me legged it from the table just before the flames!

I really enjoyed myself and I am certain so did they. Helen’s daughter certainly did because she was given a “milk light” consisting of a plastic glass with swirling plastic milk which eventually lit up when I complained the battery was flat. Hell, the amount of people I am introducing there I think they should give me a free meal every month! When Helen asked me if I had had a good time I stated I had but I was glad I wasn’t the one paying. “How much do you think it will be?” she asked. I guessed 850y and there was utter amazement when the bill was presented at 859y. How could I be so close they wanted to know. Just a good guess. I was keen to point out that I had not colluded with the restaurant to inflate the bill for my kickback and even suggested the govt man got a VIP card, stuck a thousand on it and got 185y discount off the meal. I think they will all take their friends to impress so I am becoming that place’s best friend with my bringing people there. In fact the govt man was at pains to thank me for introducing him to such a nice place.

I just wish I could afford to eat there more often….

I had some bad news from Kiki this afternoon, she will be in a Beijing hospital for ten days with a broken leg on which they want to operate. I am not keen on the propensity here to operate on every single fracture (I don’t know anyone who ever broke anything who never had pins inserted) but from this distance I can’t help. I would love to see the x-rays and challenge the doctors.

Further to the changing banks scenario and being paid late for July, it is now 8 days past this month’s payday. I can last until September’s payday but I know Kevin will be in the ess aitch one tee on Thursday when he lands. Not only does it appear he wasn’t paid at all in July (so has nothing by way of money here and has been away for 6 weeks) but he will need money to get his car from the garage which serviced it and stored it for him in Anqing and will want paying. Cinny is doing her best for us and was told earlier that an account number is not enough, the bank needs the exact name as well. Unbelievable, but get this - accounts told her they couldn’t pay me either until they had HIS details!

I can wait but Kevin may find himself up a creek, so as you may imagine between Cinny and myself (she really is a treasure) it has been arranged that at least I will be paid tomorrow and I have left texts and emails for Kevin so that at least if necessary I can deposit my cash in his account to at least get his car out and he can get back here. I will go to the bank myself tomorrow to see if I can find out his details so the school can pay him direct. There is going to be some serious complaining when term starts because accounts should have told us, at least that way when I had contact with Kevin I could have sorted it. Even by Chinese standards this beggars belief.

Sunday 18th August, 2013             2040

Now that was a weekend I shall remember and for all the right reasons.

Lunchtime Saturday I took Pepsi to the vets and then rode back towards the station. Qing didn’t finish working at KFC until three and I had decided to arrive a little later than that so she could meet me from the bus rather than making my own way to the hotel. Ergo, I was half an hour too early even having made a fruitless search for cigars after dropping the dog off. In 39C I decided to try to find an airconditioned restaurant I could have a beer or two rather than hang about the station, which is a bit warm at this time of year.

I found a place right opposite and went in, causing huge interest on the part of the clientele and owners and immediately became the focus of attention. One spoke about as much English as I do Chinese but we all “chatted” successfully for forty minutes until it was time to leave. Sod’s Law states that you buy your ticket just as the bus is leaving and it didn’t desert me on this occasion so I was left to wait over 20 minutes for the next one. It did occur to me to speculate as to why the ticket to Tongling, an hour and a half journey, only cost 20y when to Hefei it costs 80y for 3 hours. The answer was apparent as we progressed en route - no toll roads.

Even though I never arrived until three-thirty I still had to wait awhile for Qing and was therefore subjected to a constant stream or rip off “taxi” drivers who probably would have only charged me a million yuan for a 10y journey, along with the beggars who haunt such places looking for a soft touch. I was glad when she arrived, more so than I thought I would be, and we duly took a legitimate cab to the hotel where I was allocated the same room as last time.

Then it was out of the hotel to wait for Qing’s friend Lee Li Na (no relation to the tennis player) and off to the KFC they both work at. Qing wanted three boys who work there and  have been pestering her to see her with her foreign, large, “boyfriend”! Sadly both Saturday and Sunday they were nowhere to be seen bar one (see later) but I have no doubt her other colleagues will gossip and ensure the news gets to them. We never bought anything but Li Na did disappear and return with a bag of cold beers.

Sadly dad the policeman had been detained in Wuhu so never joined us at all over the weekend. Shame, I like him a lot. After the beers I suggested we do some urgent searching for cigars as I had just enough to last until this morning. They took me to an underground mall in which there is a Tescos. I hadn’t brought my Clubcard but it didn’t matter, the only similarity I spotted between the Anglo and Sino versions was HP sauce, which I already have. But outside we did find cigars and I promptly cleaned them out of cheroots and in addition bought fifty full coronas at 16y for ten. The panic is over for a while.

The restaurant mum works at (remember the deal was that I got THAT fish again - see photo) was packed and noisy. With just the three of us we didn’t merit a private room but I didn’t care, I had my fish. Along with an awful lot of other dishes - ten in total I think - that Qing ordered. I had a fabulous time with the girls even though Li Na can speak next to none of my language. At the end Li Na excused herself to go and meet other friends, at KTV (Karaoke club) I discovered this morning and Qing and I went to my hotel for a Marjorie Proops session. She did thank me for my words this morning so I must have done something right. And apparently the “spare tyres” on the fish are indeed natural and not caused by the chef cutting the flesh.

I think I had a good night’s sleep, at least until the yappy little dog in the next room disturbed me followed rapidly by the human occupants engaging in a full volume conversation. At least the aircon was so good that I kept having to turn the temperature up - unlike my room here. For 128y a night with TV and computer I thought it was most reasonable.

Qing came to meet me at 1030 and we went once again to show our faces at KFC, again with no joy other than one of them who is a delivery boy who came in but apparently never noticed us. Qing went and got some cold bottles and we waited for Li Na who had obviously stayed in KTV until the small hours as it was past noon before she showed. Then it was off to Old Grandmother restaurant for lunch. This time Qing showed restraint by only ordering five dishes. I liked four, in particular the sweet potatoes in an even sweeter sauce (incredibly the first time I have eaten sweet spuds) and the one I disliked was the duck leg hotpot. Now I like duck but this was like no duck leg I had ever eaten - it had sinews and things that didn’t belong so I probed further. It wasn’t duck legs at all, it was duck feet including the webs!!!!

Sadly after the meal it was time for the girls to get me to the station. Qing was most melancholy and to be honest I could happily have stayed another night but I had to think of the cats. Pepsi would have been looked after but the felines would have exacted revenge.

I will be going back for another visit, possibly next weekend or during the following week.

Thursday 15th August, 2013           1900

A power cut during the night saw me waking slightly damp this morning. It was restored at about 0830 but despite my feeling the need for more sleep there was nothing doing.

Instead I decided to go to town to close my bank accounts with Sonya and do a little shopping. As I went to take my bike off charge a thunderclap boomed out. The sky was ominously black and momentarily I chewed over whether to forget the trip. I looked towards the city and the skies were clear so off I set. Within a mile of home it started spitting, nothing serious enough to warrant breaking out the cape and I thought that just maybe I could outrun the clouds and weather the storm downtown from a position of shelter.

I did beat the rain but it was hot on my heels and the thunder was ear-splitting. At one point a bolt whizzed down maybe 20 yards behind me and I swear it hit a lamppost - the crack of thunder from that one almost blew my eardrums out. There though, the storm appears to have stalled for the rain never made it to town at all. I am sure many were praying for a deluge as we are experiencing a drought very similar to that during my first summer here. The lakes are very low indeed and the farmers are digging little gulleys in the dirt tracks (murder on the bike if you don‘t know they are there) in which to lay hoses to transfer water from the bigger to the smaller ones via portable pumps.

My accounts cancelled and having received 40y I never knew was in them (and expecting to have to actually hand over money), I went shopping swiftly and headed home. Nearer base the clouds were still there but only the odd drop was falling and more importantly the temperature had cooled considerably. However, when I got home I discovered the storm had been so violent - albeit brief - it had knocked all the power out for the area. Great. After twenty minutes of sweating indoors I took the dog and sat outside the sweet pork place. It was after six when the electricity reappeared.

Whilst shopping I bought a small overnight bag. The cheapo laptop bag I bought is fine but the front pocket managed to come adrift from the rest of it while I was in England after just one week of use. Anyway, it’s something I have found myself needing on the odd occasion, travelling with a carrier bag isn’t ideal and this one should last longer, having cost 109y. I shall now go and start to put a few things in it ready for Saturday’s excursion - camera included!

Friday 16th         1600

I met Angela again today over lunch at the Lotus Bloom and near the end mum and dad came in order to pick her up. As we hadn’t quite finished what we planned, we continued, but afterwards mum asked (via daughter) if she had shown any improvement. Eh? After three sessions? No I said, and please tell your mum if you don’t score 6.5 in Hefei it won’t be the examiner who beats you but yourself  and your lack of confidence. Mum smiled and said not 6.5 but 7!!! I do hope Angela translated correctly my response that to expect me, in two weeks, to increase 5.5 to 7 was utterly unrealistic - 6.5 will be a huge achievement in itself given the timescale.

After we finished I went and did some more shopping, including trying to buy more cigars but the latter was utterly fruitless. As I will run out tomorrow night I have sent Qing a message asking her to take me somewhere in Tongling I can buy some. Considering the damned things are manufactured in this province it shouldn’t be too much to expect them to be readily available, should it?

That’s it for a few days. I am not humping the laptop with me - bad enough having to take Pepsi to the vet on the bike without loads of baggage - so I shall be internet free for most of the weekend. I might even finish reading a book I started a year ago!

Tuesday 13th August, 2013         1415

And the unrelenting heat continues.

I turned up at the kids school yesterday afternoon and was informed by the owner that as the summer school was finishing soon these would be my last two lessons. I think he was a trifle embarrassed to tell me, at least until he saw my beaming smile! That solved the problem of juggling times with Angela the IELTS candidate so now I just have her to fit in.

In my break I walked to the bank. It is probably only two hundred yards away but in the heat it felt like miles. I used an interior cash point and when I asked for cash nothing happened for ages and I thought perhaps the same thing was happening as when I put my card in and the bank staff removed the innards! I didn’t want to leave the machine in case there was a scam going on (although nobody was near me) and so I had to wait until a manager, presumably curious to see what the laowei was doing that was taking so long, poked his head around the corner. Their ATMs were down. No problem, he got my card back and put me straight in front of a teller.

Kevin’s cigarette/wine shop is still closed for refurbishment - has been for over a month now - so I am constantly on the lookout for places which sell my cigars. A nearby shop stocked them so I cleaned them out by buying their stock of fifty.

Final lesson over, I went to meet Angela, not at the Japanese restaurant but the Lotus Bloom because she had sent a message asking if we could go there as she was shopping with friends. No problem, lunch tomorrow will be Japanese instead. Against my experience of them in this city, I ordered a pizza for my dinner and I have to say that barring my own home made ones, it was the best I have had here. It was edible, not too spicy and the only real criticism is that the dough (as always) was too sweet. I gave her the good news that henceforth we could make arrangements for lunches seeing as she probably wanted to be with her friends in the evenings. She cried off for today though as she wanted to go to a Chinese hospital (with Chinese medicines) as her face has erupted in a bad attack of acne. Personally I doubt powdered seahorse and pickled lark’s tongue will have any effect, but you never know! Oh and this time Mum turned up.

That gave me the option today of going downtown to see if I can order more remote fobs or staying holed up in my room, which of course is still cooler than outside - except oddly, late at night! So far I have only ventured out for Pepsi’s sake, although I am toying with the idea of bussing to town this evening for my dinner.

Wednesday 14th           1615

And indeed that’s what I did. The sweet pork place was closed yesterday otherwise I would have eaten there, so I took the bus to the Korean place. It was absolutely heaving. I thought “Great, I came all this way for a KFC!” and duly went there. Equally full. Well if I was going to wait for a table it certainly wasn’t going to be in KFC so back I went to the Korean. All the while I was eating there were people coming in and waiting for tables and I’ve never seen that before.

When I got the bus back and we passed Lottemart and East & West streets it was as if the entire city was out, much as I imagine is the case at Chinese new year. Then it hit me. I had forgotten what Angela said on Monday - it was Valentines Day here! And there was me without a Valentine but at least Kiki sent me a message……

Angela and I went for lunch at the Japanese place, which was also quite full considering it was a midweek lunchtime. I wasn’t particularly hungry and so plumped for sweetened cucumber and a “pastoral” seafood salad. Very healthy and not something I eat often! She confined herself to noodles and dumplings as yesterday the Chinese doctor told her to abstain from meat or seafood for ten days - personally I should have thought better advice would have been to steer clear of oily foods but what do I know? After lunch and some IELTS testing I did my own shopping and went to the bike shop. It took all my skill in body language to get through that I realised they couldn’t supply a duplicate alarm fob but I was concerned at being left up a creek if I lost the other one. Eventually they cottoned on and for 100y (exactly what Helen gave me - maybe it happened to her?) they replaced the alarm unit and gave me two new fobs.

I shan’t see Angela again until Friday so tomorrow I have nothing more onerous to do than maybe ride to town, look for more cigars and visit Sonya at the bank to cancel my two accounts with them due to the school switching. I never knew until she told me that even if you don’t use an account the bank charges you money to keep it open!

Oh yes, the other night when I took Pepsi out for her last tinkle, I spotted movement on the road outside our accommodation. The lights are off at present to save money and anyway normally it is only a frog crossing. If they don’t appear mature enough to jump up the kerb on the opposite side I pick them up and stick them in the grass. What for I don’t know as I would probably see them in Lottemart later on sale for dinner. My phone has a built-in torch so I switched it on only to reveal a yard long, deep scarlet coloured snake! I have no idea what brand of reptile it was but my thought process went along the lines that black or red usually mean it’s not nice so I resisted the temptation to give it a cuddle. My biggest concerns were that I was only wearing open rubber sandals and that my dog might come and investigate. Thankfully she was “straining” some distance away and the snake was more frightened of me than I was of it. Henceforth I shall now be very wary of any pieces of rope, wire or similar if I am walking in darkness!

Sunday 11th August, 2013          2200

It’s been a busy couple of days and indeed for the coming week I think it will be more of the same.

Saturday as I said I went and helped judge the kids in their competition, not something I enjoy - not least of all because the other competitors and their parents in the audience won’t shut up so I can hear the kid who’s actually performing. On several occasions I found myself reinforcing the female compere’s exhortations to shut the hell up.

Once finished, I went to the Tsingtao restaurant to meet Angela. I had suggested the place because it is inexpensive and seeing as her folks are picking up the tag I didn’t want to take the Mickey. Unbeknown to me, Dad had tagged along and he thought it wasn’t posh enough. It was suggested we go to the Lotus Bloom instead but I then offered an alternative just down the road - a little place I often just go and have a beer in but at which I had never eaten. That’s where we ended up and without wishing to be rude, I really hope he gets bored very quickly of being her chaperone, seeing as he can’t speak a word of English.

Today was a little eventful. I spent the whole morning testing Helen’s entire school (I estimate 80 kids) and then was taken for lunch. As it was 40C and I had left my bike parked in the sun Helen told her husband to go and move it into the shade, for which he needed my keys. The food itself was memorable for a dish of sweet pork which was particularly nice but the occasion was momentous because when they asked at the end if I was ok to ride my bike back home I was suddenly stumped.

I looked at my bunch of keys and noticed that my four day old remote alarm fob was missing! I wasn’t overly concerned at that point as I thought the ignition key would override the alarm system and immobiliser, so we all retraced Hubby’s steps searching but to no avail. Worse, the key was useless, the alarm sounded and the rear wheel locked. Great. You can’t just get a spare one from the bike shop (I suspect you have to buy two and have the bike reprogrammed) so I was stranded. Fair play to Helen, she was most upset and ended up getting a taxi in which I went accompanied by her, Hubby and their lawyer friend to campus to get my spare fob. I did eventually get home on my own wheels.

I had time for a quick siesta before heading back to town again to meet Sonya and her colleague Amy at the Japanese place. They were rather taken with sitting around the chef and among other things they ordered what the chef proudly informs everyone who goes there is the most expensive egg fried rice in the city. Although I never tried any of it, the girls both declared it was extremely good. A married couple came in to eat at a nearby table with their twin daughters, who at a guess were about seven. They were chatting with the cook and suddenly they became quite excited, squealing and clapping their hands. Sonya explained they were going to be given “fire ice cream” for dessert. All I could think of was bombe Alaska and so I was, as indeed were my two companions, intrigued as to what it might be. It turned out to be banana fritter lightly fried, a dollop of ice cream put on top and before serving, a ring of brandy poured on the hotplate and set alight. Sonya and Amy retired to a safe distance with their phone cameras at the ready for the detonation, I risked singed eyebrows by remaining seated. When the brandy was lit I have to say the ensuing inferno was most impressive, eliciting further squeals from the twins.

I happened to mention to Sonya that as I was now becoming a bit of a regular and was introducing new people to the restaurant (this morning’s school want to take me there in a week or so - and I won’t let anyone touch my keys next time!) they should really give me a VIP discount card. Well she asked and they do one but with a slight difference. You put money on it first so it’s a bit like a PAYG “credit” card. The more money you load the bigger the amount they add, so I paid 300y (didn’t have any more on me) which they turned into 335y. I got my discount in the end. Of course I can’t see any way of using it tomorrow evening when Angela takes me there because it would be far too complicated to take money from her, work out the discount and give her change.

Anyway, yesterday on the way to the competition I did stop by the “ship” to take snaps of the bike, which seeing as it has shaved 3 minutes off the previous 23 minute ride from school to town, has been nicknamed the silver streak. You may also note the disparate colour schemes on the ship’s funnels and deckhouse - I don’t think anyone gave much thought to aesthetic appeal.

Friday 9th August, 2013                   2000

Another in a series of  seemingly endless hot days hitting 40C.

Just one class this morning followed by a lunch meeting with Angela (daughter), Julie (teacher), mum and dad (he is a physics teacher here) and another chap I never did find out who or what he was.

They took me to the Lotus Bloom restaurant. I have been before a few times but don’t go often purely because the price of the beer is way too high at 16y a bottle. I did mention this but they were adamant, so we ate and I drank!

I must say that after a few minutes of chatting with Angela I was dumbfounded that she only scored 5.5 in the IELTS exam. Her English would make her the equal of Joanna who is my best! I don’t need to teach this girl English - I need somehow to boost her confidence, for it appears the examiner was so stern her brain froze. Aside from that there is no reason whatsoever she can’t get at least 6.5 to allow her to attend the LSE (London School of Economics for the uninitiated!). I have 14 days in which to ensure my 100% record remains unblemished. We set the first meeting for Monday after I finish teaching in the afternoon.

I suspect there will be some very disappointed newlyweds at present. The most popular (by far) venue for wedding photos here is the jetty with the eternal fisherman. Sadly for those recently hitched, it has had all the planking removed and is now closed - presumably for renewal. Indeed, I hope so.

Yesterday evening when I was riding with Pepsi to the restaurant by the fish place I caught up with another, older, bike. From behind, and from the amount of stuff the chap was carrying, I had a feeling it was the old boy who repairs all the punctures on campus. I was correct. Now he is about 65 years old and knows bicycles inside out but the silly old fool clearly knows little about traction. The entrance to the shops where we both were going (and he LIVES down there somewhere!) is a bumpy dirt track which is currently dust but after any rain is a mudslide. Regardless of the conditions I always take it slowly and was surprised at his speed, assuming that perhaps he wasn’t going home. He was!

He turned in at speed and almost immediately the bike lost grip. In a flash the bike was over and he was sprawled in the dirt. Concerned, I stopped to see if he was ok. Yes he was, for apart from a badly grazed right knee and elbow he was fine, albeit all the crap he had been carrying was scattered everywhere. From the way he shooed me off I garnered the impression the things most hurt were his pride and dignity! The best of it was, when I got to the restaurant everyone had witnessed it from afar and although they speak no English it was plain they thought perhaps I had caused the accident! I’m not sure my head shaking was convincing……

It has now been decided that I will go to Tongling next Saturday to meet Qing and her family and to partake of that lovely fish again. By going a little earlier than anticipated it leaves the door open for one final visit possibly before she jets off down under. I have to say I am really looking forward to it although if Pepsi knew it meant another night in “gaol” she might not be too enthusiastic.

Oh and did I mention I had a whole day off tomorrow? Belay that, it evaporated this evening following a phone call from the kids school asking if I would be a judge in the morning at their speaking contest! Yes I agreed and seeing as I will be in town anyway I brought the initial meeting with Angela forward so she can take me to lunch (on dad’s money) at the Tsingtao restaurant.

There’s nothing quite like a holiday is there??!!

Wednesday 7th August, 2013          1445

Just two lessons this morning which I was glad of with Mr Belly not only still complaining over the cottage pie but additionally because I bought a microwaveable pizza for last night. It was exactly the same as the slices I bought for sustenance in my first spring festival - revolting and even the animals turned their collective nose up at it.

Being finished before eleven, I had planned to pay the newly-opened (yesterday) RT Mart a visit. The students and Kevin had been intimating that it was an exciting development as there would be lots of foreign food sold there. En route I thought I would just pop into the bike shop to browse seeing as after a year of ownership I was bored with my current one and anyway it needed a good wash. Fatal.

Within two minutes I was test-riding one. At 20Ah it should have been quicker than my current 16Ah but I couldn’t get it over 30kph. I took it back and said it was useless (even though it wasn’t a bad looking machine in black), they tried it and immediately took it back to the workshop, asking me to wait. The woman returned with the same model but in grey/silver and I was invited to take that one for a spin. Ten minutes later I was paying for it. List price was 3980y, less 1,000y trade-in left 2980y to pay. I pointed out that this would be my 5th bike from them so I would like a bit more off. They dropped a further 300y so I handed over 2680y (or about £250 at today’s rates). It looks as if I will definitely have to go to take some photos of the ship on Saturday so I can take snaps of the bike too before it gets dirty!

Then I went to RT Mart. Being only the second day it has been open it was not unexpectedly busy and the KFC on the ground floor was absolutely rammed. I wasn’t too impressed with the hike inside the mall past jewelry, leather, fashion shops etc before even getting to the escalators to the store. You have to go up to the third floor (appliances, clothing, cleaning materials etc) and then back down to the second to get at the food. Yes, impressively large and modern but with a few exceptions it may as well have been a merger between Lottemart and the Commercial Centre, the same stuff was on offer. If there was any foreign food it must have been Korean. The exceptions I noted were that there is a small beef section (the home mincer may come out of the box yet), there was no sign of margarine or butter (the others stock margarine occasionally now) and they had bread flour. This may not mean much to the readers but of late my home baking attempts have been driving me barmy as whatever I did I produced brieze blocks - the bread flour made the best bread you could imagine.

I couldn’t get any liver for the animals and tomorrow as I only have one class early morning I will see if they have actually got any out the back because I have written it down in Chinese. I had to settle for a couple of tongues instead. If they don’t carry it then I will now have to shop at Lottemart AND there because…….

They do proper baguettes!!!!

Needless to say, tonight’s dinner will be cheese and baguette and if it is authentic then I will be ordering much Branston online soon.

The ten day forecast is solid with 39 or 40 every day and it is hard to believe in about four months I will be once again moaning about the cold.

On Sunday night I am treating myself to a Japanese meal and am taking Sonya from the ex-bank. She of course needs to bring a girlfriend in case anyone sees us alone together because her work colleagues will gossip. I couldn’t care less but of course office rumours regarding impending marriage to a laowei would cause her problems.

Oh, nearly forgot! I was involved in a road rage incident yesterday. I am afraid I was the one raging. The rule here is that you give way to the right but very few adhere to any form of traffic regulations unless there is a camera about.

I was crossing a junction at full tilt with a green light when an oncoming car decided to turn left, this puts him on my left. Thinking he might just be taking up a central position in the road so as to turn after I had passed (silly boy!) I carried on, expecting him to stop.

He didn’t.

My mirror told me taking avoiding action by swerving left to go around his stern was out of the question unless I wanted to be obliterated by the vehicle barrelling up on my own left. I couldn’t stop in time so would have hit him and most probably have catapulted over his roof - equally dead. My only viable course was to brake and veer right, in front of him. Eventually he stopped, just as I did right in front of his car. I flipped. I wanted to go and drag him from the vehicle and rip his head off for thinking that because I am only on an e-bike the rules don’t apply. Instead I bellowed every invective I could muster. He just sat there impassively. No acknowledgement, apology - nothing.

Then I really lost it.

There is nothing worse than someone being in the wrong when they just nearly killed you and they just stare at you with a deadpan expression. I rode my bike straight at his front end and hit it square-on with my bullbars. The car was new and I wanted to scar it. Yes, completely wrong of me I admit and indeed I hoped to provoke a reaction - namely, him getting out. Still nothing! It did make me feel a little better though I have to admit.

And no, that’s not why I changed bikes today, I have been considering it for a few weeks now!

Tuesday 6th August, 2013         1800

Sunday was indeed a day for doing zilch. I never even bothered going to town. The problem is, even after more than a week back here I am still struggling to adjust times.

Monday and today were a trial at the small school, not because the kids were badly behaved because they weren’t . Monday was purely lack of sleep and today was a combination of that plus a dodgy stomach from being too enthusiastic with the chilli in a cottage pie.

Our “ship” hotel/restaurant is coming on in leaps and bounds now so maybe on Saturday I will take a ride out with my camera. It now sports a hideous combination of colours on both “funnels” as well as blue and orange striping on each deck (trust me, blue and orange in this setting don’t go) as well as minuscule dummy lifeboats. The best of it is, the decorating has been confined merely to the port (landward) side so looking from across the lake at her she looks the same bar some flags at the bow and the stars and stripes fluttering from the jack.

Qing has decided not to return here and stay with me for a couple of days, instead she wants me to go to Tongling because her family really want to see me again. Hopefully this is to show appreciation for my managing (somehow) to get a pass for her in IELTS and then after further work, a high enough one to negate additional English lessons in Australia - rather than for her dad to arrest me. This will take place either at the end of this month or sometime in September, probably once she has packed in her job at KFC. It will involve an overnight stay of course so whilst I can leave the cats, Pepsi will have to return to “prison” for a night. Considering she came back last time a lot skinnier than she went in, for now one night is ample. The deal is of course that I am wined and dined and that fabulous fish I had last time will feature on the menu. I wonder if I might just pluck up the courage to take my first train ride in China - although in the current temperatures it may be wiser to take the airconditioned bus.

My holiday seems to be getting busier and busier. Next Wednesday I have a morning of pronunciation testing as the really small school I like and yesterday a Chinese English teacher here; who in three years I have never laid eyes on; contacted me and took me for lunch. Her niece wants to study in the UK and failed IELTS - can I help? Yet more work and I sincerely hope my 100% record in that area will remain untarnished.

I am now in the position of wishing my life away and looking forward to the freezing cold spring festival when I can be utterly alone and unemployed for a whole month! But then just maybe another IELTS hopeful will surface………