Thursday 30^th July, 2020 1930

One thing about having a live-in Chinese colleague is that you get all the gossip you would never get otherwise. Sometimes the gossip is about me but more often than not it involves unrest among the natives.

For all I know it's the same in other universities, previously my housemates have been students so they would hardly know the “grown up” stuff.

It does though seem there is a culture here of holding people back when they want to improve their qualifications and prospects. The latest is of course Jody. She wants to take a course on teaching Chinese to foreigners and eventually study abroad for a PhD. There's one such course taking place around spring festival but applications need to be submitted now. In typical Chinese fashion, applicants need to get a signature from two heads of departments along with their official stamp.

Three days this week she has gone to try and obtain Mr Zhang's monicker and thrice he has refused. The original reason given was that it was too dangerous because the course is in Beijing. Fair point, there's another outbreak in parts of the city but certainly the authorities wouldn't run the course if it was unsafe. It would be postponed.

The latest excuse is probably nearer the mark but also more idiotic. It would be harmful to Mr Zhang's career. What career? He retires in two years, same as me! The sun is setting on his “career” and as far as I know he wouldn't lose his pension and golden goodbye. She is becoming quite understandably despondent, so would I be seeing as her initial application passed selection to the weeding out round. I am sure in time she will get used to the idea of waiting another year when there is no such excuse but I can imagine it is hard.

I had an email today regarding a flight change. Doesn't happen very often and usually involves a ten or fifteen minute alteration to departure and/or arrival times, no big deal. This time however we have been shifted from China Eastern (I quite like them) to Shanghai Airlines (never flown them). Still nothing major, we are still up front for the same price, it leaves Nanning fifteen minutes later but lands at the original time.

Except they also changed the airport! Instead of PVG it is now SHA! In the event it is not a problem, Joanna is happy as she will be going home to rest and it is closer to her place and allegedly a cab will take 25 minutes to get me to my hotel. But can you imagine booking Heathrow and having arrival changed to Gatwick or Stanstead? And no, I'm not paying another £200 to cancel and change back to PVG. If this is all that goes amiss with my travels I will be a happy Teddy.

This is a one-bed flat with bathroom, living room, dining room, office and kitchen. Not cramped at all but not exactly huge. So where the hell is my money belt? For the life of me I can't find it. I'm not even sure I want to wear it, it is quite bulky and uncomfortable but just in case it would be nice. I don't use that phone thing to pay and I detest having to fork out 6¥ for making withdrawals at ATMs outside Lanzhou so I will be taking a substantial amount of red folding stuff with me. I don't particularly distrust Chinese airport security staff on the scanners but there have been cases where people lost certain items. Maybe I will carry it through the scanners in full view in my hand.

Oh, and our man in Shanghai very kindly made enquiries at a recommended opthalmologist there. I stated that I probably want reactolite varifocals. I am now half blind when it comes to distance for starters and reading has to be up close and personal. This being China, I thought the price would be reasonable. Sadly, what I think counts for little. Depending on what I need apparently they will cost between 3,500 and 7,500¥. Knock me down with a fart.

The worry is that the lenses need to be specially made in Japan (no problem there) and they will take ten days to make – there's the worry. Given my experience here after a week of waiting and they are still shit, imagine my concern over forking out even greater amounts for something I won't know is any good until it's too late?

This is an unexpected casualty of Covid – I had planned on Vision Express in High Wycombe doing this. I don't want to wait any longer though. Just crossing the road to the jing jo shop tonight I realised an e-bike could be coming and I could miss it. Hard thing to take for a previous Hawkeye.

But hey! Seven days and I am off! A holiday with the person 8 out of 10 cat owners said their cats preferred and definitely something I have wanted for a decade.

I just have to make sure I behave.

Tuesday 28^th July, 2020 1400

Touch wood – every day since meeting Dean I have managed to renew my green code. I can do it for Gansu because annoyingly it comes up in Chinese and I recognise the characters from the car number plates, well the first one which is like an overgrown H – 甘肃 – and Lanzhou being the capital is the first city on the list. I'm hoping when I finally get to Shanghai the officials or maybe flight attendants can show me what to do next. Thereafter Joanna will look after me.

Everything is booked now except train tickets Chizhou to Hefei and I asked her to do that. I can book flights easily but I've only ever bought train tickets when I got to the station. Or I might yet get a car to take us.

Sadly despite my best efforts there is one flight of the six I/we will take that is at an unsociable time. I am meticulous in often paying a bit extra not to leave at sparrows' fart or arrive late at night but Hefei to Chongqing defeated me in the end. We are booked out at 0815 which means leaving the hotel just when breakfast opens. I waited and waited for the 0925 flight to reduce in price but it hasn't budged. So I've paid £93 each. The later flight is unbelievably priced at £190 – the prices being £259 and £589 respectively if you are stupid enough to use Skyscanner!

So as much as I love a Holiday Inn breakfast in China there is no way I am paying £97 each for the privilege – you can get a bloody good full English in Shanghai for less than £20.

What remains to be seen though is whether the VIP lounges will be serving free food and booze and even more importantly if business class in the air is still giving out hooch. Economy are still giving out bottled water so it will suit me just dandy if they substitute mine for red wine and I'll do the rest!

Now it's a case of sit back, wait for the trip to start and ponder on what could possibly go wrong. Again. I might just test out the code with a dummy run to the train station again. It unnerves me having to rely on a phone to say whether I can board or not and so far it has failed.

It could of course be far worse. Alcohol ban in South Africa again, Bumbling Boris in the UK making it up as he goes (Ok to go to Spain, oh no it's not now, 14 days quarantine, oh no, 10 days now etc).

My little local supermarket seems to have abandoned the thermometer and mask rule now although BHG still does it. Planes and airports, of course still in place. I now have a stash of nearly fifty masks ready for my tour. They cost 2¥ each (22p) in the jing jo shop, a far cry from the beginning when if you could actually buy one it cost all the tea in China.

Beautiful weather here right now, 29ºC and no rain. I don't know why but this summer break seems to be racing by. I'm off on my travels in nine days for two weeks and then when I get back school starts nine days later. I may be in luck, all my students will be freshmen straight out of the High School cardboard box and with luck will do their military training (for that read wandering around in paper thin fatigues and learning patriotic songs with nary a gun in sight) which will give me nearly another two weeks sitting on my backside. Every little helps.

I don't think I have mentioned this before but there is major building work going on close by my home and has been for a couple of years. Across the road a skyscraper is up (I believe intended as teaher accommodation) and now they are I think smoothing out the rough structure plus there is another school building going up no more than a hundred yards from my office window.

The work was sporadic before but for the past couple of months it has moved apace round the clock. And it's damned annoying. Let me be straight, my bedroom windows look out (or would do if the curtains weren't permanently drawn) on a courtyard surrounded by six-floor accommodation blocks and so is shielded from most of the racket. I still though during the night hear the odd H-girder being dropped from height. It seems I swapped the barking dogs of Chizhou for the builders of Lanzhou.

Complaining? Well yes, I should include that as an interest on my CV! Life isn't complete without something to moan about.

Saturday 25^th July, 2020                    0400

All credit to yangtze.cuises.com for their professionalism in all of this. I am not in England where I would know exactly how to deal with consumer problems (including the County Court) and of course here I would be adrift.

The young lady kept telling me to hold fire for a little longer and I did, hoping against hope the cruise would happen, which as you all know will not.

But every night my dreams were of not getting a refund or because I “cancelled” less than a month before, only receiving 65% back.

Nope. The full amount has been refunded (well PayPal said it may take a few days) but I will get it back. I'd like to say I'd get it all back but I won't. I paid US$1600 for that executive suite and that's precisely what the cruise company is refunding.

But between me paying and my bank in the UK taking their slice and PayPal taking theirs, I have lost out more than £100 on the deal with exchange rates and fees. Even in a crisis the banks still find a way to screw you.

Anyway, everything booked by way of hotels and flights except Hefei to Chongqing. With only two nights there I don't want to land at ten or eleven at night, nor do I want to get up at five to catch the early bird. The flight I want currently costs about the same for two business one ways as a single economy return to the UK! We may well end up leaving at dawn but I really don't want to miss an approximation of an English breakfast seeing as I have already paid for it.

I will give it a week or 10 days to see if the prices come down.

Anyway, tonight I met Dean and his girlfriend of 9 years (yes really, in China!) for him to sort out my health code thing. No idea if he has but at least now I know how to pull up the green bollocks and failing that I have screenshots.

Once that was done the demand was to come and play dou di jhou. Well I didn't need any encouragement even though two high school students who spoke better English than my English majors were chatting with me at the bar.

Three hours later, well actually an hour later but I made him stay longer, Dean was pissed on – wait for it – TWO cans of Guinness! -we left. My net score after 5¥ a hand was zero, that's what makes it such a good game, nobody loses a great deal even if they are awful. I of course had to pick up the drinks tab due to the health code shennanigans which was ¥420, 80% of which was mine anyway. And it was my turn. And his girlfriend drove me home in her Cadillac SUV.

So I am still shitting myself over the green code and I will still have nightmares about getting to LHW and it turning red. I will be checking every day.

Time was, you had your passport and relevant visas and no concerns but now a bloody phone controls your movements. A red screen spells disaster.

Wednesday 22^nd July, 2020 1715

Ever had one of those days? I just did. And were this a face to face conversation rest assured it would be peppered with lower deck expletives.

It started with waking up to an email from Delia's assistant Sue, informing me that before 1100hrs tomorrow they needed the student marks in a certain format – formative and accumulative. Formative is taken on class activity, assignments, homework etc, accumulative is the exam score and an aggregate is arrived at.

That probably works for normal subjects but not oral. For starters I never set assignments or homework and in my view the quietest little mouse in the class, if they display great English ability in the exam, should not be penalised for not being vocal – it's my job to try and coax them to do it. And what made me laugh was that we never had any classes this term so how the hell are the teachers apportioning it????

Politely I emailed back to tell her where to go, never done it in 10 years and not about to start now. I also informed her when I started on main campus I asked for access to the computer system so I could input my own results and was told no. So up theirs.

That was annoyance number one. Blow two came a couple of hours later.

An email from the cruise company telling me the ships won't sail again until the week after the one I booked.

I can't delay another week for two reasons (even if Joanna can). One, I have paid up front for discounted hotels and the bookings are non-cancellable. I don't want to forfeit 9,000¥. Two, that would only give me three working days to ensure I had the right paperwork from the local police station and then lodge my application for another year of residency. I certainly wouldn't be able to afford another three nights in Hong Kong in search of a visa to start all over again – nor do I want to.

So Joanna gets to choose how and where we spend the time we would have been cruising serenely up the Yangtze. News literally just in, she wants to go to Chizhou to look up old friends so we shall do that.

So as if I wasn't having a shit enough day as it was, I decided to go to the station to test my health code thing and also have a BK meal. Yesterday the green code was working fine. In the taxi to the station I thought I'd get it ready for entry past security. Nothing worked. Well I don't know how to use the (insert expletive) thing and it was too late to turn back.

The police informed me via phone translators that I had no internet and the station has no wi-fi. I asked if they could fix it but no. Eventually, using my not so dumb phone (I'd happily stamp the life out of that other execrable thing) they got me a one-off green screen. Fifteen minutes until my train. Sod it, I was pissed off but I was going to have a BK meal and go home, forget the train. Then came the final kick in the nether region.

Burger King was locked up! I assume gone out of business. Shit. Ok, second best, a Big Mac meal. McDonald's was locked too!!!!

Five minutes to the train. I could still make it and catch a bus to the big Burger King. Well you know of course all I saw was the back of the guard closing the check-in doors. In disgust I crumpled up my 5¥ ticket and tossed it on the floor then despondently made my way to get a taxi home.

Oh yes they said, get WeChat and Alipay, life is so much easier! Really???? It's absolute excrement, keep your smartphones. Leave me out of it.

And do you know, even if someone fixes the problem (and remember I paid for 10 months with China Unicom not even a month ago and yet they have already cut me off and I have never used calls, texts or anything) and even if it works on another test run like today, I will for the next two weeks worry about missing my train or my flights. I will never, ever have confidence in this crap technology ever again – not that I did in the first place.

Monday 20^th July, 2020 1900

Brenda sent me a load of injunctions earlier because I am going away. I have done so every summer but this was the first time she's done it. Turn the electricity off. Really? And lose a fridge/freezer full of food? Turn the water off. Where's the stopcock? If there's a bloody flood they can call me, there will be a spare key hidden. Don't forget to lock your windows. That's a laugh, most don't lock and those that do, a child could bend the flimsy bits of tin they laughably call locks. I reminded her that I am on the ground floor and every window is caged by iron bars – in fact if there is an emergency and my door is jammed I am trapped!

Did I have the green health code and was I sure it would work? Well that one was a good point because right now I still don't know if it will work since Alice sorted it out. I'd hate to get to the airport and be refused boarding so in a couple of days or so I will do the cheapest thing possible to check it out. I will go to the local train station and buy a ticket to the town centre. It costs 5¥ for a 12min ride and if the code works fine. Then I can go to the Burger King inside and have a meal. Maybe afterwards I will leave without taking the train or maybe I will take it and get the bus back from town. At least I will still have time to remedy any problems with the phone thing.

Speaking of Alice, she got to Everest and it seems was quite in awe of it. She didn't climb it of course, I think her group went as far as base camp. She had a great time in Tibet.

She's now back home in Wuhu, relieved her family residence is not underwater although she sent me a short video of her local park which is now a boating lake and informed me all the lanes were flooded and sealed off. I'm wondering how the Doubletree there is doing, it's mere yards from the Yangtze.

Just now I went to the local supermarket as I needed a couple of bits for a Spam salad. As soon as I got in, the tallest of their security guards (the one who until a day or so ago was taking temperatures and enforcing mask wearing) accosted me and took me up to the cashiers. Not a soul spoke any English but they gave me a till receipt. I had no clue what they were on about but they wanted to see my phone. I showed them and they were disappointed because presumably in hindsight they wanted to see a smartphone.

I was getting the impression the woman had undercharged someone and they thought it was me – they never tell you when they overcharge, do they? So I was thinking ok, if you made a mistake can I go and get my shopping and sort it out when I pay? They kept pointing at the receipt so I took a closer look.

It was dated and timed at 12:34 today! I said hang on, this is the first time I've been in today! I received an apology and was allowed to go and shop. I couldn't help thinking though, just how many foreigners are in this locale? And fat ones at that!? My best guess is someone used their phone to pay and it bounced, if that's at all possible.

Whilst we are sweating it out awaiting news of the cruise, Joanna had a rethink regarding Plan B. Now remember, she suggested Xiamen or Hainan. She now thinks Xiamen will be too hot – and Hainan will not only be hotter still but full of Chinese tourists. So now it may be that I take her on a trip down Memory Lane to Chizhou. Couple of decent hotels there, we can go and see how the school has changed and maybe look up some old friends for dinner. I haven't dared to tell her Nanning is a furnace at this time of year!

Please God for once my plans come to fruition and we take that ship.

Wednesday 15^th July, 2020 1905

Three days ago I decided to cease taking Amoxicillin. On and off I have probably ben taking it for over a year, albeit in small doses. In the UK I'd have been to the GP but I am not that keen on Chinese healthcare. Let's look at my history.

First off an easy one. Laundry powder allergy which simply required two injections of antihistamines and after changing to liquid detergent, no recurrence although I do keep some pills just in case.

Secondly, three weeks in hospital and wrought iron gates shoved into my arm and shoulder. Nine years on it still doesn't work properly and pains me if I move it the wrong way.

Thirdly, broken foot which they fixed wonderfully but then completely missed a shattered pelvis which then healed naturally but giving me a “sailor's roll” when I walk and limited range.

Fourthly, my “cancer” scare. Garden hoses down my gullet and an operation which in truth was completely successful except not a soul asked what drugs I took and it was up to me to suss what had caused it all or it would have happened again. I now no longer take the culprit but my perambulations have suffered as a result – I know which I prefer.

Fifthly, going to a consultant about the hips. A mix of western and vile TCM which did sweet FA.

So you can understand my reluctance to seek assistance unless desperate and to be honest the antibiotics have by and large kept it at bay with occasional resurgences quelled with larger doses.

I thought just maybe I had eradicated it until yesterday morning when I found myself urgently needing the loo every five minutes to pass a thimbleful. Damn. Up the dose temporarily and pray by the time I go to bed I won't need to get up twenty times in the night. Well I was up a few times and slept badly even though it was after two before I retired.

And I had arranged to go for lunch with Adriana today. She's the sort of girl who might take it the wrong way if I cancelled even though the treat was on her this time. I almost sent her an email to warn of the possibility but decided to wait until this morning. Steadily it has improved (maybe I should see if I can buy some of those Billy Connolly incontinence trousers! Fantastic sketch) and I was able to go.

Same as last time she sent me instructions to show the taxi which were ambiguous, this time not me but to the taxi driver. I got dropped off at some alleged western restaurant but not the Russian one we were meeting at. I had to hail another cab. Eventually we found the place.

Now, annoyingly she had already ordered the food so I have no idea what they do beyond that. However I was not impressed one bit. Russian bread with garlic butter which was simply soldiers toasted on one side with a pot of butter to spread on them. Butterfly garlic prawns which I have to say were ok even though I only got two of the five served. Then a chicken and cherry tomato shish with three cherries and three chunks of chicken. You guessed it, I got the middle one. I don't eat raw chicken. The end ones were cooked but not mine! So I had a couple of soldiers and two prawns. She also ordered something that looked like lasagne but was some kind of Russian cream gloop with unidentifiable contents. I declined to try it. But hell, at least she returns the favour from when I pick up the tab. And maybe I will go there again and actually see the menu.

News just in from Our Man In Shanghai is that foreigners are allowed into Yichang. If that is the case then there's hope for the cruise, which I am holding off asking for a refund until next Thursday. Two weeks before is cutting it fine to make alternative arrangements but if Xiamen it has to be then there should be no problems, it was suggested we take the train there from Shanghai but I'm not keen, there are only fast trains taking between five and eight hours. Yes they are slightly cheaper than flying Business but rushing out during a two minute station stop for three puffs on a cigar and being berated to get back on is not nice. Now if they had a slow overnight train I would happily pay for four berths in a soft sleeper compartment just for the two of us and bake sausage rolls, cakes, chelsea buns and other stuff to take on the journey because you can smoke on the trains.

So now the UK needs to wear masks in shops. From the 24^th July.

Is it just me or has Boris suddenly lost it? He's always been nuts which is why I used to like him but if they are going to be mandatory why not immediately???? Why the delay? Indecision and dithering are going to cost him his job just as bullying and bluster will be the downfall of that prat across the pond. Mind you, a bit of indecision here wouldn't go amiss right now.

Anyway, wear your masks wherever you are, I don't unless I have to and neither are many other people now. In fact it's difficult to know now whether those wearing them on the street wore them as a matter of course before all this anyway.

Monday 13^th July, 2020 1630

After a week of holiday during which I consciously procrastinated daily over actually marking the written test papers and dreaming about it at night, I applied myself yesterday and today and got them done.

The results threw up a couple of surprises. There were three classes in the English department and one in the Translation department that took the exam. The best class turned out to be Translation, only one student narrowly failed so I gave her a nudge. The highest overall score was achieved by Isabelle with a genuine 84. As for the English department??? I decided to add 15 to every student, making two of the classes look respectable.

The third class was absolute carnage even with the additional marks. Out of 34 pupils 21 still failed! In all conscience I couldn't pockle the figures to that extent so as far as the school is concerned that class is on the naughty step. A vagary of the Chinese university system is that if a student fails the term finals they get another crack at the beginning of the next term so it looks as though I will be sacrificing half a Saturday or Sunday to go to work and invigilate – plus more bloody marking. We aren't looking at marginal failures either. The pass mark is 60 and many of those found wanting scored 32, 28 or in one case 24! And these are English majors. There is a wide chasm between the ability of and verve of the students here in a big city and those in little old Chizhou.

Ah well, no more waking up worrying about marking any more I hope, that's me done. All I need to concern myself with now is to cruise or not to cruise -that is the question. That and a rapid refund if necessary!

Alice sent me some photos today from Tibet. Being a foreigner I am not permitted to go there unless in an organised tour – anathema – but it looks wonderful.

Sunday 12^th July, 2020

Contacted the tour operator for our Yangtse/Yangtze cruise saying I wasn't in panic mode as yet but seeing as they were showing a timetable for August but I couldn't get a health whatnot, was there any news.

Hardly heartening. The cruise companies don't know and the latest Beijing outbreak may ground them further. Quite why when Beijing is as far from Yichang as London is from Madrid is beyond me. But hey ho.

It was suggested I wait another week or two. Well I was always going to wait another fortnight being the eternal optimist and having my heart set on that bloody cruise. Of course this is me and my travel plans we are talking about here. When the hell have they ever gone right?

So I warned Joanna and said we needed a Plan C and that if it came to it I would take her anywhere in China she wanted to go except Beijing with the new outbreak and Tibet where I'm not allowed unless in an authorised tour group.

I have to give her credit, she suggested either Sanya on the island of Hainan or Xiamen on the east coast. I've never been to either and would love to see both. I checked out Sanya first because Yangmei Lily lives there and it would be lovely to see her again. Bloody hell. Flights alone Shanghai to there then to get to Chongqing would cost almost £1,000! Then there's the hotel and being a resort we are talking about maybe £700 for four nights in the quality of accommodation I go for. Hmmmm.

Then I checked out Xiamen. Flights to there and onwards to Chongqing about £600 and a Doubletree executive room making it a grand in total – affordable. So Xiamen it will be. That's if it will not be m/s Victoria Anna.

I suppose some readers may think less of me for insisting on flying up front in China whenever possible and that's understandable. How many of you have flown in China? If you have you should empathise. And yes, every flight I have booked or will book will be “up front” at probably quadruple economy prices and not just for the beer and wine in the air but avoiding the huge queues and seeking refuge in the lounges. I ain't going to go cheapskate on Joanna – would you after waiting ten years?

Friday 10^th July, 2020 1645

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions eh?

My intention yesterday was to do my weekly BHG hong jo run and then mark one set of written exam papers. That all changed when a student emailed me to say Dean Delia had said I needed to allocate marks for “online” students ie. those who were unable to return. Well that's a fair request.

Ever-obliging, I asked if they were oral or written students? The reply was six students in such and such class and one in this class. Yes but were their assignments written or oral? Were they written it was a simple case of emailing the test paper, oral is not possible online because they don't have Skype and I don't do pre-recorded exams.

Yes, Miss Li said you decide what the test will be. This was going to be arduous. Please answer the question, written or oral assignments? Eventually after half an hour it was established they were oral. Hooray. Looked at the sheets the monitors had handed in and the 6 students absent were all in the only class that never gave me a spreadsheet of the marks for the assignments. Yes he gave one to you. No, he gave me a class list but not the marks. I need the marks, presuming they submitted the assignments? Oh I will tell him. Good. Now the single student, what's the name? Ruta.

I spent the next twenty minutes searching every piece of paper I had and could find no trace of Ruta, had she changed her name? No. Panic was starting to set in by now. Ok, tell me the first four names on the class list. Ruta. Give me strength.

Listen, I have no record of a Ruta anywhere, which class? English 193. more frantic scrabbling. Oh my God. Absolutely no record of English class 193 either! I knew I wasn't mad, I had tested every single class over two or three weeks so where the hell was it? Had I left the sheets in the classroom? I went through every scrap I possessed to no avail and then finally a thought hit me. I had a vague recollection of one of the class monitors coming to collect the results the moment I finished. Could it be that class? I don't know, I'll ask their monitor later because we have activities this afternoon. Please don't take too long, I may have a heart attack.

Nine hours later it was confirmed I had not in fact “lost” a class and I was given Ruta's assignment details. By taking an average, she did fine with 81% but I could have done without all the stress. Jackson, the other monitor, now needs to provide for the other six and I am not going to ask again. He has probably four days to do it before I submit my figures and if asked I will tell them why no marks. I get the blame for enough anyway.

So today I simply haven't had the impetus, however I did my shopping. It was the monthly payday shop where I buy stuff like laundry detergent, toothpaste etc. Didn't need much today, just soap and toilet roll. Soap was no problem, a five pack of Lux. Toilet roll. Now, in China there are two different types of loo roll. The normal one with a holder in the middle and another type that's solid and has no perforations to tear off neat squares. I like my Western style stuff. I couldn't find a two-pack of toilet rolls regardless of brand! They only had “bargain” 10+2 packs. Even with the two of us living here that would last until next year so I left it.

Then on a whim I thought I might try making the prawns I loved so dearly at the restaurant just outside Chizhou university. The owner had told me how he made them and I still have a sealed bottle of Salt Pepper Spice he gave me but have never opened. Bought some rice and went to the fish counter. Pointed at some large fresh prawns and was ignored by the woman. A man came from behind so I pointed again and he promptly picked up the entire tray and poured the contents into a bucket. I thought “I don't want all that lot, must be about 1,000¥ and I'm conserving for my holiday”. The prawns were then huckled out through the plastic curtains at the rear!

That was the first and last time I have ever tried to buy anything from that section. I did buy two packs of frozen uncooked king prawns from the freezer section so will give it a go. From what I was told you simply fry them shell and head on (very common in China) and while they are still oily just coat them in the spice. If it works I will be ecstatic. I used to eat them whole, including the head.

Thursday 9^th July, 2020 1415

So Alice left yesterday morning to catch the 1230 slow train which arrived 25 hours later at 1330 today. Rather her than me. However, she's excited because she's meeting up with a group and they are touring all over Tibet. I'm sure she will have a great time as long as she doesn't succumb to altitude sickness. She also left me a little gift of a black brassiere which sadly is too small – although I suppose I could use it to make two face masks.

However today's big story is Mr Jing Jo.

Three days ago I rocked up at their shop to get my dailies and as usual didn't have my specs on so never noticed the shop was shut. Very occasionally that happens – a wedding or sometimes just because Mrs Jing Jo popped down for ten minutes to the little supermarket. I wasn't desperate so I left, more annoyed at having bothered to walk there.

Yesterday the barriers on the shortcut had been removed so I happily wandered over (Alice had gone for my drinks the day before). Now as you know neither of us speak each others' language but we still have many “conversations” and unbelievably they are mostly successful.

I put my three large cans of pijou and two quarter-litre bottles of jing jo on the counter and before he put them in a bag for me he showed me his left rear forearm. There was bruising. I asked him what he had done and he pointed to the bare bulb dangling from the ceiling. I assumed he had perhaps been changing it and fallen off a stepladder.

But no. I think I just discovered what he was before he became a shopkeeper.

He had gone to Tianshui about 200 miles away to earn a few extra bob. I was intrigued. I asked what had happened and he mimicked being electrocuted. I pointed at the lightbulb thinking sure, you get a belt but it's not normally serious. Oh no no no! He then mimicked welding!

Then he lifted his shirt up at the back to reveal angry purple welts that looked as if someone had flogged him. His stomach was even worse, as if a cat'o'ninetails had been used – serious damage. It seems either the equipment was faulty or he made a mistake but he was convulsing on the ground until someone switched off the power and an ambulance was called. While they were waiting someone administered CPR. He was rushed to hospital.

The funniest part of it is, he had to call his wife to drive and collect him, hence the shop was shut, and ever since she has been berating him for his stupidity. I think the incessant nagging is for him the worst part of it. I can believe that, I have witnessed her having a go at him on a few occasions!

I haven't figured out what caused the welts though, they are about the thickness of a pencil and between 6” and 10” in length. I doubt I'll ever know.

Tuesday 7^th July, 2020 1230

Gordon Bennett! Travelling? It's now become a nightmare.

Jody and I had a bit of a contretemps on Sunday. Having badgered her all last week to sort out the phone to get a green whatnot, she finally decided to do it on Sunday. Except she couldn't do it. She opened a Wechat account for me but got no further than that and said she would need to get colleagues at work to assist. Given that I wanted to go to the airport on the 1157 train the following day it seemed unlikely to happen and so I pointed out that had she tried last week there would have been time to take it to work for help. She went batty. Do it yourself was the comment thrown at me, of course were I capable I'd never have needed to ask her.

Fair play to her though, she went to campus early, enlisted aid and brought the phone back at 0930 complete with a green screen.

Buying my ticket at the station I wasn't asked for the phone so I wondered whether perhaps it had been unnecessary.

But no, once in the station there is an ID check prior to the security scanners. There I was asked to scan the QR code. Er? Can you do it for me? I have no idea how! No they wouldn't, apart from pulling up the green for me – I had to do the scan. I asked which button I needed to press and received no reply. However, apparently there is no button involved, you simply point the camera at the square. I did so, confident in the knowledge that I was green.

It went RED!!!!

I was then “invited” to come through and take a seat and was then surrounded by three police officers. I was grilled on my life history, what I was doing in China, why I was going to the airport etc. I played the thick but sincere old fart – not particularly hard to do seeing as with both phone and procedure I was completely clueless anyway!

Of course, while all this was going on in the full view of other “innocent” passengers who, being Chinese simply used automatic gates with their ID cards and phones, many I am sure were wondering if I had the virus, was a criminal or perhaps was an illegal. I called Jody on my dumbphone and she spoke to the policewoman. There then followed a barrage of further questions, some sort of checking out of my old phone number and I don't know what else. However, very kindly, they managed to get me a green thing again and allowed me to go through.

On the train in first class I settled back for the 45 minute ride and the delight of scenery consisting almost entirely of parched earth. Then the ticket inspector arrived. I handed her my passport and ticket as usual and she photographed the main page and my residence permit, then promptly went to grass me up to her superior.

Said superior then came and grilled me! It is incomprehensible how they are suspicious of a foreigner when the country closed to them entering on 23^rd March so I am no more at risk of spreading the disease than the Chinese are. Then I decided to show her my little card they gave me at our security gate, the first time I have ever used it. Her eyes lit up, she asked if she could photograph it and finally went away happy. And people wonder why I don't want a smartphone!

Once back at home, Alice set to work trying to set up an Alipay account to use instead. After an age, during which we had to wait for my bank to verify me and various other hoops to be jumped through, she started adding greens for all the other cities I need. I now have Shanghai, Chongqing and Nanning plus Lanzhou. Yichang is a worry as no foreigners can currently get green for there – although she can, again am I more likely to spread the virus? Xining also is a problem simply because so far she can't even get a decision, not for herself either but that's hardly urgent seeing as any trip there will probably be in October.

I would though say that I am thoroughly fed up with this whole situation, as I am sure are many others. And the troubling thing is, even when the virus abates I think they will probably retain the system as the norm.

Friday 3^rd July, 2020 1730

Just a quickie this time.

Final day of this academic year for me (although I still have the bloody marking to do which is damned annoying) but glad to be done with getting up early and walking for taxis and buses.

I am actually tired of this school in a way I never was with Chizhou. Chizhou was of course very typically Chinese which is at times infuriating to someone like me but Lanzhou is another level entirely.

For instance, they have me traipsing between buildings and campuses when in fact they could, before allocating classrooms for upcoming teacher timetables, simply reserve room 3103 for me and then work the younger Chinese teachers around that instead of leaving me until last and saying “sorry, we can't get you other rooms” and giving me sodding computers that wipe my USB. Tomorrow I will be suggesting that in an email to the Dean. I don't want to dwell on my age with the leadership as it's the sole reason I was dismissed from the last place but the fact is I am actually two years older than the bloody university!

Ah well, besides marking, two months holiday now and five weeks to the main event if it can happen – and after six months of this virus shit, I really need it to.

Anyway, the interview they did is now online to view n Facebook or Youtube. I don't think I look too much of an idiot, at least I hope not. There is a hiatus just before 3 minutes but it carries on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk4Mikms95I

or

https://www.facebook.com/steve.budd/videos/10157486690782944

Thursday 2^nd July. 2020 1310

Wonderful! HMRC owe me £150!

That's from April last year when the MN pension stopped paying me because I never told them I was alive. Never received any documents or info so never knew I had to send proof of life every November. By the time I called to ask what the problem was it was too late to be paid in March so I started the tax year with three months payments at once. I admit I thought they owed me a hundred so the extra nifty is most welcome. I have a funny feeling until they reallocate my tax codes, when I get increases next year and the state pension the year after, I will be “saving” with HMG between refunds.

Still sweating on the holiday plans (and still waiting for Jody to sort out that phone) but whereas Jody was going to go to Chengdu while I was away, I have now I think persuaded her to come to Shanghai for my five days there instead. The room's paid for so it's not costing me anything and she will buy her own flights. She can do what the hell she wants in the day and hopefully join us in the evenings for dinner. And she doesn't drink so she's cheap to run. She doesn't eat much either, come to think of it.

I got refused entry by the gatebot this morning. Jody and I took a taxi in together and the bot let her in without demur then swore at me in Chinese. She thought it might have been the sunshine but it's under cover! The left-hand bot let me in. Bloody stupid system if you ask me. There was a student trying to get in here a couple of days ago and it wouldn't let her in either. I beckoned her, showed my face and got her in, much to her relief. It's half-hearted high-tech and a waste of money. I mean really – the bloody thing lets you in when you are wearing a mask and the next it refuses a full face??? Anyway, I'm going to start pulling the barrier back on the shortcut to the jing jo shop, I've seen plenty of people doing it now, why should I walk the long way every time?

I was really pissed off this morning. Showed a video to the first class on one of the old computers and the next class also had an old computer. The first computer had to all intents and purposes, allowed me to safely eject my USB. Except it had erased all my films! After I take a nap I now have to format the stick and reload everything yet again. The only sure solution is to get the school to put all my classes in one trustworthy room or I need to lug my laptop with me even when I only have one class.

Anyway, last teaching day for me tomorrow then I suppose I need to address marking and student grades. Doubt I will finish it all before Alice arrives on Monday but bugger the school, it's their fault for misinforming me as to when I finished. They can whistle.

I did my good deed for the month as I was leaving BHG with my shopping. A young guy, probably a student, was refused entry for not having a mask. The same guard had insisted I pulled mine right up over my nose (I either use them as a chinstrap or just wear below my nostrils, I hate the things) which was pointless because as soon as I was in I pulled it down again. Anyway, the lad turned to leave and I remembered I had a spare mask in my shoulder bag so I called him back and gave him it. “Xi Xie – welcome to China” he said. I've only been here a decade.