Monday 30^th September, 2019 1330

So, yesterday afternoon I had to catch up the classes missed due to the army overrun. Half an hour after I finished, the freshmen welcome concert began at 1900.

I hosted the egg game with five volunteers (including my cleaner Andy and a small girl, a child of a teacher I think) and Delia the Dean who I had cajoled into taking part. The dean was of course the one destined to get the raw egg smashed on her head and only I knew what was to happen. The audience of freshmen were quite vocal when I asked them at the end should I smash it on her – I heard not a single “no”!

Of course, I had lied and the egg was boiled but she didn't know that. Her prize for being such a sport was a box of Ferrero Rocher. You are spoiling us, Mr Steve.........

I got home at about 2130 and opened a bottle of plonk, determined to enjoy a lie in this morning on the first day of a week off.

But have I dropped a ricket?

When I turned my phone on at 1000 I received a message from a student in one of the classes I had yesterday, advising me today's classroom was on the 3^rd floor and not the 1^st.

What??

I sent a reply asserting it was a holiday! Oh, sorry, I forgot, enjoy your holiday.

I am now wondering if he was doing exactly what I would have done in light of an unexpected windfall of a class off because the teacher had made a mistake! I have had no enquiries as to my whereabouts yet from the powers that be. I have no idea whether the texting student is in my morning or afternoon class as somehow my attendance book has gone missing, however if I get another text when I don't turn up at 1430 I will know for sure I have committed a sin.

If that is the case, in my defence, yesterday I said to both classes to have a good holiday and I would see them in a week's time – not a soul corrected me and said we will see you tomorrow (today). And I have had no official notification of exactly which days off we have, I simply know it is a week and Monday and Friday classes need to be caught up yesterday and Saturday 12^th. Yesterday was this coming Friday's classes but as I don't have any on Fridays I took the opportunity to get the Monday backlog out of the way.

There was a time I would have fretted a great deal but now, if I did, I simply made a mistake. And I will blame the school for not telling me!

Life is now much more complicated for me. Currently I teach three majors – English, Translation and Chinese Teaching. And guess what? They all have their own English corner every week! If they had their way I would be attending each Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. As much as I like to be an active part of the student activities, I don't live on their campus so getting home at 1900 generally means I am too tired to cook for myself or prepare a lunch box for the following day. It's fine for them, they can simply go to the canteen, eat five minutes later and be in bed by seven if they wish!

I will go to them but probably one of them every two weeks, which means each major will have me every six weeks. The young Peace Corps kids can go every week, they are a third of my age (and they eat canteen food).

Nordine the French teacher doesn't go to anything – he never even went to last night's concert.

1415

News just in – just had a call from a student in the class I should be teaching in 15 minutes!

I am in disgrace........

Not sure who I hate more at the moment – Xi or freshmen!

The latter have, as always in September when they arrive carrying new viruses, given me a bloody cold. The former is completely disrupting my internet.

Today I spent all day (well, in my free time between classes and at lunch) trying to connect so I could get Facebook and BBC to no avail. Right now I can do so but only if I am “in” Hong Kong, so no streaming rugby world cup matches for me. Every sodding time it happens - 6 nations, world cup, you name it, he screws it up. I can but pray once the big parade for the 70^th birthday is over the Great Firewall will relax once again. And that Hong Kong is peaceful. Of all the things I hate about China, internet censorship is top of the list.

I hate Thursdays. Teaching all day from 0800 is bad enough but I start off with a class of mixed Chinese and Uzbekistanis and when he hasn't spent all night on the piss, a Kiwi. I arrived in good time, early enough to enjoy a cigar by an open window before the first lesson but a strange bloke came and shook my hand and insisted I come into his office.

I protested, indicating I wished to smoke. I had no idea who he was but he insisted and so I followed, only for him to open a window in the office and offer me a fag. No thanks, I smoke these cigars. He's the boss dean of one of the departments I now work for and whilst I remember him not, he knows me well enough to know that I can out-drink any Chinese at the university – he came on the epic Rewi Alley/George Hogg trip.

He has no English at all and ended up dragging in Jody to translate. Neither of us wanted to be there and it was uncomfortable, I hope he doesn't do it again. If the bugger spoke English I think it would be great.

Jody then discovered her classroom had been seconded for a teacher meeting and so decided to sit in my class. It's my worst class and I warned her but she just wanted somewhere to sit. Later at lunchtime she said there was “nothing there”. Absolutely correct, that class is dead. Hard work. I need to gee them up somehow or I will lose my temper at some point.

The concert/welcome show scheduled for tomorrow is now delayed until Sunday. Dean Delia (another dept I work for – English language) told me today. She also tried to back out of taking part in my egg game on stage. I think I have shamed her into still taking part, after all, who better than the Dean to get the raw egg smashed over her head? The students will love it. Delia will shit herself. Nobody knows the ending bar me.

I do have a handful of students who are starting to stand out though. There are some who volunteer or come out for a chat during the break. One today asked me if they would be seeing the second half of Stuart Little because she loved mice, she once kept one as a pet as a child. She showed me photos of it on her phone and boy, it was a fat mouse!

So I must press on regardless, at least for now.

Tuesday 24^th September, 2019 1200

My early morning commute started off quite literally with a flying start.

I left home at 0700 to take the 66 bus. To get there I have to walk past the huge early morning queues for the 15 bus at the stop which is in the square and not on the main road, unlike the 66.

Not far past that queue and with no logical reason, my left ankle gave out. I never trod on a stone and the road was no more uneven than most. The ankle just decided it wasn't playing any more.

Twenty years ago I would probably simply have stumbled and recovered. No longer.

SPLAT!

Straight on my face on the tarmac. In full view of the 15 bus queue. And whilst getting down is a piece of cake, at my weight and age, getting back up is a hilarious spectacle (to others) whereby I imitate a tortoise on its back wearing a Mr Blobby costume. Worse, a middle aged man and an elderly woman came to help me up! They should probably have called Fire & Rescue.

Injuries sustained: cut thumb, badly grazed knee (through my trousers) and a near-terminal blow to my pride. And just to make my morning complete, the detested pee problem returned with a vengeance, meaning I spent half of my class absenting myself. The only good to come out of it was that in my haste I discovered that two bathrooms which were both labelled “women” were in fact a boys' and a girls' – unless suddenly girls have started using urinals! I may buy a permanent marker to obliterate the “wo” on the sign and turn it into a gents.

And yes, I showed the final part of a film to the class! The monitor came out during the break and asked me my opinion of them. I told her they weren't active enough and got the usual excuses – they're shy, they don't want to make a mistake etc – and I explained why that was nonsense. She obviously said something to them because Part 2 was better, I hope the next time I see them (in two weeks) they will be livelier.

For now, all I can say is come on Russia!

Monday 23^rd September, 2019 1900

Been on that campus three weeks and already the rumours are circulating.

I am mostly inured to them now and just as in every other country I expect the students to invent wildly fictitious (and at times I hope ridiculously adventurous) stories about me. But fellow teachers?

I learnt of two today. One that I am “cold”. I have been called a great many things in my life, perhaps some justifiably, but being cold has never, ever been one of them! The other one is not so much a rumour as an exaggeration. Apparently I don't do any teaching at all, just show films the entire time. Every time the teacher in question goes to her class she hears a film from my classroom.

All I can say is that if that is true then she only teaches part of the second period of what should be a double period because so far I have remained true to form and shown part of a film for part of period two.

It's funny that the gossips never actually come to me and say it to my face, they never do tough, do they? My way of teaching has been perfectly acceptable for nine years – stick and carrot instead of the Chinese stick and more stick, and what business is it of any other teacher? I'm not even teaching anything that affects student graduation right now anyway! They can fail my class with impunity!

My informant was Jody at lunchtime today, she comes and chats for ages when I have a lunchtime on campus because I take my own food and sit in a classroom. She was actually angry because 1) she knows I am hardly cold and 2) she has been to my class and knows they are a damned sight more interesting than anything the mainstream Chinese teachers come up with. I suggested she send anyone with any gripes to see me directly – the Dean has taken part in one of my period 2s and loved it so the rumourmongers can go to hell.

I never took part in office politics when I worked in an office and I am not about to start participating in staff room politics either but how would they like it if I went around denigrating them to other staff?

I simply told Jody I would rely on the marks the students give me at the end of term and I am confident I will be given 90-95 as always. If someone in authority wishes to question me they are welcome to, they can also attend one of my lessons.

Well I said I was somewhat inured but I don't think that will ever stop me getting angry.

Ah well at least it's taken my mind off being down on bets when by rights I should be up! All I can say is, come on Russia tomorrow!

Sunday 22^nd September, 2019 0052

I'm not having a good world cup betting wise.

Stuck £50 on Japan to win on the opening match at evens and went to bed happy at being fifty up. In the morning I discovered I had lost because my sister had placed a handicap bet and Japan had to win by a clear 40 points! Not really her fault and rather underhand by PaddyPower who only showed handicap bets on the frontispiece. I smelt a rat when she told me every odd was even but never thought to press it.

So, fifty down today I was happy to have won £20 on Oz, only to learn my sister hadn't placed the bet! £20 on Argentina followed and they lost. Doing well. Thank God for the All Blacks who recouped a tenner for me! Good games though, win or lose. Today the odds are garbage except for the Paddy/Sweaty match. I wanted a score on the Micks but sis persuaded me to go on the Jocks with a decent return. Waste of money but you never know.

Andy my cleaner came yesterday, once again he hired a bike to ride all the way from the main campus. Fret not, his wages not only include the bus fare but even if he bikes it he still gets it because the bike costs the same as the bus.

I said that as the national holiday was coming up he probably wouldn't want to come next Saturday and he replied yes, he would, he has classes Sunday (same as me) but would go home on the Monday. “Do you want your money today?”

“No, next week.”

Bless, he will have three weeks money to take away for his holiday. And trust me, I pay four times more than shelf stacking. In fact, come spring festival I may well give him a holiday bonus just for the commute.

I am not sure if I am happier teaching where I am than on east campus. The latter was a complete waste of time but little work, the former is now a lot more work and effort and so far, bloody hard work motivation wise for the students. I may have made the wrong decision when I shunned the agricultural university. Time will tell.

I went into the “new” restaurant again the other night. It's not cheap but the portions are enormous, you really need someone else and maybe another to eat them. Anyway, I thought I'd try what looked like spring rolls drenched in sauce.

I asked if the filling was pork (by “asked” I mean by grunting like a pig!) and was told biyoo! (No) – tofu!

Oh God, if there is anything on this planet I hate more than tripe it is tofu! So I went for what looked in the photo to be nice pastries filled with meat and veg. Quite aside from the fact enough for a party of four were placed before me, it was mutton and I hate anything sheep except wool, I was left with a huge amount of leftovers.

Takeaway and give it to the jing jo shop people! I reckon with a translator now I could probably get them to do anything for me. I'm just happy they get my cigars.

So, back to the world cup later today, where here nobody understands why I care so much. It ain't basketball or anything Mercan.

Thursday 19^th September, 2019 1300

Having been badgered to organise my catch up classes and arranging them for next Friday, I was then told the students would be too busy that day and I should leave them until after the national holiday. As is often the case, there are also catch up classes as a result of the holiday but the bonus for me is that I have no Friday classes to make up, so I shall do them next Sunday instead, before we have a week off. The crazy thing is, I have to catch up again on Saturday 12^th October and then see them again two days later on the Monday!

During the break on my second class today I saw some photocopied photos on a corridor wall. I guessed what they were there for but asked a student for confirmation. They were pictures of messy dormitories! Worse, the number of the dorm and names of the occupants were posted in the Hall of Shame! I don't know about you but that just seems plain wrong.

Friday 20^th 1430

The classes for pronunciation actually went quite well, Jody came to be nosey and ended up leaving after twenty minutes but not before telling me she would come regularly to my classes. I can't be doing that badly then if a teacher wants to attend......

And now, I hope I am not tempting fate.

With Joan having made herself unavailable for next summer, I asked the person I would most like to come away with me – Joanna. I knew perfectly well she would say “no” but you could have pushed me over with your pinkie when she actually told me she would book her annual leave of six days plus two weekends, ten days in total, and come away with me!

I never saw that coming in a million years. I told her I wanted to go to Sri Lanka and also go on safari to see elephants and she was fine with that. But my mind told me she had a preferred option, so I gave her the chance to pick where we go. The choice was Ceylon or England. Sri Lanka, flying up front, elephants, leopards, monkeys or England economy (I'm hardly Bill Gates!) and fish and chips, probably Premier Inn too.

You already know what she opted for, she wants to see my hometown and go shopping.

So provided she can get a visa, it looks as though I shall be back in Blighty next year after a seven year absence. And I will remain on 48 countries. With her I am hopeful of the visa, for starters she has been to Thailand and returned to China (the British embassy loves the Catch 22 of using the fact you've never been anywhere else first so cannot be trusted without a dozen visas for other countries in your passport) and her company's head office is in London and she is sure they will sponsor her.

I hope I haven't jinxed it and that for once my plans do not go awry. Melton Mowbray pork pie, anyone??

Monday 16^th September, 2019 1930

That was a day and a half.

The last two classes, both of which I need to make up classes from last Monday for. Comparing timetables, the only way it can be done is by my foregoing my Friday off and working both morning and afternoon on Friday next week. Not looking forward to it.

More students from Anhui and Uzbekistan today as well, and surprisingly a girl from the latter too.

I also had yet another first. In my initial meeting with them it's a meet and greet affair and everyone introduces themselves, including of course me. Three-quarters through the students in the morning class, a girl, when invited to stand when it was her turn, looked at me, pursed her lips and shook her head! She absolutely refused to speak! I enquired of the class as to whether she was unable to speak (the class majors in translation ie written and so theoretically she can still do it and you never know what problems people may have) but was told she was “shy”. Well it's a bloody pronunciation class and I'm not telepathic.

I have to own up and say I was thrown. Shy or not, next week she will be told in private that her actions, if they continue, will definitely mean a zero in the exam. How can I test the pronunciation of a mute???

And during one of my breaks at a corridor window so I could smoke, I couldn't believe my eyes. Among students walking to classes I observed what I first believed was a child. As she approached nearer I realised she was in fact a student. I am no giant at 5'7” (I used to be 7¾ but I assume advancing years have reduced that) but this girl would not even come up to my hip! She cannot possibly be more than 2'6”! But hell, she was carrying her books and keeping pace with her compatriots so fair play to her. I hope they gave her a bottom bunk though.....

Joan has informed me she cannot come on holiday. I am very disappointed and did ask if she was going to say “sorry, can't” in three years when it will be bar opening time, however she says she is determined she wants to do it and be her own boss – after any bank loan is repaid of course. I hope she doesn't chicken out because that's where I have put my retirement eggs.

So I have asked Joanna if she wants to come although she is so busy I know the probable answer. By then Alice will also likely be doing other things (she graduates next term) and so it may well be a solo summer next year.

It would mean I could easily afford a business flight to the UK instead but do you know what? I honestly don't want to. Sri Lanka still on the cards and if I pick one of the cheaper hostelries (which are also highly rated by the punters) if I wanted I could stay a month for around £350! I did look at Peru but the flights are exorbitant and it takes nearly two days to get there from here. Alone though, the world is my cockle. Now there's a thought! Cockles in malt vinegar on a bar counter on a Sunday lunch with a cold Stella! Oh....stop!!!

Saturday 14^th September, 2019 1800

You know you must be drinking too much when the jing jo shop gives you a free moon cake at mid-autumn festival! So, two mooncakes, one with an unidentifiable (but nonetheless tasty) filling, the other with an equally tasty red bean paste. My favourites are the fruit-filled ones, particularly plum. One of my Thursday students said she would be helping her Mum to cook them on Friday and I asked her to bring me one – until she told me they don't use fruit. I said not to bother but now I am hoping she ignores what I said, although they bake huge ones. The ones in the shops are like pork pies with 2” or 3” diameter, perfect for a snack.

Since Thursday I have done absolutely nothing except ensure I was fed. Getting meals I want to eat without spending a fortune in restaurants is going to be a complicated operation this term. This is why I don't want to do English corner every week, I am too tired when I get home to bother doing anything except reheat.

So tomorrow I have set myself a busy day. Laundry, bake an apple pie, a loaf of bread and make bolognese so I can have it again after work on Monday. The bread is for taking to school for work, probably a cheese and tomato sandwich. Oh how I wish there was a Tesco I could simply pop into and buy ready-made sandwiches or a sushi box! Or better still, that I could stomach canteen food! Then I could easily eat for £1 a day.

Talking of the pound, the exchange rate may be hitting the tourists in Spain but I must say, against the yuan it has climbed. Will it ever get back to the lofty heights of ten to the pound I wonder – that's what it was when I came here.

One person the rate has affected is Kevin. He is coming over to Shenzen for an interview with a private school. When he left he swore he was finished with China but with no pension due for another two years his money won't last. I wish him well, they are offering a damned good salary (and will doubtless expect a million hours of teaching a week) and I reckon he will need it. He has found himself a woman, probably in her early thirties and she looks a bit of a sort, couple of kids who now call him their new Daddy too!

As for me, I just feel I am marking time until next summer. Sounds sad I know but I keep dreaming up grandiose holiday plans that may well not eventualise. Thank you spellchecker for telling me the ise should be ize – I am English! Bugger off!

Been checking Sri Lanka. The sensible option is Colombo and a friend has offered very helpful suggestions. But. I found a tented lodge hotel in Yala national park where hephalumps and monkeys roam freely in the grounds, the sea is nearby and it looks like paradise! I reckon I could afford a fortnight there and still have money for Shanghai.

The problem is, the closest airport is HRI (Mattala Rajapaksa) which was built to be the country's second biggest airport. All the airlines made a loss so they all stopped flying there except for Sri Lankan and Cinnamon. If, and it's a big if, I go there, sorting flights will be a nightmare. I do really have my heart set on it though, even if it means an overnight in Colombo each way. Just means they will be economy flights!

I just finished Episode 3 (last one) of China: A New World Order (available on BBC iPlayer) and it could have been produced by me! So much of what is said about the new regime mirrors my thoughts and for once it wasn't about bashing China. It doesn't matter where I live, I will always find something to moan about – and thankfully I can marvel from afar at the Brexit hash, Trumpton's trade war that's hurting his country more than here and let me not even begin with Europe. But a very interesting three hours even for someone quite familiar with the subject.

Oh! Before I go I just checked I never mentioned it last time. The Kiwi student? I emailed the Dean and asked if she could have him removed to a Chinese class (even though it is not her domain) and she spoke to whoever was in charge and called me that night.

The solution? He stays in my class but I appoint him teaching assistant! Fine by me if it is with him. Hopefully he can identify those in need of help and as he speaks Chinese he can translate. Also it takes away my nagging thoughts that he will know everything I am teaching.

If I could learn my reputation at this school I am certain it will be four letters – PEST. But at least I care about the students and not just myself. Pity not all the teachers are the same.

Thursday 12^th September, 2019 2000

Alice is a Jonah.

Everywhere she goes she leaves devastation in her wake.

I went to Paris with her last year and after we left the Notre Dame burned down.

Took her to Athens and once we left they had to fight like hell to stop their city from becoming ashes.

She's just been to Brisbane, visited the famous Lamington Park and now the historic lodge is toast!

The moral? Ask her if she's thinking of going anywhere nice and if you want to see it before it is destroyed, go first!

Today was a long day and one which brought home the monumental task I have ahead, teaching pronunciation (at least it is to English majors) and oral English to non English majors, at least for which I have a plan of action.

My first class was a revelation. I have four boys from Uzbekistan! That was a surprise for sure but an even bigger surprise was the inclusion of Caleb. Caleb is a kid who was with me on the retracing Rewi Alley/George Hogg journey. He's a Kiwi so is a native speaker! What the hell have they put him in my class for? A waste of his time and not far removed from them asking me to be a student in one of the other foreign teachers' classes to learn English! Madness! I am trying to have them remove him, not for any other reason than it is just plain idiotic. He came to learn Chinese and that's how he should be spending his time.

Oh, and guess what I found out? Remember I said they have cancelled all the school buses due to budgetary restrictions? Well, as of this term, you have to pay for hot water! What??? Best of all, I can't get any! You need a smartphone and an application to make the machine work, which I don't have. In addition you need a university ID card, which I also don't have. I had taken a flask, milk and tea bags and Jodie got me water in the morning and I collared a student at lunchtime. From now on, it looks as if I will take bottled supermarket drinks. Give me my east campus office and my kettle again!

So tomorrow is Mid Autumn festival, or moon cake holiday and indeed an unknown student who had a huge bag of cakes was kind enough to give me one so at least I will eat one for the holiday.

While I am trying desperately to figure out what to do with the pronunciation classes.

Tuesday 10^th September, 2019 1100

As sometimes happens, life has gone from irksome to normal in a very short space of time.

Having emailed the Dean to ironically thank her for the additional class and offer my reasons for not wanting to complete those daily/weekly performance forms, I received a call from her. She wasn't actually in the city and with my running on two timetables she was unsure just where the extra class had come from.

She agreed I could dispense with the forms and some time later she called again. The extra class is in fact the one I had scheduled for Friday mornings so now instead of having Tuesdays free, I have Fridays! If I wasn't serious about saving for next summer I could if I wished go away at weekends. Conversely it does mean that when the long weekend holidays come around (such as Mid Autumn festival this Friday), as usual I will get no benefit.

By God it was a struggle this morning. 0530 alarm, leave home 0715 and bump into Nordine whilst we waited for the bus. I found my classroom with no problem and even had time to have my smoke.

The first class was in fact the students' first class ever at university and Christ knows what they made of me! Not too large with 32 in the class and most from towns I have never even heard of, all in Gansu province except one. And when she introduced herself and stated her hometown I had to do a double-take. She comes from Huaibei in Anhui! Twenty-one hours away by train and tucked in the furthest northern corner of the province, not far from Suzhou where Joan lives. I'm sure in the fullness of time I will discover why the hell she is at school so far from home but one thing's for sure, she won't be going home for Qing Ming, Dragon Boat etc!

The ten o'clock trek to get the bus back was a trial, over two months basically sitting on my backside meant it was a shock to my long-suffering pins. The only good thing is that I have discovered I can still do my shopping on Tuesday as the bus actually stops about fifty yards from BHG. So I did shop and now I am skint until I go to the ATM. Nearly 400¥ and the only food was a bit of mince and half a pound of butter. The bulk being wine and a large tub of Nescafe which to be honest, will last me six months.

And now I am gratefully home. At some point soon I will need a kip and later I must make sausage rolls for future lunches.

I think the all day session on Thursday will be a tribulation.

Monday 9^th September, 2019 1630

So yesterday, armed with Chinese translations on a USB I returned to the chemist. They have computers but for some inexplicable reason they couldn't plug it in and read it. So I had to go all the way back to the computer shop, get a printout and return.

Of three possibilities they had none but they did offer granules rather than pills of something called Cefaxodril. It looked similar to one of the names I had so I took a punt. I may yet end up going to a hospital.

I am now back on fish oil, having stopped some years back when the Chizhou pharmacy stopped stocking the ones I used to buy and offered hideously expensive alternatives. Next stop, maybe, the acupuncturists. Before that though, I really need someone to locate an English speaking optician who can offer varifocals or at worst, bifocals.

You know how my life here goes in cycles from ticketyboo to downright irksome? Well we just entered a phase of the latter.

Bad enough that my morning class was cancelled and I have to make it up later but this morning I received word that my afternoon class was also cancelled and needs to be made up due to military training. It seems the PLA are not run with military precision. Someone find me the General's email address!

Annoyingly I had already arranged to meet Alice to collect my shopping from Taobao (most importantly decent spuds!) and also to get her to transfer a debt repayment. I also needed to be shown again where building three is.

But when I got there I was told my timetable had changed yet again. Don't tell me I have classes tomorrow now?? Let me check.

So now I start at 0800 on Tuesdays. I can moan but not whinge as it still allows me to shop and when necessary, get electricity but there went my day off. It also didn't mean I suddenly had a gap another day, they have given me an extra class and as I am running on timetables from two different departments, it becomes very confusing.

Then Alice tried to give me forms to be completed each lesson for each class with performance marks for each student!

They were in Chinese (note I said “were”!) and apart from being utterly pointless (Alice is supposed to input them on the school system each week) I have emailed the Dean to register my opposition. Do they want to me spend half of every class going through the students, asking them to point out their Chinese name and then trying to remember if they contributed??? For me, a form too far. I am awaiting a response. Don't think they have P45s here, just the Order Of The Boot.......

Anyway, I may calm down a little when I have my salmon, mayonnaise, boiled decent potatoes and peas! I may even have sussed out where to get off the 66 bus tomorrow within my walking range of BHG.

It's a tough life if you don't weaken!

Sunday 8^th August, 2019 1500

I forgot to mention that to my surprise they paid my inflated salary early on Friday afternoon rather than the anticipated late payment on Monday! I had budgeted to try to avoid pillaging my UK account yet again and in fact would have lasted but it did give me the opportunity to go early for my drugs run. It also means in a week's time I shall be debt free!

I got sorted for another month of “health” and, armed with my list of UTI treatments, I endeavoured to buy one of them. Not a soul in the pharmacy speaks English but I asked them to put the words into their phones. Finally, they got a result and brought me the drug.

Eye drops.

As the old optrectomy joke goes, it may have cured my shitty outlook on life but would have had no effect on the problem at hand. I have now used my own computer to find three of the cures and have the Chinese for them stored on a USB, which shortly I shall take back and see if they can help.

Yesterday I was informed my Monday morning class is deferred due to military training. My guess is the “passing out” parade takes place then. The cheek of it though is that I have been told the class must be made up! They said they would tell me where and when. That didn't sit well with me because for sure they would find the most inconvenient time possible, so I have managed to get them to agree to wait until I actually do get to meet the class, compare timetables and agree a mutually acceptable time. I am hoping I won't have to engineer a crack of dawn wake up for myself.

So tomorrow is the first day back since 28^th June. I shall meet Alice before class so she can give me two months' supply of Halls and show me again where building three is! Then I shall hand over a wad of bank notes to take to the bank so my overdraft with the Bank Of Pudong is finally repaid.

I have all but stopped cooking lately. I have five portions of chicken and mushroom pie frozen but without decent potatoes it just doesn't seem right to an Englishman! Last night I went to my “new” restaurant around the corner and blew 93¥ on a prawn dish and a beer. I would have preferred company but my friends now all live miles away. It was ok, a load of prawns with onion, a birds nest, mange tout, some unidentifiable (and unpickableupwith chopsticks) things that looked like yellow, oversized orange pips. Also the weird Chinese mushrooms that have the consistency of jellyfish and the colour of Quink. I never left any prawns and the mange tout were too crunchy for my gums but I enjoyed it. Next time I'm going to try what look like spring rolls in sauce for a third of the price.

Tonight I was just going to buy some cakes and chocolate but I just remembered I still have a couple of chilli puffs in the freezer. There's not much fun in cooking for yourself, is there?

Friday 6^th September, 2019 2130

Just when I was beginning to think they were determined to run me ragged on Thursday mornings, yesterday morning I was emailed an amended rota. I now spend the entire day in building three, starting on the 3^rd floor and finishing on the ground floor – great. Puzzlingly, they also changed my only Friday class from the 3^rd floor of building four to the ground floor of three. The latter was entirely unnecessary, they could have made that one the 6^th floor and I wouldn't have cared, it was the proposed alpine trek I didn't want to compete in!

Oh hilarious! Just looked at the weather forecast for the coming week. Damned good at around 27C until my first day back at work, then sodding rain! Still, that could change.

Saw the following in China Daily today. I have seen all of it of course, both in daylight (not that impressive) and at night. They captured some good images. In particular, in number six, somewhere about half a mile closer to the camera from the power station stacks, nestles the little east campus.

http://global.chinadaily.com.cn/a/201909/05/WS5d70c5bba310cf3e35569f19_1.html

Thursday 5^th September, 2019 0100

I know, it's late and three pints of snow, a bottle of plonk and half a litre or so of jing jo has disappeared. Fret not, I will not be posting this until after a sleep in case I say things I regret!

As much as I try to avoid politics here I have to mention Carrie Lam and the withdrawal of the extradition bill. Why only now? I fear too late now the demands have escalated and those in power sadly miscalculated, they could probably have stopped it in its tracks then. The protesters I reckon are going for broke now. Embarrassment on the eve of the 70^th birthday will not sit well. I am concerned.

And what about UK politics? God, I wish I was a political reporter in Westminster right now! Such excitement. And such reasons for the entire world to look on laughing.

Had a call from Brenda yesterday to ask me who was collecting my passport with my new residence permit on 20^th of this month. I told her Alice was. “Oh, you'd better tell her to come and get the 400¥ fee”. Why? She was given it when she made the application yet returned it because it wasn't asked for! I called Alice and asked her why on earth she had done it. Because it wasn't her money and she didn't want anyone to think she was a thief! Now she has to get it back on the 19^th to pay to get my passport back. Meanwhile, should I be apprehended by the police, I have absolutely nothing legal in China to prove my identity or right of abode! I'm sure I can handle it if it ever happens. Just send them to Alice, who has my documents!

I am still raging over the mash to mush potato season. Doesn't half limit food options unless you are Chinese. A pigging cheese and ham omelette tonight although I may make that chicken and mushroom pie tomorrow and have it with loads of other veg.

I am trying to eke my money out until the bumper (at least I hope it will be) payday on Monday. I am low on yuan and I would like to do a small shop at BHG on Friday to top up the wine stock and get some bits. That realistically leaves me with 50¥ a day, not a lot but I do have reserves of pijou and jing jo! I have money in my UK account but it peeves me when I have to pay 2.75% on foreign transactions and if I take cash it goes up to 4.75%. Oh! Use Revolut or Transferwise I hear you say! They don't operate in China. It does give me pause for thought as to what to do on retirement though – losing nigh on 5p in every pound rankles. Fine for now because I try to find websites to pay in sterling for flights, hotels etc and I lose nothing. I confess to being an idiot in the past and choosing the yuan as my currency and being charged the NSTF as a result. By chance this year I searched the same sites in sterling and they charged me in sterling! DOH!!! Ah well, three years (if it turns out to be that short) is still a long way off.

Do you know, I had every intention of picking this up again in the morning but it's long enough to post. Bear with me while I check to see if it is wise.....

Doesn't look too bad so here goes!

Monday 2^nd September, 2019 1430

A few things I forgot to mention yesterday due to the post being somewhat lengthy.

I attempted to have lunch with Alice in the “Boy's Cafeteria”. You may be wondering why I would be so foolhardy as to try to take a girl into a male-only place, indeed I did question it myself. It is in fact not exclusively for testosterone producers, rather it is so called due to its proximity to the boys' dormitories. I shall not repeat the exercise! The food was dreadful and worse, despite being on display in what appeared to be bains marie, stone cold – and we went before official school lunchtime. There is another, smaller, place that I gather is more expensive (mass canteens are very cheap, to be fair) but does serve up grub that's hot. I shall give that a go but if not to my liking there are small eateries outside campus, failing which I shall be taking my own lunch in twice a week. Or going hungry.

I also collected a couple of gifts from Wuhu Alice, she has recently returned from a super holiday in Brisbane. She sent me some cantonese sausages (akin to salami) which I have yet to try and a beer can holder for hot days at the barbie which she bought in Oz. Except it was made in China! In her defence I recall my visit to the UK and the problems I had trying to locate souvenirs that were made in England.

Also, my expedition to Shillidian (one bus stop from here) saw me having to stop three times on the return. Glucosamine has been a failed experiment, so much so that I have abandoned my plans for a shop today as even now it pains me to walk.

1700

Hobbled up to the mail office for the first time since the end of June. Nothing there, what a surprise! Still, at least I'm not plagued by junk mail.

With nothing not frozen at home I went to the Muslim noodle place up the road for the first time in about six months. Noodles and spaghetti are not the optimum food when your teeth have gaps so I took a fork with me. I had “dry mixing”, at least that's what it said! Bit like chow mien and this time for once they gave me a small portion as requested. I actually managed to eat half of it. Whilst waiting for it to be cooked I pondered on what I would have received had I ordered “halogen surface”!!

At the jing jo shop I bought a smallish diary, which was the closest thing to a notebook they had. I need to keep a record of what we cover with each class – the unit or topic, activity or film I showed them. Then when I got home I decided to rule up my own version of an attendance book. I cannot read Chinese but it looks suspiciously as if rather than seven classes I in fact may have only three! Two classes thrice a week and one once. I have asked for clarification because that would make life very taxing indeed – three times the number of topics. I haven't forgotten my first year on the little campus when I had one class seven times a week – boy did I struggle for ideas!

Oh well, it looks as though mentally at least I am starting to gear up for back to school........

Breaking news:

Just had a call. I suppose it makes sense but it never occurred to me. The class numbers are repeated across all majors so you can teach class 191 English majors and also 191 Chinese majors. I'm still not entirely clear, no surprise there but all will become crystal next week. Also, tomorrow they hope to hear that my “problem”classroom on the 6th floor has been moved to the 1^st (or ground) floor. Looks as though I will be able to make that flask of tea after all.

Sunday 1^st September, 2019 1830

On Friday I visited main campus for the purpose of getting Alice to show me where buildings three and five were. I knew four from when I was teaching on all the campuses. Five is around the corner from four but three is a bit further and I am not sure I will find it unaided next Monday when I start back. Either way, as my classrooms have not been altered I still have the 3^rd floor 3^rd building to 6^th floor 5^th building to manage on Thursdays in twenty minutes, together with getting myself a flask of tea and having a smoke. I did warn them I was 63 and not 36. Ball is in their court but if they dare to moan! Because I will be late every time.

Alice also had my latest packet of mint seeds. The last lot were all dead on arrival. These came in a tiny plastic bag and looked like specks of dirt! No chance of spacing them, it was as much as I could do to flick the bag and try to get them out onto the dirt. Let's hope they actually grow – the plant pot gets fuller by the attempt as every time I have to put more earth on to bury them.

Today I finally had my ears lowered. I was prevented from doing so before as the UTI flared up again and left me needing a pee every two minutes. In fact when I went to main campus I was desperate when I got there, went a few times before coming back (had to go behind a van before I got a bus!) and only just made it home before I would have had an accident. That put paid to any thoughts of a haircut even though it's across the road from the bus stop.

Mr Barber took great delight in telling his new assistant and the other (female) customer that I would be leaving as a Buddhist monk, miming hands clasped to the front. I responded by afterwards leaving with hands clasped, head slightly bent and chanting gibberish. They seemed to find it amusing.

So then I thought that as I'd already come a third of the way, I'd go to Wu Mart to try and get some decent bacon. I never thought in a million years I would be calling American streaky rubbish decent but the alternative lately is even more dreadful. I think there's a province-wide shortage because all they could offer was a single pack of the terrible stuff. It is astonishing that with half the world pig population in the hands of Chinese farmers that they don't produce bacon in their own country! I must have a go at making my own, if only I can find a butcher to do the right cut for back bacon. And buy a slicer.

So as not to entirely waste my efforts, I went to a bakery and bought a couple of cream filled croissants, then went to Dicos for a chicken curry, hardly haute cuisine but it saved me cooking when I have next to nothing in the fridge.

On the way back the sun was in my eyes so at the crossing I was unable to make out the red/green man sign. I know I need to get varifocals very soon but I am not blind yet. Everyone started walking and so I followed suit.

I found myself trying to cross a six-lane highway with cars hurtling at me from both directions!

As you can see, I survived!