Saturday 30th August, 2014                        1430

The teaching schedules for the coming term are out and Kevin is not happy! He has a full complement of 8 classes (16 lessons) per week whilst I have 7. That in itself is not enough to  provoke his sadness but 10 weeks into the semester I will lose two of the classes as they graduate, leaving me 5. Despite being informed to the contrary I have my three year students for their final term. Even that is not enough to make the green monster appear. What has done it is that he has no days off during the week whilst once again I am only working three days! I have Mondays and Wednesdays off. Of course that may change if I am given large classes (unlikely as the new students will all be 4 year students) and I split them. Olivier on the other hand only has TWO classes! Nice work if you can get it………….

Well, it seems I won’t be returning to Anqing again this holiday. Yvonne told me this morning that her younger sister has just received her admission papers for another college so when she packs up her temporary job she is going to help her prepare the things she will need and then accompany her to her new school, returning here herself the day before term starts. A pity because I was looking forward to going and another meal in that restaurant but that’s life in China.

Speaking of life here, the campus shopping centre has been destroyed. Not literally of course but through Vivi we have learnt that every single shop/restaurant/hairdresser etc with the exception of the supermarket has upped and gone. All the furniture and equipment has been removed and every door has the same sign on it. In Chinese it says closed until further notice and that they are up for rent, highest bidder wins. Apparently a firm in Anqing owns the leases and decided to push up the rent so high that the incumbents had no choice but to leave. Even for China that seems a bizarre way of doing business and I am wondering if they have shot themselves in the foot and many of the shops will remain unoccupied. No doubt the coming weeks will tell either way but it may mean I need to find another pet barber and move my “office” off campus.

Last night Ellen, Vivi, Kevin and I went to a new fish restaurant. I think I was invited because they have a promotion on at the moment whereby if you spend 100y you get six beers free! There were none left when we had finished. We shared a hotpot of blackfish which was very nice and they even do some small spring rolls - not something you see often here. Of more interest to me was another new place next door which seemingly does sweet and sour chicken, however I get a feeling it will still have the skin and bones attached. Only one way to find out.

Kevin is also not happy for another reason. He needs a new passport. It still has three years to run but because of all the travelling he has done he has no space left for visas. When I renewed mine a year or so ago it was simply a matter of paying the fee and posting the application to Hong Kong, who then cancelled my old passport electronically and forwarded it to London. London then duly sent it back via FedEx  (and a student on the number 29 bus) to me here.

That has all changed now. You have to go to one of the British embassies here (or get someone to go on your behalf) with your old passport and application and the nearest to here is Shanghai. He now faces long train rides (flights are expensive) and at least one night in an hotel in Shanghai due to timings and the same again when the new passport is sent as he has to collect it in person as well. Quite why they changed the system I have no idea but thank God mine is valid for another 8 years. Shifting sands have got nothing on life in China!

Ok, shower time now and then a ride to town to get some shopping. I have threatened to make chilli mince and potatoes for all of us tomorrow.

2000

By virtue of the fact that I left rather late this afternoon, my “meal”, far from being something reasonably healthy, was a vegetable free McDonalds. How in hell’s name they STILL can’t find another reputable supplier this long after the scandal broke beggars belief. And for once the place was really busy (they are not exactly in a prime location here) so I don’t believe the stories about their profits crashing. Sure, there will have been a blip for a couple of days but KFC is still doing well as well.

Sitting off campus having a pijou with Pepsi I couldn’t help but notice that the nights are already starting to draw in. It was dark at seven. I sat there musing on whether to get a new bike this year or not and weighed it up against available money and what else I had thought of doing such as buying a fryer, curing salt (sodding expensive) for ham and other western food items I am low on. The former would probably set me back 2,500y and the latter all told about 2,000y. I could do both I suppose, I shall see after term starts.

Wednesday 27th August, 2014               1920

I will start this but there is no way it will be finished or posted tonight.

I had my pie Monday night and am pretty certain that I used the convector function seeing as the elements never glowed red even on full heat. The instructions are in Chinese, as are the symbols by the dials. I do believe I either need one of my students to translate or spend a bit of time mucking about. Notwithstanding, the pie heated nicely and it could well be a great alternative to singeing the top of a lasagne, although with a cottage pie that’s exactly what you want.


Yesterday morning once again I woke up wondering where I was - my own bed - and never (again) had a decent night’s sleep. I got up but felt so lifeless that despite the fact I could have been ready to leave, left and got to Anqing by eleven, I didn’t. Instead I saw myself on a bus which should have got me there for about two. No problem because I couldn’t check in until then anyway.

The bus never went the way it did last time, of that I’m sure. We never saw a highway until nigh on the end of the journey and he stopped absolutely everywhere including in the middle of nowhere to pick people up so there were people standing. I am sure that is illegal on coaches even here. The funny thing was, the only seat unoccupied even with people standing was the one next to me because nobody presumably wanted to sit next to the fat foreigner. Fine by me! Early on in the journey a woman sat on the other side to me hawked up and spat on the floor of the bus. Nobody said a word other than me muttering “disgusting”. when we stopped at one of the many we made though, she hawked up and went to spit but this time the engine was idling so the driver (and presumably the owner) heard it and went mad. He made the woman go to the door and spit on the road. She never tried it again.

About two minutes away from Anqing bus station we suddenly ground to a halt and I looked up to see three lanes completely stopped. My first thought was that there had been an accident. Then I saw a man in civilian clothes waving his arms and gesticulating for all the traffic to stop. Hmmm, I thought, maybe someone is lying in the road injured and he is preventing them getting run over, good for him.

However, every time a taxi or bus tried to squeeze through he ran over and stopped them. Something wasn’t quite right. Precisely what was revealed moments later. It was raining at the time and yet this chap peeled off his shirt and commenced pacing from side to side of our carriageway swinging it in a circular motion above his head. The guy was either high on drugs or more likely, bonkers. Realising that this is China I concluded nobody was going to simply run him over as he deserved, nor were they going to confront him even though he had no weapon. A part of me wanted to get off the bus, thump him and drag him onto the pavement but I sat like everyone else.

Then a policeman on an e-bike arrived (wearing flip flops!) and I thought “Great, he will be arrested and the enormous jam behind us will be released”. Oh no. Yvonne later told me (she and her friend were stuck in a taxi coming to meet me much further back on the same road) that he was probably a traffic policeman and they can’t arrest anyone! What?? I did ask what they did with drunk drivers or dangerous ones but she seemed to think that they would still have to call for different coppers to actually make the arrest. God knows. Anyway, while the policeman was calling for back up on his walkie talkie, a taxi driver plucked up enough courage to go, which led to others doing the same. Before we could actually move I saw a rubbernecker on an e-bike on the opposite carriageway, clearly engrossed in the debacle on our side, veer into the central fence barrier and come a cropper. Plonker.

As we crawled past the half naked culprit who was causing mayhem I saw him from three feet away and his eyes were manic and staring. Definitely a candidate for a mental institution.

As Yvonne and  friend were also delayed, I went to a little restaurant in the station to wait and have a drink. When they did arrive I was introduced to Yen. Yvonne’s name is Yao (or maybe Yar) Yen so they both have the same given name. She studies maths at Anhui normal university in Hefei  and became friends with Yvonne in senior high school. Nice girl who was embarrassed by her lack of English, which was purely because since going to uni she stopped practising.

We went to get me into the Anqing International Hotel where I learnt there was no lobby bar, no minibar and no mini fridge as advertised. Seems to be the norm lately and I am beginning to think it is not the hotels telling porkies but the booking site. It’s bloody annoying but for one night it didn’t really matter. The room though was one of the best I have had in China and certainly the best for the price I paid - free actually but had I been paying it would have been 228y (£23). Couldn’t fault the room at all so no fridge notwithstanding, that will be the hotel I use in Anqing if I go in future.

Yen has a summer job at a restaurant with some outlandish English name like All Love Comes Here, which was where Yvonne wanted us to eat. Yen went ahead and we got there at about six-thirty after I had browsed around Carrefour close by. New restaurant, very popular and it has to be said some of the food is terrific. We had Yen as our waitress and the menu was in pictures on what I believe is an I-pad. Of the three dishes we ordered the huge prawns was the best but I discovered other dishes that on the next occasion will be ordered. Idiot here never forgot to take his camera to Anqing but he did forget to take it out of his case so sadly there are no pictures.

But. Remember I said my travels were probably but not definitely over now? Well Yvonne is considering coming back a few days early so depending on her, I suggested if she is (she thought 7th September) I would return to Anqing the night before, we could go to the same place to eat and then travel back together the next day. I can leave my bike at the station and have her on campus ten minutes after the bus arrives. She is though not only a woman but also Chinese so I am not going to book the hotel until I get a definite yes.

For now though I need a good rest. This holidaying lark takes it out of you especially when you are flitting from place to place all the time. I was so tired I decided to leave Pepsi to languish another night in prison but when I got back I felt so guilty I rode all the way back after dropping my suitcase to go and get her. She went potty! I’m glad I did because the joy she showed when she could get on her own bed instead of having to sleep on the bottom of a cage was incredible.

Before I go, has anyone got any ideas as to how to deal with a Chinese hornets nest? Apparently we have one by our building and they have caused quite a few fatalities in China (they are not the usual type). If I could locate a flame thrower I would use it but I doubt the wisdom of smashing it with a stick and having no protective clothing to wear. Smoking it would be problematic too.

Well, despite what I said I have rambled on enough to actually get this online so goodnight for now. I need an early one followed by a late morning.

Sunday 24th August, 2014                  1330

Yesterday didn’t quite go as I envisaged, for while Anna and Joanna were with me I asked them what they wanted to do in the afternoon. They replied “watch TV” and so I sent Roland a message to say that as we were all together we could meet him any time for our evening drinks at the Big Bamboo followed by dinner at the Flying Fox. Almost immediately he responded by saying “we” are going tenpin bowling, would you like to come?

Not half - the girls had never been and were eager, so we went to get a cab to Century Park where Roland would collect us. He said what I thought was Vinsheng Road and when I told the driver he was quick to say Dinsheng Road. Sounded similar so off we went with Joanna expressing doubt. She was right, it should have been Minsheng Road and did she make sure I knew she thought it was all my stupid fault! A second taxi was taken and eventually we met up.

Roland had his son GJ with him and so there was a mandatory stop for everyone bar me to have a stone plate ice cream. I wasn’t chancing it with my toothache, bad enough drinking beer. Then the bowling alley. I haven’t played for years and I wished I hadn’t agreed to it this time! More of my balls went in the gulley than didn’t and after game one I was joint bottom with Joanna. It was embarrassing. I did improve slightly for games two and three though, coming third after Roland and his son. The girls enjoyed it though and got to try something new so I was happy.

Then it was off to the Flying Fox for dinner. Everyone are heartily except me because my appetite is pitiful. I had looked forward to the all day English breakfast quite literally all day. I knew from past experience that it was big although before I had chance to stipulate that a child’s portion would do, while I was ordering drinks at the bar Roland had ordered it. It was delicious but I couldn’t even manage half of it. After dinner it was off to another couple of bars in search of a pool table, in one of which there was a live band and a performance by a pole dancer. Joanna was so impressed she videoed the girl. I must admit she was very agile and very good and it was tastefully done. We played until about 0230, at which time I simply had to cry “enough” as I was so tired. I haven’t been sleeping very well for a while and waking up in the middle of the night in all these different hotels wondering where I am, was I leaving today and the like has not helped.

The girls and I took a taxi home.

Monday 25th                          1545

Shortly after typing the above, I left the hotel to get a taxi to meet Roland and GJ at a shopping mall. I was in search of Jacobs cream crackers for Kevin and myself, plus anything else small that I thought I might need. We went to three stores in three different locations and never found the Jacobs so in the end I just bought Carrs water biscuits and a pot of ground cinnamon I can use in my fruit bread. We could have continued the search but my legs were done in from the bowling.

The girls couldn’t join us yesterday, Anna had gone back to her parents who live a long way away and Joanna had other plans. At 1555 we went to the Blue Frog for a much needed drink and were informed we should wait until 1600 as it would then be two for the price of one. A small price to pay for getting two pints given the prices in Shanghai. GJ was champing at the bit as he had been promised crepes for his dinner so that was the plan. However he also likes playing pool so we changed that and went to the Big Bamboo for pool and nachos. Having embarrassed myself thus far by failing to finish a single meal, I ordered quesadillas thinking they would be more manageable. They were but even so I never finished them all!

Now, I wanted an early night as I had decided to get up at four this morning, so just after seven we left to satisfy GJ with his crepe. It was a small “shop” with no seating except outside on the decking but it was next door to a bar. Quite handy, as they will cook the crepes and then bring them to you while you have a drink. Roland and son amazingly both ordered what can only be described as breakfast crepes, with bacon and eggs on them. Wimp here ordered a suzette simply because I knew it would be small and thankfully it was.

Then it was time to take me back to the hotel. Just as the heavens opened. The rain had stopped as I got out of the car. It is a Skoda Superb and amazingly it has automatic parallel parking - you just tell it to park and it finds a space and reverses into it! No sooner had I got to my room than there was the most almighty thunderstorm and suddenly all the famous landmark skyscrapers I could see from my window were completely obscured by lashing rain. Unlike here though, I didn’t have to wonder how long it would be before the power went off.

I went to bed at ten and duly got up at four. I had memorised my flight details because I had no ticket. At ten to five I was packing because my flight was at 0805 and I was mindful of the accident that made me miss my flight three years ago. Before I shut down my laptop something made me double check the details and to my horror I saw my ARRIVAL time was 0805!!! Takeoff was 0705!

I thought “no, not again!” and hastily finished packing and went to check out. Thankfully the hotel were able to summon a cab for me and equally thankfully traffic was light and there were no accidents. I had enough time to stop for a smoke before going into the terminal and then bypassed the long queues at check-in by striding straight up to the 1st class counter. I even had enough time to visit the 1st class lounge which was nice and had free bananas, pot noodles, drinks (non alcoholic at that time of day) etc. No smoking there though, you still have to go to the smoking room but at least that airport has a room instead of a glass booth that lets all the non smokers gawp at the lepers as they pass.

We took off bang on time and arrived early, a bit before eight. My e-bike was still there and I was home before nine, shattered. I delayed going to bed long enough to launder my clothes and hang them up to dry, then flopped on the bed. I kept waking up wondering where I was.

Later Kevin brought my new oven which so far I am very pleased with for 500y. Not only is it bigger than my old one but also his, and on this one the convector fan appears to work. I am back in business for western Wednesdays and tonight I can cook one of my Australian chicken curry pies for myself. In the morning I am off to Anqing for the night and when I return on Wednesday that will probably (but not definitely) be the end of my gallivanting for a while. The good thing is, I still have a decent amount of money left so I may buy that deep fat fryer.  

Friday 22nd August, 2014           0300

Silly time I know but I am out of kilter.

Leaving summer camp was a relief although I never went anywhere near heavenly village, we were in fact somewhere close(ish) to Luan. When we left we boarded our coach for a trip to a museum - I know not where. Instead of having the entire back seat to myself, this time a porky boy and two girls decided they wanted to sit with me. Fine by me, one of the girls (Kate) was a little cutie I am now in love with.

We left after “lunch” (I just had a beer as it was equally as awful as previous meals) and I had a previously unthinkable notion. When I got back I was going to Mcdonald’s for “proper” food! That’s how bad it was and even the kids complained. When Chinese children don’t like the food it has to be really dire.

We travelled for an hour and a half and the driver (Gregory Peck) got lost. Eventually though he found the museum. I had seen it half an hour before and thought it a likely candidate but being unable to read Chinese I had no certainty. I wished I had said something. The museum was rubbish. Hardly any English translations and not a lot to see, just patriotic stuff and some boring Qing and Tang (no Ming) dynasty potteries. I was glad to leave.

The kids were hungry and so I invited four of the girls to contact their parents to get permission for me to treat them at McDonald’s, which they did. Sadly, because it took us 7.5 hours to get back (as opposed to 3 to get there) by the time we did the parents had changed their minds as it was too late. I ate alone.

I got my laundry done and it was dry by the time I was ready to leave yesterday. My bike is now at the airport hopefully and I checked in. did I want a window or aisle seat was the question. No difference to me in first class on a short flight so I just said if I could get the seat next to the remaining unsold one it would be fine. The girl just smiled and told me I was the only first class passenger! Ctrip tell porkies then.

I boarded at three ready for a 1530 takeoff and took my seat in the 1st class cabin. I had my choice of any so just plonked myself down. Boarding completed, the bridge was removed from the plane and the doors shut. Then came the news that ATC had not cleared us for takeoff. Bloody marvellous. When you are late the damned things take off on time, why can’t they when you are on time yourself? An hour and a half we waited doing nothing. Ok I was given an orange juice and then later red wine (economy I think got nothing!) until eventually we were cleared. I had sent Joanna a message to let the hotel know I would be later than planned.

It being such a short flight there was no meal but I was given nuts and fresh fruit. To my horror I developed severe toothache en route which is still with me now. I have to eat on one side and when drinking I have to tilt my head otherwise the pain is excruciating. I can handle bone surgery conscious but toothache has to be the worst thing on earth.

Before landing I decided to pay a visit to the loo and so went through the screen to economy because they are at the rear. I got thrown out! Unbeknown to me there were special 1st class toilets near to the doors through which you board. Exactly the same as any others but I had to be segregated!

We landed an hour and a half later obviously and then something odd happened. In China the minute the wheels hit the tarmac everyone is up getting their bags and waiting at the exits while the plane is still taxiing. Not this time. The hordes were held back and I had to be first off! There is a schoolof thought which says 1st class luggage comes off first. I can testify that it most certainly does not. I had to wait just like everyone else. Pity. I had needed to put mine in the hold because of my liquids, knife and corkscrew otherwise I could have taken it in the cabin.

On exiting some lovely people offered to take me to my hotel for the very low price of 400y. I knew at 26km it wasn’t going to be cheap but even when I told them I was no newcomer and was not on western wages the price only came down to 350y with the injunction I would have to wait ages for a proper taxi. A taxi arrives at the rank every 2 seconds at Honqiao airport so I waited not at all. Thanks to Joanna I have the world’s hardest to find hotel because even the cabbie got lost and had to speak to her thrice on the phone but at least it is quiet. Pity it appears they turn off the cooling for the central aircon at night - complaint later today coming from me because I won’t be able to get under a sheet. No minibar/fridge as advertised either so their online review is being formulated. No lobby bar either. I am getting hacked off with being told things only to find they are fiction.

Joanna  came and we walked “a short way” - for that read route march - to get some food. We plumped for Papa John’s pizza which was great but we could both only eat half. The remains she took for her roommates. Tomorrow we are going to Bollywood where hopefully Roland, Joanna, Rinka, Anna and I will all have a nice curry. As it is now nearly 0400 it is time to surrender and try to get some warm sleep.

Saturday 23rd                 1300

Yesterday I slept late and in the afternoon ventured out for some less than fresh air local to the hotel. Coming across a small spit and sawdust dumpling restaurant that served bin pijou, I rested awhile. Anna was on her way already and as her parents live on the other side of Shanghai it was taking her a bit of time - nearly three hours in fact. As the final leg of her journey from the subway was going to be on foot I decided to stay in the restaurant. As aforementioned the hotel is a bugger to find and where I was sitting was on the corner of the main road and the small one leading to my temporary home. Eventually she found me.

Joanna was hoping to finish work at five so it was organised that Rinka (who was teaching until 1630) and Roland would go to The Big Bamboo bar at six, Joanna would get a taxi and come and collect the pair of us from the hotel. As always, plans went astray. Joanna got stuck in a meeting so I said we would go and she could follow when she finished. Easier said than done. Although the main road had plenty of passing cabs they were either occupied or if empty, simply stared at me hailing them and drove past! After some time fruitlessly waving like a lunatic at anything remotely looking as if it would take us to the bar, Joanna said she had finished work.

Change plan again. I said to her to get a taxi and pick us up. No point in paying two fares. Ten minutes later she sent to me that she also was unable to hail one! By now I was in high dudgeon so I took Anna and positioned us near the traffic lights to carry out Operation Hi-Jack. At the first opportunity wherein there was a red light I saw an empty taxi and chivvied Anna to quickly get in, whilst I jumped in the front so he had no chance to get away. I’m not sure he was overly happy but the final bill was a respectable 90y so he made money.

The Big Bamboo turned out to be about a minute’s walk from the Irish bar I was drinking in three years ago and it’s really very nice. Plenty of girls serving drinks at the tables and the place was full of laoweis - in fact probably more in one place than I have seen in the whole of China since I was last here, very lively indeed. After drinks we crossed the road to Bollywood for an Indian meal. Joanna was the only one of the girls who had eaten Indian food (in Nanjing with me) before so they were enthusiastic. Certainly we ordered enough variety for them - tikka, bhoona, sharing platter etc - to sample most genres. Sadly my own dish of prawn and mushroom curry proved too spicy for my wimpish palate but it didn’t stop me from enjoying the occasion. The damage for all this was just over 1,100y which meant by the night’s end I had spent over a week’s wages!

After the restaurant it was back to the bar to play pool, at which I played dismally whilst Roland played a blinder, the reverse of three years ago. Joanna surprised us all by pulling off some terrific shots and it was good to see her and Anna having a good time. Rinka had left early as she had to teach this morning.

Today I am doing nothing but finally post this blog and gaze out of my hotel window at a Shanghai skyline shrouded in pollution and being regaled with the sound of distant thunder. Yesterday morning I complained about the air conditioning. A woman came, fiddled with the controls and indicated she had fixed it. She hadn’t, so I complained the cleaner who made a phone call. A technician arrived, looking very competent with a fist full of tools, did nothing and left! Fair enough I thought, I will simply complain to reception when I go out. Five minutes later though the phone rang and a voice in halting English said “Please sir, change room”.  I can’t fault them for that even though it involved lugging my gear up to the next floor but I now have a nice cool room.

While I was typing the last paragraph, my mobile went. Joanna and Anna are arriving in ten minutes so it seems the posting of this will have to wait! I must remember to tell you about the toilet in this room when I resume.

1400

Ok they are here and at the moment just watching my TV so I will try to get this posted before it becomes an epic.

Right, back to the toilet. On moving rooms I discovered I had a rather odd loo. It has a control panel with eleven buttons on it attached to one side of the pan, a bit like a very low armrest. I had no idea what it was for but assumed it was for disabled people. Posting about it online yesterday, one person suggested it was to wash your rear end after you finish your business, not a prospect that held any allure for me. Curiosity got the better of me this morning and before using it I pressed every button to see what would happen. Nothing.

I cleaned my teeth and shaved before having a “sit down” and as soon as my buttocks touched the seat I shot straight off in shock. It is heated! Not unpleasantly so but when it is completely unexpected (and the first time you have encountered it) it does take you by surprise. The girls have now investigated it and after I heard much giggling from the bathroom I was informed that it can massage your bum as well. I don’t think I will be using any of these amenities and to be quite honest I can’t think of anyone who would!

So that’s it for now, the quest continues for western food later on. Rinka can’t come this evening but Roland is bringing his son and hopefully his wife. And he’s paying. Here are the remainder of the summer boot camp photos of the museun, our local airport and Shanghai so far.

Monday 18th August, 2014                    1300

Oh my God.

Why did I agree to this trip???

Oh it started off fine aside from the light rain. In fact it went well for over an hour and a half, until in fact after  we stopped at a service station. This was broadcast to the bus as “the laowei needs the WC” when in fact all I had said was that I hoped they would take a halfway break so everyone could and I could have a smoke.

Thereafter and until now it has gone distinctly downhill. Considering the coach came from where we are now to where it collected us, I find it unbelievable what happened next. Our place of residence has changed due to roadworks, that’s fine, but the bloody things were there when the bus came and yet we still encountered severe turbulence and eventually ground to a complete halt. There was a width restriction.

I personally thought the coach could have squeezed through (just) but oh no, we had to turn around. Not only that, the driver decided to do it in such a way that the driving wheels rather than the steering ones went into the mud. I declared my intention to refuse to get out to push as soon as this lunacy started. However, he did get us turned and took a different route. Then we hit more roadworks and another width restriction. This time though John Candy (my name for the fat bloke running the tour) got out to guide the bus. I think they had run out of ways to get where we are now. It was tight but we got through and my little bus game with prizes lasted nicely until the end.

So we arrived at a “scenic area” whereupon the children were greeted by a Sergeant Major. Not really, it’s his job. The parents send the children on this sort of thing to try to combat the Little Emperor/Empress syndrome. For those unfamiliar, due to the one child policy there are millions of spoilt brats in China now. This is supposed to be character building for them and certainly the SM had them doing exactly what he said so maybe these three days will benefit them. But we are not in the heavenly village, nor will I get to be, apparently even a taxi can’t get through. There’s no such thing as organised roadworks in China - no contra flows, just dig up the lot at once.

It was then that I discovered something. I had previously indicated I would happily pay for an hotel room for myself but it quickly became apparent that the rooms at this centre are for three people. I have not shared a room outside the family home other than with a beautiful girl for 41 years.

The inside of me screamed to demand to be taken to an hotel but the little devil on my left shoulder said go with the flow. So I did, even though I was told I could have a room of my own. I now have two boys as roommates and I am unsure as to who I feel sorrier for most, them or me. I snore apparently.

The room is basic. That in itself is no big deal but the internet didn’t work. That is, it is a problem nowadays, especially in a country where you can’t understand the TV. We went for lunch. The kids were on two tables in one room while the instructors and other adults went to another. I was not happy with that because as you may know I believe if you travel together you should eat (but not sleep) together. Tonight I will sit with the kids and to hell with the “you can’t drink beer in front of them” or “don’t make them nervous!” brigades. I am not their teacher and anyway I’m a laowei so I’m allowed to do potty things.

I only hope dinner is better than lunch was. It was diabolical. Worse than that, there was absolutely nothing I liked except cabbage. I may well starve to death before I get back on Wednesday night.

Tuesday 19th                               1100

The owner and I went for a short wander after lunch and he wanted to visit a scenic park. The problem was it was all uphill. Ever resourceful, I managed to cadge a lift from a van to an area with souvenir shops overlooking a large lake. There were cruisers for hire at exorbitant prices but unless I produced my “licence” to drive them we had to have a driver. We passed on that.  I did however manage to wangle a lift on an e-pickup to get back.

Dinner was every bit as atrocious as lunch had been. I am now at the stage where I am wishing a guy on a bike selling steamed buns would show up - at least I could fill a hole. I can’t even go to an outside restaurant because the kids have a party each evening and not to attend would be a bit off. I actually sang a song for them last night, not that they understood a word. My reward? The drill sergeant gave them a task - to remove my shirt. It would not have been beyond me to resist but with 21 screaming kids baying for it I decided to struggle just a little so they could have their fun. Not that seeing my gut could in any way be classified as fun.

Going to bed relatively early, I was confident of a good night’s sleep. Until the oldest kid I am sharing with had his phone alarm go off at about three this morning. Worse, the only one that heard it was me and so it went on snooze at ten minute intervals for over an hour before I finally broke and made sure the owner was awake to switch it off. I just dozed after that and got up in daylight with the kids, only to find it was still only seven. Lord help me. The shower this morning was fun too. The water only trickles out and everyone gets one towel the size of a handkerchief. It was wet after merely drying my hair. Shanghai can’t come quick enough.

Wednesday 20th            1015

Final day. I think we are off at midday after lunch (if you can call it that) and are going to a museum before heading back.

Last night’s dinner had two dishes that I thought at last I could get something to eat. One was deep fried and breaded chicken bits, the other looked like steamed wonton rolls. The chicken was fine but as usual everyone else liked it because I did and so I only got two bits. The dumpling things? The owner and I both took one and simultaneously we both rushed from the room to spit them out into a bin. The filling was pork mince but what they had done to it God only knew.

I didn’t have to go to last night’s party after all because it was a film in Chinese so I sat outside having a beer instead. I could hear the music and soundtrack and recognised it as one I have seen in the university. As I suspected, apparently all the children cried, as did some of my own students when they watched it.

I couldn’t stay too long though as in the space of two days I wiped out their stock of pijou, not that they had much to start with. Doubtless lunch today will be a dry affair. As I never managed to grab some kip yesterday I actually called it a day when the kids did and again (having threatened phone boy with instant death if it went off) expected to awake refreshed. I didn’t but that is no fault of the kids. I am a light sleeper anyway so it made no difference but the Chinese have no concept of keeping quiet when someone is sleeping. They woke up, put all the lights on and proceeded to conduct a conversation at full volume. That’s pretty much the way our school accommodation block is going now they have populated it with loads of Chinese teachers. Even though I forewarned him, Kevin is going mad (not a morning person) and he is going to get Vivi to make some Chinese signs to put up requesting consideration for others. As if that will work!

Our stay here, whilst not exactly being comfortable (for me) has nonetheless been interesting and it has been quite fun watching the kids being whipped into shape and seemingly enjoying the process. There have been moments when I have wished dearly that I could turn the clock back fifty years.

I am not sure if I will be able to complete writing about this jaunt before I am in Shanghai so I am going to post this now before being summoned for lunch. I am just hoping the Friday night curry goes as planned because Roland Orange emailed me yesterday to say that he was being sent to assess a bulk carrier that went aground and ripped open four of her double bottom tanks. He should be back in time but you never know.