Friday 29^th June, 2018 0000

Ok, starting this whilst waiting for the Big Match.

I know I said I probably wouldn't but – and I am under no illusions that it is because of my vociferous complaints as to how the VPN people could keep LA connected but not one UK location – touch wood, they may have cracked it, at least for a while. I watched Colombia v Senegal with no problem.

Early last evening Alice contacted me with the news that she has a shiny new Schengen visa in her previously unused passport.

My brain now hurts. I have spent hours booking flights and getting her to book matching ones so we can sit together. Hotels (and still 10 days in various places to book plus ferry tickets) are confirmed, at least those I have booked and very suddenly, £4,500 is not actually looking quite as comfortable as you might imagine for a fortnight away, even though she is paying for her own flights. It's crazy. But. It's £4,500 which will in great part go to the EU and not the UK due to the idiotic system of visa issuance which lets in criminals and keeps out honest tourists, even though she is partly to blame for not following orders. There's an M&S in Athens, maybe I can get my socks and boxers from there!

So now I have my crutches. One of my better decisions (a snip at 74\) and my stubbornness gave way. It is heaven. Not in the traditional “swing those legs” way (I reckon I would snap them anyway!) but as a walking aid. Almost everyone has used a pair at some point but it is only when you get old and fat and unable to hop that one truly appreciates them. This morning will see whether being able to haul myself upright using one lessens the chest agony as well. Then my life would be complete!

Except of course, I don't want to still need them in six weeks.

But hell, life is easier and less painful and if I actually want to takea bus now there is no problem with ensuring a seat – even here they will give me one! A seat, I mean......

So now I am going back to hotel bookings before England play. I may actually stay awake until at least half time.

Wednesday 27^th June, 2018 1830

Flipping heck. If it wasn't bad enough with the Firewall Force, the school internet crashed for most of yesterday and then in the early evening again when IT had all gone home. Just to make my life complete, a couple of hours ago the sound disappeared from my laptop entirely!

I know, I know, you're all sitting there smugly, nodding sagely and muttering “drivers”. Well to me drivers are people who sit behind the wheel of something vehicular. An hour on the internet live chat and I can hear again.

I received a reply at last from Delia. I had emailed her regarding Sahara and how I felt she should be given a last chance and a stern talking to, rather than being expelled. The talking to has been administered, assurances given that she will buck her ideas up received and by all accounts she will be back in school again after the holidays. That's my good deed for the month – I can but hope she doesn't show me to be a fool.

Thursday 28^th 1245

I had thought that a little walking might do me some good but after having no choice but to go to see Madam Electricity on Tuesday before she clutters off for her summer break (wouldn't do to have no power over the holidays!) and then to get my drinks and a barbecued skewers dinner because I didn't fancy cooking, I seem to have made it a whole lot worse.

Ok, so I'm not popping painkillers like Smarties, just a couple of Ibuprofen when I get up, to take the edge off, however I decided to swallow the bullet. Alice is coming late afternoon with my final Taobao order and I have asked her to go and buy me some crutches. When I left the last pair behind in Chizhou I never expected to need them again. Need them I do.

Ah well, at least it's keeping me out of mischief.......

Tuesday 26^th June, 2018 1130

No, I'm not going to moan (too much, anyway) this time. It's been a week since The Great Leap Downwards and progress is steady but deadly slow. Walking is still very difficult and I have come to dread the mornings – the smokers' cough is particularly excruciating and I really need one of those geriatric chair things that get you upright so as to almost be standing!

I am going short distances at present (very slowly) and have just been on a hundred yard dash to get my final electricity top up before the school winds down for the year. I broke my record, it only took fifteen minutes.......

Alice, Stephanie, Andy and another lad did some shopping for me (I paid for them to take taxis of course). Well, I say shopping but it was more of a wine run really. Eighteen days' supply to be exact – if I can't get it myself by then something will be seriously amiss!

I even cooked last night, a really nice frittata followed by bananas, grapes and that whipped cream I bought a while ago. Annoyingly, Alice had to cry off so there I was with a veritable bucket of cream (and still well over half left today!) and not enough people to eat it. Still, I have a bolognese defrosting and am sure I can have some dessert tonight. If I feel up to it tomorrow I may make a cake and make a cream sandwich, after all, considering what the stuff cost I really think it would be criminal to waste it. I wonder if you can make an Irish coffee with it???

the Firewall Police are still making the World Cup the What Cup? - they are definitely more vigilant when the matches are on. Last night they struck the Uruguay/Russia match with minutes to go. I was going to take an evening nap on Thursday and get up to watch England's final group game which kicks off at 0200 here. Now I'm not sure.

It's a lovely day today, high this afternoon of 29C so allegedly 27C now although I found it to be absolutely perfect when I went for my hobble just now.

Alice in Guangzhou sent me a link

https://v.qq.com/x/page/r0698o9ycp5.html

It is really well done, presumably by students using a drone but it shows the vast scale of the campus in Chizhou. When the drone gets up really high, believe it or not even the buldings in the far distance are part of the university. I still miss the old place.

Saturday 23^rd June, 2018 0730

Normally in holiday mode I change my hours and become a night owl and what better time than now, with football matches to amuse until 0400 each morning? But no, early to bed, early to rise for me because I am exhausted in the early evening. Age, or rather the bladder that comes with it, is my problem. That and the fact the Internet Stasi seem to have sadistically chosen just when cup games are on to rush around blocking or throttling access to them – I couldn't even get the Iceland game on the radio last night! I shall watch the two matches I couldn't, on catch up, after posting this and before opening any social media to spoil it by shouting the results at me.

At four or five in the morning it is currently excruciating to get up for a pee and almost as bad getting back in. I can't face it so I stay up. The only chair I have fallen asleep in is this one but it has no arms and the last thing I need is to topple off having forty winks.

I ended up not going to work yesterday at all. The jungle tomtoms must have been at it because Janet texted to say I could test the last class next term. I very much doubt that will happen, seeing as I won't be teaching them next year.

I also needed some cash to pay Stephanie for the Subway when she came and also Alice, who is going supermarket shopping for me on Sunday. One huge bonus re the positioning of my home is the proximity to all the basics. From here to the ATM, then the jing jo shop and home is probably less than 200 yards. It took Captain Calamity here half an hour to do it – was I glad I never had to go to work after all!

And Mr Jing Jo (who you will recall now knows where I live, having carried my stuff on Wednesday) with neither of us speaking the other's language, managed to make an arrangment whereby I simply have to call (or text) his mobile and say “Ooh Xer Bah”, then half a litre of jing and three large cans will be delivered to me! The password was my doing, it means 58 in Chinese, the price of the aforementioned. Very handy and the only drawback is I cannot change the order!

It's Annie's activity day today. I do feel guilty because she has worked hard arranging it, with a scavenger hunt, dance in the evening etc but without a dedicated car to ferry me back and forth every time I wanted to spend a penny, no way can I be there.

Thursday 21^st June, 2018 2100

Half time Denmark v Oz.

Well I decamped at noon yesterday, there were customers for the first class but not the second so the beauty of the little campus is that they treat me so well I am all but autonomous. Not that I abuse it but equally I am not sitting around for hours for nothing.

As I was painstakingly making my way downstairs I chanced upon none other than the campus doctor, whose son I taught in my first term here and packed him off to gain an MA in Cyprus, currently he is embarking on an engineering career.

With only the aid of my body language and her occasional internet translation on her phone, she elicited what happened and that I thought a rib and my pelvis were fractured. Had I been to hospital? After the last time when they missed a displacement let alone a straight fracture? No thanks, they wouldn't treat either problem other than perhaps as a money-making exercise, in which case they would gut me like a fish and shove another load of masonry nails in me. Time, albeit I think a fair few weeks, will see me right.

In the ensuing fifteen minutes before the bus left three Chinese recommended acupuncture. Never had it and I am certainly not closed to it but somehow I doubt its efficacy in bonesetting.

On my return I limped into the jing jo shop, the owner was horrified and insisted on carrying my essentials to my home for me. Once here, he decided there was a smell. Maybe cigars, maybe just the fact the windows are normally kept shut – in winter to keep warm, in summer cool and to keep insects out. Despite my protests he opened loads of them and later I had to struggle around the flat to close them again!

Having alerted today's classes that they needed to come here for testing, I never had to get up too early but I was determined to finally shave after almost a week of abstinence. My Godfathers, it took me half an hour to get out of bed, it was pure agony. Not from the hip but the ribcage. Sure the hip was akin to being stabbed by a dirk but my chest! I decided tonight I would sleep in an armchair in the living room.

The shower is now set up so I can sit on the loo and get cleaned up. It will be some time before I feel safe standing on my feet!

The girl I was told to fail? Who missed most of my lessons this term? She actually turned up for the exam and came in last. She fed me a completely implausible story as to why she was missing not just my lessons but others. But her English is actually not bad. I couldn't do it even if other teachers are going to. I have emailed the dean with my thoughts that the school should get to the root of the problem because something is going on and that they should support her instead of casting her aside. No idea if they will listen but I hope they do. I gave her the minimum pass of sixty.

Once finished my dinner of apple pie (all I have had for three days!) I emailed Janet to request the bus picked me up at lunchtime as I wasn't going first thing in the morning. She has replied to say don't come in tomorrow, I can test the class next term! Whilst I know of no other teacher here in my situation who wouldn't either take to a hospital bed or at least go on the sick, I still feel guilty. I shouldn't have left early when told last week! Then though I couldn't foresee what would happen.

Stephanie is going to bring me a tuna Subway tomorrow. I can't cook so proper food will be welcome and that will do me for two days. And tonight I will sleep in bed. It no longer matters how long I take to get out of it again.

Isn't life wonderful?

Wednesday 20^th June, 2018 0915

I will get a good day sometime!

Yesterday was supposed to be a shopping day, having promised Annie today homemade burgers but when I went to shower the water was off! Banking on the fact it would be back on in a couple of hours, I decided to bake an apple pie, boiling the apples using the two litres of water I keep for just such occasions.

Lo and behold, while the pie was in the oven the water returned so I quickly washed the dishes and went to takea shower, not wanting to end up shopping when people were doing likewise after work.

My big mistake was forgetting to shave in said shower, having given my face a rest since last Friday. Had I not done so all would have been well.

My haste however, was my undoing.

As the water sprays everywhere I drape my bathrobe over the washing machine, which sits just outside the bathroom door. I retrieved it, closed the door and went to put it on. At this point, for the first time in my life, my feet quite literally shot out from under me. There was still soap on the deck, which had I taken more time would have rinsed away.

Still clutching the robe, I went down horizontally and landed like a sack of cement. I felt something crack in my ribcage and I was momentarily winded. It is rare I talk out aloud to myself but I found myself muttering “No! No!” to myself venomously. I was indeed hurt and worse, I couldn't get up. Having been given a taste of what it must feel like for the really elderly in the same position who spend all night on the floor, I determined that my corpse would not be found naked next to the loo.

With what seemed a Herculean effort I pulled the toilet lid down and hauled myself upright, at this point it dawned that walking was going to be a problem. Once I got to my chair I sent an SOS to Annie and swallowed some painkillers. Two and a half hours later she arrived, by then it was too late to expect her to go shopping for me so we simply discussed this Saturday thing she has organised. I may or may not make it now. The apple pie, I am happy to report, was not burnt in the making of this tragi-comedy.

Everyone knows that an injury is worse the next morning and it was no different this time. My right pelvis feels much the same as when I bust the other one, although where the pain was 11/10 last time, this one is more like a 6.

Even so, it was time-consuming agony hauling myself down to the school bus this morning. I don't know how I made it but I quite simply have to finish my exams this week. The pretty teacher kindly carried my bag up to the 4^th floor and then waited the fifteen minutes it took me to get up there.

I am now wondering why I bothered. No customers for the first class so if the second one is the same I shall text the afternoon monitor to ask if anyone's coming. If not then I'm off home at noon!

There is absolutely no way I will be able to get to two campuses and upstairs tomorrow so as they are English majors and those results are crucial, it will be a case of asking them to come to my home for testing. A bit of a pain for the main campus students but a piece of cake for the Peili ones.

I do sometimes wonder precisely what hideous thing I did in a previous life to deserve all this!

Monday 18^th June, 2018 1300

The outcome I suspected has manifested. Despite it being a holiday here for Dragon Boat festival, Alice received the result of her UK visa application. I don't need to spell it out.

I am fuming because the rejection stated the usual (not convinced she will return to her home country etc) and also that she had told them in interview that she was funding a fortnight in the UK herself. Given that her parents had deposited monies in her account only a few weeks ago that looked suspicious in itself but she failed (as she has with every mortal thing I have told her to do) to tell them once in the UK I would be paying for accommodation, travel and living expenses. Sure, she told them she would be with me but not that her expenses would be covered by me, so although it may not have made a difference it may well have because I am sure the embassy would have phoned me to verify. Too bloody late now.

So I shall not be making it back to England again this year. I don't even know if I am going anywhere now!

The agency still hasn't applied for the Schengen visas for the students yet so I have no idea whether we will at least go to Europe. If there is a sea change in my normally appalling travel luck then maybe we can visit Paris and Rome. If not, God only knows. Either way, waiting for the Schengen result will surely mean flights will increase in price. I am really beginning to wish I had booked up for a solo holiday to the Maldives or Seychelles in a luxury wooden hut sitting atop the Indian ocean, where I could simply eat, drink and sleep for ten days.

With my summer plans now aping confetti thrown at a wedding, I can but concentrate on the World Cup. I know I said I wasn't that interested and I'm not but what I forgot was that it always pushes anything worth viewing off the box, leaving little else to do indoors, the alternative being going out and spending money.

I suppose there's always next year.

Friday 15^th June, 2018 1830

And welcome to the home of car crash blogging!

Travel gremlin? What travel gremlin? Visa? What visa???

The passport never turned up on Thursday. Be patient, it will arrive tomorrow.

You guessed it, her passport never arrived today either. And with it being Dragon Boat Festival weekend, the earliest now is Tuesday.

It is almost certain now that by the time I manage to be able to buy my flight, it will be too late for the finance dept to process and pay it this year. I am not committing large amounts of money to things I may well not be able to do and I found out today that when enquiring as to whether she has a visa or not she has been talking to the agency and not the British embassy!! Give me strength. Just to cheer me up, I noted that the Scottish highland tour immediately before the one I had planned to take has already sold out so that will be the next skittle to fall no doubt. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest now if I end up going absolutely nowhere at all this summer. Normally at least things go wrong after I start travelling.....

On my return from breakfast this morning (I learnt about the passport over my breakfast) Janet came and informed me I had to cancel my afternoon class because the classroom was needed as the CET4 exam was taking place. I was told to go home.

Well, seeing as nobody turned up for an exam this morning and notwithstanding that Janet clearly didn't know I never needed a classroom seeing as any tests would be in my office, I decided to do just that. If anyone wants an exam they will have to come next week – I have simply had an early day today instead of then.

Just to make my demeanour sunnier, Annie and Stephanie are cajoling me to participate in some summer camp thing next Saturday (all day and evening). I am to be at Stephanie's “station” and would I referee a game of dodgeball. Dodgeball??? What the hell's that???

I found the rules online so now I have to learn them quickly. I don't want to do it but on the other hand I don't want to appear to be Grumplestiltskin either.

Dragon Boat Festival? Bah humbug........

Wednesday 13^th June, 2018 2040

A mixed day.

On the plus side only a handful of students from each class turned up for testing on east campus, meaning I almost regretted not taking my laptop charger, however, I was home before the school bus would have even left campus. Love it.

Not sure which side this will end up but Alice told me her agency was instructed to collect her passport from the British embassy tomorrow. D-day. I will know whether I am going to the UK or not, tomorrow.

Looking on the bright side, not long ago I decided to carry out a dummy run on booking my return flights with Malaysia. They are the cheapest (maybe because everyone is too frightened to fly with them) but I tried thrice via Skyscanner, which every time it transferred me to Malaysia, threw up an oops! We think you are a bot. Stupid captcha turning seven pictures the right way up (of course I succeeded) followed by an internal error.

Thinking it shouldn't be Skyscanner's fault, it's owned by Ctrip now and they are always good, I went direct to Malaysia wih the same result! I can see that as usual my travels are going to go well, starting with anything up to a 100% increase in my flight price. I am now taking a further look at my figures for all the expenditure (and lines of emergency credit now in place!) and come tomorrow night may well end up booking the fastest, direct flight with China Southern. The problem is, I don't know if I will be reimbursed before I leave or when I come back. I am not happy, I am trying to save the school money by taking longer and costing half yet as it stands I can't do it. I have emailed Malaysia demanding a swift response (my last communication to them was not replied to for ten days) otherwise I will take my business elsewhere. I never mentioned MH370 of course but surely they want to stay in business?

That's it. Long, tiring day tomorrow, the English majors will all turn up (well half of each class and I can't just do a cursory test with them!) so it will be interesting to see what happens.

I am though wondering whether the fact I am using a VPN is the problem. I may connect and then turn it off later to see.....

Tuesday 12^th June, 2018 1615

Although to me life seems to be a continual battle with problems of varying magnitude, occasionally, just occasionally, something goes right. That happened on Saturday when I decided to make the normally fruitless three hour round trip to China Tobacco. To my delight, they actually had some of my cigars! My only question was, “How many do you have?” They showed me. Nine hundred. “I'll take the lot and please order some more!” Enough to last me until I leave these parts on August, so another six hundred before then would see me through until term starts again.

My innate laziness manifested on Sunday when I decided I couldn't bother going shopping, despite having woken at 0500.The sweet pork shop is still closed (whether for refurbishment or permanently only time will tell), I am not keen on the noodle shop (portions too large and embarrassing to waste three-quarters of it) and I didn't want to cook. Instead, I bought a fruit loaf thing, hardly healthy but it was actually quite nice, after all, I was making the Monday meal the following day.

Having finally found whipping cream (at a whopping 75\ for a litre carton!) I then discovered strawberries were suddenly out of season! That didn't please me and I went to the market in search of something else to have with cream. I bought six peaches with the intention of peeling and slicing them. The events that unfolded over the coming hours gave me at least some comfort because even now, said peaches are still too hard.

At midnight Sunday, Stephanie texted to say she had “accidentally” scheduled dinner with a student for Monday. How do you “accidentally”do that when you come here every single Monday???

Now I was thanking my stars that I hadn't gone shopping – I was doing salmon steaks, which at 40\ a pop are not cheap. One less to buy.

On Monday morning Alice texted to say her brother had just turned up to visit her so she couldn't come either. I suggested she could bring him but she said he wouldn't feel comfortable, not speaking English. So I cancelled the dinner completely with Annie, who also said “oh good” because she was busy preparing exams.

So I never went shopping yesterday either and the day's intake consisted of nibbles.

Today I had to go, the wine locker was dry and anyway I needed to eat some proper food. Normally when we've had the Monday meal, on Tuesdays I have half a baguette for dinner and the other half I take to school for lunch but I decided to make sausage rolls instead. Four jumbo specimens are currently baking as I type.

I realised today that the World Cup starts soon. Not that I am a particular fan of football but I do tend to watch the WC (not Euro or the FA cup), probably because I only discovered England actually won it in '66 some years later. It wasn't big news down under when it happened! To be honest, I have been more interested in the build-up up to the Trumpkim Affair, which, fingers crossed, will end up producing something far more important than the Jules Rimet trophy.

I did though just look at the group England drew. As long as they don't emulate Scotland in 1978 we should as usual get through the group stage. Doubtless we will be going home some time between then and the end of the quarter-finals!

Oh well, my exams start tomorrow, and I will shut up shop next Friday for the academic year. Still no news from our embassy and still no decision on whether I will receive any travel money from the school. Yet more annoyances.

Wednesday 6^th June, 2018 1830

Still sweating on news of Alice's visa, mostly because I am being chivvied by my school to submit my receipts -which I don't have as I haven't booked anything. If it all goes pear shaped summer will be a continental breakfast instead of a full English so I daren't. It does annoy me that she swallowed what the agency said and never told me for weeks, it's not as if I know nothing about travelling after all. Ah well.

Not a bad day at work today, mid-morning on my way to class after the break, I happened upon some students coming upstairs. For their kindergarten teaching degrees they also have to take piano and art classes, presumably for the kids' benefit. Anyway, they were carrying paper plates and bowls with what might have been food or may have been something they made to look like food, I couldn't tell. Jokingly I accosted a girl and asked where mine was because I was hungry.

Ten minutes later the door to my classroom opened as were were watching Tarzan and said girl came in and put a plate on the dais at the front, then came to me and said it was a gift! It was a man made from food – a bread head, hair from coloured noodles, a pineapple tie, cucumber slice body and raisins and juju beans for limbs! Very arty indeed.

Despite taking an egg baguette for my lunch, I was minded to go out for lunch and save the baguette for supper tonight. I didn't fancy a Big Mac or anything Pizza Hut offers – they are only good for breakfast. I decided to ask Eva and her mate for a Japanese. They said they had homework to do! No idea about you but when I was a student you did the homework in the evenings, not lunchtimes and would have leapt at the chance of a free, exclusive meal! I suggested they brought it with them and did it whilst waiting for the food. They did a runner while the film was showing and I never saw them again! I wouldn't mind but it is bloody expensive and not really a place I want to eat alone in.

I ended up at the fast food buffet place with sweet pork, cabbage and egg & tomato. Alone. Very gourmet. That was their last chance to be invited for lunch, not just because of what they did but it's exam time for the next two weeks and then I won't ever have their class again.

I should though be back to only teaching on my little campus next year, there's a new Peace Corps volunteer coming. Annie will be the senior hand (re Peace Corps) and she has got the hump because the school are refurbishing a flat for the new chap/chapess but not hers! And the on-campus flats I am told are particularly dingy, unlike mine. She is particularly miffed because the washing machine they gave her keeps burping either small lumps of metal, or more recently plastic, into her washing. I placated her by saying next year I will in all likelihood buy my own front-loader because I need hot washes to actually get my gear clean and she could have the school one I have now, which is actually in pristine condition. I just can't get on with top-loaders and cold washes, they simply wet and swish a bit. I'd be better getting an old maid to take my stuff to the Yellow River and beat it on the bankside rocks.

Tuesday 5^th June, 2018 0800

The lemon meringue adventure.

Realising it was going to take me rather some time, I opted to spend almost my entire Sunday afternoon in devotion to producing something which followed the BBC Good Food recipe to the letter. It should be pointed out that I long ago came to the realisation that recipes are merely ones chance to have a stab at creating something which will never look like the glorious picture shown and, more importantly, screw it up as per directions and learn from their mistake. The mark of a competent cook is knowing what to do next time to kiss it better.

First bad advice was to blind bake the pastry case. This, even though I only did so for half the recommended time produced, instead of a soggy bottom, one which in the end product required a road drill to actually slice portions off.

The curd, I am proud to say, was beautifully citric, gooey and immensely lemony.

Then came the bold new horizon – the meringue.

I am, as my father was wont to say, somewhat cack-handed so anyone accomplished in the art would have cringed at watching the meal I made of separating egg whites and yolks but I got there. This was getting excruciatingly exciting, for the first time I was going to make egg whites turn white and fluffy without actually cooking them. I started with a hand whisk but rapidly lost impetus and broke out the machine. Ten minutes on the machine saw little change in the egg. I persisted. After half an hour of high-speed agitating, still my eggs hadn't produced the glorious soft peaks promised in the recipe. I couldn't help but wonder how the hell my Mother used to do it by hand! I was exhausted using an electric whisk!

In the end I carried on, added the sugar and cornflour, assembled the pie and to hell with the consequences. I could always buy ice cream. The final product, as you can see, was less Himalayas and more Norfolk.

 It was however eagerly devoured by my guests, who, amazingly, had never eaten meringue before (the Mercans called it “crust”) and declared it to be most efficacious.

By then of course, fuming that I hadn't been able to replicate a simple thing made by housewives the world over daily, went online to see what went wrong. I was stunned. I had no idea that one small, errant blob of yolk was sufficient to screw the whole thing!

At least I know for next time.

Yesterday afternoon I called Brenda while my cleaner was here, as arranged. She had gone to the finance department with my concerns and had answers. Yes, I can submit an e-ticket for business class but need to take a screenshot showing my flight with both business and economy prices displayed. No problem there, I just learnt how to take screenshots. In addition I need to take another shot of the UK/RMB exchange rate on the day of purchase. Again no problem. The only sticking point was that they asked me to buy my flights in sterling. Always my intention to do so for the international ones but not domestic – Ctrip gives by far the most advantageous prices but bills in CNY, ergo I take a hit on exchange rates and fees. I said I would use Bank of China for domestic flights and this apparently is acceptable. All that angst over the past couple of months and see? They can do it when they put their mind to it.

All I need now is the green light to start moving.

Saturday 2^nd June, 2018 2150

Getting a little but back to normal now. Even made a roast beef dinner tonight with Yorkshire pudding, everything was delicious except for the beef, even after four hours of slow roasting it was still akin to eating a nurse's Croc sandals after a night shift. I said months ago the only thing I would do with beef bought here was put it in a stew and leave it simmering the entire night and I should have stuck with that.

Hotter than Africa today, forecast to be colder than the UK tomorrow, that's the nature of north China.

With next year's contract tucked away ( well, in China a contract for a foreigner can last but a millisecond although by now I do have backing) I have fired off an email to Brenda. In reality she probably has less influence in the important things to me than I do but all my adult life I have had the chain of command instilled in me, a chain I will bypass happily if necessary but not if it will cause her trouble.

I may be jinxing matters but I am hoping before the week is out to be finally booking flights and such. Given what was said regarding business/economy flights, boarding passes AFTER the flights etc I have to say someone has to to stand up and be counted. Especially the after bit if you ain't coming back.

I have asked her to relay my thoughts. Especially on the trust thing with the farce of boarding cards.

My contract states reimbursement of reasonable economy fares to/from here to the airport nearest my hometown (presumably where I ”live/lived”). I have previously stated the argument regarding my choice to pay extra to fly business internally. Currently a return Guangzhou-LHR flight economy with Malaysian is showing as 4400\ and 9300\ with China Southern. They are obliged to pay either of my choosing. The former takes twice as long but I am willing if the finance dept are equally flexible in accommodating me. If not, then bollocks, I will book CS, the departure and arrival times are much better too. Leaving LHR late at night instead of mid-morning removes most of the threats of motorway incidents making you miss the flight and arriving in the afternoon means you don't have to kick your heels in the hotel bar waiting for check in time.

I am hardly being militant (not suggested in China) but stupidity such as not to look out of the window to see if it is raining when the forecast says sunshine gets my back up. If the numbercrunchers want to play hardball then I will take the short route and they will pay more. Watch this space! But from here to Guangzhou it is business regardless.

I was also looking at BA LHR-GLA again. I noted from my scribblings a while ago that business returns were 450 pounds for two. Today they are 680. For a free plastic lunch, booking baggage and a couple of large G&Ts????? The 450 I was budgeted to pay, we will downgrade to economy plus to allow bags (can't leave them at Heathrow) and even at twenty-five quid for a soft drink, gins for me and a bacon buttie for her it makes arrant sense!

In my naivete I even once again looked at the train (even though my timetable doesn't allow it) and first class – not sleeper – wasn't short of a grand! How on earth are train companies still In business????

I know it will be a shock to take buses that cost more than 15p again and taxis that charge a fiver before you move but bloody hell.........