Friday 30^th November, 2018 2040

Well, most of the week saw me waking up as Guy the gorilla (I loved him) and slowly looking a little more normal as the end of each day drew near. Painkillers made it bearable but eating was, and still is, something to be carefully considered – nothing which requires serious biting on the menu yet.

Which gave me a problem for our meal on Tuesday which was a Sunday roast pork with crackling. Crackling has for a while had to have been a fond memory of mine but the others love it so what the hell?

Getting a “butcher” (I use the term loosely, no such thing here, just people who hack dead animals and couldn't offer a joint of beef if their life depended on it) to score the fat the way it should be is a nightmare. Having yet to perfect the art of sharpening knives sufficiently to tackle the job myself has thus far defeated me (may buy a whetstone tomorrow) and so I got the chap around the corner to do it but he cut right through the fat and slightly into the meat.

I never envisaged a problem (do I ever?) and to ensure the meat was as tender as could be (I hadn't eaten since Saturday and it was now Tuesday) I decided to slow-roast. For six hours.

During that time of course half the crackling slipped off the meat altogether into the butter and stock encased in foil. The pork though, I must say, fell apart! I even rescued the crackling and hit upon a new way. Slow roast the piggy and when I open it up the skin will be soft enough for me to score it for crackling!

On Wednesday afternoon I was making preparations for my batch cooking of sausage rolls. I knew Pizza Hut was out due to my teeth problem and decided maybe I needed enough for Thursday and Friday. I had been devoid of energy since Sunday morning and hadn't even bothered making a smooth soup.

Whenever my elderly next door neighbour walks past and sees me in the kitchen, she always climbs up to look in and see what I am making. Normally I hold up a pot or a dish and show her and that's the end of it. This time all I was doing was washing the dishes after Tuesday's dinner.

I felt guilty. No idea why!

Due to my guilt, later when the sausage rolls were cooked (shortcrust – no puff pastry available to buy here, must be home made) I decided to let her have a couple and so took them in foil and knocked on the door. The old biddy must have been out playing mah-jong or whatever so I ended up hanging them in a bag from her door handle with a note that simply said English! By morning they had gone.

Half an hour ago there was a knock at my door. If that's the police again I am going to go ape! It wasn't. It was TWO old biddies from next door (maybe they have a commune) bearing a plate with NINE enormous, steaming, baozi!!!

1. I struggle to finish two
2. I had just eaten!

I immediately emailed Alice. She is coming for an overnight tomorrow so I asked her what the hell I should do with them? I have no idea if they refrigerate or freeze and I thought she may have rushed here to take back to her dorm mates but no, she wants me to keep them in the fridge (presumably I will need to re-steam them) for her tomorrow evening. I suppose I had better show willing too and make them my dinner tomorrow. I KNEW I shouldn't have done what I did! Thank heaven for small mercies, at least they gave me something which depending on the filling, I can eat.

Last night I booked our hotel for Chengdu based on the proximity to the Peace Corps. The Chengdu trip replaces the Xining/Zhangye plan after that huge sandstorm.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-asia-china-46341184/huge-sandstorm-hits-chinese-city-of-zhangye?fbclid=IwAR0MLkv9bsDPY2WWKrbuUUUZTh6p8BXApVewGHo6xsTz8hsVdo8VH69D4q0

Not really because of it but it made me realise I was only going to those places for a flight for Alice. We have both been already and I have never been a “Margate for two weeks every summer” person. Chengdu seemed affordable, neither of us has been.

I had no idea the Peace Corps slaves were training there in the holidays and at that time! What the hell, they can show Alice the sights while I drink the executive lounge dry during evening happy hours!

Minus: 11 hour train journey to get there, not arriving at the hotel in the wee hours having paid for a full night

Sunday 25^th November, 2018 1130

The Chinese curse struck again at school this week. One of my classes advised they had spoken to someone (I suspect the Dean) regarding “my” plan to use an English activity in lieu of formal exams. It was deemed unacceptable. Could I come up with another plan?

I pointed out it was not in fact my idea but Janet's. I didn't say I had been against it from the outset and suggested they talked to her. In the evening I emailed her to find out the score. The activity is cancelled “for different reasons”. I doubt I will ever be told said reasons but it now means a scramble to organise proper tests.

The quickest way of testing such large classes (44 students in each) is a recital and marks being awarded for pronunciation instead of English cognizance and ability. I can get that done in a fortnight. Next term they can have real exams and I will schedule three weeks for that – regardless of any “plans” anyone comes up with!

This means the coming week I have to inform them and they have three weeks to select and memorise a passage of their choice from an English book. Week commencing 1^st December is art week so I shall not be teaching. Roll on the 28^th when I am on holiday!

I had a dreadful night's sleep last night. I kept being disturbed by pain in my face. It didn't seem like toothache and my lips felt swollen. I also felt “cruddy”. When I finally got up at 0900 and went to the bathroom it was the first time it had been light, I never turn the light on when I need to go. I wondered what the hell I was looking at.

My top lip and lower half of my nose looked as if a Botox application had gone disastrously wrong. I no longer looked like me. I informed the gang tomorrow's meal was probably cancelled, at the time I was convinced I would be eating soup for a few days. I couldn't open my maw. Suspecting an infection from food which had worked its way into my gum via a broken tooth, I broke out the amoxicillin. Three hours on, although I still look a fright, it is abating. With luck by tomorrow morning I shall be much improved. If not it will be a trip to the hospital.

And you all know how much I love putting myself in the hands of doctors.........

Saturday 17^th November, 2018 1330

It has been a sudden chill here this week, temperatures hardly ever rising above zero. I had intended to get a haircut on Wednesday but was deterred because rare snow fell all day.

It continued all day on Thursday and made the wait for the school bus parky indeed. The thing about Lanzhou snow though is that it seldom settles, instead simply making the roads and footpaths wet.

Janet finally came to see me, having avoided me ever since the untruthfulness a couple of weeks ago. She studiously ignored my pointed comments, instead concentrating on outlining her plan for an English activity on 14^th December at which the entire sophomore year (all my students) will split into groups and put on shows which will last about five or six hours in the afternoon. It will take place in the auditorium and I need to press for the occasional break for a puff!

The week prior to that is the art week so I will have no classes and I am guessing the week of the “concert” I will be off bar the Friday of the show.

Tuesday 20^th 1540

All quiet on the eastern front.

I now have the occasional weekend flatmate, no names, no pack drill but it makes me happy.

Yesterday we were up to a full house of five diners and I made chicken a la king. I think it wasn't far off what was one of my favourites at HMS Conway. We were fed it once every four to six weeks for Sunday lunch and the dietary regime there was, looking back, dire. We were always hungry. Chips every single night for dinner, real margarine at breakfast (I actually developed a taste for margarine and orange marmalade on toast which endures to this day) and portions sufficient for me today but woefully inadequate for a growing, active lad. I thought it was a tad bland but once again it was relished by the quests and the little which was left disappeared in takeaway boxes.

And finally Alice got to cook her dessert. I was never going to even try it, I hate almonds and dessicated coconut but I am pleased to say the other four found it very much to their liking. I was so happy purely because she had waited so long to make it. Ok, so she had a little help from the sous chef!

I had intended to cure some pork and make ham for next week but two expectant voices last night enquired avidly if it meant crackling. It is apparent Americans are unfamiliar with this very English delicacy. With a 3.5kg smoked ham on order for Christmas day perhaps I shall do roast pork instead for them.

It's been a lazy day today, the shopping trip has been put back until tomorrow. Stephanie defrosted my freezer last night with the hairdryer, a burger is defrosting so fried spuds and egg with it will do me royally tonight – if I get up and go and buy the potato.

Which reminds me, my veg stall has I think thrown in the towel. Been closed for a week and whereas they had two connecting stalls one has been taken over by a fruit vendor whilst one remains shuttered. Annoying but veg and eggs are available further up the road.

With luck I have uploaded photos of new bedding and the meal Eli's host family treated me to a few weeks ago.

Tuesday 13^th November, 2018 2320

Sunday was, as probably all my readers know, the 100^th anniversary of Armistice Day. I am not religious but I nonetheless observe the silence and rightly or wrongly I had mine at 1900 to coincide with the UK.

In China of course, the day was about as disparate as it is possible to get. Here it was Singles Day. 11/11 – all the ones. The day of the year everyone not in a relationship buys something from Jack Ma/Alibaba to treat themselves. And get a bargain. The world's biggest one-day spending spree that with every passing year breaks monetary records, this year I believe $30 billion in 24 hours. Students have asked me in the past why I don't snap up a great deal and the only answer has had to be that foreign food ingredients do not seem to enter the equation and Gucci heels are not exactly on my list.

Letting someone else cook who actually has no idea is at least twice as hard as doing it oneself.

Regardless, I mentored Alice as promised. I cannot list everything she had no conception of because it ranges from peeling potatoes to using a salt cellar but somehow, by dint of close observation, we produced two dishes.

It was however great fun to inform Stephanie that there was a secret ingredient in both dishes. She utterly abhors secrets and wanted to know instantly. At my prompting with loaded questions she asserted both courses were, if not the best, certainly up at the top of those I have produced. The final “reveal” once we had eaten was fun.

Since my last entry I had Kevin take control of my laptop remotely to fix my Windows activation problem. He couldn't and suggested I buy a code from Amazon. Ultimately I may have to but in the interim I have downloaded Picasa and hopefully this will allow me to upload photos. It infuriates me to have bought a machine with a legal copy only to now have the code declared void.

I have a particularly intriguing one (which I pray I can enhance) which is straight out of an Agatha Christie novel. I noticed this morning a large quantity of long, black hair trapped between the office door jamb and the lock striking plate. Sporting ½” grey/white plumage myself and with no discernible injuries to boot, I immediately ruled myself out as the culprit. My two guests though, both had dark, long locks.

Had someone fallen and struck their head? Enquiries revealed nothing. No bald patches either. Without forensic assistance I fear the answer may never surface.

The Christmas dinner shop has started to arrive already. My cheap brandy (Lion D'or) came along with two free shot glasses that will be handy for the post-prandial port plus a family-sized tin of pineapple slices for my sauce to go with the ham. Fresh pineapple is and will be out of season just when I need it. Alice panicked when the retailer told her the Tesco Xmas pudding would take fifteen days to arrive – until I told her we didn't need it for six weeks!

Saturday 10^th November, 2018 1045

Those kidney beans quadrupled in size after a twenty-four hour soaking! As a result I ended up with huge amounts to freeze for another day.

Well, I would have if, even after being simmered in the chilli for two hours, the beans hadn't still been crunchy! None of the sites I had visited regarding how to deal with the beans had given any insight and the following day I did deeper research, suspecting perhaps the beans should be boiled before cooking with them. I was right. Apparently tomatoes prevent the beans from softening and indeed I should have boiled them solo until they went soft. I live and learn and look forward to the next time, when I hope to have a bean-heavy, less crunchy dish!

Following last Thursday's rant over the classroom I was given (Janet is staying resolutely away from me at present), this week I had 101 and 315. with a 4.5 hour lunch break this was no problem and in the morning break I got a student to take my laptop to my office – I was going for breakfast and taking my overcoat for dry cleaning after morning class.

Yesterday it was 315 all the way and because I would be going home at noon I never bothered taking lunch or the laptop. Before the first lesson the monitor of the afternoon class came to see me. They wanted me to teach them in the afternoon! Argh! I could not, would not argue with the request. They are entitled to the lesson (and hell, the fact they even want it is a miracle!). They themselves had decided that indeed, I was right when I said the room was too small for two classes. C'est la vie. At least next week I will know to have a lunchbox ready and the laptop to amuse me at lunch. I just wish they had told me this on Thursday.

Today I shall buy another set of bedding, having given an old mismatched set to Stephanie on Monday. I have sent my Christmas shopping list to Alice and am dreading the total cost. The smoked ham alone is nearly 600¥ and then there are crackers, Christmas pud, brandy and of course, I have treated myself to a bottle of port!

Speaking of food, again it will be just the three of us on Monday, Annie and Eli have had better offers from colleagues. Cheaper for me but I feel desperately sorry for Alice. She had been so excited that she was going to make her “special” dessert with my help, her hopes were dashed when it had to be postponed to this week and now it has to wait yet again. To make her feel better and because she has this Monday afternoon off, I have told her she can make the entire meal. I will not touch a thing, simply give her instructions. It has to be easy so it will be cottage pie followed by bread pudding and whipped cream. She can't go wrong!

That of course means yet again a weekend shop, I have had to alter my own menu.

Getting ACE inhibitors yesterday (unusually I ran out) in a strange pharmacy was a bit of an ordeal. They couldn't understand the English name of the drug even though it is on the packaging in both that and Chinese. Trying to get them to take me to the section where blood pressure medicines are merely had them trying to sell me sphygmomanometers! Eventually I waved them away and scoured the myriad of shelves until I spotted my needs. I knew I should have taken the little leaflet inside the box with me!

Sunday 4^th November, 2018 1400

Great. For a week we've had Beijing stamping all over our connections, the provider had begun developing a solution and at least we could connect to HK, LA or Tokyo, albeit with frequent disconnections. I even managed by dint of perseverance to connect briefly to the UK sometimes, long enough to download BBC programmes.

Then this morning we lost all internet entirely. They only fixed it recently after a burnt out cable left us up a gum tree for three days. Maybe they will fix it later, maybe not but it is damned irritating, especially when it is quite cold and one is loth to go out and find somewhere with wifi to sit online with speeds even slower than dialup.

Still, with nothing to watch I have washed all the dishes and even broken my habit of not going supermarket shopping at weekends. I now have everything I need for Marlow Monday and so I will have the entire day to rustle up a chilli, rice and garlic bread followed by that old failsafe, apple pie and ice cream. And whilst the supermarket was crowded, at least my wine lady was there.

Now I have most of them trained the drill is that I get my fruit and vegetables weighed then catch the wine girls' eyes, hold up one finger for one case, two for two etc and then I carry on shopping while they get my stuff and wait for me to come back when I'm finished. Whichever girl serves me, they need to bring the shelf bar code with me so they can ensure I get six bottles but am only charged for three. And they pack my bags.

Well, they don't want to spend thirty minutes queueing with my shopping so they bypass the queue, go down the wrong side of it straight to the cashier and the next thing you know, midway through scanning another customer's shop they abort and do mine instead! I used to go crimson with embarrassment (if they did it to me I would be furious!) but now I simply apologise to those who were usurped, shrug and point at the staff member so they get the daggers! Being China, they simply take it in their stride.

Tomorrow neither Eli and Annie are coming. Last week's singing competition is supposed to be taking place and no matter what happens I shall be telling them I will not welcome surprise late entries for dinner. Alice and Steph are coming and I thought it was about time to invite Brenda, after all, it never hurts to bank a little guang-xi.

This evening Eli's host family are feting me for dinner at a restaurant not far from here. According to Eli he has been dying to go there (but on a Peace Corps stipend it would probably cost a month's pay just to feed two) and has told me it looks “hip”, whatever the hell that means. I would like to be able to say there will be photos to show you but I have stopped using my camera lately. With my being unable to activate Windows the facility to upload to my laptop has disappeared. Kevin was going to take control remotely and see if he could fix the problem but then Beijing pounced so that is on hold.

Oh, and another benefit to the new Friday arrangement where I finish at noon is that I no longer need to worry about preparing a lunchbox. It only ever consists of sausage rolls, roast chicken legs or a baguette filled with tuna or cheese. In the UK I could simply buy sliced bread and make any variety of sandwich I like – paste, ham, cheese, you name it, or maybe buy a pastie or some sushi. Here it's either baguette or I have to make my own bread and because I work all day Thursday it needs to be two days ahead. Home made doesn't stay fresh that long.

Nearly forgot. Last week I happened to notice in the rice and raisin section that they sold loose kidney beans! Normally I spend 20¥ on a couple of cans and so today I got the same quantity for 4¥!! Before you all rush to try to prevent me inflicting gastroenteritis on my guests, yes I did remember. They are soaking in water right now and will be for over 24 hours.

I wonder if I will get to post this after dinner. I can but hope.

Friday 2^nd November, 2018 1640

By Thursday morning I had built up a head of steam in preparation for a confrontation if necessary. I know the “correct” way of doing things in China but sometimes I have simply had enough of the “Chinese Way” and demand some latitude for the “western way”.

So my classes were to be in 402 and the computer was fixed, remember?

At eight o'clock I found the classroom locked! Not only that but a student rushed out from the room opposite – 401, the very room I said was the worst possible – to tell me my lessons were in there.

You couldn't make this up. This week's topic was ”Combating Bad Moods”!! Well, bad was hardly the term I would use to describe my feelings, I was incandescent. I fully understand that there are times when the school has to juggle and in such instances I acquiesce temporarily but Janet had told me two blatant lies (it wasn't that room and the PC was not repaired) and that lit the touchpaper. There was little acting involved in my role play that day!

I sent a text to Janet requesting that we needed to talk. I really wanted a face to face confrontation! Of course, I received no reply so about fifteen minutes before arriving home I went on the warpath, sending another text to say I would send an email and I expected a reply otherwise it was doubtful I would go to work today. I would never have done that but she was not to know it.

Later I had a response. Today's classes were in 315 – fine, everything works there. Nothing to say about her lies to me though. Maybe she thinks I will let it drop but she will have to come within touching distance of me sometime and I will not let her off the hook scot free.

Anyway, today my mood was much better although the kindergarten had a rather loud parents' day on the sports ground which pervaded my room so I still needed little thespian skills to purvey bad moods!

And of course part of the lesson (of my own insertion) is that life is never permanent happiness but a rollercoaster of emotions and I stress to them that even when things are bleak something good can always be gleaned, such are the vicissitudes.

Well even I get them! My Friday afternoon class asked me if I would mind them joining with the first morning class so they didn't (and ergo me) have afternoon lessons! It made the class the combined largest I have ever had at 86 but I agreed. After all, if I'm going to bang my head against the wall to 43 twice a day I may as well bang it once with double that number and I get to leave work at noon!

As long as nobody puts the mockers on it, I shall now almost look forward to Fridays!!