Tuesday 28^th November, 2017 2300

OK, bedtime very soon as tomorrow is my only official working day this week.

Not long finished the Oxfam Relief charity meal for Yankee Peace Corps volunteers – rather gratifying was Annie's text earlier in the evening declaring she LOVED Tuesdays and Thursdays, the two days my soup kitchen opens at full scale.

This time however, Dariush was free and so attended. Luckily I had acted in character and organised plenty of food so there was ample to feed four from my beef stew. Sadly, although for China I have impressive amounts of kitchen equipment, catering for four with two courses represents a challenge and so I had to abandon my thoughts of producing suet dumplings with the stew.

I have no idea about anyone else's idea of stew but mine is herby, thick and hearty. I managed that with the aid of cornflour, necessary because when it was near to completion I suddenly realised I had forgotten red wine! Cue half a bottle and over-hydration. Cornflour it was, no way was I using more of my precious Bisto!

And yes, a lovely stew by virtue of simmering the beef for 3 hours. The same could not be said when I used it for steak. That beef is fit for braising or stewing, roasting or even mincing but little else.

Three transatlantic bellies were filled.

Then came dessert and the reason I abandoned dumplings.

Pancakes.

Not American but English Shrove Tuesday ones.

The only time I had ever had a hand in making pancakes before (honestly, these Septics because they actually really love my cooking, are driving me to attempt dishes hitherto unexplored) and it ended with my tossed pancake adhering to the ceiling. Honestly.

Fair play to Dariush, he volunteered to be the guinea pig and declared it lovely. In fact they WERE good barring burning in the centre due to the lack of control with the hob. Even I thought they were good and I am my worst critic.

I think 3 bottles of wine disappeared if you account of what went into the stew but a really good night with people talking in strange tongues but which I could almost understand. Believe me, they are four decades younger and they swear things they say are English but ….......

So our train tickets for Saturday are booked and paid for. We are off to Xining for our Indian meal but before then they want macaroni cheese on Thursday. No pasta in BHG but I have penne so that will have to do.

Dariush? Well I WAS jealous of his looks but not so now. He is the hairiest guy I have ever met apart from Richard Keys, he is a walking, talking gorilla. A chest wax would probably see his exterior ripped off to reveal a ribcage with a beating heart beneath. Seriously, if he laid face-up on the floor people would mistake him for a grizzly bear rug! See the photos.

   

Monday 27^th November, 2017 1815

Only 27 shopping days until Christmas, if you do that sort of thing.

And as miraculously as it mysteriously blocked overnight, the toilet unblocked overnight.

Last night I sent a text reminding Janet I had emailed regarding the exhibition and whether the school bus was running normally. If the driver doesn't know to expect me he will simply sail past leaving me frustrated.

She finally responded at 2245 with a simple “you do not have to go to campus tomorrow”. I knew that. But I wanted to show my students I cared enough to see their work. Another text was sent but was not replied to until 0630 this morning.

I of course was fast asleep and the phone was off by then. I became overtired waiting for a reply and even when I did finally relent at 0300 and called it a night, I think it was way past four before I actually nodded off. I had already made the decision to make my way independently and go this afternoon.

It turned out the exhibition wasn't open until after lunch anyway but when I rose at nine a student texted to say she had been tasked with meeting me on campus, when would I arrive? Considering I teach there every week I hardly need a guide, I just needed to know where it was being held. As it happened it was fortuitous, for I discovered that in addition to the art exhibition there was a dance show.

Everything commenced at 1430 but events conspired to see me arrive perfectly late at 1450, just in time for the end of the interminable opening announcements. And a bloody good performance it was too. Most of them were my students, although it was hard to recognise them in their costumes.

The various dance routines (two hours worth) saw really beautiful costumes and the dances and music were also eclectic. There was music and dance from Mexico, India, a Chinese version of Riverdance, you name it.

If they put as much effort into learning English as their dancing I would be one very happy teacher!

The art show was surprisingly good too, considering art is not what they study. Were they for sale and I had the money I would certainly have purchased two or three. Hardly Old Masters but really good nonetheless. Later I was collared outside when some of the performers were taking photos to post online and send to their families. Naturally, after taking my own snaps I had to pose with them for their photos.

So I have done the right thing and a good job I went today because they won't be dancing every day this week, or at least I doubt it judging by how packed the theatre was.

I was also buttonholed by a girl who introduced herself as the Captain of the English Club. They are holding an English Corner next Friday and wondered if I would come. Given that on east campus I am a big fish in a small pond and they have never failed to treat me very well, I am minded to go even though it will mean one hell of a long day after getting up at 0500. The girl had dreadful English, unfortunate in her position of Captain of the English Club I thought, every second word was “nigger” (Chinese for um or er or ah) and I told her to get my students to remind me next week and I would see.

She informed me she has my class next week! It speaks volumes that I was unaware she was my student, she can't have said a word in any of my lessons!

In the school bus on the way home we pulled up at traffic lights in heavy traffic. A people carrier to my left suddenly disgorged half a dozen uniformed men wielding camcorders. They pounced on the car behind them, threw two men out, ordered the rear passengers into the front and then sadly the lights turned green so the show was over.

What puzzled me was that they weren't police, their uniforms were military green but their arm badges simply said China Transportation. Considering the two men evicted from the vehicle were simply sent away and there were no arrests and nobody in the bus could explain to me exactly what function this “hit squad” fulfilled I found it all most odd. Searching the web provides no answers either. Very odd indeed.

 

Sunday 26^th November, 2017 1400

Even by my own standards this weekend has been characterised by extreme sloth! Not that I have slept a great deal, an 8 hour stint under the covers is a rare breed these days but because I haven't had to do anything, I haven't!

I went out for sweet pork for my dinner last night and that was my only exercise. Chucking clothes in the washing machine doesn't count. I had a vague notion of going to BHG today but have kicked that into touch. I will probably not set foot outside today – no rubbish to take out and no need to go to the jing jo shop.

I will however cook my dinner. I decided to use the other half of the beef I bought and do a mini roast. I shall even attempt Yorkshire pudding for the first time in a long while. The last time I tried I used too much milk and it was soggy.

I am now questioning whether I really need to get up early tomorrow for the school bus. I don't have to go to east campus but will do so to show willing for the students and their artwork. Do I need to rise in the freezing cold morning, stand and wait whilst my core temperature plummets in order to catch the Death Vehicle? Yes, Mr Schumacher was back at work on Friday – AND I had to sit in the front, with seat belt on I should add.

For 2y each way I can stay in bed longer. I need to go tomorrow though, I have things to do on Tuesday (including getting more electricity as it won't last until the office is open again after that), teaching Wednesday, things on Thursday and either then or Friday I want to go and buy our train tickets to save rushing on Saturday morning.

It has been quite some time since I saw “Grandma” out and about. You may recall I am surrounded by people in the autumn or twilight of their years and you may also remember my speaking of her. I saw her most days, shuffling her slow way to or from who knows where and we would have a completely unintelligible conversation. I am convinced she has left us. It is doubtful she is being cared for anywhere, that's not the way it works here. I never did find out her age (although I could probably have asked her) but my estimate would put her at 90. It's a shame, obviously I don't know my neighbours but there are some I see regularly and exchange ni haos with.

Oh and just to round off my week, the toilet is now flushing as if the S bend is the size of a Bic biro. It's not me, it was fine last night and I have put nothing down it that I shouldn't. It happens occasionally for no reason and then mysteriously clears after a day or two. My guess is others in the building pour cooking oil and fat down theirs and in these temperatures (nights are now double figures below zero) the inevitable happens. 

Friday 24^th November, 2017 1430

I am somewhat glad to be at the tail end of what has not been a particularly enjoyable week.

It started dismally with the crash on Monday, continued with that blessed dog waking me at all hours and looked set fair to end on a sour note when I got up this morning.

I went to the loo, then brushed my teeth, or at least what's left of them. Come rinse time, the water from the tap was still worryingly cold. Thinking we must have had a power cut during the night, I went to the kitchen to reset the gas boiler. It was fine. There was no bloody gas. I absolutely abhor leaving my home without showering in the morning – it wakens me more effectively than coffee and makes me feel human again. No shower means I am placed in bad mood territory all day.

It was however, apposite, because this week's unit is entitled “Combating Bad Moods”! If nothing else, it afforded me a terrific introduction for today's classes. There was a moment of humour after the break between periods 1 and 2 though. Because my classroom computer still has faulty audio (they changed the tower but the fault lies elsewhere), I instruct my students to go down a floor to the teachers' training room where the computer does work.

At the end of the break I toddled on down, breezed into the room and was taken aback by a load of Chinese characters projected on the screen. A rather surprised/amused “Hello Steve!” came from the class and I turned around to ask what on earth they had put that up for, considering they were about to be shown a film. I had blundered into a group of about forty teachers.

I beat a hasty retreat and located MY brood in the room opposite.

Having made an egg baguette for my lunch because I didn't fancy the trek to McDonald's, I sat and ate that in my office, delighting in the fact I can now log on to the school internet with my laptop.

At 1230 a student sent me a text informing me that as the entire afternoon class were rehearsing something they had been excused from my class by their form teacher. Please understand that unexpected time off is always welcome but why, oh why, could they not have told me at noon??? I could have taken the school bus. Instead I had to spend 90 minutes on two public buses getting home – either that or sit there for four and a half hours for the next school bus. I did however arrive home just before I would have started that class. Thank heaven for small mercies though, at least someone actually told me and never left me scratching my head and searching for my pupils.

On my return I ventured to the top of the line of stalls for only the second time. I wanted to see if what I thought was beef the last time was in fact bovine flesh. It is. They are the only stall selling it, together with lamb. In celebration I asked them to cut me a steak to have for dinner. It must weigh nearly a pound as it cost 20y but it looks like a fine piece of meat. Fried onions, egg, peas and some chips and I reckon I might just put the past week behind me, although I don't think I will be able to finish all the steak. I may cut it in half and freeze some for another day or another dish.

Annie and Stephanie had told me they wouldn't require feeding last night when they were here Tuesday. I found out yesterday afternoon why when Dean texted to wish me happy thanksgiving. Of course!! I did however set Dean right as to why I do not celebrate a day rejoicing in my country being beaten in a war.

So I had Pat, Ariel and Alice here for dinner, a simple affair consisting of cheesy bacon and egg frittata, French bread and salad followed by fruit and ice cream. The girls loved the frittata, having never had eggs prepared in that fashion before.

Interestingly, they informed me Annie was ill and had cancelled her classes that day. I confess that my immediate reaction was to assert that my cooking on Tuesday was not to blame but later on it appeared her powers of recuperation were nothing short of miraculous for she emailed me to say she was at another school which was holding a Thanksgiving party! You can join the dots on that one.......  

Tuesday 21^st November, 2017 1700

No crashes today, but then I have only been out locally nearby to buy a few bits for my “packed” lunch tomorrow (some savoury bites and cakes plus a bottle of ugghh – water), my daily home liquid requirements and some apples for tonight's dessert.

I do wish I was faster in the kitchen. I am terrible at doing two things at once so refrain from even trying and I am not deft enough to do the fast chopping you see on Masterchef (talking of that, I watched the latest professional heat last night and one of the critics – pompous gits – actually talked about the “nuttiness” of the cauliflower being missing. Since when has cauli ever tasted of nuts??) so it takes me ages to produce anything.

Without banging my drum, I do average more successes than failures and if I cook something often enough I can even become consistent.

Tonight's cottage pie I know will be good seeing as it was frozen from the same batch as last time, hence I am trying to make a crumble for the first time. Couldn't locate rhubarb (and forget about cooking apples here) so bought red apples instead. It had better be good, as most ingredients are imported and costly. Apples 7y, butter 20y, demerera 15y, flour 5y, oats 5y, cinnamon 8y. That's nearly £7 – ridiculous here. Please note I have found a way to get the pound sign – only takes about 10 clicks!

You will see from the photos that both pie and crumble look very much alike even with an uncooked crumble. All I need to do now is make homemade custard, also a first attempt but allegedly simple. I have a small bottle of vanilla from the USA but have never, ever separated egg yolks! I know you have to use the shells to do it but my crystal ball tells me there is a 70% chance I will cock it up and I only have four eggs! Good chance to use my electric whisk for its maiden outing. It came free with something I bought but I can't recall.

Tomorrow Alice is supposed to be showing me how to complete the exam forms on Peili campus. Having gained the concession of delivering a final total score instead of all the mullarkey they wanted, my problem is going to be the fact I have no student numbers or names in Chinese characters to identify who is who. You get the feeling Alice will be taking my attendance book and doing it for me? Well, it will mean she will get another invite for a western meal here!

Pat totalled up my anticipated Taobao bill last night. For six items (cheddar, chutney, lime pickle, Halls mentholyptus, Italian herbs and Colmans mustard powder) it was 587y!!!!! That's £65!!! Either she has no idea how to find decent delivery prices or they are ripping us off here in the sticks. I may revert to Jinkou. I only stopped using them because I have to order 500y to qualify for free delivery – they look pretty good value right now......

2115

The girls have just left. Delighted with the pie as I expected and despite the crumble being VERY crumbly, I used a lot of oats, I nonetheless made a lot of custard. Not exactly Ambrosia but I'll tell you what, I was pleased with the result and I am my own worst critic when tasting time comes. Less oats and more sugar next time but definitely not a failure otherwise Stephanie would not now be lugging the leftovers back to her university!

More arrows are added to my culinary quiver as time passes.   

Monday 20^th November, 2017 1830

Well, Sunday was indeed the laziest of days. I never opened the door even to take out rubbish, let alone go anywhere. All I did was compose an email I have been trying to get around to for weeks, launder some clothes and bake a couple of jacket potatoes for dinner. Cooking is much nicer now the good potatoes are back.

I wasn't too happy after going to bed at 2200 last night then waking at 0350 this morning, unable to drop back off. It's a long enough day as it is without it being added to.

And God was it cold at 0645! Luckily I had anticipated it and donned my down jacket instead of the fleece because I'd have developed hypothermia waiting for the school bus. For months now we have only had the lunatic, from what I can tell the other driver only services the other two campuses now.

Anyway, you won't believe this but I had a feeling this morning. I am petrified EVERY time but this morning our chap seemed just a little bit more breakneck and as he was only 5 minutes behind it seemed odd. Very quickly we chanced upon an accident that had started a few peoples' days off badly. A Kia SUV had hardly anything left forward of the windscreen, it had rear-ended another SUV which appeared to have minimal damage but in turn had been shunted into the saloon in front.

Quite a few times on the journey I had to brace myself as we braked sharply, the only seatbelts are on the two front seats and I avoid sitting with the driver like the plague, terming it the danger seat. When we pulled into the approach dual carriageway to campus I breathed a silent sigh of relief and gathered my bags ready for decamping.

The bus has to cross the opposite carriageway to get into school and in typical Chinese fashion because nobody will give way, has to edge further and further out to force them to stop.

Well he did that all right but then booted it. Running parallel is the bike lane which is also used by public buses departing from the stop nearby. It had to happen. I barely had time to register the fact two e-bikes were barrelling in from the right abreast of each other before one marginally cleared our front end and a millisecond later the other slammed into the area of the danger seat. And when I say “slammed” I mean it, he had been doing a hell of a lick, way too fast for conditions in which there are buses, pedestrians and delivery carts to-ing and fro-ing. Of course, as an e-bike in law he is counted as a pedestrian and regardless of circumstances, the courts always blame a motorised vehicle. I would though apportion the majority of blame on our driver anyway. As I said, it had to happen, it is just incredible it took so long.

Stunned, I glanced out of the window fully expecting at the very least life-threatening injuries and at worst a fatality. Had it been me that would certainly have been the result.

Astonishingly, the old boy previously on the bike managed to struggle to his feet, now hatless and missing his left shoe. Clearly his left leg was hurt. He clutched his face and either it is normally lopsided or he had busted his jaw. Amazingly there was no blood – the Chinese seem to have an incredible capacity to bounce even in the most horrific biking accidents.

Not a soul on our bus spoke English (by the time we arrived it was just the driver, the dean and another teacher) and as no immediate first aid was needed (the old boy was on his feet) and with a large hospital 50 yards away next door, I pointed out the missing shoe to our driver (who had retrieved the hat) and we all left them to it.

Over an hour later both vehicles were still there, inconveniencing other traffic while the police made their enquiries – I could see from my office. They were gone by the time I left to get my McBreakfast at 0950.

This evening we had a different bus and, tellingly, a different driver. It was impossible to ascertain from anyone what had happened to the old man or the driver, although my bet is the elderly one would have been taken to hospital. I should think the bus will be repaired by Friday so I shall see then if Mr Crazy is back with us. If he is, I wonder if this may induce him to drive with a tad more caution. 

Saturday 18^th November, 2017 2000

The last thing I wanted to hear from Dean yesterday was the suggestion that after his son had finished his skating lesson that he would come and look at my laptop. It was intimated it would be 2200.

With a five o'clock start followed by a full day of teaching, I was less than keen, especially as I had promised to go for a drink afterwards.

I begged off and suggested today might be better. He agreed but patently his wife had other plans for him today so at 2000 yesterday evening he said he had finished early and could he come?

Sure enough, he resolved my laptop issues and even tried to get China Mobile to fix my phone problem – I cannot discover my credit balance any more so have no way of telling when to top up. I still can't but I dismissed his suggestion that I needed to buy a new phone. If I can receive texts from other people and even my bank then the problem has to be with the phone company and not my handset.

I asked Annie where the bar Stephanie said stocked tonic water was and was given a vague indication of the name (Qing Kong) and that it was near the golden bull.

There are two bulls, the golden one at one end of Taurus Street, a black one at the other. We walked up and down the entire length inside the pedestrian precinct and also the parallel road with vehicular traffic. I had all but given up on the idea when Dean suddenly spotted the sign. I would never have found it because it was only in Chinese and it is such a small place.

Sure enough though they had tonic. And gin. Gordons, Tanqueray, Bombay Sapphire, The Botanist and others! A veritable Ruin of Mothers! It certainly ruined me! I tried all bar Gordons (he even had fresh limes, a rarity for China) and I have no idea what time we eventually left. I introduced Dean to G&T, rum and coke, Grand Marnier and other delights and when finally gaining the sanctuary of home I managed to fall asleep on my office desk. It was six this morning when I finally got between the sheets.

Rising at noon, it took until 1600 to motivate myself to go and do a cigar run. What eventually spurred me was the thought that if I never went today I would have to go tomorrow and I could really use a lazy day on Sunday.

So yes, I went and now have another month's supply. I toyed with buying double (which would have cleaned them out and hopefully prompted them to order more in good time) but now that Annie and Stephanie are coming to Xining in a fortnight I felt it prudent to shepherd my money. My UK account is taboo between now and summer except for the annual VPN payment. I can but hope I will not encounter another cigargate in two months.

Our hotel room is now booked, I managed to find a two-bedroomed serviced apartment with the implied promise of a western style breakfast before we head back here. And do you know, unbelievably Stephanie has never eaten Indian! It should be a treat to initiate her into the world of nan, bhajias and the like.

I just hope nothing happens to cancel the trip, after all it is only 75 minutes away by fast train.    

Thursday 16^th November, 2017 2200

Christ, never thought I would be typing so soon after posting!

Just had an email re end of term exams. Fine by me, in 4 weeks I start testing. They want a detailed analysis of how I mark, a copy of the test paper and all sorts of other things.

I suspect I may yet again become public enemy number one. Please don't get me wrong, I cannot at present (although I have not taught the Peili students for long) say that any will actually fail if I apply the criteria I should but that's not the point.

What is being asked for is perfectly in order for a finite subject where there are definitive answers – maths, geography, science etc but sorry, oral language? You can give a crap answer but deliver it well and in my book still get full marks for linguistic ability. Attendance and activity in class? Great to have but should I really fail someone who doesn't come to class even if they can talk as well as me? No! I am testing their proficiency in a language, not how many times they attend class or how many times they put their hand up in class! For sure, I give a little extra for the aforementioned but not as much as they would like.

Troublemaker that I am, I penned as much in a reply email.

Whilst typing the above I received a capitulation text. I am now required to simply furnish an overall score for each student. That is how it should be. I have passed students I disliked because their English was certainly good enough despite my antipathy. Joan was never ever top student in her class because although we were close, she was not the best. Maybe she was relieved in case people thought I showed favouratism. She is a perfect example – I never even placed her second. Any teacher's personal feelings MUST be put aside when it comes to exams, just as much as personal pissedoffness needs to be left at the classroom door unless it involves the actual students. Teachers are after all, actors.

You never know, Annie may thank me. She teaches oral to Freshmen (or as she says, Freshmens – something I correct her on) and it should hopefully make her life easier too, although she does teach my students writing so she needs to do everything they have asked for that.

Just when I confronted one problem, enjoyed a lovely meal, another road block was thrown up. This time I dismantled it. Basically it should never have been erected. It is not often you can win in China. Sometimes winning or refusing to accept defeat is the difference between keeping a job or being told they don't need you any more.

You need to choose your battles. I try to choose the ethical ones that if I lose and it costs me my position I can still hold my head high.

I am grateful that my email outlining my reasoning (and perhaps my age and experience) were taken into account. I was quite prepared to be summoned to a meeting to reiterate but hell, this acceptance threw me.   

Thursday 16^th November, 2017 1600

I forgot to mention, the computer chap, having tried numerous new “names” for my wifi (mostly 3-801, 3-802 etc) had the cheek to label it (once it worked) LAOWEI. Not only that but he also made the connection icon disappear from the bottom tray so there is no notification of being disconnected. Doesn't happen often and if it happens to the VPN that automatically reconnects now I have the latest version. I cannot se how to change the name or password without resetting the router and that frightens me because I may cut myself off and have no idea of my details he used to connect me. Still, I like continuity, hence Dean will be coming tomorrow or Saturday evening to sort things out. I surely owe him a drink after all he has done so I believe Annie has found a bar that stocks gin AND tonic! Guess where we will be going??

I have spent over two hours assembling tonight's dinner of lasagne and bread and butter pudding. Finally I can relax and all I need to do is turn the oven on at the right time. I know the pudding will be fine but after all the trouble I went to (including a 2^nd shop today which is not my routine) the bloody lasagne had better turn out ok. No, I haven't done garlic bread, I thought about it but deemed it a dish too far what with only having a mini oven. Anyway, the two urchins on Peace Corps stipends I am sure starve themselves between visits to Budd's Brasserie.

I shall return and report back later, I have no intention of attending English corner tonight to find out if anything else detrimental has been said about me. After yesterday it wouldn't surprise me if someone complained about being offended by being under suspicion.

2100

I am embarrassed. Pat and Ariel came to clean and, knowing there was ample food on the way, I asked if they would like to stay for dinner. That presented a minor problem re matching plates (I only bought 4 as they were 35y each) and I need to buy a couple of glasses as well to replace casualties. Mind you, with juice it doesn't matter and students only ever drink juice.

However I am pleased to report that the lasagne and pudding were scoffed and enjoyed and it was a lovely evening. So lovely in fact that I completely forgot to get my camera out! Hence the embarrassment.

Ok the young girls had to leave early for evening classes but then I did something awful. Annie was determined as always to attend English corner. Her friend Stephanie was here and she didn't want to go so I cajoled Annie into making a stand. Every Thursday night standing in a cold stairwell with one bare lightbulb? Sorry but I told the Dean I would not do it and I suppose I laid a little guilt on Annie when it came to solidarity. After all, I think those students that attend religiously only do so because the vice dean turns up. Stuff the school. If they won't provide a suitable meeting place then so be it. I have offered the students a hotel room once a month (for a sensible price) which I would pay for so they can hold a “party/show”. The ball is firmly out of my court and if I get the blame for Annie not going then I really couldn't give a ratatouille.

Anyone got any useful tips for homemade custard or apple crumble? They are the next culinary firsts I will probably attempt.  

Wednesday 15^th November, 2017 2100

Despite forgetting to take any of my books to classes today I feel an awful lot better now.

Certainly I laid the guilt on thick with a trowel for all three classes. I doubt they have ever experienced the like before but to hell with it – they can't have the most interesting, humorous and fun classes ever AND complain when they don't like something. It's one or the other and oh yes, I can do boring too!

I hope and suspect that in future I will be the one they approach in the first instance if they have an issue and aside from one student who was “sick” I am almost certain that the culprits who precipitated all this were there to listen to my opinion of what they did.

It was good to get it off my chest.

Pat finally had my cheese. It isn't cheddar as requested and I have no idea what it is. Gran Boni it tells me on the pack but it is too soft to be parmesan. All I know is it is Italian. That's a problem with having a Chinese girl ordering cheese – it simply doesn't feature in their diet – if it says cheese then it is cheese, same as pork is pork! What the hell, I am sure it will fulfil the task of being an ingredient in the lasagne I will rustle up tomorrow evening for, yes, you guessed, Annie and Stephanie. I am beginning to think Dariush is avoiding me given that twice he has begged off an invitation. I did promise the girls a lasagne once I had cheese so I have no excuse now and from their comments I am guessing if I get it right then they will do anything besides the obvious for me.

We are hopefully going as a trio to Xining in a fortnight so as to sample the Brahmaputra Indian restaurant and stay overnight. My schedule and that of the trains means going on a Friday would see us arrive at 2000, too late to do much so I suggested an early Saturday departure and a one night stay. That way they can explore while I do what I am best at, gracing the bar. With luck, the Donald Sutherland soundalike/lookalike will be free to join us for dinner. I will try to organise a two bedroom hotel suite for us so the girls can escape anything manly I happen to do. You know, blog, drink wine etc and stay up late. What did you think I meant??

The bloody school sent an internet man to my home tonight just after 1900, this despite my telling Brenda that Dean would sort it. I trust him and haven't forgotten last year when I went a fortnight without connection and the “expert” (who I discovered this evening is considered a standing joke on campus yet nobody told me at the time) hadn't a clue. Dean was the one who fixed it, just as he reconnected me this time.

It was nice that the only advance notice I got was a text from Annie. I thought that they would leave it to Dean but no. After two hours I had visions of my expectation being realised, being left disconnected and having to squeal for Dean to come. Just as the new man was about to give up, he cracked it. Something has changed re my networks available as the icon has disappeared but so far, I am online. I will get Dean to restore the laptop to what I am used to at some point. Bad enough having a new one and only just learning how to operate it without someone buggering it up for you. And no owners manual.

I do however sign off tonight in considerably better fettle than has been the case since last Thursday night, although I still have no intention of attending English corner tomorrow! 

Tuesday 14^th November, 2017 2200

By God it was hard to separate teaching on east campus from Peili on Monday. I did though and even managed to have a McMuffin breakfast after class one. I really do hate the the extended break that is too short to actually go home even by paying for a taxi and too long for anything else. And too noisy to doze in a chair – I can hardly demand, nor would I, that students cease practising piano on Mondays just for me! I can but hope whoever they are actually improve because most sound like Les Dawson!

In the afternoon class Stuart Little froze after 13 minutes, thankfully it was more or less end of lesson anyway because a reboot would have been needed. It worked in the morning, so why not in the afternoon?

I found out today when I tried to check on my laptop. Infected. I also learnt the particular computer I was on in school at the time is connected to the internet. I need to find out how to disconnect before showing films as Avast deleted the film from my stick and I had to reinstal.

Tonight I had Annie for dinner but lately she seems to come as a job lot with Victoria/Stephanie. Apparently Stephanie has not stopped talking about my cooking since she last tried it, in fact “raving” was how Annie put it. It ain't that good but I suppose when you are young and with a stipend of a miserable 1900y a month, it is cordon bleu! They surely are condemned to the subsidised school canteen. Not somewhere I frequent.

So tonight I made baked mashed potatoes with wells for eggs, bacon, cheese, sage on top and baked beans on the side. For a first time experiment I was delighted – I actually got the egg whites cooked and the yolks still runny – not bad considering it was all baked in the oven! Oh and the best bit? BHG had proper potatoes!!! REAL mash!

Tomorrow is going to be interesting.

I have the Peili grasses to teach.

Having had a week to stew and mull things over, I am going for the guilt/sympathy closes. Had I taught them last Friday it would have been the angry approach because I was livid. I am still angry but I now intend to make them feel so guilty at my abject disappointment that I may actually get them begging for the fun parts of my class to be reinstated. Not just for them either, if I do that then I have to actually teach two full periods every time and if that happens then it will be goodbye to Peili campus, maybe also this university. Find another job time.

That would scupper any plans I currently have for next summer because I got caught out last time. I really do want to take Joan to the UK and if she doesn't go I want it to be her fault and not mine.

Tomorrow is going to be enlightening.

Sunday 12^th November, 2017 1620 Remembrance Sunday

Of course, yesterday was a significant date in the western calendar but here it is memorable for a very different reason.

11/11 is singles day. It has become the world's biggest one day spending event which since inception has broken each previous year's amount in respect of money spent on online purchases. People sit and wait for midnight, keyboard fingers poised and ready to pounce to try and secure a bargain. The last I heard, the total spend this year was $25 billion. None of it was mine.

Last night Adriana asked if we could meet for a drink – she is the girl I met at the FLTRP contest. I agreed. I never knew the address she sent me by text was way downtown and not too far from east campus but I took a taxi and met her in a mall.

I wanted food and western food at that. The mall had a Pizza Hut, a Cafe Bene (no idea if they offer food), another Buddy's (maybe the owner actually puts in an appearance in that one) and a MoMo. Never heard of them but it looked interesting so we went in. the menu looked good so we stayed. A huge minus was that they don't serve alcohol so Adriana was despatched (after I failed to find it) to a supermarket to buy a bottle of wine.

The food was like the curate's egg but you only find out by ordering and trying. Had I thought I could actually eat a whole one, I may have ordered a T-bone but I contented myself with sharing seafood tarts, avocado and pate melba toasts and for myself a meat concoction with rice which turned out to be mostly fat and gristle. There were enough dishes available on the menu though that it will be worth another visit – with a pre-purchased bottle of plonk!

Afterwards we walked towards the bus stop (we had been 4 hours on the “date”). She was going to take a bus, I a taxi. On the way I suggested we both get a cab and I dropped her off en route.

That never happened, for whilst walking, an unlikely coincidence came about. Adriana's mum and aunt happened to be walking to get a bus after finishing some retail therapy and spotted us! She got the bus after all with them and I was left to try and hail a taxi.

This morning Dean sent a text to say my new laptop worked just fine in his home so I asked if we could try it at mine – I couldn't see why it wouldn't work here if it worked at his. I was dreading my 4.5 hour lunch break tomorrow with sod all to watch (and I may be able to log on to the school wifi now I have Dean's particulars) and was keen to get my BBC downloads back.

No thanks to the school, everything now works, although Dean has gone away with a photo of my passport to try and get me my own access and then set up my laptop to reflect that I am in fact the one using it.

Poor Annie meanwhile is still offline but I did tell her if she needed to check emails or whatever she could come here.

As for my phone, I don't need to splash out on a new one after all. The reason it wouldn't charge was because the lead was faulty. I found that out when trying to charge something else. I found another, older, one and voila!   

Friday 10^th November, 2017 2100

God knows when I will get to post this, they have screwed the internet again and I am cut off.

Thursday could have been a good day. Could have.

Annie and Stephanie came for a roast chicken dinner, for which I made my first ever home-made sage and onion stuffing (and amazingly the first time they had even heard of it) and it was actually surprisingly good and will most certainly be baked again.

Then I made the mistake of agreeing to go to English corner with them.

Vice Dean Li buttonholed me.

A student had complained that a film I had shown half of on Wednesday had made her feel “uncomfortable”. What???? The film in question happens to star Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, Rupert Grint, Gregor Fisher and some chap from the Harry Potter films. It is also a very funny take on a hitman falling in love with his target. None of the aforementioned actors are renowned for participating in pornographic productions, yet I was left with the feeling I had been showing a blue movie.

Now, I know it was good, wholesome family entertainment but there I was being forced to defend myself. Worse was to come.

It was mentioned that I had really upset another student by making the remark that the first time I had visited Hong Kong it was British. Pardon? It was! It was British for 150 years! No, the student didn't know this and to the Chinese (even though the Qing government ceded it in perpetuity) it was always Chinese. So you are asking me to rewrite history??

I try where possible to avoid having a political opinion or talking about Taiwan, Tibet or Tiananmen – that is something all foreign teachers know but HK being British? Well that's a first and one that saw the boiler hit the red zone. OK, you want me to ignore history? The Japanese never ever came anywhere near Nanking in 1937 in that case!

So ok, it is fair to say that I was less than delighted. I did not however have much time to reflect on it as I received a text from Joan saying she needed my help. Not knowing the nature of help required, I hastened home, only to find that in my absence my internet access had evaporated. Really nice of them to time it in order that I am incommunicado for an entire weekend. Maybe more.

But the comments disturbed my slumber. I became more and more angry each time I woke up. I told the English majors that I would treat them as adults if they behaved as such. At least two have proved they are not. I am now left feeling that were I to show Tom & Jerry cartoons I would be taken to task for screening gratuitous violence. I am minded to cease showing any films at all to them and indeed on Wednesday they will be asked what they would do in the same situation. Do I need this aggravation??

So on arrival home this evening I was greeted with no internet. Eventually I received a call at 2030. Suddenly, to access the internet I need to have a Chinese ID. But I have one! It is not asking me to enter it though. No, you can fly or travel on trains and check into hotels with it but you can't have internet. Maybe Monday when IT opens again we can use your passport because now everyone is responsible for not visiting “illegal” sites and the government needs to see who accesses what and says what. Move over George Orwell.

Well as far as I know, the sites I access and what I post are encrypted so I am not particularly concerned. If you ask Beijing, there ARE no illegal sites, none are banned. They simply restrict access to such delights as Facebook, Twitter, Youtube etc. Well they are either banned or they aren't?

So anyway, I had a savvy neighbour sent around to see if he could help and I ended up with other neighbours who have internet access who we asked for their router access codes. Don't ask me why but whilst they have internet, I cannot log onto their systems even with the codes. If I put my trousers on and went out I could probably (although now I am not so sure) sit in the lobby of the hotel and use their wifi – I got online in McDonald's at lunchtime after all.  

Wednesday 8^th November, 2017 1845

My God. If there is one thing worse than going to bed late and not getting enough sleep, it is going to bed at a sensible time and not sleeping enough!

Whatever happened to the days of going to bed at night and waking at dawn, ready, able and willing to face the challenges of the day??

Long gone for me.

Today was a trial as far as I was concerned. All day trapped/imprisoned on the 7^th floor. And by God, did I have to act to make believe I was awake and “with it”.

My late morning class saw a girl come to gaily inform me that the freshmen are having a party soon (by party she really meant a show, probably one evening next week) and would I record a video message for them? I did so at noon, she filmed me on her phone and was so pleased it was ridiculous – you would have thought she just got Tom Cruise or Harrison Ford to do a piece to camera – had to be careful there so I never chose any of the people being exposed in the latest campaign to brand all men sexual molesters!

But yes, by the day's end I was done in. I thought about inviting Annie somewhere for dinner but cancelled that. I was hungry to be sure but I still had the baguette from Tuesday, I only need half of it to try to make stuffing. Toasted and with bacon and fried egg it was to be enough for my dinner tonight. I really was exhausted.

Tomorrow will be different. Roast chicken and trimmings and the first time I have attempted sage and onion stuffing. If that works I will be glad and the next English roast will feature Yorkshire puds. I have made them successfully many times in the past but the last two attempts were disasters! I mean really, what the hell is there to get wrong?? I manage disasters sometimes!

Yes, I did make a fuss of Pat this morning in class. It was easy to remember she came nowhere in the provincial final and forget she was still good enough to win her university heats. Naturally I personally would have won and gone to Beijing but then when I gave my speech it was purely being listened to rather than being scored and it was only my pride in being a great orator that was at stake. She of course had seven professors picking away at her score. I hope I managed to boost her confidence a touch.

At lunch break I sent a text to the vice-dean to ask if we had a room for English corner tomorrow. After all, I did make waves a fortnight ago and so far no result.

No, not yet. There is a “room” for tomorrow which I will guarantee is the same stairwell I went to last time. To keep me quiet, if I go, they will arrange a chair for me!

Well fine, treat me as a geriatric case but they don't realise I have been trouble with a capital T all my life. I fight battles that are not my own as well. This is not mine but I am making it so. It is bloody ridiculous that students are giving up their free time to attend and the school has not afforded them facilities. I can say what I like about Chizhou but the students always had at least a classroom they could use, often a small theatre. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. My bathroom panelling is all new now and the door shuts. I am sure I am hated by some and I regret that but not for making things happen.

This one I will not let drop. I have not said as much in my reply but I will if necessary strike a deal with the hotel and pay for a meeting room for 90 minutes each week if I have to.

No, I am not being a hero, I simply hate seeing people (students) making the school happy by appearing delighted to attend social events and then being denied the basic facilities, of which the school has plenty. I guess I am a Tory by nature but a Labour by action. Please do NOT suggest that makes me a Liberal!!!  

Tuesday 7^th November, 2017 2100

Despite sleeping enough on Sunday morning, I felt terrible all day. I thought perhaps it was a simple case of an old boy going to bed too late after drinking a fair amount and the recovery rate being slowed by age.

No. I abuse my body often enough and it should rightly belong to a rhinoceros because it always bounces back!

It was the latest bane of my life, constipation.

Yes it is embarrassing to discuss it so publicly and I recall many, many years ago a friend in Kiwi taking the Mick out of old people needing to take sennapods being the indicator of old age. IWB – yes, you!

He may have been correct but with me it is simply a lack of fruit and veg – I never have a problem in Shanghai or western hotels! I graze well.

My biggest terror here is getting the trots. Basically were I to do so at this university I would be in serious trouble. Whichever campus I was on I could not get home or to a western loo within an emergency timescale.

So when I take something to sort the blockage and it doesn't take effect by the morning I need to leave for work, I panic. Taking too much would effectively confine me to quarters.

Ok, I ate little during the judging weekend – more because I only liked a few things (the ones everyone else polished off swiftly) than anything else.

But that combined with gut-ache ever since really gave me an awful day at work on Monday. I couldn't even eat my McDonald's breakfast and that has become a staple part of my week this term.

I doubled the dose last night fearing it would unleash torrents but no, things happened but not as much as hoped.

I had invited Annie (well, as my surrogate daughter she gets fed at will anyway) and asked her to invite Dariush and Stephanie (I call Stephanie Victoria and she refers to me as Churchill – I know, infantile but we are all aliens in China) but they were both booked to judge some competition.

So just Annie and me. Cottage pie. Part-way though cooking the chaps arrived to cosmetically repair the damage inflicted from the leak damage inflicted while I was defying orders to return immediately. I have to say, they actually did a good job instead of bodging which is normal here. They also shaved a load off the bathroom door so it now closes.

Having now found a stall that flogs decent potatoes I had set about making the cottage pie. Seeing as pork is readily available and beef is not, normally I use Oxo cubes and Bisto to give a beefy flavour but today I never needed to. No idea what I did but when I had a sample taste I decided it was rich enough not to need it. I suspect it was returning to my “long and low” technique of cooking. But it WAS bloody good!

The trouble was, I cooked sufficient to feed a dozen people! Half of it is now in the freezer for the next time. One day I may be able to gauge the amount needed.

The most important thing was that Annie ate enough for three and we both enjoyed it. It was also the first time here I have actually been able to say I was happy with my efforts, hitherto there has always been something I felt I could have done better.

I may have the pleasure of Victoria's company on Thursday, Annie asked if she could come. At present the plan is chicken breast, roasties and veg but with the added twist that I will for the first time try to produce sage and onion stuffing. Hell, if you don't try, you will never know!

Oh, and it had to happen. The jing jo shop man is desperately trying to recruit me to teach children on the side. He has watched the film, presumably shown a mate who owns a school and the rest follows.

Two nights running I have refused him despite his entreaties that he will chauffeur me to and from. It is going to become embarrassing if he continues and ultimately he may lose his best customer. I hate teaching kids.