Monday 30^th July, 2018 1345

I am trying not to leave everything to the last minute.

With nine days left before I leave I have my list of things to pack and a mental list of things to do. Accordingly, I decided to get my holiday haircut today, a couple of spare tubes for my office light, some earplugs for Alice (I snore for England) and treat myself to a sweet pork dinner. One of the two lamps in my office light failed last week and with not being steady enough on my feet, instead of moving the desk and getting up to change it myself as I normally do, I asked Brenda if she could send a man with a ladder.

He came yesterday, took a look, went away with the defunct tube and returned with two new ones which even a three-year old could see were far too long. I gathered the school had none of the right size in stock because he was going to leave without doing anything. Good job I had my own spare in a cupboard but I thought for once I could get them to pay. It was not to be. So now I need more spares.

Tomorrow I need to do what will probably be my last BHG shop and I had planned to try and make my way to Wanda Plaza on Wednesday to see if anywhere there has my cigars. That would leave me a week with little to do bar actually pack.

Seeing as I wanted to grab an early sweet pork dinner I didn't want to go out early so never showered. It's warm and I like my hair to be clean for the barber.

Someone knocked on my door at 1145. Not a normal knock, persistent, non-stop rapping, much as one might expect in an emergency or a police dawn raid. I admit it incensed me, someone assuming it only takes me a millisecond to reach the door and open it, so I bellowed as I pulled on my shirt but he just kept on knocking. The door opens outwards so I was sure to burst it open and swing it wide in the hope it would smack whoever it was. Sadly, he was too nimble to be caught like that.

Babbling away to me, he came in and went to the bathroom. My protestations of “ting bu dong” had no effect but I sensed he had come to fix my toilet. There is nothing wrong with it so I said everything was ok. He wanted a pen and paper, on which he wrote Chinese. Very helpful. Then he left.

By now, Alice was awake early in Heidelberg, so I photographed the writing and sent it, asking what it said. I should stay home for three days. What???? No way! An email to Brenda remains as yet unresponded. In it I said if they give me times I would ensure I was home but I wasn't being placed under house arrest. Things to do, people to see etc.

A little later I decided to shower, the idea being that nobody would come before lunch ended at 1430 so perhaps I could do what I intended before then. The water was off. They had shut it off and then immediately buggered off for lunch. Unbelievable.

Probably I will get nothing done today at all. I think someone above me has the problem rather than me but in all likelihood I shall not be able to do until Wednesday what I was going to do today. I am not happy. It also brought to the fore something which has been on my mind for a month – am I going to wake up next Thursday to no water and thus no shower before I go? I can but hope.

Meanwhile the Keystone Kops who have for three days now been threading cables and trying to wall-mount a China Mobile junction box on the building opposite, displayed some excellent examples of H&S at work. The box has been mounted, taken down, mounted and taken down again. Finally they decided to enlist an army, dragged the recycling bins (no idea what is supposed to go in them) and used them for scaffolding – the wheeled type.

I had to take a picture. The cage you see in the foreground is my prison. All ground floor windows have them and it means the only egress I have in the event of a fire or an earthquake is my solitary door. And in an earthquake doors can jam.

Saturday 28^th July, 2018 Noon

The camcorder saga continues.

Despite the address being correctly formatted as per a delivery successfully made last week by DHL to the same place, GLS decided they were still unable to deliver – but never called the phone number given on the label to speak to the recipient. It beggars belief that Royal Mail are still using them when you look at online complaints. I mean, to deliver something you need an address and if the address is hard to find, a phone number – simple??

I have been on Skype with Alice this morning. Quite understandably she seems both excited and overawed, having flown Emirates A380-800 to Dubai. I envy her the delight of her first international travel, many of my readers will be seasoned flyers and just maybe some will be like me – abhorring it since they took away the one thing that made it bearable, smoking.

She declared Emirates was her favourite airline. The best food, planes etc. I had to laugh, she's flown twice or thrice in economy on Chinese domestic carriers! She dutifully located a smoking booth for me for when we fly back and have five and a half hours to kill there and negated the need for me to buy business lounge tickets for us both. DXB has clearly changed a lot since I was last there more than thirty years ago. Doubtless so have the prices.

She did however cause me to have a panic attack when she declared there were only soft drinks available in-flight! WHAT?? And she was adamant. NO, no, no....you don't become one the world's favourite airlines by not offering booze! And anyone that knows me will know I would never, ever book a flight longer than ten minutes that was “dry”.

But I had to check even though I did so ages ago. Yes, they do serve alcohol but only to over 21s. I corrected her and her reply was “Oh, that's why the man in front of me had different drinks to us!” Don't do things like that to me, I had visions of expensive ticket alterations.

I am though toying with the idea of getting a lounge pass in Moscow. Space Lounge costs £31 and there are free snacks and softies, booze paid for, but it seems to be the only place you can have a puff. I'm not interested in the sleep rooms or showers but a gasp is a must, snuff only goes so far.

Speaking of smoking, yesterday I made the trip across town to get cigars. As so often happens, they didn't have any of mine. I cleaned them out two months ago and no replacements have been obtained. By now I know if that place has none then it's pointless searching elsewhere so I shall implore Mr Jing Jo to scour the web for me. For sure, I can buy alternatives both here and in Europe but at cost – my cheap ones set me back 11p each.

On the bus back it got crowded. I had cheated by taking an extra ride to the train station terminus and so had a fogey seat. I was having a stilted conversation with a ten year old girl stood by me with her mother and one of Mum's friends. The bus braked sharply at one point, the friend lost her grip on the overhead handle and was plummeting to the deck. The legs and my left arm may have gone but the right still works! I stuck it straight out and thus performed my good deed for the day by preventing her from going down. I didn't get a xi xie (thanks) though........

Tuesday 24^th July, 2018 1415

Water.

That element has dominated the past two days, yesterday because it rained the entire day and put me off shopping and then last night the water supply went off and remains so. Until I shower I won't shop. It is most troublesome, particularly as my wine stock is exhausted and it will mean buying an overpriced and unverified bottle from Mr Jing Jo and having a chicken salad instead of what I wanted – home made sausage rolls – for dinner today.

The trotters continue to strengthen, with stamina being the main concern now after a month of basically sitting on my derriere but the ribs still inflict spasms on occasion. Barring further calamity though I should be fighting fit for a fortnight's time.

I need to be. I've only just realised that I've saddled myself with 8 hotels, 8 flights and 2 ferry trips over the course of 18 days – I am not a pop star on tour, I'm supposed to be relaxing! I reckon it will be the same as last year, good to go back to work for a rest...

Mind you, the pound isn't doing me any favours at the moment, whilst it is on the up against the yuan it continues its slow descent against the euro, which for the first time since the euro was born, will affect me.

Wednesday 1645

Hopefully the camcorder delivery problem is now solved, Royal Mail's email to GLS was read and it is now on the van with the correct address to be delivered hopefully today.

And finally today, after five weeks, I have been to BHG! I'm not sure whether to cry or celebrate though, after this long with only buying essentials the bill was 500 yuan! And by the time I got back I certainly felt it. I had ideas of going to town tomorrow to see if there were any of my cigars in stock again but I will have to wait and see how I feel.

It's a nice warm day today at 31C but unlike the UK there are no heat warnings, amber, red or otherwise. It was good to go further than the square again though.

I have been watching the fires in Athens with interest, praying it will still be there in three weeks and also wondering if something cataclysmic will happen in Paris. Why? Well, regular readers already know mayhem either follows or precedes me when I plan a trip.........

I am not making light of a situation in which people have perished by any means – I have a friend who lives there and I await some sign he is ok – and I am not superstitious, I walk under ladders, yet it seems I cannot move anywhere without something befalling me or where I am going. Maybe it's because I walk under ladders........

Friday 20^th July, 2018 1415

In the end I stayed home for three straight days and on Wednesday finally tried out my pins.

I went to the mail room first because it was the closest and on my way back to the ATM and shops I had to pass home so if I had been premature I could always pop indoors for a crutch. I didn't and indeed managed to do everything I wanted, whilst not at full speed (which is geriatric bulldog mode) I was delighted.

I felt it yesterday and cancelled my plans for BHG, deciding to recover and go today. Too late did I look at today's weather forecast which predicted rain all day! And it was right. By Lanzhou standards it bucketed early morning and has been constant, albeit lighter, rain ever since.

I also could not have known that at 1830 yesterday the school internet would crash and indeed it remains that way now. I am rather hoping they will finally fix it when they come back from lunch – I have nothing left stored on my laptop to watch!

Speaking of laptops, I am now regretting buying an Asus. After the reset I still can't activate Windows even though I managed to find the product key and Asus support seem to have given up on me. I had intended to buy another HP model but Alice's friend's shop didn't sell them. And last night – even offline – I still had two blue screens. Very disappointed, in fact the only two things good about it are that it's slim and lightweight and the battery has a very long life. I will not purchase another product from them.

2330

Well after going the entire day without internet connection and sending out a couple of messages asking for the score (I wasn't entirely sure by now it wasn't my bloody laptop at fault) I finally an hour ago received notification from Brenda that service should be resumed at 1000hrs tomorrow – only forty hours after we lost it.

Just as a final note before I post this (who knows when?) while I was walking back from doing my jing jo shop an old lady was coming the other way. Now, it is almost impossible to gauge the age of Chinese women, some twenty year olds look twelve, forty-fives look twenty-nine etc but one thing was for sure, she was the old girl who offered to carry my shopping the other day. My guess would be eighty.

Now I don't think I mentioned this before (maybe I did but forgive me) but there was a cabal of geriatric females that were always chewing the cud outside building 4 and I couldn't fail but notice their attention immediately switched to the disabled foreigner – when I appeared whether I was coming or going. I have nothing against that whilst going but the return is a little off-putting when you are facing them because pride makes you try to overcome pain and everything to put on a brave show regardless of the fact it is one crutch or two.

Well there were times (most of them, else I would not have been using crutches in the first place) when I had to halt a while before continuing and so I remained under scrutiny. It really was discomfiting but do you know what? The old lady tonight stopped and we had a “chat”. You do not necessarily need to speak each others' language to understand. She was expressing approval and saying how nice it was I was on the mend. I said yes, much better now.

Think about it. These old girls are all over seventy, their highlight of the day apart from dinner is sitting gossiping with their mates (and they do in the dead of winter too) and a crippled laowei is not something they get to see every day!

I lie not when I say that had I not been in so much pain by the time I got back those days, I would have gone and sat with them for twenty minutes and cracked a beer!

Monday 16^th July, 2018 1520

God I hate computers sometimes.

Recently I have had problems, notably with the blue screen of death and so decided to do a system reset yesterday. I did one before, taking the option of wiping everything bar my personal files. There is not really a system restore (well not for people like me) on Windows 10, whenever I set a restore date it disappears. It was my only option.

I also felt it would be a good opportunity to eradicate what I suspected was the problem, an Alibaba/QQ/Tencent video viewer which could not be removed via the normal channels.

I lost many applications which needed to be reinstalled but the first one that needed to be retrieved was my VPN otherwise Gmail and all my UK television were off limits. Never had a problem last time but last night I could not access the site to download it. Being in China, Internet Explorer immediately converted to Baidu and the censorship kicked in. I couldn't even connect to the support line.

I fired up the old laptop and prayed it could connect on the old version of the VPN. It did but the online live chat was a comedy – the old keyboard either refused to throw up letters or inserted several of them example excuse te typin ut the keyboooard is broken. After an hour they finally found a link which connected and I was able to download. I was ecstatic.

Not for long though. So many applications had to be reinstalled, including the one I am using to type this and I realised I may have lost all my blog entries but more importantly, the rough start to the novel I keep promising myself I will write. Thankfully, whilst not showing in the list, all documents are in my computer and are accessible.

One legacy however is that Windows won't activate. It did last time but now it asks me for a key. It is electronic and I am not capable of finding it so I have emailed ASUS for support. Fingers crossed.

Another beef I have is with Booking.com. No problem with actually booking hotels but they don't offer a download option for your reservations, only one for printing. I don't have a printer and saving to a USB doesn't work. Later I am going to the computer shop with the laptop when hopefully I can print straight off their machine. It's not that vital (I have my flights printed) but anyone who's ever arrived at an hotel and been confronted with “Sorry, we can't find your booking” will know why. In addition, I need to print out the Greek ferry tickets as they are needed to get boarding passes.

So yes, computers are marvellous but infuriating at times.

Also, today's the day I shall venture forth unaided. I need the ATM, computer shop, jing jo and possibly barbecue sticks. Can't decide whether to have boiled eggs and toast or not – I quite fancy overdosing on salt and pepper! Well, the toast will be the left over burger buns...

I am getting rather impatient with my mobility problems and seriously want to “get out more” - even as far as harbouring ideas of trekking all the way across town simply to go for a Pizza Hut breakfast! You can only watch so much catch-up TV and the World Cup is over now.

It was good to get up this morning with almost no pain though.......

Wednesday 11^th July, 2018 1845

It was a fitful night last night, no matter what position I was in bed the pain never abated, it hasn't done that before. When I got up this morning everything hurt just as it did a fortnight ago.

It is so strange though, for right now there is light at the end of the underground. When the time came to go out for my drinks and get some barbecue sticks for my dinner, I was able to move twice as fast as previously and not once did I have to pause. Even when I got back home I didn't have to collapse onto my chair.

Hopefully tomorrow morning my words won't come back to bite me but right now it seems as if the next milestone is getting to the shop and back without a crutch. The sooner the better, my personal shoppers will be leaving to go home by Friday and I will want to be able to get to BHG by myself. Whilst the market stalls can provide the basics for meals, it would be akin to subsisting using food from a corner shop instead of Tesco – limited.

Talking of going home, Alice asked if she could go home on the 24^th of next month. There is a family gathering. That will give her just the one night in Shanghai. Disappointing certainly but I know she hasn't seen her family for a fair while so I cannot begrudge her that. Anyway, to be honest Shanghai for me is pure drinking interspersed with the odd bit of food so she may have been bored.

Friday 13^th 1900

Although if you saw me getting out of bed in the mornings you wouldn't believe it, I seem to be progressing in leaps and bounds. Without wishing to jinx myself I reckon in possibly three days I may be able to limp to the jing jo shop unaided. I could have done that tonight but I think I would have been aching for hours afterwards. I am getting there.

After three weeks mostly stuck indoors, I am so looking forward to being able to get on a bus to hunt for cigars or whatever or simply even for a change of scenery. On the plus side though, I am at present only spending the absolute minimum for my comfort.

And no, I will not blether on about the World Cup, we lost the best chance we have ever had since we actually won it and although I will watch on Saturday and Sunday, that is the last football I will take an interest in until four years time.

Lanzhou Alice called me earlier to let me know she was leaving to go home for her summer holiday and to wish me a good time on my own holiday. Such a sweet thing to do. Life would have been difficult without her and Andy doing my shopping and whilst I am grateful I feel no guilt, she comes every week for a meal (he's been twice now) and he earns 50\ a week from me for basically cleaning the floors and dusting. When you do things for others you don't expect anything in return – or to need anyhing in return – but if the time comes when you do then you can make withdrawals from the Bank of Goodwill.

Monday 9^th Jul, 2018 1340

Yesterday's little jaunt feels as though it has set me back a week! Mind you, as with all such things, it gets better as the day progresses. It needs to, my catering is keenly anticipated this evening – not least of all by me because I should make enough to leave me one or two meals for another day.

This damned UTI is now causing concern. I treated it for five days and two days later it returned so I gave it another fortnight. When it evidenced yet again I tried just taking a third of a dose, which is fine but stopping entirely sees it return after 36 hours.

Being well aware of the problems with long term usage of antibiotics it may be inevitable that I shall have to actually consult a doctor but I shall do so if necessary after the holiday. My preferred hospital is actually the TCM one as it is extremely modern and of course right next door to east campus. Also, my medical booklet and registration card are in my office desk there and no way can I make it in my current state. Getting a translator to accompany me would also pose a problem right now.

There is also another factor I have just realised. When taking out travel insurance they ask if you have consulted a doctor in the past year. I said no although I have, but that was only for arthritis and will hardly give rise to a claim for medical treatment abroad. The most expensive holiday I want to take in a decade and all this happens! Arrgghh!

2100

Stephanie came across a frightened puppy en route here for dinner and so brought her. To her credit she asked permission first but of course I had no problem, the proviso was that if it soiled, she would clean up. It didn't and it was deightful. Alice fell in love but of course nobody could adopt it. The guilt trip was laid at my feet but quite apart from my being absent for three weeks next month, for some reason I had to point out that if I couldn't even take myself for a walk how the hell was I going to take a puppy for one???

Andy was a treat. Completely unsure of the etiquette at western meals (in my place it's eat as you like, when you like but try not to make a mess) and took rather a diminutive portion of mince'n'tatties. Once he got in the swing I noticed him shovelling down the last of it and trying to scrape every last morsel from the plate. My suggestion he went and got some more was not refused.

Once they all left (puppy included, being taken back to whence it was found), I started watching videos but then on a whim decided to check flight prices. Pointless really, a few hours before, business seats from here to PEK were 5,000\ plus at sensible times but check I did.

Stone me if what I think happened is that companies who had snapped up business seats ages ago at hugely inflated prices hadn't cancelled and allowed some seats to be freed. One ticket left on the 0800 departure (meaning 300\ taxi to the airport) but prior to snapping it up before it disappeared I scrolled down. One ticket available on the 1045!!! Same price – 1635\! I get to take the coach and only one night needed in Beijing so I may treat myself to a western hotel with free booze – doubt I will get breakfast at 0300 though!

Sunday 8^th July, 2018 2210

Still under semi-house arrest so not much to talk of. Recovery is not as swift as it once was (in my early days I was blessed with miraculous healing powers, however age has withered them slightly!) but still I believe more rapid than may have been expected. Yet, still nowhere near as rapid as I would like. In fact it is hacking me off greatly – the only plus is that with not being able to go anywhere, I am not spending anything more than my “basic” requirements.

Ok, so most readers would take that to mean tea bags, coffee, milk, food etc. For me, yes I need a little of the aforementioned but regular air drops of pijou, jing jo, hong jo etc are mandatory, as indeed are my normal medicines (two months worth yesterday set me back 400\). Cigars are still in stock, what with the 900 I bought not long ago – very fortuitous that.

Yesterday I entrusted Alice with my bank card and pin number (tssk, tssk I hear you say) but it was raining and besides struggling to the ATM and shopping even on only one crutch, it was raining and it would have been a brolly too far. And I trust her. Anyway, the instant money leaves or enters my accout I receive a text advising me how much, the time and where. That little service costs me 2\ a month. Wish we'd had that in Chizhou, pay was often late and Kevin or I had to go and check our balances at an ATM to see if we were rich or not.

Anyway, the recuperation was at the stage whereby indoors I am now often dispensing with any walking aid, the only time I need one is when I get out of bed in the morning. I didn't feel that confident to exit my home without at least one crutch in case (and as it turned out quite wisely too) but I resolved to embark on a mission to get my daily liquids and also a load of veg and eggs. Digging out my coolbag (because it has a shoulder strap) I was dismayed to find it was nowhere big enough. Luckily I had a “bag for life” from the now-closed down Homwo homeware emporium.

Before then though, I wanted to book and prepay our hotel in Guangzhou. Having been disappointed with the Pullman (they advertise 10% discount for loyalty club members but despite joining Accor I cannot get it) I looked at the brands I know best – IHG and Hilton. Great room-only rate at Hilton but that means breakfast for two more than doubles the cost and they let themselves down very, very badly with not offering an airport shuttle. Holiday Inn, 1,000\ saving over Pullman and executive access (free wallop in the evenings!) with shuttle. No contest. Hilton really need to look at shuttles.

Of course, when I tried to book, I couldn't – whilst the hotel accepts China Unionpay the bloody website only takes Visa, Mastercard and Amex! So I had to phone the hotel. No problem, executive room booked at the pre-paid rate and yet I don't need to pay until we get there! Ok so I am a member but of course my wallet was on the desk so I could hand over my details when requested.

Of course, when I went to get my drinks my back pocket was empty. I had forgotten my wallet. Not a problem with them, they know I will be back tomorrow. But I could have cried. Instead of going to the veg stall (where I may well in fact be afforded credit but have never tried) I now had to go home, get my wallet and come back out again. Not far but I had only made it fifty yards when I came out before I really needed the crutch. The pain is now muscular, probably the three weeks of inactivity but nonetheless it is pain. I could have left it until tomorrow but I am making mince'n'tatties (well, my version, which is very tomatoey, gravyish and chilli-ish) and I didn't want to go anywhere except for jing jo tomorrow.

Go I did. Making the effort to pay the pijou place was too much and I confined myself to the veg stall. I even had an old lady clearly offering to help me carry my bag on the way back! The ignominy!

I got everything, including 15 eggs, only one of which was cracked on my return and it didn't matter as I used it for tonight's dinner.

I will be fine for my holiday – just to make sure I have now started wearing rubber sandals in the shower so I can't (hopefully) do a Neymar in the shower again.

By Christ though, the starboard universal joint knows it's been in a fight tonight.....

Tuesday 3^rd July, 2018 2030

Hard to blog when you are basically confined to barracks!

My bank card suddenly stopped working when I tried to buy Greek ferry tickets. With enough money in the account I could only guess the reason was an unusual spending pattern. The EU is not yet a notifiable “country” to get your bank to activate the card.

And so it proved. It took five hours to get it sorted, during which time I warned that I would utterly destroy the account balance before once again saving for next year. Ho hum. I also discovered that with Accor hotels (I want to book an executive room in the Guangzhou airport Pullman) if you are a member you do not get the advertised 10% discount unless you use the app. My phone is not connected to the internet and I think that is utterly wrong. Ok, only 250\ but even in Shanghai that is three Guinnesses! Why should using the phone instead of your laptop be any differentif you are a member.

Tonight Steph, Alice and I sat down for dinner. I made cheeseburgers, crisps that weren't crispy (first attempt and need at least two hours next time – I was late up having stayed up until four watching the football this morning) but tasted fine, followed by madeira cake – with ice cream to accompany for the girls.

I had asked them both how many burgers they thought they could eat. Alice said two, Stephanie said three. I said I would be surprised if either of them could manage even two. How many did they eat?

One! I'm stuffed was the refrain when I enquired if they wanted another.

They had McDonald's in mind. They now know where the best burgers in Lanzhou can be found – inch thick beauties that even if I say so myself were fine specimens of the genre. “Why haven't you done these before?” demanded Stephanie. I thought they were too simple to offer, I said. The look I got said every week would be perfectly fine! The odd thing was, when I asked if they wanted tomato ketchup or sweet chilli sauce on the buns, I received surprising answers. I guessed Steph, being Mercan, woud opt for tomato and Alice for chilli. Nope! Both went for tomato!

The cake was great. Prepared it exactly to the recipe using my digital scales and ended up with something akin to Blue Circle cement. I have said before, recipes (this from the BBC) are just a chance to screw up and learn. A pint of milk later and I deemed it runny enough to bake. Perfick!

My wounds continue to heal. It is merely painful to get out of bed and today I was at times using just one crutch. After a while I had to revert to two but my hopes are high that in time for my holiday I will be as mobile as I was before.

I honestly wonder how people in wheelchairs fare in China. Only top hotels have access, buses are a no-no and everywhere else challenges even the able bodied. You hardly ever see anyone in a chair and small wonder, it is basically a prison sentence.