Friday 15^th March, 2019 Ides 2000

Since my last post I have enjoyed but a few hours per day free of bellyache and nausea and have not been afforded one night wherein I didn't waken and have to go and heave in the toilet. I was at my wits' end.

Eventually I decided to bite the bullet and despite my aversion, go and have that enema. Today.

I took another day off work, my second in 9 years in China through illness, and duly went to the PLA hospital at 1400. I would have gone earlier (and this will sound stupid) but I felt too ill to venture out until then!

Obviously I was expecting to merely present my results from last time, them to look at the last gastroenterologist's remarks on the system and WHAM! BAM! Thank you Buddy! With a portable sprinkler up the jacksy.

Oh no. No sir, more bloods, another ECG and this time a CT scan – all without the assistance of anyone at all who spoke English. Apparently my blood tests showed a decent amount of blood in my alcohol stream but in my defence I was waiting to be assaulted up the back passage and be flooded with half the Atlantic so I rather needed to allay my fears with my “medicine”. Of course there were traces of alcohol!! Or perhaps just a tad more.......

It took two hours of testing and a lot of Chinese chattering between half a dozen doctors who seemed to have nobody except me to treat to decide I needed to be admitted for seven days. No internet, no beer, no English even? You know the answer. Anyway, Chinese hospitals make money so the more bums in beds the better they like it. I don't.

Then someone had the nous to find a translating phone (after a fashion) and suddenly that part of me that had been aghast at the prospect of an enema was wishing to hell that had been all that was required.

They need to investigate further with a gastroscope. The dreaded word “tumours” was mentioned. Suddenly that enema paled into insignificance and my mind turned from constipation to another word beginning with C but with a mere six letters.

If I said I wasn't concerned (or, let's face it, shitting myself) I would either be a blithering idiot or a liar. I am neither. “Not today!” I said, no way did I want a shedload of bad news (if bad news is all that's to come) in one serving. Thankfully the clinic that bungs pipes down your throat only operates on Mondays so I have the entire weekend to dwell. Before that though, the lady doctor asked if I would agree to an infusion of pain relief and antibiotics today. Sure. I wish I'd taken my laptop this time though. Three and a half hours and four IV bottles later I finally got to leave. I have to say though, for the first time in a while I feel as though I can eat so I am reheating two of my sausage rolls.

Alice is trying to get Monday off to come and translate for me and I hope she can. There is an added dimension to hospitals when nobody can communicate yet you sense something is amiss but don't know what. Human nature makes one graduate to the worst case and I am but human, despite what some may think.

I must confess for an hour I felt bleak but as always, a little reflection and quantities of jing jo brought a more philosophical and optimistic view. I can but speculate, perhaps they are benign polyps that simply need snipping off. If not, then hopefully a reasonably swift diagnosis has prevented anything too serious and there are drugs which will do the trick.

I simply don't get ill. I get colds and I break bones, that's my forte. This is uncharted territory for me. The ECG was ok though! And of course, it's all part of life's rich tapestry, it's merely unfortunate that it has been woven into mine!

But it proves I wasn't making it up!