The usual drama which accompanies any trip I take took place on check-in. The airport being quiet, first class check in wasn’t open so the world and his uncle were swarming around the checked baggage area. Previously I have opined to Kevin that he was the unluckiest person in that he has been collared twice for having lighters in his hold baggage. This time I was! Not only that but they also demanded the matches be removed as well. This didn’t put me in the best frame of mind as I opened my case and removed the two lighters I had snuck in that morning along with the matches. They put the bag through the scanner again and informed me there was still another lighter there. Being 100% sure I had slipped just the two in that morning, and by now feeling somewhat tetchy, I told them that if they thought there was another one then they had best find it because not only was there not one there but I couldn’t see it anyway. Well bugger me if there wasn’t another one! Must have been from a previous trip but I genuinely had no idea. That of course saw them start to go from the sublime to the downright ridiculous. Next they wanted to confiscate my clasp knife and my waiter’s friend. NOW I started to get vocal! How the hell was I going to access the cargo hold, get at my knife and kill the Captain? I demanded to know. This charade continued for a few minutes before a Chinese national, who among others was being held up by all this, agreed (in Chinese) that knives were allowed and at this I was allowed to continue on my way.
On the way to departures it crossed my mind that I would get the full strip and cavity search because the front desk had phoned them to tell them to make life as difficult as they could for the fat guy but thankfully nothing happened. I had a sense of foreboding though, that this was going the same way as every other excursion I have planned right down to the minutest of detail. As it turned out, the loss of any means whatever of lighting a smoke at the other end, plus the embarrassment at being singled out for the third degree, was all that happened. A fine start to Joan’s first ever flight and she must surely have been puzzled as to why a seasoned flyer such as me could be so incredibly stupid. She can’t know that 99 times out of a hundred I would have sailed through without demur - as indeed do smug drugglers.
Unlike last year when we pushed back and then spent longer on the tarmac waiting for clearance than the flight itself took, this time it was on time. Joan was fascinated at being above the clouds and used my camera to take pictures. I think she enjoyed the experience.
Joanna very kindly came to meet us at Hongqiao airport (can’t fly to Pudong from Chizhou) and we all took a taxi to the hotel in Pudong, one I selected for its proximity to my favourite western bars and restaurants. Big mistake. Advertised as having a kitchen and washing machine in the apartment I booked, it had a kitchen of sorts but no gas supply to the hob and no oven. Not a knife or fork or plate, pan or anything in sight and no washing machine either.
Too late to bother changing hotels, it was time to meet up at the Big Bamboo, where we rendezvoused with Capt Roland and Anna. We ate there because the food is good. Joan had her first ever proper hamburger and I had an enormous hot dog. We also picked up a “housemate” for the duration - Anna. It was too far for her to travel from her parents place each day.
On day two I arranged for Joan and Anna to be taken sightseeing by Joanna and a friend. I went to the City Store, a veritable cornucopia of western produce, which, if one was near Chizhou, would surely bankrupt me. I didn’t buy much given the limited space in the suitcase. Bear in mind the temperature was 38C, I took a cab to the Big Bamboo. I was somewhat stunned to find that no sooner had I sat back in my seat than we arrived at our destination! The two places were three hundred yards apart. As much as I hate/can’t walk, as the taxi meter starts at 14y instead of 6y in Chizhou, the other days I walked it.
After an afternoon nap I again returned to the BB, where for some reason I can’t recall, we decided to eat there again. It was huge fun watching the others enjoying their food whilst wondering just how long it takes to cook an all day breakfast. Once everyone had finished and I remained unfed, Roland enquired as to what was taking so long with my food. The waitress had in fact ordered everyone else’s but not mine. She came with a menu for me to tell her what I had ordered before but by then I was too annoyed and sitting there eating solo in front of everyone didn’t appeal. I had lost my appetite and told her to forget it. Considering the appeal of Shanghai for me is the chance to get authentic western food, albeit I only want small portions, to go 25% of your holiday days there without eating is disappointing. The girl was I think genuinely remorseful (as she should have been because I had to specify the eggs were to be sunny side up which should have stuck in her mind) because about an hour later when the others were playing pool or table football she came to me and asked if I was hungry. “No” I said, and I wasn’t lying, I go past the munchies. We never chose to eat there for the rest of the stay.
Unbelievably the girls never went sightseeing at ill because of the heat, instead they went to KTV and the cinema!
Then disaster struck. My laptop developed enormous problems and every time I tried to access a site I was greeted by the blue screen of death. Nothing I did had any effect.
Day three Joan went with her friend sightseeing but not in the city, they went to Thamestown, an “English” town that was built with the intention of people opening English pubs, restaurants and shops etc and people would live in homes that looked English. Great idea which flopped, so it is a ghost town and the only people who go there are curious tourists and people wanting wedding photos that make it look as if they got married in Blighty.
I meanwhile took Anna to the City Store, where I suggested she had a sandwich. For China it really is marvellous and I wished I was capable of having two or three decent meals a day because I would have joined her. You use a pencil to fill out a form for bread type, meat, salad etc and I got her a ciabbata with smoked ham, cheddar and salad. Twenty-five yuan and worth every mao.
In the evening we were joined by Rinka, Joanna couldn’t come as she is only free on Sundays and Mondays. Rather than going to Bollywood for our curry as I did last year, Roland suggested we try Indian Kitchen. It was equally as good, Joan also had her first ever curry and best of all it was cheaper than Bollywood! Shanghai always terrifies my wallet. Then it was on to the Blue Marlin for drinks and pool.
We left in the small hours and sadly due to the fact that a navigational beacon, whilst being illuminated during the day, wasn’t lit, poor Roland ended up driving all over Shanghai trying to get us back to our hotel. Eventually it was agreed the best thing to do would be to decamp and grab a taxi, which we did. Sleep time was nearer five by then and Anna and Joan had indicated they wanted to sightsee in the morning.
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