Wednesday 12th October, 2016                       0035

Seething. I WAS incandescent but after six hours I have subsided to merely seething. More on that later.

I waited for the school bus this afternoon. And I waited. And waited. Take a taxi came the response to my text advising the bus was very late now (35 minutes). Like last time when I had to pay it myself? By this time I had hailed a cab anyway.

Half an hour late (for two periods lasting 100 minutes, was it worth it?) I got there. Fair play to the crazy driver, he was there and in fact paid me for the taxi and also the last time when he forgot to pick me up. Nice chap but if it was my school he wouldn’t be driving for me much longer.

Ok so I was in a foul mood. I hate being late and the situation with the buses, which I thought had been rectified by confining James Hunt to afternoon runs, clearly had not. No sense in taking it out on the class who had been waiting for me for half an hour so onwards and upwards eh? Little did I know what serpents I was harbouring so close to my heart.

Class over - and I deliberately ran over time because neither they nor I were in a rush after official finishing time - I left with Suzy and Sheila to go to what online is advertised as the biggest supermarket in Lanzhou and the best for cheese. RT Mart. Oh boy, have I been looking forward to some cheddar!

The taxi dropped us off at the mall, not far from where the class want to treat me to lunch on Thursday, Wanda Plaza. Before we entered, Suzy’s phone rang and after a while it was passed to me. It was Janet, my assistant. How much did the bus driver owe me for taxis? Nothing, he paid me this afternoon. Ok, something more serious. The president is not satisfied with your teaching methods. What? There was a meeting with some students in the post-graduate class (the ones who want to study in Cyprus) and they complained they can’t talk in class. Well they can, in fact I beg them to, just not in Chinese with their friends, however, sorry, what do you mean? They say you don’t give them topics for discussion. What??? They have no chance to prepare for the topic. They are told to bring me a story every class about something they did, that happened, they saw or what they read in the news. So far 6 stories and two of those from a sit-in who is not a class member. I don’t give them a topic?

Please understand that when (sorry, if) these people get to Cyprus the lessons will be in English only, no consideration will be paid as to whether they can speak it or not and they will certainly NOT be given the opportunity to cheat online beforehand. How on earth will allowing them to prepare for impromptu speaking help them?

I confess my blood tipped the thermometer rapidly and I started to reply, only for Janet to rather curtly say “Sorry I will call you later”. Hours later I now think she was either in the president’s office or a meeting convened just for this occasion because no such “later“ call was received. A wing of the university that has never had a foreign teacher before and now, God forbid, they have a bad one?

Based on the comments from a few students without said teacher even being approached for their side. Oh yes, I was then  and still am many hours later, mightily pissed off. I have had enough experience after six years in the practice of Chinese schools believing everything students say and hanging foreign teachers out to dry, doesn’t make it any more palatable though. In fact the more it happens the more my blood pressure rises and this one is Etna-sized. The rumour in Chizhou about me paying for prostitutes every night was hilarious, this on the other hand is war.

The situation was not enhanced by the “biggest supermarket with the best cheeses” having absolutely sod all that I wanted. Cheese? Fine if you want grated mozzarella and camembert, forget cheddar. Heaters? Come back after the school turns the heating back on and you don’t need it anyway. Tortillas? What? Imported goods section? Over there - some foreign biscuits and spaghetti. Three times the size of the RT Mart in Chizhou and as far as I am concerned a quarter of the products. If I was angry before, RT Mart tonight simply served to keep the blood on a rolling boil.

It was as much as I could do not to explode at the girls (not their fault) but I did let off steam at a most unhelpful supermarket ubersturmbahnfuehrer when she refiused to let us back in when we couldn’t find the lockers where the girls had left their handbags. A slight safety valve but a necessary one. In fact had anyone kicked off with a mugging close by I would have positively relished getting involved no matter if weapons were involved. My commitment and professionalism had been judged, found lacking and sentenced in absentia and I was none too happy.

As you may gather, I am still not in the best frame of mind and my job may well be at stake but I am not under any circumstances going to cave in on this or take any prisoners. If they want me to do what I feel is completely and utterly the most asinine thing possible then fine, I will do it on the proviso that I am advising I will be of no help to the students.

Students. Well that’s a laugh. It’s like having a load of ferrets in the room and trying to get them to tell a joke. In fact I might have more luck with the ferrets.

Under normal circumstances I would demand a meeting with the president. Remember, I have been given no assistance and only been asked to improve English. The best translator in the house is Janet and her level is about age 10. What chance do I have?

I have composed an email for Janet which I doubt very much will be translated with anything approaching accuracy and in which I have shown what I feel commendable restraint. I think I have wasted a few hours. I am not leaving it there though. Call my ability into question at your peril.

I am not sending the email while I am still in high dudgeon. I shall sleep on it first and if I deem necessary (unlikely) in the morning then I shall emend it. What I have done is post the full text of it to a group of Old Conways for their thoughts overnight. Mostly a group of old sea captains with the same ethos as me and between them have fought world wars and absolutely anything life can throw at you. I never ask for advice normally but what with being basically a foreigner alone here I have no colleagues to bounce things off.

Anyway, after deciding that never again will I go to RT Mart in Lanzhou (only thing they had I miss being French stick and I’m not paying 65y on taxis for a loaf of bread) we came home to dump the shopping and onwards to take the girls for dinner.

They opted for Chinese rather than Buddy’s Diner which suited me. It was going to be cheaper and I liked it but couldn’t go alone because the portions are too big for one. I ordered the sweet pork, the girls a form of cabbage and a dish I have wondered about ever since I first went to the restaurant when I stayed at the hotel nearby when I first arrived. Remember the one I thought might be Peking duck from the photo?

Well it isn’t. The girls had to look on their phones after I had tried it. I wasn’t keen but I wanted the pancakes. I couldn’t decide whether the shredded meat was pork or some other creature. They found it. It was griskin.

Now of course you all know what griskin is, right? I reckon my vocabulary is a respectable one but griskin? I think the girls were stunned when I said I had never heard the word, somewhat less when I informed them that there were over a million words in the English language and that there was not a man on the planet who could possibly know them all.

Griskin? Any of my UK readers know what it is without looking it up? I have looked it up and no I won’t tell you but I will be honest and say that I will probably never in my life refer to a pork chop as griskin even if I live to be a hundred!

I am going to try to disassociate my brain from today’s events but I think I am going to bed on Defcon 2. I may be at war.