Friday 11th November, 2016                                      2000

OR Remembrance Day                                  OR Singles Day

Depends on where you are and to an extent how old you are. We all know the significance of the first but what of the second?

A huge day in China where people celebrate being single (many of them have no choice of course!) and in so doing they treat themselves to gifts. Quite why they need a special day for this is beyond me, they can do it any time they like but the e-commerce on this day is astounding. Taobao registered $5 billion of sales in the first hour past midnight alone. Had I wanted to order a kg of cheddar cheese at that time it would have been rotten before they even had time to send it out of the warehouse.

Of course I couldn’t have because I had no money. I was potless.

I have to mention that sometime after midnight I did have contact from the Shanghai branch of the IMF. They offered me a lifeline were I still to remain unpaid today. Very much appreciated and I value Captain Roland Orange’s friendship as much as in the days when we sailed together. I was confident his gesture, whilst being something to allow me to sleep easily last night, would be unnecessary.

This is me and this is China.

After a prompting text message from Shanghai IMF I went as planned at noon to see if I had been paid. I hadn’t. I called on an inter-provincial loan of 1,000y in the safe knowledge that I would be put in funds and before that ran out I would either have been paid my salary or be in prison awaiting trial for murder.

Five minutes after I returned home Janet sent me a text saying her colleague has told her she had just been paid. Hold the IMF loan!

On the way to catch the school bus I went to withdraw funds (I was down to my last cigar). Nothing.

I reactivated the IMF loan.

On the bus I asked one of the women teachers if she had been paid and told her I hadn’t been. She asked the other passengers and they had all received their wages. The next I knew, one of them was calling Brenda complaining on my behalf.

As I arrived at school the bank texted to say 5,000y had been deposited. I thought it odd seeing as my salary is a little higher than that but assumed the school had hurriedly sent money without deducting tax so I could have some cash for the weekend. I was trying desperately not to squeal any more and enhance my undoubted reputation as a troublemaking foreigner.

No, despite my only requesting 1,000y from Roland, he had sent 5,000y - bless him. You can guess the rest I am sure? Ten minutes later my pay also arrived and I suddenly became rather flush! All I need now is my UK cash to arrive and I’m on the next flight to the Maldives!

I happily went to my class at 1430 to find I had but one student, Millie. This is the voluntary class. Wondering why I had even left home (but thinking that if even one student turned up in her own free time it was my duty to teach nonetheless) I asked her if she wanted a one to one class. She did. Part of me thought “damn” but the better part said that I was (albeit late this month) being paid and she deserved my efforts.

But why not kill a few birds at the same time?

Let’s go for a walk. Find me a Bank of China ATM. So off we went and along the way I tested her on the English for various things (traffic cone, manhole, bollard etc) and taught what she didn’t know. Cash in hand we then went to the little shop for cigars. I explained to her that although the China Tobacco shopshe showed me had them at the same price I would rather use the small husband and wife shop because they needed the money more. I think that impressed her more because she hadn’t thought of things in that way.

As it happened they didn’t have as many as I wanted so I asked Millie to explain where I taught and that I would buy all my cigars from them, could they get a good stock in? I was a trifle surprised when, after spending 144y in there, the woman expressed concern at being asked to retain a stock of 100-150 of my cigars each week and asked for a deposit. I did however offer to pay up front but it was insisted that 200y was sufficient. I rather hope no deposit will be required in future after I go and collect the 150 I expect on Tuesday.

I think for Millie her hour and a half was productive (I offered to buy her lunch by way of thanks but she had of course already eaten) and it certainly was for me - I now know where the BoC ATM is and an alternative cigar source.

At the end I repaid Janet who had the decency to forewarn me that a teachers’ meeting had just finished and she thought the bus would be overloaded. After my rant the last time she was unsurprised when, although I could have sat in the front next to the madman, I said I would make my own way.

With shopping to get, I decided to splurge on a taxi. I even thought I could have a beer and dinner near the supermarket but the bars I found a couple of weeks ago don’t appear to serve food so I just went to the pharmacy first. The assistant was the daughter of the folks who run the little shop around the corner and she helped. Well mostly. When I asked for my gout pills I was shown a box with no English and it looked nothing like what I used to get in Chizhou so I refused to buy them. I did however find myself struggling to read admittedly small print in light blue on a white background. I wished I had my mini-specs with me even though they are half broken and I haven’t used them in months.

In the supermarket I started buying some more things I need for the flat. Hangers, hooks etc but no food. I wasn’t about to spend 37y on an execrable ready made pizza when I can make great ones at home for less. I did want salt for making ham but as usual, to my intense annoyance, nobody spoke English. I did find a shopper who spoke it though and asked her to get me a bag.

Ever heard of a supermarket that ran out of salt??? You have now.

There was no way I could have negotiated the stairs for the BRT even if it wasn’t the usual Friday evening mayhem as I had bought 6 bottles of plonk so another taxi was called for. It was fun standing at the roadside for half an hour before one stopped.

Dinner had to be noodles so I tried the beef noodles. Only 6y for a huge bowl of mien with a spicy sauce and spring onions etc floating on top, accompanied by chopped beef. It looked the part, for sure. What you end up eating of course is just noodles because the rest, being chopped small, sinks to the bottom and you are eating with chopsticks! Saved cooking I suppose.

I bought a pair of gloves from a market stall outside (15y) and chanced upon a pocket magnifying glass. Hmmm. Bearing in mind my problem with the medicine, perhaps I needed one? Ah, but mini-glasses too at 25y a pair! I’ll take a pair!

So no unnecessary money wasted today and when the meat stalls outside open in the morning I am going to buy a leg of pork on the bone (supermarkets don’t do them) and start a nice big ham curing in my fridge.