Saturday 8th July, 2017                                      2300

I suppose that by timing and dating my blog posts I have been, possibly not in fact subconsciously, leaving a record of my having been here. I guess I have. After all, I will have no decedents unless I do an Antony Quinn. Personally I really won’t care if there is no statue erected anywhere in my memory. I won’t be there to see it any more than the brave who lost their lives for us see the Queen paying homage ever are.

Nothing wrong at all with remembrance, don’t get me wrong but that is for the living. I have never seen the point of going to my Father’s my grave to “talk” to him and now my Mother is squashing him in the communal grave I see no reason to go and visit either. Neither are there, nor have they ever been. Getting the family to chip in for a joint headstone is a different matter. It would merely mark a spot to say they existed though.

Every month now I hear of people passing away, people I knew or people I knew of. Brave people, famous people or just decent people. And so of course my thoughts turn to my atheistic outlook. And my own mortality. Am I afraid of dying? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The yes times are when I am determined to draw my state pension and start really enjoying life. The no times are when I occasionally get sad and in the dead of night wonder what on earth I am doing here.

Am I different? Of course not. However as you near the three score years and ten and especially when you have lived a life less “clean” you start to consider it. How much longer do I have? Will I make it to 70? 80? Do I want to make it to 100?

Well I doubt very much I will get the telegram from the Queen (or Charles) and nor do I want to end up in a nursing home dribbling and being spoken  to by some kid as if I was a juvenile. No smokes, no alcohol and having to be winched up and down to have a shit. No sir, I ain’t hanging around that long. If I can get another 20-25 years with at least some mobility then that will do me. Give me a massive heart attack or something equally quick and I will be happy.

Why am I being so morbid? I honestly don’t know. I am not ill as far as I know. I would be quite happy for my remains to be sprinkled in the Yellow river. Of course I would love to be menmorialised on Wiki forever but that won’t happen.

But I will be in memories, good or bad. Those will be my legacy. I ask no more.

In the meantime my final flight has been booked and a further two nights in Hefei. Maybe Molly or Vivian can visit me (again) but the English breakfasts are too much of a draw.

Some may wonder about  my liking for booking first/business class flights (and yes it is first class for the last flight too) and so let me explain. No alcohol in economy. In China the military control the airspace and at any time without notice they carry out exercises and ground all flights. Hence I spent longer once waiting on the tarmac for a Chizhou to Shanghai flight than it took to get there. Economy got water, I had wine.

Plus you get 40kg baggage allowance. Money permitting, I shall be buying in City Store in Pudong.