Christmas Eve, 2019 1100

Following my last post Jody succeeded in hijacking my entire weekend. She invited me for dinner on Saturday and we went to a restaurant no more than five minutes walk from here and which I never knew existed. Owned and run by Ukrainians, it seemed the only things available on the menu were ribs and chips. Everything else, it appeared, was “only for summer”!

So ribs it was, followed by “chips” which were actually roast potatoes but deep fried. Sadly they would have been really good but they smothered them in garlic and it just wasn't on. The ribs were ok and a rack was ample for the pair of us. My bottle of beer rounded the bill up to 200¥.

Of course there's no such thing as a free lunch and my payback was to go with her after lunch on Sunday to a party a friend's school was having with their children. Typically, Jody left me waiting for thirty-five minutes at the bus stop in the freezing cold because I was on Beijing time and she was on Jody time. As a result, the planned sweet distribution by a foreigner went ahead without me, although I did get to judge two dumpling-making competitions. And a McDonald's dinner afterwards. On me.

When I was getting ready for the event prior to leaving I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. The lighting in there, when on winter heating mode, is to say the least, unforgiving. I am sure many of my readers will have experienced the same when I say the thought flashed through my mind, “Who the hell is that old bastard looking back at me?” Even my once-firm double chins have collapsed and, being badly in need of shearing, I resemble my dearly-departed Mother. Whatever happened to the young guy who used to greet me of a morning?

Yesterday morning, thankfully after sunrise, when I went to work, Beirut Street was even more demolished. When I had walked as far as the barricade I turned right to access the waste ground and found they had blocked that off too! Not one of the workmen had even thought to warn people there was no through road!

Luckily, as usual I had arrived with half an hour to spare (cigar smoking allowance) because if I'm honest I didn't really know how to get into the school another way. I followed some students who found themselves in the same boat, thinking perhaps they knew a secret alleyway. They didn't. It was a route march all the way to the main gate, about double the journey and one which not only kills my hip but makes my feet sore as well. I hope to God it is reopened after the holidays.

So I left extra early this morning and my first “customer” arrived at 0750. getting my things out of my case I was suddenly gripped by terror. All the marks from last week and yesterday were missing! In panic I rushed to my last classroom of yesterday but no dice there. I was in turmoil for half an hour, entering today's marks in my attendance book. How could I have been such an idiot???

Then I realised. I must have (I prayed I had!) put the sheets inside a book I had taken out last night to lighten the load. To my colossal relief that's exactly what I had done. All is right with the world again.

So that day of the year is fast approaching when everyone should spare a thought for those who cannot celebrate Christmas day – medical staff, emergency services, the homeless..........and me! I'll probably end up with a chow mien on the way home from work, a far cry from a roast with all the trimmings!

Seriously, I would like to send festive greetings to all my loyal readers, who amazingly span the globe. I hope you are all in good health and fine fettle, you overindulge in drinks and eats and generally have a burping good time.

And fun fact time. At this time of year we are bombarded on social media with posts declaring it's Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays – as if it is endemic in all countries when in fact it's a very Mercan aberration, blamed on ethnic groups.

The one and only time Christmas was actually banned on what would later become U.S. soil, it was by Christians.

In 1659, the Puritan lawmakers of the Massachusetts Bay Colony followed the example of their brethren in England by issuing an edict outlawing the observance of Christmas (and other “superstitious” holidays).

So now you know!

And thank you to everyone who has sent their wishes and those who will doubtless do so during the next 48 hours.