Sunday 15th February, 2015             1930

It’s like running a B&B here this holiday!

Louis has now been packed off to the uncle’s and has been replaced by Mulan’s friend Katrina. Quite a pleasant girl and more importantly it gives me the chance to serve up that ham and mash dinner tonight.

Said dinner has been delayed due to the fact that Mulan cooked breakfast for her and brother and managed to create such a mess that I refused to wash the dishes. Like a softie I allowed her to finish watching her film before she did so and shortly the pet food will be cooked and I can start on ours.

The Chinglish translations have been rather good this holiday (apparently there aren’t normally many at this time of year)  and in the past three days I have had about 6,500 words. What is not so good is that all my watering holes seem to be closing for the new year. Earlier I went to the distant one I have used for the last fortnight only to find a Krooklok on the doors and then went off to the one near the fish shop. He’s always open, even on new year’s day.

Not this year though! He will be closed as of Wednesday, this year they decided to have a big family affair elsewhere. Mind you, if the weather stays as warm as it has been, it won’t be a problem to take Muttley on the bike a bit further afield to find somewhere open if I want.

Monday 16th                   1530

Nearly siesta time.

The girls and I went for breakfast but on arriving we were greeted with the news that they had no muffins. Would I like something else? No I damned well wouldn’t. With no muffins, in China the only options are hash browns, some deep fried dough stick thing which looks like tofu and breakfast wraps which even the Chinese don’t eat. In a foul mood I asked for a coffee for myself and the girls ordered an egg burger. If only I knew who was responsible for stock control I would surely have been arrested.

Shopping was even worse than yesterday.

I used to be exasperated in the UK because the locusts came in (anyone know what locusts actually are? The fact is they are any grasshopper species when they swarm, something I only learnt a few months ago) when the supermarkets used to close for two days. There is absolutely no reason here because they are open every day! And yet every year at this time it is like a six nations rugby scrum just to get a few essentials. With the temperatures being reasonable and the bike being practical I may well actually go shopping on new year’s day - the Chinese should in theory all be partying at home. I certainly won’t be anywhere else because as kind as Mulan’s invitation was, it is not feasible for me to go to her uncle’s home to celebrate. The dog has to be considered and even if I could get a taxi her uncle’s home has no bed for me and they live in a hamlet boasting just five families so not even a fleapit of an hotel within strike distance. Pity because I would like to meet this selfless chap one day.

I will content myself with my trip to Anqing on Saturday (dog boarding double the usual rate due to time of year) and have now extended - because Mulan will come back to cook for the cats - my expedition by a day. I will go from Anqing to Hefei and stay there on the Monday night, hopefully I can meet up with a student or two. I may see if Anna is free and also one of my ex students (Happy) although as she only works there she may have gone to her hometown for the festival. What the hell, I found a special offer for an executive room at the Hilton for the unbelievably low spring festival bargain price of 449y. This time though I must remember to take my own bottle of HP sauce for breakfast! It will also give me the chance to save a little money by buying Italian herbs (I have run out) from WalMart nearby. Now though I need to find a way of fitting both the dog and my little suitcase on the bike instead of the dog and a rucksack which hangs off the back of the bike. I may need to buy a ball of string!

Tuesday 17th      2330

Last night at Mulan’s request I made my chilli-laced cottage pie. Actually I made two and stuck one in the freezer for another day. The Chinese seem to be astonished at the different ways in which westerners utilise potatoes - no bad thing if ultimately it gets them doing something other than chopping them into tiny splinters or letting them disintegrate in a hotpot.

Today was the day peace was to reign and so to celebrate we all bussed to town with me in combative mood in case McDonald’s had no muffins yet again. Luckily Mulan had pigged out on my enormous bag of cheesy Doritos and wasn’t hungry because there were two muffins left, which they claimed they had saved for me. Yes of course, I go there every day without fail, don’t I? I must check my green complexion next time I am in the bathroom.

Mulan left to go to her uncle but Katrina wanted to tarry a little longer and come with me to the supermarket. I didn’t even need a basket, all I wanted was a baguette, a tomato and another bag of Doritos. It was madness but not as crazy as if I was to shop tomorrow. I did that once and it took 45 minutes in a shop just to buy two vegetables which, had they not been essential, I would have abandoned and walked out. No, if I go to town tomorrow (and I may, for there is a chap who wants to meet for a drink) I will not go near a supermarket.

When I came back I took Pepsi out to office number three near the fish shop. Bless him, he had bought another case of beer in my honour, and I watched as he offloaded his catch of fish and then sat on the porch with some type of reed or grass. The plants were about a yard long and he got a ball of twine and started systematically seizing and tightening them together, all the while the dead mini-dandelion type flowers shed and blew into the restaurant in my direction. Once they were all secured together (this took nearly an hour) he then sewed the heads with the twine and at the end he had fashioned a broom. For all that effort he could have bought a synthetic one for 10y but the best of it was, he then had to use it to come in and sweep out all the flowers the thing had given off during manufacture!

It’s goodnight from here.