Saturday 17^th March, 2018 1500

Oh God, will I ever learn?

I am doing it again. Exploring options and making plans. Ahhhh, who knows, maybe this time everything will go like clockwork?

But without dreams what is life?

To be honest, it is most tempting to book myself a business seat with the savings on Alice's fare (if she does in fact go on that course – as usual there are a lot of ifs) but if I stick to the original plan my planned 8 day holiday could be a fortnight.

Fly 1^st class to Guangzhou, night in the luxury Pullman hotel at the airport and then to Frankfurt. A night there with Alice then fly to Glasgow together. Then I had an idea. Originally I was thinking of a day trip on the train to Oban. I like Oban and the scenery en route is up her alley. But a return rail journey is seven hours, leaving little time for anything else.

So I looked up tours. Three day coach tours (on a luxury minibus) are available. Ok, in mid August they are pricey (about £400 for two for a 3 day affair plus accommodation, so double that) and then a couple of nights in Glasgow on our return. But Alice has the hots for Scotland and what better way to show her? I would never, ever, do that on my own! Follow that with a week on home territory.

I see Ryanair have really good prices from Frankfurt to Glasgow at £39 per person while Lufthansa charge £130. No contest? Except experience says Ryanair may look attractive until you factor in the extra charge for suitcases, booking seats next to each other etc. You know, I don't actually mind paying for snacks and alcoholic drinks on short haul flights as long as they are available so BA is still in the running. Ryanair and EasyJet are last choice.

In fact, I might even opt for Caledonia rail even though they cost more than flying when we head south because they have lovely double-berth sleepers, restaurant car and bar – just as they did in the old days when I couldn't afford to use them! I love showing my students Get Carter (I usually take a strategic loo break when the Britt Ekland/Caine phone sex bit comes on though) where in the beginning he is in the old-fashioned restaurant car having lunch. I tell them that is how rail travel should be.

But of course, us smokers need to consider how long we want to go without our nicotine. I have no idea whether I can hop off at station stops and have a puff in the UK any more. And most of the Glasgow hotels I have looked at don't offer smoking rooms. It seems somewhat unfair that I could travel with impunity as a heroin user, shooting up in a train toilet or in the privacy of an hotel room yet incur “deep cleaning” (for that read “using air freshener”) charges if they get a whiff of tobacco smoke.

Of course, all this thinking and planning could go awry when it goes pear-shaped and a great deal depends on how much I can save. When you consider I should amass over £4,000 and still fret as to having enough you will perhaps understand why I don't in fact understand how people can book a package tour to Torremolinos for £300 for a week and take £200 spending money!