Tuesday, 20^th March, 2018 2110

Having extensively researched multi-city flights I came to the conclusion the best way to book was single flights in order to obtain sensible lengths of journey and airlines I would fly with.

A China-UK direct flight is about 13 hours so 16 hours would be fine with a stop in AMS/CDG etc but I was being hammered with flights (not even to the UK) of 21+, anything up to 38 hours. To hell with that, I am not your archetypal backpacker happy not to shower for a week and equally as comfortable sleeping on an airline bench or the floor.

No sir.

Alice is growing in confidence re air travel so I asked her if she would be happy to fly on her own from Frankfurt to London. She is. The current plan is to organise the flights so I arrive at T3, clear and make my way to T1 to meet her on arrival. I can then book a simple return ticket.

A night near Heathrow then a flight to Glasgow the next day, followed by the Skye/Nessie tour the day after. A return LHR-GLA at sensible flight times costs 88 pounds per head, Virgin trains first class nearly 400 pounds and the Caledonia sleeper? Ludicrous. At least in China sometimes the train is cheaper than the plane.

If I wanted to be stupid I could look at Ryanair for less than 50 quid but they are a no-no, too many T&Cs, paying for checked baggage and too many horror stories of exorbitant fees for them to print your boarding card. Bloody hell, in China you don't even need a ticket, just your passport or ID. Oh and the latest, having to pay to sit together! You can only treat your passengers as cattle for so long before it will turn into a bullfight or an exodus. Normal people simply want to book a flight, have 20kg allowance and be able to sit with whoever they are travelling with.

So anyway, plans are still fluid and of course it may all go wrong anyway.

Stephanie and Alice came for dinner, giant scotch eggs (if I could buy sausage meat they would be smaller but using coarse mince I need loads to encase), mash and hot ketchup followed by simple ice cream. Annie joined us later, having judged some competition on the outskirts of town, not been paid for doing so and having been treated to dinner in the school cafeteria. Wonderful.

During a break I asked Alice to write out for me 1 x toast, 1 x butter, 2 x sausages, 2 x bacon, 2 x eggs, salt and pepper and no salad.

This of course was so as to be able to obtain the breakfast I want in Pizza Hut on Friday rather than the one they thought I wanted and which went cold before butter and salt appeared, no sign of bacon or sausage either.

It took me a while to twig why she was asking me to spell “toast”, “sausage” etc – I assumed it was so she could find the equivalent Chinese characters.

But then I realised. She was writing it in English!

I just had a stroke and couldn't write myself??? WHY would I ask her to write me a note in English??

Please, I want it in Chinese so I can show the waiter because he doesn't speak English. Oh!

Cue much hilarity from all bar me, I was too stunned.