It's Darkest Just Before Dawn
Just a short entry before I call it a night but I thought it important to put down my thoughts right now.
From the outset this blog has not only been about the experience of living in a foreign land, I have also always tried to impart my own feelings of happiness, sadness, despair, worry etc - warts and all and believe me when I say that there is very little that has been omitted and anything that has been during the past six years has been not to protect me but others from embarrassment.
So.
Tonight I sat here watching downloads and I found myself filled with an overwhelming sense of isolation. Now this isn’t a salesman’s sympathy close by any means because I know full well that it won’t be long before it dissipates but I thought I should pen the feeling before it fades. Who knows, maybe someone in authority in another school may one day read this and act upon it.
The last thing I need is to be mollycoddled, I was far too long at sea to need that but of late apart from official form filling and suchlike I have been completely isolated as never before in my life. Maybe my emotions have been heightened by the worry over whether I would be able to remain in China (remember I still don’t have the foreign expert certificate or residence permit yet and officially no contract has been entered into) and of course missing my best friend for some company but nonetheless the feeling kicked me in the wedding prospects (Haha! WHAT wedding prospects!?) in a big way tonight.
I have yet to meet a single colleague to talk to, foreign or Chinese, the only people I have met in this city that speak any English have been school officials and when students have chanced upon me in the cafes not one has spoken to me as they would in Chizhou. Instead here they whisper to each other, clearly discussing me. Not a one has even said hello and I know my countenance doesn’t look that forbidding otherwise nobody would have come to practise their English with me in Chizhou despite us never having previously met. I am also deterred from venturing further afield because everything here is a gruelling hike (for me), I have no idea where anything is despite trying to research maps and I have nothing I can show a taxi driver to get him to bring me back were I undoubtedly to get lost.
As I said I have no doubt I will have at least someone to talk to during the coming weeks and indeed if I retire in Asia I can’t expect anyone to feel obliged to talk to me from duty but at least then I will have nothing to do all day but socialise and not concern myself with the upcoming expectations of myself.
Stupid feelings I know but the feeling of being totally alone is not one I have honestly had before and I felt I should put it down. I shall continue tomorrow when maybe I will have met someone else.
Wednesday 1130
I was really made to feel a lot better yesterday when I got up and found there was no power! Shortly afterwards I had a call advising me it would be off until 1800! Great. Also, Janet would be ringing to arrange to meet me to show me how to get to the other campus and go and meet students and school faculty. Without having had a shower.
I slapped on a load of Dior smelly that Ollivier had left behind and duly met Janet, who is a bit of a chatterbox in her mid forties. Unfortunately her English is not great but eventually we both understood each other. The school minibus came for us at 1355ish on the main road (which you have to cross using an overhead walkway. I suppose in time my legs will acclimatise. The trip to east campus takes just short of an hour so for four days teaching I can add 8 hours to my working time.
Apparently the president wanted to load me up with a full workload of 16 classes so I told Janet that I felt it excessive given the commuting times. I also said I would happily do it but additional compensation should be discussed were that the case. We arrived on enrolment day and the bus deposited us right outside the entrance to the main (I later learnt the only) building.
Out on the running track I chatted to some of the staff and students who manned the enrolment desks and thought to myself that this was rather much smaller than Chizhou. Of course, with a total of 20,000 students spread over four campuses (there’s another in Beijing) I suppose none will individually be anywhere near the size of Chizhou with only one location.
Afterwards we went to meet the vice president. None of the leaders speak English of course and pleasant though she is, Janet is not the best interpreter! Things did start to become clearer after time. It was agreed I would have 13 classes spread over Mon,Tue,Thur and Fri but I was confused how, when each class has a double period, I could have an odd number. Friday’s class are the post grads hoping to go to an affiliate university in Cyprus for their masters. I will have them for three straight periods. So far so good.
Can I see the course text book? There isn’t one. Ok, so what exactly is it you want me to do? (There is incidentally no course book for any of the classes!) We just want you to improve their English. That I can do if they help themselves.
So I suggested I select topics for discussion during period one and, after ascertaining the classroom will have a computer and screen, that period two consists of either part of a film or an activity. At this they beamed with delight and I was starting to realise that maybe, just maybe, all my Christmases were coming at once. Especially when the vice president said he would organise an office for me. I will believe that when I see it though.
However, this campus is actually adjoining the east campus of the main university and has a mere 1,000 students. They all want to become teachers of young children. I was then told the school was so excited because I was their first ever foreign teacher. Odd I thought, but then it was made clear. They themselves don’t have the ability to sponsor and hire foreigners. The FAO Mr Zhang has been accommodating and their “dream” has been realised.
The president was next and so far everything looks great. I set my own lessons, have fun and I am hopeful the dreaded English corners may be a thing of the past for me. I will only have these classes for one term and when I asked about next term it was apparent they hadn’t thought that far ahead. I am confident if I pass probation they will organise another set of classes. The downsides are the commuting and the fact I may in fact never come into contact with any other foreign teachers. Mind you, that might not be such a bad thing, although it may leave me isolated still. At least I will have contact with students though.
I am really quite happy now.
I wasn’t too pleased last night when it was 2215 before power was restored. I got up at nine this morning to shower before the workmen came at ten to fix my problems but the buggers came at 0920, took one look in the toilet cistern and cluttered off again to go and get a new assembly. An hour later I was still waiting so sent a message. I was still waiting when ten minutes ago another person came to fix the lights - armed with one wrong bulb so he has gone to get the right ones and as it is now lunchtime I can safely get myself clean without fear of a knock at the door in the middle of it.
Somehow I think my supermarket trip will be delayed again until tomorrow. After three straight nights of noodles, later I am going to try and take the bus to the restaurant near the hotel instead.
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