Wednesday 3rd August, 2016           2350

Well that was fun. Just got back from dinner at 2100, settled down with a glass of red and there was an insistent banging on the hotel room door.

I opened it and was greeted by the sight of no less than six policemen armed with torches and batons.

Needless to say I wondered where Jeremy Beadle was and said 'ni hao!' and put my wrists out in the handcuffed position. I'm not sure who was more confused but I was the only one wearing nothing but boxers and a shirt.

They entered the room I assume to check I was alone, saw that I was and left. Bastards never let me take a picture of them. They left.

Five minutes later another knock at the door, this time a woman and a man in plain clothes who phoned someone to translate. They wanted to see my passport and visa and photograph same.

Now of course I am legal until 29th August and the only possible thing I can think this is about is perhaps the girl on reception yesterday scanned an out of date visa to register me with the police station. I am having dinner with Kevin and Vivi tomorrow night so I will ask them to come to the hotel so she can find out what the hell was going on.

I am flipping angry with the hotel for not simply asking to check my passport again instead of shopping me as a legal illegal. Really, really bad move. I am too old to be embarrassed but they don’t know that but there I was, partially clad with a an inordinate number of officers who had presumably come to arrest me, looking out in the corridor and with all the other Chinese guests by now out of their rooms to see the foreign criminal being arrested.

As I said, it doesn’t phase me but I am not about to let the hotel know that, I hope tomorrow Vivi can play the loss of face card and get me some money back. If it wasn’t for the “fact” that they smiled at me in reception as I came back before summoning the hit squad (which of course is only my surmise until I know for sure - as far as any westerner CAN know here) then I would not make a fuss but sod it, with Vivi’s help I fully intend to.

It really makes me angry because I know so many foreigners in the past have faked credentials on Photoshop (hence my little problem with my real ones and getting them authenticated) and yet I have never ever tried to be anything but legal in China. And I get half the city’s police turning up to investigate a 60 year old fat man for staying in an hotel with what they think is an out of date visa - incidentally only two days out of date if that was the one used.

Do I care about all the guests being outside gawping? No way. Will I tell the hotel that? Definitely no way!

It is the underhand tactics (they have taken my money) and not at least checking before calling the police that really pissed me off.

Christ, I have been on their local TV four times, in the newspaper more than that and even appeared at their spring festival TV gala alongside their SWAT teams. What the hell?

Yes I can laugh about it because legally I am untouchable (did they really think I would escape on my e-bike parked outside so that six policemen had to attend?) because that’s the way I operate. If it isn’t legitimate I am not interested.

The Yanks have an expression which goes along the lines of life throwing you curved balls. The ones it throws at me are on another level! Isn’t life great???

I am now going to bed and hoping I am not rudely awoken by a SWAT team poking Kalashnikovs up my hooter.